A.N – Well, FINALLY. It's about time I uploaded something onto here. :D I cannot for the life of me express my complete inner nerd when it comes to the Final Fantasy X saga. I mean…wow. I'm vigorously insane when it comes to this series! So what does a FFX fangirl, writer and fellow Tuna worshipper does when she gets off her lazy derrière and writes a story? This stretchy hunk of fluff that will choke you to death, of course! Enjoy!...Or not, I guess…
WARNING – Major spoiler alert if you haven't gotten past Home or Bevelle!
Disclaimer – I do not own Final Fantasy X or any of the characters…much to my despair.
I clumsily stumbled over to the satin bedspread and the silky duvet, belly flopping right onto them. I kicked off my boots in a languid manner, groaning as I turned over onto my backside and lifted my bottom half onto the chilly material. My legs and arms were spread in a position that resembled a star. If I had been more energetic, I would have realised that this was most inappropriate for a summoner to be so uncaring about his or her position, let alone my own habit of being as neat and civilised as possible.
But honestly, I didn't care about that at the moment. All I wanted was some privacy to myself, and now that I finally have that, I could use that privacy to my liking. My hair had been rustled into knots, sticking out of my head, and my kimono was asymmetrical and in disarray.
Today had been a perilous experience, much like the day before. Actually, everything in my perspective had been yanked up by the heels and shaken violently until all of the common sense and confidence were all jumbled up inside as of recently. The Church of Yevon had been nothing more than a vile, deceiving lie disguised as a pillar of hope. Maester Seymour Guado had been nothing more than a power-hungry murderer! He was an expert at capturing the trust of the people of Spira, and it certainly showed with his calm yet ominous voice and his skilful words. Not to mention that he, and his all-powerful Aeon, had resolved the fiend outbreak at the Luca Stadium. Without his and Sir Auron's help, we would most likely have been ruthlessly swallowed by the attack.
But…no. He had murdered his father, Lord Jyscal, around two weeks prior. He felt no remorse creep up on his cold, pale face. He had only wanted to inherit his position as a Maester of Yevon. His Aeon, Anima…it just pained me to see it. I had first thought of Anima as a demon that came from the deepest crevices of the Farplane, but now that I had seen it up close when we fought at Macalania Temple, it looked…pained. Sorry, even. I could literally feel the anguish coursing through my bloodstream as I looked right into its hollow sockets and straight into those beady crimson eyes. The tight metal chains embodied Anima, as if it was a slave to the wretched half-Guado. Anima was forced into obedience. Truly gruesome.
When I was to go on trial and stand up to the Maesters, my faith in the Church had been pierced through the heart and had given off an ear-piercing shriek, before it collapsed into the frostbitten depths below. Not only is Seymour an unsent, I had found out that Grandmaester Mika is an unsent too! He had died long ago, and refused to go to the Farplane. The Church of Yevon, the one beacon of strength and hope, ruled by a spirit that no longer belongs in this world, a spirit that refused the service of a summoner! What Mika said to me that day…it only tipped off the tank of rage that fuelled my flames of hatred that I felt for him that instant. For him to just discard all of the late summoners; including my father, Lord Braska, saying that their sacrifices were all in vain and that there is no way for Sin to be truly defeated…it tore at my heart, clawing at it, lunging at it. It was begging me to tear Mika's head off with Valefor's talons!
I exhaled a sharp gust of air as I stared up at the stitched ceiling of my room. I gently bit down on my lower lip as my eyesight blurred. I need to get a hold of myself! I closed my eyes and began to focus on what was happening right now.
We were to stay in the Calm Lands for a few days, stocking up on our supplies and going up against the many deadly fiends as training for the last stretch of my pilgrimage. I had been worried about going with this plan at first, seeing as how Father Zuke warned us about Yevon's pursuit earlier on in the day. But seeing how much trust I had put in my guardians, plus the fact that our rations and skills were lacking, I decided to go with it. At least Rikku seemed happy with the journey coming to a standstill.
Fortunately, Rin had offered us all free rooms at the Travel Agency. He was a valuable person to all of us, and a great friend to Auron. It was amazing how he still supported us even after we had been cast out as fugitives. Of course, we had to sneak into our rooms in private. Now that we were probably the most wanted group of 'traitors' in Spira, we couldn't go waltzing into public attention. After saying goodnight to my fellow guardians, I had snuck off into my room, wanting some time to muse over my frustration and trauma.
I jerked myself upwards from the bed and sighed loudly, supporting myself with my hands. A bitter feeling began to sprout in my stomach, mirroring my disbelief and depression. ' Why did all of this have to happen? All of those teachings I depended so much on, they were all lies? What Yevon said about the Al-Bhed being evil, they were lying about that too? To all of Spira?' The pressure in my stomach was increasing as I continued to recall the events, which led me to even more outrageous thoughts. 'What if the teachings were there just to control us? What if Mika is sending Yevonite Soldiers out to every village and city in Spira just to hunt us down? What…what if –'
I heard something. Something from the corridor just outside my room. Whipping my head around to the direction of the noise, I silently slipped off of the bed and tip-toed over to the mahogany door. I knelt down and placed my ear against the surface. I could hear two voices which were slightly muffled by the door. One sounded gruff and stern, the other high-pitched and anxious.
"I told you, go to sleep. You've been nothing but a nuisance ever since we took you in."
"Well sor-ry, you big grump! I should've known not to be so caring and concerned about Yunie!"
I exclaimed a little. The voices belonged to Sir Auron and Rikku. They must have woken up when I was having my flashbacks. It sounds like they're having an argument.
I heard a prolonged squeak that belonged to a waxed door. Loud footsteps and the great yawn of a tall, heavy man could be heard.
