Too Gone, Too Long

by SevenBells

She had kept the key. So getting in wasn’t the problem, it was working up the courage to go in that was.

Too Gone, Too Long

A Skate AU Fanfic

She had kept the key. So getting in wasn't the problem, it was working up the courage to go in that was. Taking a deep breath she turned the key and disengaged the lock. The click sounded familiar, but from a time long ago past. She stepped into the small living room, the scent of potpourri and moth balls filling her nostrils. In the dim light, she could see that everything had mostly remained the same. She somehow wished it had changed, even just a little bit.

Six years, eight months, and fifteen days. That was how long she had been gone. And if you had told her a month ago that she would be back. She would have laughed and said 'Not a chance in hell!'. But here she was now, standing in her mother's immaculately polished and maintained living room, staring at trinkets from the past. Kate shook her head at it all.

Moving further in, she passed her hands lightly over the wallpapered walls. She walked by her old room, peeping in and noting that it was as frozen in time as the rest of the house. She stood for a while staring at it, memories flooding her, some good, but most bad. Her ears piqued slightly when she became aware of soft voices. Straightening her back, and wiping her sweaty palms on the seat of her jeans, she advanced forward in the direction of her mother's room.

Creeping along silently, she reached the threshold without being noticed. Her breath caught in her throat when her eyes fell upon the scene before her. She knew that it was inevitable that she would see him. What she never counted on was seeing him this soon. He sat on the chair with his back turned to her, busy swirling a spoon around in a bowl, before lifting it to her mother's lips.

Her mother. Oh! Her mother. Kate shifted her gaze over to the bed where a small, almost insignificant looking woman, lay with her head and upper body poking out from under the sheets. She looked so weak, so fragile. Kate fought tears at the sight of her.

"Katherine?" a soft, curious voice rose up from the bed.

"I know." James lay a comforting hand on the woman's arm, "She's gonna come, ok. She's gonna come."

"Katherine." Her mother used what little strength she still had to lift her hand and point towards the doorway. James thought she was finally succumbing to the cancer that riddled her body, until he glanced behind him. At first, it didn't register. But after the second look, he was convinced. He let the spoon fall away into the bowl as he took a good look at her.

"Well there now Diane. Look at what the cat done drug in." James glowered at her, and she felt the animosity building. He got up from his seat, leaning over to kiss Diane on the cheek. Walking over to her, he shoved the bowl, of what Kate could 

make out as oatmeal, into her hands. She forgot how menacing he could be. His height, his build, he had such a presence about him that fascinated and scared her all at the same time. She craned her neck to look up at him, waiting for whatever would come next. "She's all yours, Katherine." His tone contemptuous and accusatory. Kate closed her eyes and hung her head as he brushed roughly past her, almost unseating the bowl from her already shaky hands.

Kate stayed rooted to her spot by the door until she heard the front door swing shut and his heavy footsteps gradually fade away. She approached her mother's bedside tentatively, the woman watching her every step.

"Hi Ma." Kate uttered as she sat down in the chair recently occupied by James.

"Katherine…oh my Katherine! You've come back." Diane reached a hand out to touch her daughter, checking to see that she was real, and she was there. "Oh Katherine! I'm so sorry." Tears formed in her mothers eyes, and she felt herself becoming misty eyed as well, "I'm so sorry I never took your side…that I never listened to you. So sorry."

"Shh, Ma. It's ok, I'm here now."

"I was weak Katherine. I was in love. You can't help who you fall in love with sometimes Katherine." Kate listened as her mother struggled to speak. "I wasn't strong enough to let him go. I'm so sorry."

"Ma it's ok. You need to rest." Kate teared up as she used her free hand to smooth her mother's hair. "I'm not going anywhere Ma, just rest." She resumed feeding her spoonfuls of the oatmeal.

"So James…he's been taking care of you?"

"James has been so good, Katherine. He's like a son to me." Diane spoke fondly of him.

"I see. He doesn't seem too pleased with me." Kate admitted.

"He was in a bad way about you leaving. I was too." Kate found that hard to believe. Her mother was the one person she thought wouldn't even notice if she left. Her surprise must have been readable on her face. "I understood why you had to do it Katherine, and I forgive you. I know I need my fair share of forgiveness as well. But James, you two were so close Katherine. I think when you left, without telling him anything, it hurt him deeply."

What her mother was saying was right. She and James were extremely close back then. He had saved her life. Kate continued feeding her mother as her mind conjured up images of the past.

Her life was miserable. When he came it was still miserable, but it seemed a little more bearable. It was a month before summer, a Saturday, when she heard the old truck coming down the dirt road. It was unusual because they pretty much 

lived in isolation, so thinking it was someone visiting, she ran to the kitchen window and peeped outside.

He came about the same time puberty hit, and her hormones had started doing weird things with her body and mind. So when she saw this handsome devil of a man pull up in front of the only other house on their road, she couldn't tear her eyes away. Never much of a wallflower, she decided to go and see if he was lost or something.

"Hi!" Kate chirped, walking up to the truck. He had already switched the engine off and started getting out. He was even more handsome than she could have imagined from the kitchen window. Golden blonde hair cut short but not too short, striking blue eyes, and when he smiled he showed the most impressive, gorgeous pair of dimples. Her eyes grew wide taking in all of him. Her twelve year old mind thinking he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"Hey there, Freckles." She grimaced as he noticed the little annoyances that marked her skin.

"Are you lost?" she asked, choosing to ignore the nickname.

"Nope. I'm home." He pointed to the old, dilapidated two story house that stood a short distance away from hers. No one had lived in it for years now, so she was a bit surprised to hear this stranger call it 'home'. "I bought it." He said.

"Well Sir, as you can see, you were ripped off." Kate looked at the eyesore in front of them.

"Nope, got it for a steal. Gonna fix 'er up. And what the hell you calling me 'Sir' for?"

"Because, you're…old…er. It's being respectful."

"I ain't that old. I ain't 'Sir' old." She looked at him expecting him to continue. "I'm nineteen. That ain't old."

"Nineteen. And you own a house?"

"Yeah. Who are you anyway?" he started to walk up the gravel pathway to the shaky front stoop.

"Well I guess I'm your neighbour. I'm Kate." She walked alongside him as he went to the front door and took out the key to unlock it. She stepped inside after him, the smell of mold, dust and must assaulting her.

