Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel Agents of SHIELD
The Ghost of You
He couldn't take it anymore and he knew it was his entire fault. He should have known better; love is a weakness, love makes you lose focus, love makes you expendable. But as he's sitting here in this med pod with her lying in the bed asleep; Grant Ward didn't care. Skye; his recklessly brave, beautiful rookie is the first person to touch him without physically hurting him, she's the only one he didn't flinch away from because he knew that she would never hurt him; it's all in the eyes.
And now because of his stupid dilemma between John Garrett and SHIELD, he might lose the only light in his life. The only person that makes life worth living; she's everything to him now and if she dies? The world will pay.
Ward sat up in his chair by her bed and grasped her cold hand in his and with his head down in shame, began to tell the truth.
"I'm so sorry Rookie, I should have known better. I should have kept my distance, but in the end I couldn't resist. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a real family, to have people love me without asking for anything in return," he started, his voice hollow as he stared at their clasped hands.
"My family never loved me, it was all about Christian. Tommy, Morgan (AN: I don't know his sisters' actual name so I made one up) and I got the shit end of the stick. But mother seemed to dote on her baby and Christian got jealous so he would do things short of actually hurting him. And then as we got older, Christian became crueler, he would make me do it. I tried my hardest to resist, but Christian said that if I didn't do as he said, he would hurt Morgan too. I was a big brother too, and I did the best I could. But it was never enough. Christian always won and mother and father never intervened. They knew what was happening and did nothing," he continued, tears falling onto her bedside.
"When I was 12 Christian threw Tommy down a well and wouldn't let me save him. But I did and I was just in time too. Christian gave me a beating for that, and he beat Tommy too. Mother and father sent me to Military School after that and apparently everything got worse. I was gone for three years when I found out that Christian was tormenting Morgan too. That night I stole a car and drove home, making the stupid decision to burn my family estate to the ground. I didn't know Christian was in the house. I was arrested for attempted murder and arson. My parents wanted to try me as an adult. But a few days later I met the devil and took his deal. I wish I didn't, I wish I would have stayed."
Ward rubbed his one hand down his face and for the first time in nearly all the time he was talking he realized that he was crying. Looking up at Skye's face he could have sworn that he saw wetness on her cheeks, but shrugged it off and continued telling her his pathetic life story.
"John Garrett gave me ten seconds to accept his offer. I said yes because I wanted out and he seemed to genuinely give a shit about me. He didn't. He left me in the Wyoming Woods with nothing but the clothes on my back and a puppy for company. I was alone for five months when John showed up again. I learned how to survive. He taught me a few things and then left again. He'd come back every now and then to train me, to teach me how to be a man and when I messed up he would beat the shit out of me. I thought I deserved it and I was too trusting to run away. He got me out of prison and saved me from my family. I felt I owed him everything. This went on for five years," Ward said, his voice cracking and he still couldn't look at her.
"He tried to beat the compassion out of me, so I let him think that he did and when he came for me a final time, he asked me to kill Buddy and I couldn't do it Skye. I couldn't pull the trigger on the only one that loved me unconditionally. John was pissed so he broke a few of my ribs and killed my dog. And then he told me that I was to be a sleeper agent within SHIELD for HYDRA. I didn't know what I was signing up for and I don't think I had a choice. He told me when the time is right I would reveal myself as his second. That day I was accepted into the SHIELD Ops Academy."
He couldn't believe that he was spilling his guts to someone who couldn't even hear him or feel his touch. He knows that she would hate him for all he's done, but he has to make things right.
"I learned things while I was there. SHIELD is protection and I so desperately wanted to be a protector. John of course was my SO and he told me to do things a certain way and I did to a point. But I guess I wasn't good enough because he still liked to beat the shit out of me whenever I messed something up. I learned to accept it. I started to compartmentalize everything. When I graduated top of my class since Romanoff; I was proud of myself, I did something right. John ruined everything and I realized that I wanted to be a SHIELD agent. I didn't want to go down with him when the time came. So I put myself undercover. I've been good for the last five years up until now. Everything has gone to hell because I also realized that John never cared about me, I was just a means to an end, and then I was assigned to Coulson's team. On our first mission I met you, Skye, and I couldn't compartmentalize anymore. You showed me that he didn't kill my humanity, he didn't break me completely into a mindless drone," Ward squeezed her hand, he didn't know if he could continue. But she means the universe to him and she deserves to know everything.
"You saved me from a world of darkness and shadow, you brought light into my life and I don't ever want it to go away. I didn't know he was going to order you to be shot. I would have done something, but I was blind and stupid. I'm so sorry. I won't let him get away with this," Ward exhaled; it was time to go and tell Coulson. He'd probably never see her again.
"Skye, I love you; light of my life please forgive me," he whispered in her ear and placed a kiss on her cheek and then shock filled him. Her cheek was wet, he wasn't imagining it. Did that mean she heard him?
Ward turned around to leave and then gasped at the figure standing in the doorway, "Skye?" Holy shit! He couldn't believe it. She was standing right in front of him with the most beautiful smile on her face.
"It's me, Grant, and there is nothing to forgive. You haven't done anything wrong, you made the right choice. But if you need to hear it; yes I forgive you," she said gently, like a whisper on the wind and then she approached him.
He couldn't move; he couldn't do anything but stare at the ghost of Skye. She wasn't dead because he could hear the heart monitor beeping. But this was something else.
Ghost Skye put her hand on his cheek and he could feel the coolness of her hand, she smiled at him, tears in her translucent eyes, "I love you too, Grant. Don't tell Coulson about any of this, wait for me because you're going to need backup," her voice was barely a whisper but he heard her loud and clear. She smiled and then kissed him on the cheek.
"Please don't leave me Skye, you're all I have," he said through the lump in his throat.
"I will wake up, Grant," she replied confidently.
"Do you promise?" he asked on a choked whisper staring at her face.
She beamed at him, "I promise," and then she disappeared. But it didn't matter, because she made him a promise and Skye never breaks her promises.
Ward was feeling better than he had in a while and the next day at exactly the same time she woke up and she remembered everything.