"What're you two doing, ya? Tryin' to get some shuteye ain't easy with you two babbling on an' on like that." Came a droopy, deep voice with a heavy tropical accent. Apparently Auron and Rikku were preventing Wakka from sleeping.
"Rikku is worried about Yuna," Auron had stated simply. "She hasn't been able to get to sleep. I'm just trying to calm her down."
"Ahh, I see," Wakka said with a chuckle. "Rikku, just calm down, ya? Everything's gonna be fine. Only thing you're doing is givin' Sir Auron a hard time." He joked.
"But…but…" Rikku protested. "Yunie nearly give up her pilgrimage, you know? What if something goes wrong again, huh? What if this is all too much for her?"
"Then you'll be satisfied." Auron briefed, his tone containing a hint of anger.
I got up again and backed away from the door. I didn't want to intrude on a private conversation, especially when the topic was about me. The last thing I heard from the corridor was an exclamation from Rikku and a belly laugh from Wakka. I climbed onto my bed and let my head fall against the cool pillow. Seeing as how I couldn't sleep, I laced my hands over my chest and returned to my pondering state.
I really did feel sorry for Rikku. It was because of my crumbled resolve and my shattered faith that I had allowed her to see through my headstrong barrier. I wasn't even trying to rebuild that barrier now. The only friends that I have now are my guardians, the Al-Bhed, my Aeons and hopefully the fayth. Even though they are all so strong in many ways, we would never be able to stand up against the rest of Spira. They do not know about the true face of Yevon and still see them as a perfect example of society: Trusting, supporting and resilient. But really, they are hypocritical, manipulating, paranoid and just plain…sinful.
However…not everything about yesterday had been completely terrible. I couldn't resist the smile imprinting itself onto my face.
It was quite possibly the worst day of my life, and that's saying a lot. But the night that came right after…it was possibly the most wonderful and magical night I had ever experienced. I had crept off into the depths of the alluring crystal forest that was part of Macalania. I needed some time to myself to calm down after I had been betrayed by Yevon. I honestly didn't know where I was going; I just wanted to find a place where nobody else was around. As I walked down the dimly illuminated pathway, I walked into a clearing. Just in front of me was an embankment, containing a spring full of rippling water. The organic crystals were aligned along the rim of the bank where the border of trees ended. At the far end of the spring was a little island, home to a twisting, towering Macalanian Willow. A giant spherical orb was adorned into the trunk of the willow, its colour a fiery orange with traces of gold and white highlight. A red crescent moon was shining down onto the water. All of these light sources, coupled with the stark contrast of the flames meeting the deep blue, gave the spring a fantastic appearance, as if it came straight out of a children's fantasy story.
I waded into the spring. I winced as I felt the chilling waters envelop my body. Despite me not knowing how to swim, the waters supported me as I floated on my backside. As I turned my head I could see a faint golden glow from the orb that loomed over the spring. Using my feet I pushed downwards, propelling my body upwards. I whirled around so that I could gaze at the willow and its most prized possession. The orb shone with the intensity of a thousand suns, the gold and white wisps slowly drifting inside of it. A sad smile crept up on my face as I was reminded of somebody.
Him.
His hair was just like how the orb behaved. It was a fiery golden colour, which seemed to shine underneath the hot sun. The strands were grouped into small spikes, pointing southward at the back of his head. The platinum highlights seemed to change positions as the sun moved across the sky. The wind seemed to caress the strands, making them drift slightly back and forward.
My smile seemed to grow the more I thought about him. Tidus had grown to be the one guardian that I trusted the most. Even more so than Wakka, Lulu and even Kimahri. He was always so energetic and optimistic. I couldn't help but smile or giggle to myself when he would try to make the best out of every situation, or during one of the few times that we talked to each other about the journey. I would sometimes catch my insides warming up whenever he would try to cheer me on. When he would usually joke around with the other Guardians, he was always so sweet to me and would try to make me laugh. He was who made my pilgrimage bearable, and strengthened my will to continue.
My smile faltered then. There was this weird, but pleasant feeling whenever I started to think of him. Whenever he collapsed in battle, I was always more concerned about his health than any of my other guardians. Whenever he was missing my blood would run cold and my cheeks would go pale, only to realize he had just moved to the front of the line. I had been getting more urges to sneak off to where he was, just so that I could talk with him more. I had never felt this way about any of my other friends. Ever since the little adventure we had in Luca, there was rarely a time when I wasn't thinking about him.
'I think I might have feelings for him…' I thought, a rush of heat rising up to my cheeks. My lips threatened to curl upwards again, but lost their resolve when I realised what was becoming of it all.
Summoners were not meant to fall in love, for at the end of their pilgrimage they would sacrifice themselves to summon the Final Aeon; the one and only force that could defeat Sin. It is said that Sin rose from the sea after the Machina War and proceeded to wreak all havoc on Spira's mainland. The people of Bevelle had used machina in a malicious way, destroying the great machina city of Zanarkand and taking many innocent lives along with its destruction. Sin was born to teach a violent lesson to never use destructive machina. The result was a fearful world ruled by the Spiral of Death.
People who were incredibly devoted to bringing the Calm, a period of ten years when Sin was gone, became summoners who controlled magnificent beasts called the 'Aeons'. They would travel to temples set in the multiple biomes of the mainland, pray to the fayth, and receive the power of that fayth's soul. The Summoner's Pilgrimage was a journey across the world of Spira, collecting as many Aeons as possible with the summoner's protectors, their guardians, along the summoner's side. The long and perilous journey would end at the legendary Zanarkand Dome where Lady Yunalesca, the woman whom I was named after, would bestow Lord Zaon's soul onto the summoner to be used against Sin. The summoning of the Final Aeon would drain the life force of the summoner, hence the tragic goodbyes.
