Gloss
"Raito-kun, why do you wear lipstick?"
The question took Raito by surprise. He paused, glancing at the over-eccentric, candy-crazed detective who stood next to him. Ryuuzaki was biting his thumb again, his panda eyes wide.
Raito sighed. "I don't wear lipstick, Ryuuzaki." he replied, turning to continue walking. Ryuuzaki didn't move and the chain between them pulled Raito back to him. He turned back, gritting his teeth. "Come on. We don't have all day." he snapped. Ryuuzaki had already begged him to take him to the mall for chocolate-covered strawberries, pleading that he wouldn't live without them. So Raito had grudgingly agreed on the condition that he would get to look around what shop he chose to along the way.
"Then what are you wearing right now?" Ryuuzaki asked thoughtfully, nodding to his lips. Raito turned a violent shade of red. Had Ryuuzaki seen him trying on the strawberry lip gloss earlier? He hoped not.
"I'm not wearing any lipstick, Ryuuzaki." he snapped. He turned to be on his way once more, but like before was forced back towards the sugar-addicted detective.
"You were trying on lipstick in the last store, though, Raito-kun. There is a ninety-eight percent chance that Raito-kun is gay by this deduction." the detective innocently pointed out.
Raito grit his teeth, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm not gay, for the last time!" he cried, trying to keep his cool. Ryuuzaki had been trying to force him to admit he was gay ever since they'd started wearing the stupid chain.
"Raito-kun, are you gay?" Ryuuzaki asked, black-grey eyes evaluating him under a mop of untamable black hair. "There is a seventy-three percent chance that you are gay."
Raito sighed, glancing up from the book he was reading. He frowned at the detective reproachfully. "What are you talking about, Ryuuzaki?" he asked wearily.
"Is Raito-kun gay?" the detective repeated, standing only feet away and biting his thumb. He seemed to be considering him.
"What would make you think that?" Raito asked, stunned, "Of course I'm not gay! I'm probably straighter than you, anyway."
Ryuuzaki's expression didn't change. "That is a fifty percent chance. I know I am gay, Raito-kun. Women are below my taste. Raito-kun has a high chance of being gay, also. You are very feminine in your tastes… such as your clothing… and your OCD far exceeds that of other males."
"I'm not gay, Ryuuzaki!" Raito sighed, "My tastes are not feminine, either. The OCD is something I can't change, so don't even try to pull that one on me. What makes you think I'm gay, anyways?"
Ryuuzaki considered him thoughtfully. "Denial means that Raito-kun has a seventy-five percent chance of being gay."
With that, he turned and shuffled to the kitchen, forcing Raito to follow as he searched for more sweets.
"Have you never figured out if you were gay, Raito-kun?" Ryuuzaki asked, "Is that why Raito-kun denies he is gay?"
Raito sighed exasperatedly. "I'm not gay, Ryuuzaki, for the last time. How must I prove it to you?"
"If you are wearing lipstick, then you have a ninety-nine percent chance of being gay." Ryuuzaki answered.
"Fine, but how do you know if I am or not?" Raito challenged. Ryuuzaki stared at him for a moment and he thought he'd won. Then the detective spoke again.
"May I prove to Raito-kun that he is wearing lipstick?" he asked innocently. Raito eyed him darkly for a second, knowing that it had to be some kind of trick. Finally, he decided he'd had enough of Ryuuzaki's comments about his sexuality.
"Fine." he replied, trying not to sound impatient, "But hurry up. We have to get back before the rest of the team comes after us. Again." He rolled his eyes as he remembered their last trip to the mall, during which they took longer than promised and Soichiro Yagami had come hunting them down with the rest of the investigation team tailing him.
"Agreed." Ryuuzaki nodded, remembering that also. Then he stepped forward and kissed his partner.
Raito choked back his surprise, standing stiffly as the detective kissed him right in the middle of the mall. When the detective drew away, he was licking his lips.
"Strawberry." he said, smiling slightly at the thought, "You're wearing strawberry lip gloss." Raito didn't have time to reply. Instead, he leaned forward and caught the detective in another kiss.
"One hundred percent chance." he whispered into Ryuuzaki's ear, kissing him again.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters! I hope you liked my crack fic, please R/R! But let it be known that if I did own Death Note, definite items would've been added to the plot line… aside from the chain, that is… hehe… (poor male characters, havin to be all cute like they are! LOLZ XD)
Raito: Items? LORD L run its another fan girl!
L: We must warn the others…
Raito: F*** them! Let's just run already!
Raito drags L away and L yells at the others: Run, guys! Fan girl on the run!
Mello/Matt/Near/Mikami/Other: RUN!!!
So you now see how much I am appreciated. Now excuse me while I round up the guys… XD