"Holy Moly! It's even worse than the outside!" she exclaimed at the condition of the house.

"Nah it's alright, just needs a little love that's all." James looked around at the work he no doubt had in store.


"So what's your name?...Where are your parents?...Are you going to do this all by yourself?" Kate shot off a flurry of questions.

"Do you always ask so many damn questions?" she fixed her eyes on him, obviously waiting for the answers. "Name's James Ford. I ain't got none. And yes." His tone made her wary of asking anything else.

"You've got a lot of work to do then, James." She walked around surveying all the damage that needed to be repaired. "School's off for me in two weeks. I can help you, if you want."

James studied her closely, contemplating her offer. He honestly wouldn't mind having some help, she seemed really young though. So how much could she really do? In the end he figured that even a little help would go a long way.

"Alright Shortcake, I'll appreciate it."

"Ok then." She held out her hand for them to shake on it. That was the first time she would say a boy ever gave her the 'tingles'. But he could hardly be called a boy now could he. Tom was a boy, but he…James…he was a man. And she had the biggest crush on him.

Kate smiled at the recollection of the first time they had met. Her hands moved over the bowl as she washed it in the kitchen sink. She looked out towards his house and saw that there were no lights on. He must have gone out. A tiny, amber flicker caught her eye, and on further inspection she saw that he was sitting on his front porch looking out pensively and having a smoke.

She finished washing up, drying her hands absently on the front of her jeans. A pass by her mother's bedroom ensured her that Diane was sleeping soundly, so she hauled on her jeans jacket and headed out the door.

Walking up the brick pathway, she noticed he didn't move to acknowledge her presence. She let her fingers glide along the railing as she climbed the steps into his balcony, never taking her eyes off of him. He had pulled the bench up some so that he could prop his feet up on the banister. He took long deep puffs of the cigarette, and exhaled equally long trails of smoke. Kate walked slowly towards him and seated herself on the bench.

They sat in silence, as Kate played nervously with her hands, taking quick glances over at him while he dragged on his cigarette, stopping only to tap the ashes into the ashtray he had placed next to him. His hair was much longer than when she left, touching the tops of his shoulders. And rather than before when he used to keep his face clean shaven, she could see that he had allowed some stubble to grow out. He had changed, instead of being incredibly cute, he now seemed rugged and sexy to her.

There was so much to say, and she didn't know where to start. It had never been like this between the two of them. She always found it so easy to talk to him, 

more than anyone else. But now she was at a loss for the right words to say.

Kate enjoyed that summer when she helped him fix up the house. They would talk about a whole bunch of stuff. He would tell her about his work down at the steel factory, and she would tell him about how she spent her days while he was out. He treated her like a little sister, and she was content with that. As long as she got to spend time with him, and be close to him, she was happy. He had asked her many times why she didn't bring her friend Tom along to help with the house as well. And she always made up some excuse. She didn't want Tom there, she wanted it to be James and her alone.

That summer, she had also told him about her home life. Not that he couldn't have heard about it for himself. Her mother's screams, the thumps and the crashes. Kate felt that what was going on in her house could have been heard from miles away. But he never asked her. She volunteered the information, and found that he was a good listener. She had told him about how she found out that her Dad wasn't really her dad, and how it made her feel. How she hated Wayne with a passion, and hated the fact that she had his blood running through her veins.

Soon after, he began coming over to their house before Wayne got home. Kate knew that he was there mainly to diffuse the situation in case Wayne came home drunk, which was almost always the case, and started beating up on Diane. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't. He and Wayne got into a good many scuffles.

Wayne hated James, he saw him as a more than able adversary. Diane loved James, and saw him as a willing protector. With James around, she didn't have to worry about leaving Wayne, because James would prevent him from seriously hurting her. Kate saw James as her knight in shining armour. Even though he couldn't prevent all the abuse, he was still her Saviour.

Diane would cook enough dinner, so that eventually James would eat by them every night. And everything was going well like that for about a year. Until one night, when Wayne put a gun to her mother's head and told her if he ever saw that boy in his house again, he would kill her. So Diane begged James to stay away, but she still sent Kate over everyday with a container of his dinner. The beatings got even worse after that, and all James could do was listen to what was going on next door, and try to keep Kate out of it.

The summer after was James' turn for revelations. They were fishing, something they did quite often together, when he told her about his own parents. How they were conned. How his father murdered his mother and then shot himself right on top of the bed he was hiding under. The hell he went through in the foster care system, and how as soon as he got out of it he bought the house, desiring to settle in one place and only live for himself.

Kate thought it the most tragic story she had ever heard, and her heart went out to him. That summer, she felt she truly had fallen in love with him. But she kept her feelings a secret. She prayed every night for God to make her wake up a few years older, so that he would see her as more than just a little girl. More than just 

a little sister.

"So are you never going to talk to me again?" Kate finally spoke up, casting a glance over at him. He didn't respond, taking another drag on the slender stick.

"I don't know what you want me to say James. I'm sorry I left without telling you. But I'm not sorry I left. I had no other choice." Still he sat looking out from the balcony.

"You stopped me the first time James. What would have happened if you weren't there to stop me the second time…or the third…or the fourth. If I stayed, I would have killed him eventually. I was set on it. I have a life now because you stopped me…"

"He left a month after you did." James finally broke his silence, but still didn't turn to face her.

"I know."

"Then why the hell didn't you come back." He said, anger just below the surface.

"I don't know James. I had a taste of freedom. After being in that house my whole life. Going through that practically my whole life. I wanted something more. Something different." Kate looked at him, willing him to just look in her direction. It was painful feeling the coldness that was coming off of him in ice waves. "What made him leave anyway? Tom never told me."

"He sent Diane to the goddamn hospital. I said enough was enough, went over there and beat the shit outta him. Hightailed…well more like dragged himself outta there and never came back. Surprised the good 'Ole Doc didn't tell ya." James paused to flick more ashes, "Speaking of the Doc, got himself married, a kid, one on the way." This time he did look at her, searching her face for the desired effect. He wanted to hurt her. He had no idea.

"I know." She replied, "I'm happy for him." James looked away again, obviously pissed that she showed no signs of jealousy or hurt.