It hurt. It really did, knowing that at the end of it all, I will have to say goodbye to my closest friends and protectors. My cousin, Rikku, hyper and sneaky, who tried to save me, Wakka and Lulu, who adopted me after the death of my father, Kimahri, who watched over me since we first met at the Calm Festival ten years ago, Sir Auron who, alongside Sir Jecht, was my father's guardian.
And of course, there was Tidus. The person who had popped out of the sea on Besaid. The person who was worried about me even before we first met. The person…who would always make me happy, even if I was depressed or sounded even a little bit off.
I sighed dejectedly, shrugging my shoulders and letting my head hang. 'Why can't I stop thinking about him like this?' Even though I wanted to be alone, I secretly wished that he would ignore my silent request and come looking for me. I wanted to spill the contents of my heavy mind towards him, letting him know how much I just wanted to fly away to another place with all of my friends and him right beside me. A place where there was no Sin and no long faces. A place where everybody can be joyful. Festivals, carnivals, Easter celebrations, everything.
But that would never happen. Not as long as this inevitable curse is around. Yevon conquers society, and Sin conquers the world. As long as there is pain and suffering created by these terrors, Spira will never be the haven that it used to be more than a thousand years ago.
Just then, I heard a soft crunching noise. They sounded like…footsteps? Had somebody come to look for me after all? Auron or Kimahri had probably followed me, in case any fiends or soldiers of Yevon had seen me. Not being able to hold it in any longer, I voiced what I had felt about Yevon's actions, the death of my faith, and my uncertainty of what was going to happen next.
Then I heard a soft rippling noise, and felt the slight pressure of the waves lapping against my body. Were they…coming to talk to me? To take me back to our hidden campsite maybe? Perhaps they had spotted trouble coming up our tails. But the only ones in our group who were capable of swimming were Wakka, Rikku and-
I heard his voice. It was the same lighthearted, boyish voice that I had grown to love. I turned around and saw Tidus standing there, my silent wish coming true. I wanted to put on my infamous fake smile just for him, to slowly walk over to him and quickly wrap my arms around him.
But…something was wrong. He didn't have that radiant, sunny smile on his face. His eyes weren't shining like they always did. His tone of voice was low and sounded…pained. He told me that he knew everything. How at the end of everything, I was going to die. We would never see each other again in this world. He told me was sorry for rushing things and talking about the aftermath of the pilgrimage. The aftermath that I would never get to see.
He had nothing to apologise for. I was happy that he thought about a great future for me. It somehow gave me hope that maybe I didn't have to die, or sacrifice myself, that maybe I could let another summoner defeat Sin. I chastised myself immediately after thinking that. Why was I acting so selfish all of a sudden? Is it because he said that I shouldn't do it? To forget all about Sin and live an ordinary life?
I…I don't know what happened, but somehow we went on to talk about one of our personal subjects. When we were alone, however short the period was, Tidus would always tell me stories about Zanarkand, the lost city of the dead. Only his Zanarkand wasn't the cold salty ruins that they are today. The Zanarkand he came from was full of towering buildings, a utopia full of life and energy. Water ran through the polished canals, creating delicate patterns all around the city. I was drawn in by how detailed his descriptions were.
And now…he was offering to take me to that city. We would take Cid's airship and fly there, forgetting all about the past and focusing on our bright future together. Hanging out at his home, watching him play a Blitzball match at the stadium, going out in the middle of the night…It sounded wonderful, to be able to do all these things with him. To just laugh and be with him.
And I really did want to go with him.
He then started describing the sunrise, how we would go down to the sea and watch the sun rise high above the horizon.
"Let's go down to the sea, before the sunrise. The lights go out one by one. Then the horizon glows, almost like it's on fire. It's kinda…rose-coloured, right? First in the sea, then it spreads to the sky, then to the whole city. It gets brighter and brighter, till everything glows," Tidus had said in a dream-like state. "It's really…pretty. I know you'd like it."
The mental image of it looked amazing. I could picture us on the shoreline, looking out towards the edge of the ocean, as the sun slowly emerged from the horizon. He held me in his arms as the atmosphere was filled with streaks of red, pink, orange and every other warm colour that existed. The sun's rays reflected off of the buildings right behind us, giving them the intense illusion of being on fire. It was perfect. The sea breeze catching our new and simple clothes, the gulls squawking above us, the absolute bliss I felt when I looked into the deep ocean blue of his eyes-
No.
I was stripped away from my immaculate fantasy and thrown back into my horrible reality. Everything came crashing down as my fate was welded into my head. I can't go with him. I have to defeat Sin. I had to die, whether I liked it or not. I was the only summoner left on the road. I had learned that Dona had finally broken down after the destruction of Home, and I had to fight Isaaru to escape from the Via Purifico. They had both quit their pilgrimage.
I didn't have a choice now. Everyone in Spira, even the maesters of Yevon, were depending on me to bring the Calm to them once again. I couldn't steal away into my paradise with Tidus, when I would be leaving the entire world to die. I would be leaving Sin to fully take over Spira, when I decided to follow my selfish and insensitive dreams. My father would be ashamed, Sir Auron would be furious, my sweet slumber as I lay beside Tidus would be forever haunted by the dead souls of Spira, disgusted with me that I had doomed them to their apocalyptic future as cannibalistic fiends.
I felt tears prick at the back of my eyeballs. I tried so hard to hold them in, but a single tear escaped. It fell into the water as more tears seeped out, I choked up a sob and held up my hand to try and hide my heartbroken state, but I failed miserably. As tragic the thought was, I needed to let Tidus know that I couldn't go with him to Zanarkand…the city that never sleeps.
"I can't. I just…can't. I can't go!"
…
It was…unbelievable, what happened. I don't even know how it happened, but…it was the best moment of my entire life, however short it seemed to be. I don't know how to describe it, or if it was at all possible to even do so. I was sobbing uncontrollably at this point, unable to even speak now. I was gasping and choking and snivelling and everything. My heart was aching and my mind was unable to do anything. I slowly noticed that Tidus didn't say anything. I could feel him staring at me however.
Despite my on-going breakdown, I heard a dripping sound. Immediately after, I felt a warm hand upon my forearm. Another hand gently grabbed my other forearm. Tidus was…holding me. The warmth emitting from his hands calmed me down slightly, but it wasn't enough to make a difference.
He whispered my name very quietly, wanting me to look at him. I attempted to settle down and looked up at him.
I had always loved his eyes. They were a beautiful tone of blue. They were mostly a deep cobalt hue, but a small gradient of brilliant azure rose up like fog from the bottom of his irises and curved around his pupils. A single highlight shone from the rim of his pupils. They were captivating, mystical, even. Especially during the evening with the moonlight shining onto his face.
I was lost in them as he slowly edged closer to me. My hand slowly lowered into the water again. My heart was beginning to race as he tightened his hold on me. It was almost exactly like my vision of the sunrise in Zanarkand. I was still staring at as his face became very close to mine. He tilted his head to the side, his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted when…
He captured my lips with his. At first I was shocked, I had not expected him to do this. But soon that shock melted away into comfort, ecstasy and pure…love. My eyes fluttered shut and I leaned into him, kissing him back. His arms pulled me close into his warm body as my arms circled around his waist. The heavenly feeling of it all clouded my thoughts as we fell back into the water.
We were in our own magical world, floating through the depths of the crystalline water. Everytime that a current tried to carry me away, Tidus would always pull me back into his arms where I belonged. We twisted and twirled through the spring together, clinging to each other as we descended deeper into the spring. His hair was a complete platinum colour as the light of the moon was divided from the sweeping currents. His bronze skin was smooth to the touch and felt like a warm tropical day. We danced and embraced and kissed again. It was exhilarating, I just wanted to stay like this forever…
I hummed dreamily as I unlaced my fingers and began to trace the duvet. I flipped over onto my stomach and smushed my head into the pillow, unable to get rid of my stupid grin. Thinking about him had only made me giddy and insane now. I couldn't help it. Those strange feelings had now been identified and I only longed for more of them.
But then again, there was the pilgrimage. I was probably the first ever summoner to fall in love with a guardian during my journey. Knowing that at the end of it all…I was being fickle again. All of these thoughts contradicting and twisting around each other had only made me annoyed again. What am I supposed to do? I can't just bottle up my feelings, yet it's probably the more right thing to do. I shook my head to try and clear my mind, but the thoughts just kept coming back.
I noticed that the voices from the corridor had ceased. Rikku must have finally gone to bed. But I still couldn't get to sleep. Maybe I had drunk a few too many potions today. I tried desperately to fall into slumber, but my thoughts were torching the inside of my skull. I groaned in frustration. The tossing and turning had only messed up my appearance even more.
Suddenly I heard a squeak from the corridor. Somebody had opened a door, much like how Wakka did. Only this time, it was longer and quieter and came from the westward direction. I heard soft footsteps treading across the floorboard, eventually getting louder until they stopped. A heard a sigh.
"Might as well walk around if I can't get to sleep."
I gasped and quickly placed my hand over my mouth to stop myself. That voice…it belonged to Tidus. My heart fluttered in my chest as I felt my body lighten. It sounds like he can't sleep either.
I heard him walk across my doorway and down the hall into the reception centre. I suddenly got this want to see him. Everybody else was asleep, we were the only ones who couldn't get to that sleep. We all had to go to bed early so that at dawn, we could make the best of our time. But no matter how much I bored myself, my insomnia wouldn't cease. I felt lonely and burdened.
The next thing I knew, I had leapt up from the bed and strode across to the wooden armoire in the corner of my room. I looked like I had gotten caught up in a stampede. Tidus would probably fall down laughing if he saw me like this. I grabbed a hairbrush and fixed my hair in place, right down to the tips of my fringe. I shuffled and stretched out my kimono, getting rid of every last crease. I sat back down on the bed and laced up my boots, shaking off the specks of dust. I had never this concerned about my appearance before. I had always made sure that I looked at least representable, but this time I was making sure that not even a single strand of hair was out of place. There was just something about perfecting yourself when it came to wanting to see somebody close to you.
I very gently cracked open the door. The waxed finish and the rusty hinges gave off a wincing squeak. I slithered out of my room and lightly closed the door again. If anybody found out that I had snuck out in the night, there would be a lot of explaining to do. I crept down the corridor, trying not to make the floorboards squeak.
Entering the reception room, I noticed that the clerk had fallen asleep at the desk. Nobody else was around. Coast clear. I made my way towards the entrance, trying not to disturb the snoring clerk. I lifted the fabricated flap and made my way outside.
It was a beautiful starry night. There was not a single cloud in the sky. The moon was still a crescent shape, but was a silver colour instead. It was also very chilly. Not only was there little to no cloud cover in the Calm Lands, it was right next to Mt. Gagazet, one of the coldest places in the North and all of Spira. I made my way around the back of the Travel Agency. There was a little fence put up around it, either to keep the chocobos in or to repel smaller fiends. I inhaled some of the cold air and exhaled, my breath coming out as a small white gust of wind.
"Yuna?"