"You best go check on her." He commented, getting up from the bench and walking to his front door, "Don't want her dieing, now that you've just made your glorious return an' all." The bitterness in his voice stung her. And when she heard him close the door and lock it behind him, she felt a sharp pull on her heart. She sat there a while longer, listening as he stomped up the stairs to his bedroom. She hugged herself as a chilly gust of wind whipped around her and slowly rose to make her way back home.

Voices and soft giggles woke her the next morning. She stumbled out of bed and followed the noise into the kitchen, still wiping the sleep from her eyes. What she saw was enough to wake her up completely. James stood there with a woman she had never seen in her life, sandwiched between him and the kitchen counter. Kate 

watched as he whispered in the woman's ear and planted kisses along her neck, rising to capture her mouth in a serious lip lock. Needless to say, Kate was furious. She folded her arms over her chest and cleared her throat loudly, causing them both to spin around and see her there.

"Who's your friend James?" Kate asked him snidely.

"Uh…this is Betty…Diane's nurse. She looks after her while I'm at work." He said a bit guiltily but not apologetic in the least.

"Looks after you too I see." Betty brought a hand to her brow and blushed red with embarrassment. Kate didn't fail to notice the engagement and wedding rings she wore on her ring finger. "Hmm, I wonder if her husband knows what a great job she's doing here. She work overtime too?"

James and Kate had a staring match, while Betty tried to hide her ringed hand behind her back. She looked uncomfortable, like she was the unsuspecting guest at a battle royale. Kate broke eye contact with James and looked at the woman.

"Your services won't be needed anymore."

"But Miss Austen…"

"I am her daughter. I'll be taking care of her from now on."

"You're crazy, you don't know the half of what goes into taking care of her!" James argued.

"She's my mother and I will take care of her." She turned back to Betty, "You can leave now." Betty wasted no time in gathering up her bag and practically ran through the living room to the front door.

"What the hell is your problem?!" James started in on her, Kate opened her mouth to speak but he continued. "You know what…no…I don't give a damn! I gotta get to work anyway." he took the same path Betty did and left the house. Kate shook her head, walking in to the living room and spying through the curtains.

Betty was obviously upset and James was trying to comfort her. Eventually he succeeded and Kate wished she had eaten breakfast already so she could have thrown it up. It always ate at her to see him with other women. She absolutely hated it.

Kate was sixteen when she really began to realize that he had women over on a regular basis. And not just one woman, oh no, he had several. She would watch from the kitchen window as he escorted them in through his front door. She swore that her heart broke every time. And what was worse, was when he brought home a particularly frisky, and vocal one. She would lie in bed, and even though her room was on the side of the house farthest away from his own home, she would still hear the girl's cries of ecstasy. It made her sick. And sometimes it even made her cry.


It was ok if he didn't see her the way she so desperately wanted to be seen by him. But to see him with women, to know that they were getting his attentions in that way, it was torture for her. Perhaps that was why she was leading on Tom the way she was. Tom was her 'just in case' guy. 'Just in case' James never woke up one day and suddenly fell madly in love with her. Thing was, it felt like she was waiting forever for that day to come, but she still wasn't prepared to let go of the hope of it coming around.

So she had decided to take the 'bull by the horns', literally. One night when Wayne came home drunk as usual, she went over to his house. He rarely locked his door, and that night was no exception. She found him in the living room watching television, and flopped on the couch next to him.

"He's drunk again."

"What else's new Freckles?"

"Can you take me to the Ridge?" she asked. They went to the Ridge often. James had started taking her after he was banned from her house by death threats from Wayne. He took her away so that she could escape, and not have to hear the horrors that ran rampant in her house almost nightly.

"Alright then, let's go." James got up and searched for his keys, while Kate walked on ahead to the truck outside. She hopped in and waited for him.

The drive up was normal. They talked about everything other than what was going on back home. He was good at taking her mind off of things. Cracking jokes and teasing her. He made her feel safe.

The drive wasn't too long and they were there within five minutes. You would think that with a name like 'The Ridge', it was some popular make out spot for experimental teenagers. But this hilltop was relatively unknown.

James parked and got out, Kate followed along with the regular routine. In a few seconds they were settled. James lying flat on the truck bed, Kate perpendicular to him with her head on his stomach and legs swung over the side. She loved these moments. They were so intimate to her. They talked for a while, and looked for shooting stars. Eventually she got up the nerve to execute her plan and took a deep breath.

"What do you do to them to make them scream like that?" she asked him, as if she were asking about the weather.

"Come again?" James thought he had heard wrong.

"The women you bring home, I hear them screaming sometimes." She clarified for him. James looked down his nose at her as she flashed him an inquisitive look.

"Now that's hardly the kinda thing I should be talking to you about Freckles." He 

said with a chuckle.

"Why? We talk about everything." Kate lifted her head from his stomach and sat up to face him properly.

"'Cause…you don't need to know about that yet." He made sure not to make eye contact with her.

"Well…" she lay down next to him and snuggled close. "If you don't want to talk about it…maybe you can show me what you do." She nestled her head in the crook of his neck and began placing soft kisses there, letting her hand trail over his chest on its way downwards. She felt his body go rigid and alternated her kisses with soft sucking motions. She couldn't believe she was doing this, she knew she was being overly forward, but she was in heaven.

James grabbed her hand before it reached its target. And she was brought back down to earth. He pushed her away from him and looked at her crossly.

"Girl, are you out of your damn mind?!"

"What's the problem?" she asked innocently.

"The problem?" James questioned, "You want to get me arrested for statutory rape or somethin' Shortcake?"

"It's not rape…I'm consenting." She reasoned, as if he was being ridiculous. "Besides, who's going to charge you with it anyway. My dad doesn't want me, my mother could care less about me, and Wayne is drunk all the time." Kate leaned into him again, "I want this James." He again held her at a distance.

"You don't want nothin', and I ain't givin' it." He said seriously. Kate felt like screaming, he was pushing her away, and it hurt like hell. She wrenched her hand away from him and got up quickly. Anger rose to cover the utter embarrassment she felt. She vaulted over the side of the truck, and swung her head back to him furiously.

"For your information, I only wanted to impress Tom." She spit at him, "See me and him, we're looking to take our relationship to the next level, so I just wanted to be a bit more…" she struggled to find the word to use, "experienced." This was obviously a lie, but she didn't want him to think that she actually really wanted him.

"Say what, Freckles?" James was now standing up in the back of the truck, towering over her, "You ain't takin' anythin' to any other level, you're too goddamn young to be doing those things."