My heart skipped a beat and I turned around. Tidus was standing in front of me. He looked surprised to see me here, but glad all the time. I realised that he was wearing a white fleecy jacket with sleeves and black jeans, maybe because his normal uniform was awkward to sleep in, or to keep him warm. He probably wanted to know why I was up at this hour. I stuttered, trying to explain myself.
"So, you can't sleep either?" Tidus queried with his arms crossed, that warm smile still on his face.
"Umm, yes, I-I think." I stuttered. Why was I so nervous around him? I wanted to see him, he's right in front of me now, so why am I so shy all of a sudden?
Tidus chuckled, noticing my bewilderment. I couldn't help but smile when I heard his laugh. It was strange how contagious it was. He walked over to where I was standing, leaning on the fence.
"So what brings you out here? Aren't you cold in this weather?" Tidus said, rising an eyebrow at me.
"Well, uhh…you see, I…" I stumbled. I couldn't control myself. My heart was pounding against my chest and adrenaline was coursing through my veins. We were alone, just the two of us. Wakka wasn't here to 'accidently' interrupt us, and Sir Auron wasn't here to tell me to get some rest. Rikku wasn't trying to watch us, and Lulu wasn't here to glare at us with those ruby red eyes. I needed to work up the courage to tell I was here because of him. That I wanted to be at his side again tonight.
"I came out here because," I tensed myself as I nearly shouted the words I wanted to say. "I just wanted to be with you for a while, you know? I couldn't get to sleep, a-and everyone else is, and I…I couldn't stop thinking about you-"
My face looked and felt like it had been sunburnt, and I couldn't talk anymore out of embarrassment. I had quickly hidden my face as I confessed to him. I slowly lifted my head so I could look at him.
His eyes were widened a little and he looked surprised, but he smiled at me as his shocked expression faded. I couldn't help but smile as well.
"I know how you feel," Tidus muttered, his face slightly flushed. "I couldn't stop thinking about you either." His look softened as he gazed at me.
My body lost all sense of how weight worked right then. My face was still beet red, but my lips shot upwards as I got used to my racing pulse. Tidus rubbed the back of his head, giving off a nervous yet joyful laugh.
"I guess that's why I couldn't get to sleep," Tidus pondered out loud as he swayed very lightly against the fence. "Either that or it was all the noise right outside my door!"
"You heard them arguing too?" I said, a little curious.
"Really? That racket was an argument?" Tidus questioned, a little surprised. Then his eyes narrowed as he gave off a sly grin; the look he would give whenever he was up to something mischievous. "Were you…eavesdropping on them?"
My hands shot up to my face in embarrassment and I exclaimed a little. "Well, I-I…I did listen to them a little, but not much! Just…"
Tidus snickered, trying to be as quiet as possible. "Relax Yuna, I was only kidding!" He tried to calm me down. "I was lying about the 'racket' thing; I was trying to listen in on them too. At least I didn't fall through the door this time!"
We both burst into a fit of giggles, remembering his inadvertent greeting in the Thunder Plains Inn. Although the night was made dark and worrisome by Lord Jyscal's final message, at least there was a funny memory that came from that said night. Our giggles ceased as we sighed through our nostrils.
A few minutes went by in silence, just enjoying each other's company as we looked out to the plains beyond. I could still feel my repetitive heartbeat and my hands were moist with sweat. I looked back towards Tidus. His platinum hair and jacket glowed and were outlined in the moonlight. He looked like a majestic apparition and I found myself just gazing at him. It was only when he stretched him arms high above his head that I snapped out of my immobilisation.
"Hey Yuna," Tidus started, turning his head to look at me. "This'll probably sound crazy but…" He paused, looking to see if I was paying attention.
"Yes Tidus? What is it?" I provoked.
"You wanna take a walk together? Around the plains, I mean," Tidus asked, nodding his head towards the other side of the Agency. "We could go around and just talk about things, you know?"
I felt my mouth part a little. To stroll around on the plains with Tidus underneath the starry sky, talking to one another about whatever we liked. To sit in our own private spot looking up at the constellations with our arms around each other, as the hours passed like shooting stars streaking across the stratosphere…
"But then again there's all those fiends going around," Tidus said, concerned about our safety. "And I really don't want to lose you again-"
"No, no! It's fine!" I protested quickly. Tidus looked confused and a little startled. I began to explain:
"See, earlier on I talked to someone at the Agency about how the Calm Lands are about their population of fiends. They said to me that during the night, the temperatures plummet. Most of the fiends in this area can't endure the freezing nights, so they retreat to somewhere else." I recited. I hoped that that would persuade Tidus.
"So…it's safe, mostly?" Tidus questioned, just to be safe. I gave a single nod of my head.
"Right. We're always fighting fiends anyway. And…I do want to go somewhere with you. The rooms can get a little stuffy at times." I said quietly.
"Won't everyone have a panic attack if they wake up and realise we're gone?" Tidus half-joked, trying to suppress a smirk.
"I don't think I would care as long as I'm by your side, to be honest!" I laughed joyfully. When I was so nervous around him just several minutes earlier, I was now being so open with him. So honest. It was incredibly weird how that worked, but I was delighted by it all the same.
"Haha! Well then," Tidus chuckled. He gently took my hand on the fencepost and carassed it with it his. I felt butterflies spill into my gut as he gave my hand a light squeeze. "Shall we?" Tidus challenged, his legs ready to hike around to the open grass of the Calm Lands.
"Of course!" I accepted, bearing a smile as my heart began to swell.
We came out from behind the Agency, silently crossing over the border of the fence. We were out on the vast plains of the Calm Lands, walking alongside each other, hand in hand, conjuring up quiet conversations. The frigid winds skimmed past us as the milky stars lit up the royal blue sky. We disappeared into the nightfall, us being our only company.