"Young!" she yelled at him, "You told me you were fourteen when you lost it! I'm sixteen! You know what…no one can stop me, especially not you…I'm doing it!" James jumped down from the truck in front of her.


"Look Freckles, that's different, I'm a guy. An' besides I ain't no kind of role model. I din't exactly have anyone that cared enough to stop me." He spoke softly to her, placing his hands on her shoulders hoping to get his point across. "Don't do this Freckles, I don't want you to regret it. At the risk of sounding like a lovesick girl, your first time should be special Freckles."

Kate rolled her eyes and shrugged out of his grip. She wanted so badly for him to see that it would have been 'special' for her. He was all she needed to make it 'special'. She marched to the passenger side door, slamming it after she seated herself in the truck cab. He let out a loud, frustrated sigh and got in on his side as well.

They drove back in silence, Kate kept her eyes fixed outside her window, struggling to keep the hot tears at bay. She was relieved when they finally pulled up in his driveway and she wasted little time getting out of the vehicle.

"Freckles…" he called after her. She spun around and looked through the window at him.

"I'm fine." She said in her most cheerful voice, "See you tomorrow James." And with that she made her way home.

The next day, they both steered clear of any discussion regarding the previous night, and they were back to normal. Everything appeared to be unchanged. But something had changed. Kate had decided while lying in her bed, after crying for about an hour straight, that she would lock away her foolish dreams of ever being with him. She had Tom, and Tom loved her. She would stop wishing for something that was wholly unattainable.

She stopped wishing for a grand total of six days.

Kate moved away from the window when she saw James and Betty leaving. He gave her a ride into town. She went to check on her mother, saw that she was still asleep, and decided she would start to make preparations for the day. She didn't know the first thing about care-giving for the terminally ill, but she was determined to do this.

A week had passed and Kate had pretty much settled into life back home. It was much different with Wayne absent. Quieter, sometimes eerily so. Her mother and her talked little, as she didn't want her to exert herself. James came every morning before work as well as for a little while when he got home in the evenings. They still were barely talking to each other, and he did his best to stay out of her way.

Kate stood over the stove scooping out the oatmeal into a small bowl. Her feet ached and she was dog-tired. Taking care of her mother, alone for the most part, was extremely exhausting. But she was not about to complain. There was no way she was having Betty back, and she would die before she told James about her fatigued state. She went to the dish rack to find a spoon, just in time to catch 

James walking up to his house with another of his bimbos. She shook her head in disgust as she went to her mother's room.

"Time for dinner Ma." She said with a smile, resting the food on the nightstand and helping her mother sit up in the bed. She took great care in placing the napkin to work as a bib on Diane's chest, and started stirring the oatmeal again to cool it down even more.

"Ok, now I think I got it this time." Kate commented as she spooned the mixture into her mother's mouth. "Hmm…what do you think?"

Diane slowly shook her head, making a face at the taste of the oatmeal.

"No?" Kate's disappointment was apparent, "Well, I've tried everything you told me to Ma. Can you at least explain what it tasted like?" she watched her mother and grew frustrated.

"You know, maybe I'll just go ask him." Kate pushed out of the chair, went to the kitchen and grabbed the pot of oatmeal off the stove.

She didn't know what flew into her, but she wasn't even really thinking when she stormed over to his house, barged in the front door and stomped up the stairs.

She flung his bedroom door open with such force that it ricocheted off of the wall and all most hit her on its return journey.

"Son of a BITCH!" James jumped up from his position between the woman's legs and Kate thanked the Lord for small miracles when she saw that they were still semi-dressed. He was in his jeans, unbuckled but still on, and the woman who frantically grabbed at the sheets to cover her top half was in her underwear. Wait a minute, the woman…

"Linda?" Kate said in disbelief as she saw the same girl that had gone to school with her.

"Katie? Is that you?" Linda squealed. James glanced from woman to woman.

"Least I don't have to make any introduct-"

"Shut up, James!" Kate snapped at him.

"Katie, I didn't know you were back." Linda screeched out in her irritating high-pitched timber, "My God you haven't changed one bit."

"Neither have you Linda. I see you're still whoring your way around town." Kate smirked, and Linda gasped, covering her mouth in shock and perhaps shame, "Oh come on, you know everyone says it about you. By the way did you ever get rid of that syphilis?" then turning her head to James, "I really hope you're using protection James, this one's as nasty as they come."



James was upset, but on the other hand, he was struggling to keep back a fit of laughter. He always knew Kate was a spit-fire, but to see her now in all her snarky, bitchy glory was an eye-opener for him. She seemed to have gotten ten times worse during her absence. Linda was ok as long as she kept her mouth closed and her legs open. But she couldn't hold her own against Kate.

"And James, I'm so disappointed in you, I mean don't you think she's a bit too young. She could be your sister!" James didn't particularly like when the heat was turned on him, and he scowled at her. But before he could fire off a come-back she had turned around to leave.

"Oh yeah." Kate turned back around and threw the pot against the hardwood floor, sending ribbons of oatmeal flying everywhere.

"Jesus Christ, Kate!" James looked at her incredulously.

"I don't know what the fuck it is you put in this thing. But she won't eat it when I make it." And with that said, she stormed out of the house.

She could feel James closing on her as she blazed a path across the lawn. Felt him grip onto her arm and yank her around to face him.

"Let go!" she screamed at him, trying to wrestle away her arm, "Let GO of me!"

"Not until you tell me what all this is about, woman!" he had never called her woman before, it was always 'girl'. And why was she taking note of that anyway.

"This is about you stealing my mother!" after it came out of her mouth she knew it sounded entirely stupid and immature.

"Say what?"

"All she ever talks about is James this, James that…oh James is so wonderful, he's so great…he's like a son to me…James, James, James...constantly." Kate spoke passionately, "I can't stand it! She's not your mother. I'm not your sister. This is NOT your family!"

James was stunned and she used the opportunity to rip her arm away from him. He quickly tried to regain a hold of her, but accidentally grabbed onto her hair. Her head snapped back and she let out a small yelp.

"Sorry." He said quickly releasing the tresses, while she got up in his face, her hand raised. "What? You wanna hit me? Go ahead Freckles. Right there." he pointed to his cheek, "If it'll make you feel better." Kate lowered her hand.