"Hey."
"Hm? What 's up?"
"Can you…tell me more about Zanarkand now?"
A long time had passed since we had snuck out away from our group. My legs and feet were numb and blazing with irritation. We had treaded far across the Calm Lands. It was a miracle that we hadn't come face to face with any fiends that could withstand the cold yet. We had talked and laughed about the time we first met, to our little episode up on the Luca balconies, about the pilgrimage, Rikku's astraphobia, our likes, our wants, our favourite smells, everything. I wanted to get to know him more, and to hear his side of the pilgrimage thus far. We had spotted a little cliff that overlooked the vast majority of the Calm Lands. We sat down upon it, my head resting upon his shoulder with our arm around each other's waists. We were facing towards the west, where we could see the stars more clearly. We could barely make out the lights that were perched up around the Travel Agency, which was a good thing in case we got lost.
"Sure thing," Tidus agreed. He shifted himself slightly, lifting my head off of him as his arm rose to my shoulder. "If you're okay with it, that is."
I knew what he was worried about. It was last night, when my emotions broke out of the floodgates. Although the night was sweet and one of intrigue and comfort, it smacked me in the throat with the bitter reality of my predetermined fate. It was the night when I identified my true feelings for Tidus, and the crushing blow to my senses as I realised that I would never get to see his homeland with my own eyes. He thought that the mention of Zanarkand would, instead of making me curious in a good way, would only make me break down again.
"No, it's fine," I whispered. "Even though I most likely won't see it now…I still want to know more about it. I don't know why, but it makes me happy to learn more about your Zanarkand. I guess it's just because it sounds like a wonderful place, and that you're from it, of all people."
"Yuna…" Tidus breathed, his head hung a little. 'Good going Yuna, you made him sad!' I scolded myself.
"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-!" I was interrupted by him as he put a finger to my lips. He was looking at me with a bittersweet expression on his face.
"It's okay. I'm getting used to it," Tidus reassured me, lowering his finger. He was silent for a few moments, the only sounds being the chirp of the crickets and the breeze of the wind. His face relaxed and returned to his normal self as he looked up to the stars. "So, what do you want to learn about?"
I was relieved that he wasn't looking sorrowful anymore. Jumping to his question, I pondered for a second, resting my hand on his knee. What did I want to learn about? There're so many topics to choose from: The weather, the advanced machina, the history of the city…
"What about…the language? If there's something to tell about it, that is." I chose. I didn't know exactly why I went for that. It was probably because I was thinking back to Rikku and her little outburst from earlier.
As I looked at Tidus I had seen his face contort into a look of intrigue and realisation. He was looking downwards at the ground below our level. Maybe there was something about the language in Zanarkand. I wanted to know, so I quietly called his name.
"Well," Tidus' voice rose, as he cast his face towards mine again. "I guess I should thank you for reminding me of that. That's actually a big thing." Tidus revealed, his eyes shining. It was amazing how bright his eyes were, even during the night. It was like they could actually glow in the dark.
"You see, we actually used to have our own language. I wasn't around during that time obviously, but I do know about it somewhat," Tidus started. I noticed that his hand was resting on top of mine after he had silenced me. He wasn't wearing his gloves for some reason. His hand was incredibly tanned like the rest of him, and it was still very warm even in the freezing climate. I blinked once, straightening my view again. I couldn't let myself be distracted as he was telling me more about my biggest dreams, as hard as it may be.
"Like the Al-Bhed, we had our own exclusive language. It was called…Okinawan, I think? It's a little similar to Japanese, but this language was way older," Tidus clarified, still gazing at the stars. "It died out a long, long time ago, and was replaced with the universal Spiran language."
I remembered hearing about the Okinawan language one time. It was a tropical language that had an accent similar to the Besaidian one. I never actually knew any Okinawan words though. It was interesting though, I wanted to let him know.
"I think I might've heard about that before," I assumed. "Hey Tidus, do you know any words in that language?"
Tidus paused for a second, trying to figure out what to say.
"Not…really," Tidus slowly concluded. "Like I said, the language died out. But sometimes I did hear a few words slip by every so often, so then again it might still be around in other parts of Zanarkand."
"I see," I said. I was about to ask about a different topic regarding Zanarkand, when-
"But actually, I do know two words that come to mind now that I think about it," Tidus suddenly acknowledged, a smile appearing on his face. I prepared myself to listen to him, eager to know about those two little words.
"The first word actually has to do with my name," Tidus said, noting the interest on my face as he said those words.
"Go on…" I provoked.
"My name isn't exactly a real Okinawan word, but it's based on one," Tidus uttered. "It comes from the word 'Tiida', which means 'sun'. Cool, huh?"
A look of wonder crossed my face. His name actually meant 'sun'? As I looked at him, I realised how fitting that was. From his light clothes to his cheerful attitude and his tropic skin to his bright smile. It's like he was a human incarnation of the sun itself.
"The other word," Tidus trailed off. I could see the slightest patch of red upon his face. "It's…actually your name, Yuna."
My eyes widened. My name? It actually has a meaning in Okinawan? I found myself inching closer to him, wanting to find out what it meant. Tidus felt my movement and looked at me.
"It actually means 'moon'. Tiida and Yuna: Sun and Moon." Tidus chuckled, still gazing at me.
My heart was beginning to quicken again. Our names literally came together. I, the moon, was sitting on a ledge with Tidus, the sun, as we gazed at the stars and the planets as we spoke to one another of a different place; possibly a different world. I didn't want to think that that was just a coincidence.