"You're not worth it." She growled at him, before continuing her trek, "I'm leaving."

"What!" James followed her all the way into her room, where he saw her take down her suitcase and begin opening drawers and closets and throwing things in 

haphazardly. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Are you deaf?" she went out of the room and came back with her toothbrush and some other toiletries. "I'm not needed here. I'm leaving." James began unpacking the suitcase, making the entire process counterproductive. "Would you stop that!" she cried, swatting at his hand.

"You ain't leaving Freckles." He said placing a pile of her clothes back in the draw, "I ain't letting you."

"Well there isn't…" Kate stopped holding her hand up to silence him as well, and listened carefully.

"Katherine…" It was very faint, and almost inaudible, but yes, she had heard it. She raced past him and made a dash to Diane's room. James was on her heels.

When she got there she saw her mother's eyes rolling into the back of her head, and then suddenly she was unresponsive. Kate shook her, trying to make her regain consciousness. James stood behind her holding his head.

"Go call the doctor!" she yelled at him, and when she didn't hear him leave, "James!" he snapped out of it and ran out of the room.

"Ma? Ma listen to me, you need to wake up. You can't go Ma. You can't go." Tears that had been building up for a week now were finally shed, as she held tightly onto her mother's hand. "Please Ma, you have to wake up, don't go yet."

"He's on his way." James came back into the room and saw her lying with her head on her mother's stomach. He walked over, everything that had gone on before forgotten, and rubbed her back gently. All they could do, was wait.

They watched nervously, James' arm snaked comfortingly around her waist, as the doctor checked Diane out. She had regained consciousness a short while after the doctor had arrived, and that was a huge relief to them both. Dr. Flanigan finished the examination and packed up his instruments, gesturing for Kate and James to follow him outside. Diane had already drifted back off to sleep.

"I'm sorry," the doctor began in a solemn tone looking between both of them, "she doesn't have much longer…I think it's best that you start making…arrangements."

Kate simply stared at the short, slight man in front of her. She didn't want to comprehend what he was saying, even though she knew that this was what was bound to happen eventually. She fought hard to maintain her composure.

"Is there anything we can do?" she asked him.

"Same as you have been doing, keep her comfortable, make sure she is at peace for when…the time comes."



"Thank you for coming out Dr. Flanigan." Kate bowed her head slightly in a bid of appreciation, and then returned to her mother's bedside. James showed the doctor out and then came back to her, moving another chair from the corner so that he could sit next to her.

"I can make the calls if you want." James offered. Kate nodded.

"I'd appreciate it. Thanks."

The two sat in silence, watching over the sleeping woman in bed.

"I'm sorry." Kate spoke up, "I shouldn't have said those things to you."

"Don't worry bout it."

"No. You've done so much for her. I was out of line." James accepted her apology with silence, "She told me that you paid for everything. I can pay you back as…"

"Freckles don't be silly."

"Well it's a lot of money, especially since I know Wayne never let her have Health Insurance." Kate rationalized, "When did you get so rich though, win the lottery or something."

"Since you been gone I've done well for myself. I'm COO at the steel factory. Get a tidy sum with that. Plus I have my own personal business ventures." James explained to her. And Kate knew that the other business ventures were the random con jobs he did out of state. He had told her about that too. They had no secrets from each other.

"How come you're still living here? I'm sure you could have found a much nicer house in a much better area."

"Not too fond of jumping from place to place Freckles." He fixed her with an accusing gaze.

"I deserved that." She admitted.

"Yeah you did. Now you know what you really have to apologise to?"

"What?" she asked, intrigued.

"My goddamn bedroom floor. Wasn't a nice thing you did to it." He remarked, unable to keep a straight face. Just then they heard the slam of a door a short distance away. They both looked at each other knowingly.

"Linda." They said in unison.

"Sorry about that too, ruining your night and all." Kate apologized again, It seemed 

like she had a lot to be sorry for tonight. "You should go drop her home."

"Nah. Let her walk, catch a bus or something. Didn't like her much anyway. Surprised she stayed that long though, must've really wanted it." Kate looked over at him in mock disgust, and then they both had a good chuckle.

"Hey uh…that thing you said about the uh…the thing, with Linda…"

"The syphilis…yeah it was true…there was some kind of outbreak in school. Remember I told you about that?" James shook his head, not able to recall, "I know I told you, but anyway, Linda had it. Everyone knew and no one was surprised. But they treated her, so she's fine. I guess." James looked mildly nauseous.

"You did use something whenever you were with her right?" she questioned him growing concerned.

"Never done her before. Tonight would've been the first. And yes, I always use somethin' Freckles. I ain't some irresponsible teenager. Jus' feel like it's a person's duty to tell someone, that they plan to sleep with, that they had a past rife with STD's. That's all."

Kate rolled her eyes and smiled broadly. For the first time she noticed his state of undress. He was still shirtless, and his pants were still unbuckled. And from her vantage point she could tell he wasn't wearing anything underneath them. She cleared her throat feeling a heat rush to her cheeks, the little that she did see was more than enough.

"Uh, James." She got his attention, "You may want to buckle up." He looked at her confused for a second before looking down.

"Shit!" he got up quickly, turning away from her as his hands moved furtively to redo the zip and buckle. "You couldn't tell me that sooner Freckles. Damn Doc must think I'm some kinda pervert!" Kate launched into a series of soft giggles which didn't stop even after he threw a mean scowl in her direction.

"Well aren't you?" Kate teased.

"Ain't never been one to you." He retorted.

"No. You haven't." she said with only a hint of sadness as her laughter died down.

James reclaimed his seat and they sat in silence again. Kate taking unseen glances over at him, while he did the same.

"I'm going to have to call her brothers and sisters." She suddenly acknowledged sadly. James looked at her puzzled, he had never known that Diane had other family.

"They all disowned her when she refused to give up Wayne." Kate answered to his 

questioning look. "I hope they'll be able to put that aside to grieve her properly." He gave a look of understanding, and they both looked back to Diane, still sleeping soundly.

"Our mother's dieing James." Kate said quietly. She looked at him tiredly and saw exhaustion in him as well. But more than that, she saw acceptance. He had been there the whole time. He had accepted her fate. Knew that eventually the day would come when she would be gone. She, on the other hand, hadn't come around just yet.

"You look tired Freckles, go get some rest."

"I can't…what if she…"

"I'll stay here, watch after her."

"No. I'll stay too."

"Freckles, you're about ready to fall asleep on yourself. Go, we'll be fine here." Kate contemplated the offer.

"You'll come get me if anything happens, right?" she asked.

"Yeah, of course."

"Ok." She nodded her head, getting up from the chair and moving over to the door where she stopped and turned back. "Thank you James. Thanks for everything." He gave a short bow of his head indicating that she was welcome.

After leaving the room, instead of going to get ready for bed, she decided that she needed some air. She went out on the front porch and sat on the steps there, staring up at the night sky. She couldn't help but remember the last time she was sitting here. A house slowly filling with gas behind her and a lighter in her hand. Waiting for Wayne to come home so she could end the misery once and for all.

It was a few months after her eighteenth birthday. Her mother had given her a brooch that she had bought with money she had secretly saved up without Wayne's knowledge. She had also gotten the long talk about becoming a woman, and this being the beginning of the rest of her life. She took her mothers words to heart and decided what her first action as a responsible woman would be.

So she sat there, flicking the lighter. On. Off. On. Off. Laying in wait for her prey. She heard the old truck coming down the road, and tensed up. Preparing for what would happen next. She had no second thoughts. She was committed to do this.

But the truck that came pulled up into James' driveway. Fear creeped in on her. He wasn't supposed to be back until the next day. He had gone down to Tampa to pull a job three days ago, and she distinctly remembered him saying he would be back on Sunday. She remembered it so well because she had planned this whole thing around it.


"I'm back Freckles." He sauntered up the front walk, "What no welcome home party." Kate smiled sweetly hoping he would stay at a fair distance. But she had no such luck as she watched him walk right up the steps to lean against the post and look at her.

"I thought you were going to be back tomorrow." She said, trying to make conversation so that he wouldn't see what was written all over her face.

"Was easier than I anticipated. Not happy I'm back earl…" James paused and Kate's back went rigid, her insides turning over on themselves, "What's that god awful smell…is that…gas." James went into the house to investigate. And as if things couldn't get any worse. Wayne picked that exact moment to arrive. She watched wide eyed as he pulled up and stumbled out of the truck. He almost fell on her as he struggled to climb up the steps.

Kate looked straight ahead, her plan crumbling all around her.

"Th' fuck you doin' in my house boy!" she heard Wayne shout. She finally looked back to see James coming back through the door.

He stood there a long while looking at her and then looking back at the house. Repeating the action several times. She knew he had put two and two together. She turned back to face the road, her shoulders slumped, defeated. He walked up next to her and held out his hand.

"Give me the lighter Freckles." He ordered. But he didn't seem upset. He almost spoke as if he had expected something like this to happen sooner or later. She reached up and pressed the lighter into his hand.

"Come on." He walked down the steps and called her to follow. "You can stay by me tonight."

Kate lay in bed, in the small guestroom next to his. She couldn't sleep, an affliction that was made worse when she heard the commotion begin shortly after her mother returned home. James had lent her one of his work shirts to sleep in and it was in this that she tiptoed over to James' room.

A sliver of moonlight fell across the bed as the sheer curtains billowed into the room. James was fast asleep lying on his stomach in the middle of the queen-sized bed. He had kicked off the covers and Kate stood admiring his strong, muscular back. His boxers had ridden down slightly exposing the beginnings of his round, firm ass. She felt herself go weak in the knees at the sight before her.

Climbing onto the side, she lightly shook his shoulder. It took a few tries but eventually he moaned as he opened his eyes, straining to make her out in the dark.

"I can't sleep." She confessed to him. She watched every movement he made as he drowsily repositioned himself to lie on his back on the far side of the bed, leaving 

enough space for her.

Kate climbed in and settled next to him. She lay perfectly still staring up at the ceiling, and after a few minutes she heard his breathing even out, signaling his return to sleep. This wasn't the first time he had let her sleep next to him, just like this wasn't the first time her body burned and ached just to reach out and touch him.

Turning onto her side to face him, she watched the rise and fall of his chest. Taking note of how the moonlight shifted and played upon the contours of it. Unable to stop herself, she reached out a hand and gently caressed the smooth skin on his stomach. He mumbled as he swung his head around to face her. She froze until she was sure that he was still asleep, and then took the opportunity to slowly move in closer careful not to wake him up.

She placed her face right in front of his, their noses touching, and gazed unblinkingly at his closed eyelids. She continued stroking his chest and stomach. He mumbled something again, and she watched unafraid as he opened his eyes sleepily. They stared at each other like that for what seemed like an eternity, until Kate breached the couple of inches between them and met her lips to his.

He was slow to respond but eventually started kissing her back, allowing her to part his lips with her tongue and explore the warmth and softness of the space within. Her hand kept moving over his chest as he brought his own hand up to the back of her head, and shifted to lie on his side.

Kate hooked her leg over him and pushed herself onto him, and him onto his back. He rubbed her back as they continued to dive their tongues into one another, playing their sensual game. Kate reached between them and started to undo the buttons on her shirt. She sat up, straddling him and feeling his excited state beneath her, as she sought to release the last two buttons. The sides of the shirt fell open to reveal her small, firm breasts and lacy black panties. He let out a small moan as he reached one hand around her back, using the other to cup one of her breasts. He pulled her back down, capturing her mouth once again.

Kate broke away from him, trailing her tongue down past his chin to his neck, where she sucked and nibbled a path to his chest. She moved her mouth over one of his nipples. Lazily circling and flicking her tongue across it, then sucking gently. It was driving him crazy, evidenced by his moans.

"Kate…no." he managed to breathe out, but she kept on. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders, pushing her off. "No Kate." He said more audibly, trying to mask the desire in his voice.

"Why?" she asked him, her eyes smoldering. She ran her hand up to his face and made an effort to lean forward and kiss him again. But he kept her steady where she was.

"Freckles you're looking for something…you just tried to kill a man tonight." He spoke softly to her. She shook her head.



"No, that's not what this is…" she reached up and plucked his hand from her shoulder, slipping one of his fingers into her hot mouth, before sliding it out again and kissing the tip, she felt him jump beneath her and smiled seductively. "Come on James. Tell me you want this." She leaned down to him once again, and again he kept her at a distance.

"No Freckles." He said again. A flash of anger flared in her eyes.