"Wow," I commented exasperatedly. "So it's like our names…are connected in a way. Like these events brought us together. That we were…" I trailed off, dreamily.
"Meant to be together," Tidus finished for me, equally as amazed.
As our gazes lingered on each other, I felt a sort of heat rising from my stomach that spread across my whole body. This heat was making me feel dizzy and was tempting me, driving me to get closer to him. We were now opposite one another. I felt his arms wrap around my waist again as his look softened, pulling me closer to him. I couldn't resist any longer. I looped my arms around his neck as I buried my face into his fleecy white jacket, the fuzzy material tickling my nose as my grin grew wider and my eyes fluttered shut. Tidus circled his arms around the small of my backside, much like how he did in Macalania. He rested his chin on top of my head as we just stayed there in that position with the nocturnal sounds surrounding us, never wanting this moment to end.
After what seemed like forever and beyond, Tidus lifted his head off mine as I pulled back, my arms still around his neck. We eyed each other and he spoke up, still holding me.
"You know, last night, when we were at Macalania, that was…" Tidus faltered, still holding that little smile.
"I know," I replied. "That was amazing. I…I never experienced something like that."
"I really didn't know what to think," Tidus said. "I just did it out of emotion! It was fantastic, yet at the same time I felt a little guilty, just kissing you like that when you were crying."
"Well, it was true that I wasn't expecting that at all," I agreed, blushing a little. "But at the same time, it just felt so right. I was a little surprised by it, but delighted all the same."
Tidus breathed a light chuckle, stroking my back which made the corners of my mouth lift. For some reason, talking about Macalania and the event that had transcended there was making something inside of me strengthen, like we had confirmed to each other that we had both been uplifted by that night. Or maybe it was because I was talking this through with Tidus, the man I had shared that precious memory with.
A sweet, warm feeling crossed my gut at that moment. I was now looking back on tonight, how we had talked and laughed to each other for potentially hours upon hours, the blades of grass sweeping across our feet. How we were now perched on top of a little cliff as we continued our rambles. We could literally talk about anything to each other and Tidus could always make it sound interesting and open. He was so carefree and joyful, even if we were now facing our hardest times. He could always make me laugh with his descriptions of things, even if we were trying to figure out what the constellations looked like.
It was then I realised what that strength I felt could've been. The more I got to know about him, the more I stared at him, the more I realised how I had been truly smiling all the time just by spending time with him, it felt like I was spiralling down into something. Now that we had discussed our moment, and even learned how our names, our beings, fitted together, the feeling hardened and expanded, like it was being set into something.
I think that feeling may have been the realisation of how much I truly loved him.
"Yuna?" Tidus whispered, his face one of concern and worry. "Are you okay? You look like you're in thought."
"It's nothing Tidus," I whispered back, still in a daze from my musings. I leaned against his torso again, wanting nothing more than to be near him. "Just…nothing." We fell into another embrace.
I giggled inwardly. I wondered what the other guardians would think if they saw us in our current position. I wondered if they even knew that we were missing. Lulu would almost certainly fall down in shock and fury. Wakka probably wouldn't be too happy with us either. Thinking about him made me think back to the commotion earlier with Rikku and Auron in which he walked in on. They were almost certainly having an argument, but what was it about again? I could hardly remember by now, since I had been distracted for most of it. I tried to remember what they were talking about.
I could vaguely recall Rikku's upheaval towards Auron; how she had been worried about me. What was she worried about again? I tried to dust off the memory. It was lucky for me since she had quite a different voice from the rest of us. It was all coming back to me now; how she was concerned for me, how she had been annoyed with Auron, how she knew that I nearly gave up my-
Pilgrimage.
I had completely forgotten about why I was even in the Calm Lands to begin with. I had decided to continue my pilgrimage. The same crashing feeling from last night invaded me, only this time it was stronger. All of the thoughts from the beginning of the night came back. I was still a traitor, I was still on the road, I was still going to sacrifice myself, and I was still going to be ripped from Tidus' presence when this was all over.
Why? Why did all of this have to happen? Why couldn't I save the world and still live to see it? Why can't we just defeat Sin with our own hands and watch as it descends into the depths? Why does somebody always have to die in the end, whether it be one summoner or hundreds of innocents? Why…can't Sin just disappear forever, while the whole world cheers and laughs and lives without fear?
"Why…?" I coughed, my body tensing up. Tidus must have heard me, because he pulled back as I did so.
"Yuna? What's-" He froze as he looked upon my face. There I was, just like how I was in Macalania; my head drooped as tears brimmed at the corner of my eyes, while my arms fell and my legs trembled as my sobs began to grow.
"Tidus," I choked out, voicing my feelings. "Tonight, and the night before, they were…wonderful. The best nights of my life, even. You've…you've made me so happy. You were the one who truly made me smile in a long time. I…I wouldn't know what to do without you, as selfish as that might sound. But…" I looked at him with damp eyes.
Tidus was still silent. He looked grim and his expressive eyes knew what I was talking about. I sobbed as I hung my head again. I couldn't bear to look at his pain.
"But after all we've went through," I croaked, the pressure in my eyes was beginning to grow. "I still have to continue. The other summoners…the pain have finally consumed them both. I'm the only one left now. I still have to obtain the Final Aeon at the end of all of this. Spira will be doomed if I don't…I don't…"
I tilted my head slightly. I could see Tidus' Zanarkand Abes chain hanging out in front of his jacket. More teasing thoughts flooded my mind as tears were toppling on the corners of my eyes. I could feel him tighten his hold on my waist, still silent.