"Am I that undesirable James?!" she raised her voice at him, "I'm practically throwing myself at you!"

"Kate…" he tried to calm her down, but she was already climbing off of him, furious and embarrassed. "Kate. Listen to me. Wait."

She wrapped the shirt tightly around her and ran out of the room. James ran after her, but by the time he got outside she had already reached her house.

Kate went straight into her room, roughly wiping away the tears that blurred her vision. She packed her few precious belongings, taking the stash of money she had saved up over the years. By the early morning hours she had already vanished into the night.

The next morning, Kate woke up with a start. Literally catapulting herself off the bed, she glanced at her old fashioned alarm clock, before running to Diane's room. The television was on and James was there feeding her mother while they watched old reruns of The Match Game. It was her mother's favourite game show.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Din't have the heart to Freckles." James looked back at her and flashed his dimples.

"Why aren't you at work" she questioned, leaning against the door jam, arms folded against her chest. "It's half after ten already."

"Took time off." James answered, continuing to spoon feed Diane and keeping one eye on the show. "Help you take care of her."

"Don't be ridiculous James. Go to work…I'll manage. I have for the past week."

"Well, if that piece ah snorin' you put down last night was evidence of it. I don't think you been managing all that well Freckles. Thought you were gonna bring the whole house down 'round us." Kate blushed beet red. She never snored…unless…she was…really tired. And of course, he knew that. So she didn't even bother to protest.

"I'm ok now. The first week was hard getting used to. I don't want you to inconvenience yourself. I'm here, I can take care of her." James smirked at her.



"'K then, but you won't mind if I give Betty a call and have her come assist. I'll feel a whole lot better." He said casually. Kate knew exactly what he was doing. She walked over to him and took the bowl from his hands.

"I'm sure you would. I'll take over, go get some sleep." James smiled triumphantly, evacuating the seat so that she could resume the duty.

The rest of that day went by fairly comfortably. James had called the priest and the funeral parlour, and had booked appointments to see them the next day. He then settled himself on her bed and took a nap while Kate tended to Diane. She smiled to herself subconsciously when she realized that small glimpses of what her relationship used to be with James, were coming through much more often.

James woke up later in the afternoon and relieved Kate so that she could contact her mother's family members. She never thought of them as aunts and uncles, because she never really knew them. She just knew their names and that her mother kept an address book that detailed their numbers and addresses, though she never needed to access them. Ned, Rita, Margaret and Susan, she called each one and told them the news. Rita broke down, apparently she was the closest to Diane and had tried unsuccessfully to get the others back on speaking terms with her mother. But in the end, she had to follow the pack or risk banishment as well.

"Your mother loved that man." Rita summed it up, "But she made her bed. Who were we to pass judgment on her." Kate recognized the line. Her mother had said it to her often about her relationship with Wayne. Kate couldn't understand the view that these women had on love. Just because you loved someone, didn't mean you had to stand still while they slowly sucked the life out of you, or in her mother's case, beat the life out of you.

They all expressed their condolences and the three sisters said they would want to be there. Ned, however, wouldn't be a part of it, and she just had to accept that. She felt sorry for him, even though she had no clue if he would regret his decision later or not.

"How's it going Freckles?" James placed a hand on her shoulder.

"It's…painful." She sighed and then gave him a weak smile.

"I know." He gave a little squeeze, "I know."

Three days after that, Diane's health started to decline rapidly. James and Kate were by her side while she mumbled incomprehensible things under her breath. They smoothed her hair, held her hand, wiped her face. The doctor came and told them she was in the final stages, she wouldn't last much longer. Father Geoffrey, who was put on standby days before, was summoned to the house to keep vigil and read her last rites.

At 4:16, in the wee hours of Monday morning. Diane clutched onto Kate's hand with such power, that Kate was startled, and thought for a moment that the women had been cured.


"Katherine…" her voice weak but understandable now, "Katherine, I have…always…loved…you…I'm so…proud…of you." Kate stared at her, wide eyes brimming with tears as her mother then slipped away from her and took her last breath. Kate looked around her in a panic. Saw both the doctor and priest move towards the bed, saw James cradling his face in his hands.

"Ma?" Kate let out a small cry, turning back to the now lifeless form on the bed. She moved from the chair and sat on the edge, leaning over to embrace her dead mother, sobs now racking the entire length of her body, "Ma…"

She felt someone sit on the bed next to her, and place a comforting hand on her back. Knowing immediately it was James, she got up and curled into his waiting arms, finding a spot on his neck to cry into. He rocked with her gently back and forth, and she felt his own tears hit her forehead and run down the side of her face. This was them. And this was how they mourned the passing of their mother.

Kate looked in the mirror as she buttoned up her black, long-sleeved blouse. She went over to the bed and picked up the black, knee-length pencil skirt and slipped it on, tucking the blouse in at the same time. She was dry-eyed when she placed the black, veiled hat over her hair that was styled in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. A lot of tears had been shed over the last four days. She had relocated to James' house, unable to live in her own. The memory of her mother too strong, and still too painful to bear.

But today wasn't going to be about tears. It was going to be about honouring her mother. It was about celebrating her life. About the woman she was, the woman she struggled to be, and the woman she had finally become. Kate smoothed her hands over her skirt and adjusted her hat, tilting it to the side. No tears.

"Freckles." There was a soft tap on the door, followed by James peeping in. "Ready to go?" He stood waiting for her, looking solemn in his black suit, as she slipped on her black pumps and grabbed her purse.

She walked up to him and they shared a mutual embrace, taking a deep breath and exhaling before releasing each other.

"Let's go."

The funeral service was touching, but Kate made sure to tell Father Geoffrey to include happy hymns, that celebrated her life, and not just the sorrow of her death. She had gotten through the eulogy in one piece, taking furtive glances at James in the front pew who nodded his head at her in encouragement. Rita even got up to say a few words about her sister, and Susan and Margaret both offered to do readings.

James along with Tom and a few of the guys that used to work with her mother at the diner, carried the casket to the gravesite, while Kate and the rest of the small group followed behind. Rita was crying and Kate placed a hand around her shoulders. The other two sisters were wet-eyed, but what Kate saw most in them 

was guilt. She only hoped that by them attending they would be able to achieve some peace in that aspect.

After they had placed the coffin, James took his position at Kate's side, pulling her to him with one hand, and holding her hand with the other. She felt solid against him, unbreakable. This would be the hardest part, and they both knew it.

Father Geoffrey said the committal prayers as the casket was slowly lowered into the grave. Kate struggled to keep herself together, she looked up at James who seemed to be succeeding at keeping his emotions in check, but only barely so. The coffin hit the bottom, and then she heard him.

"Diane!" a loud, tortured wail was carried on the wind towards them, "Oh Diane!" Everyone around the gravesite started whispering amongst themselves, and Kate turned around to see a drunk Wayne stumbling towards the group.

He was a mess, even though he had managed to put on a suit. His jacket hung open exposing his untucked, and half unbuttoned shirt. The tie he was wearing hung loosely around an upturned collar. Kate stole a glance at her mother's sisters who were fixing murderous eyes upon Wayne.

"Son of a…" James muttered angrily under his breath, while Kate hung her head ashamed and angry that Wayne was causing such a scene. He hadn't changed at all. James left her side, her eyes following him to where he grabbed hold of Wayne and moved him a distance away from the site. The priest continues the last rites, and Kate divided her attention between what was going on there, and the two men off to the side.

Wayne was crying, collapsing at one point on his knees in front of James, who quickly dragged him up and pointed in the nearest direction that would take him out and far away from the cemetery. Wayne hung his head defeated, and instead of leaving, propped himself against a tree next to the road, where he just leaned and watched from a distance.

James returned to her and she could sense the tension in him. She gently threaded her hand through his arm, holding onto him, and noted that he relaxed some. Even after her death, James had still managed to be her mother's protector. He was her protector too. Her knight in shining armour.

The interment ended solemnly, and James held Kate's hand in his as the walked down the gentle slope to where the cars were parked on the road. Kate tensed up a bit when they passed Wayne, and saw him move in the opposite direction to where the undertakers were filling her mother's grave. She stopped in her tracks and looked back, ready to march up there and have words with the drunk, but James held firm to her and pulled her along.

"Let 'im say goodbye." He said in her ear, "He can't hurt her anymore."

Kate understood James' logic, but kept casting glances backwards to see Wayne bending over the grave, kneeling, and hanging his head in grief. It was hard to 

think of him then as the same man that beat her mother mercilessly when she was alive and well.

By the time they got home it was already beginning to turn dark outside. She stepped up onto James' porch and waited for him to unlock the door, gazing over at her house that lay now in complete darkness. No lights. Nothing. It was like all the life had come out of it.

James held the door open for her to enter. She walked slowly into the foyer, removing her hat and unpinning the bun allowing her chestnut curls to cascade down her back. She held herself tight, feeling the tears that she had refused to cry that day come back and hit her full force. James seeing her shoulders heaving spun her around to him and held her close, while she cried.

Kate inhaled the scent of his cologne, musky and masculine. Reaching her hand around him and into his hair, she pulled her head away and stared at him. He had the same pained look on his face, and she couldn't help herself when the urge came to kiss him. In a smooth motion she gently pressed her lips to his, and he responded, his mouth warm and soft on hers. His tongue sought access that was immediately granted, and they swam in each other. The pain and sorrow of the day intensified every caress and stroke.

James broke away first, resting his forehead upon hers and taking deep breaths.

"Kate. We've been through a lot." He spoke huskily, "I don't want this to be how we deal with it all." Kate breathed along with him.

"This isn't…" she began, "Don't push me away again James."

"We're both looking for comfort…"

"Do you really think that this is what this is James?" she pulled away from him, looking at him, tears still in her eyes. "Yes, she's gone. And yes I need comfort. But I don't just need to feel something James. I need to feel YOU." He looked at her, his brow slightly furrowed.

"James, I've been in love with you since I was twelve." She said emphatically, "Twelve. And all I ever wanted was for you to love me the same way. You thought Tom was the great love of my life. He wasn't. It was YOU."

After her revelation Kate felt exposed, and a little foolish, especially since he hadn't moved from his spot in front of her. Here she was pouring out her heart in front of him and he was just standing there looking dazed. Kate was just about to give up when he suddenly drew her roughly to him and crashed his lips against hers. The force of the kiss snapping her head back as he devoured her. The next thing she knew, he had her pressed against the wall, lifting her along with her skirt so that she could wrap her legs around him.

She clung to him, tasting every bit of him as he made his way up the stairs with her, and into his bedroom. Both of them crashed onto the bed, and Kate let out 

small moans as he moved from her lips to her neck, paying special attention to a spot just below her ear. He licked and sucked while his hands moved to unbutton her blouse. Kate made quick work of removing his jacket and shirt, along with the tie. And had started on his pants when she felt a coolness over her bra and panty clad body. He placed his arm under the arch of her back and lifted her skillfully, placing her against the pillows and then reaching up to unclasp her bra, while kicking off his pants.

His mouth was on hers again, his tongue darting out and dueling with hers while he cupped her breast, rubbing and pulling at the delicate skin there. Kate kissed up along his jaw and rested her mouth against his ear.

"Make love to me, James." She whispered, her voice husky and filled with desire for him, "Make love to me."

And he obliged. Making love to her over, and over, and over again.

The next morning, their naked bodies lay entwined among a mess of tangled sheets. Kate awoke first and mischievously reached her hand downwards. He mumbled appreciatively as they both were slowly awakened.

"What you tryin' to do to me Freckles?" He smiled, kissing the top of her head.

"Giving you a wake up call." She tilted her head up to kiss him. It was deep, and breath-taking.

"So what are you gonna do now Sassy…run off on me again?" he asked her.

"Well, I don't know. Do I have a reason to stay?" she looked up at him inquisitively. He looked towards the ceiling pensively.

"You know I didn't tell you all of my secrets." He started in a confessional tone, changing the subject. Kate leaned up on her elbows, intrigued by this revelation.

"Diane kept my biggest one." Kate's brows furrowed, she was more interested now than ever. What secret could her mother have possibly kept for him?

"I told her I was in love with you." James admitted, surreptitiously glancing at her to gauge her reaction.

"What did she say?"

"What could she say…you were sixteen at the time. I just had to tell someone. Was understood that nothing could come of it." Kate stared at him, doe-eyed before leaning down to kiss him once more.

"Thank you." She said, licking her lips.

"For what?" he raised his eyebrows, and she snuggled against him once more.


"For giving me my reason."