"I'm going to miss everybody. Wakka, Rikku, Lulu, Kimahri, Sir Auron…they're all family to me. Cid and Brother, though I've never met them, they've tried so hard to save me. They didn't want me to go through with it. All of these wonderful people, who've stuck with me ever since my parents died…I can't bear to leave them. I really can't."
I looked up at him again. I tried to pull off a smile for him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I absentmindedly traced his jacket with my fingertips. I braced myself for what I had to say next, trying not to burst.
"And then…there's you," I whispered. I could see Tidus smiling sadly at me. "Tidus, even though we've met just a few months ago, I've found myself trusting you the most. You're…the most incredible person I've ever met. What happened last night and this night was pure bliss. I've…I've always been interested in knowing you more ever since we first met. You were so different from all the others, like a breath of fresh air. And now…when I think about my pilgrimage and the event that is to come…I'm so scared, Tidus. I don't want to say goodbye to my family and friends. I don't want to say goodbye to you."
The tears were starting to stream down my face. My eyesight blurred as I wrapped my arms around his backside and I pressed my face into his chest. I trembled and shook as my cries and sobs grew.
"I don't want to die," I whimpered. "I don't want to! I want to live!"
I was letting it all out now. My tears were staining the fleece on Tidus' jacket. My hands gripped his backside, wanting to pull him towards me. I felt his arms gently wrap around my head and waist as he pressed his head to my forehead.
"Yuna," He muttered as I kept weeping. He was stroking my hair as he nuzzled his face into the top of my head. "It's okay. Don't cry."
I tried to calm myself, but the sour feelings kept surging through me, attacking me. My strength was being sapped out of me. Still, Tidus held me closer to him, trying to soothe me. He was so incredibly warm. Like he was protecting me from the stinging cold winds. It calmed me down a little, but it wasn't enough to make me stop crying altogether.
"Shhhh…" He cooed. I was still crying silently into him. After a few moments, I worked up some of my strength to be able to glance up at him. He had this sort of…caring expression on his face as he looked down at me. He began to speak.
"Yuna," Tidus began, wiping away the tears from my cheeks. "When I found out the truth about the Final Aeon, I was so mad at everybody. I was mad that they didn't tell me sooner. And most of all, I was mad that they let you go through with it. I broke down that day in the Summoners' Sanctum when Rikku spilled the beans. I felt so stupid. I should've picked it up by the signs earlier in the journey. At Kilika, the Moonflow, going to Macalania Temple…"
I was about to say something, or rather make a sound due to my state. But he continued, still staring at me.
"Well anyways, I digress," Tidus piped, placing his hand on my shoulder. "After we escaped from Home, I swore to Cid, up and down, that I would do everything I could to find a second way. A way in which you didn't have to die. And if I failed, I would allow him to beat the crap out of me for letting him down and all of the other guardians as well."
I was a little surprised by his apparent determination, which distracted me from my collapse. "You actually persuaded him to do that?"
"Yeah," He confirmed seriously. "And I'm still gonna stand by that."
I laughed a little at his aggressiveness, as did Tidus. He returned to his soft expression once again.
"So you see, Yuna," Tidus whispered. "I'm doing everything that I can in order for you to live. I'm not gonna give up just because everybody else says that this is the only way. I think that there's an alternative. So until the very end, I'm not gonna stop looking around every corner to even find a trace of a second way. Rikku's not giving up either. We both care so much about you. Even the others care about you."
I gazed at him with a loving sparkle in my eyes. It made my heart melt just how much he wanted me to be alive. "Tidus, I…I don't know what to say. You…you're," My breath caught in my throat.
"I know Yuna," Tidus smiled. He stroked my backside again. "So no more tears, okay? You'll have plenty of time for that when you live at the end of all of this, and this time they'll be tears of joy. You are not gonna die! I don't care if Yevon tries to kill us, that Seymour freak's stupid blue head will roll if he lays another fingernail on you!"
I chuckled heartedly once again. I could feel that same strength from before in my insides again. I just wanted to get a little closer to him…
"And finally," Tidus said, stroking my cheek which sent electric tingles through my skin. "We promised that we'd be together, always. I intend to keep that promise. You don't deserve to go through all of this. When this is all over, you're gonna be here by my side. End of."
I smiled sweetly, remembering his words at Macalania, just before we walked back to the campsite. I suddenly didn't feel so scared anymore. He always managed to make me feel safe. And I believed him. I believed that maybe there was another way. A way in which I didn't have to say goodbye to everybody. That I could live to see my Calm and homecoming party, with everybody right beside me. It was a small flame of hope…but despite its size, it was the brightest flame I think could ever exist. Maybe…just maybe…Sin could be banished forever, now that the Teachings have been cast aside for us. If there is another way, maybe that way could be the one that could bring peace to Spira again.
"I'm sorry," I said with a meek tone. "All I've been doing is cry and worry lately."
"You've no reason to be sorry," Tidus pulled me a little closer to him. I wasn't complaining, I wanted to get nearer to him anyway.
"Tidus, you've made me realise something," I voiced, mounting my arms on his shoulders. My long pink-tinged sleeves fell around him, lightly touching the ground. "About you. I've…never realised how much you cared about me. Even before we first met, you broke the temple rules just to see if I was okay. That told a lot about your character to me. But now, it's…endearing how you're going through all of this just for me. For that, I'm so grateful."
Tidus looked a little red in the face. "Well, I didn't really know what to do. I just heard that you might've been in trouble. My first thought was to just run in there and see if you were okay. It was a little embarrassing once I knew what I did. No wonder everybody hated me later on." He laughed.
I shook my head with a smile. "I wouldn't have it any other way, even if it did make everybody angry."
"And you know, what you said about there being another way…I believe that too," I murmured. "If the Teachings were lies, maybe what they said about the Final Summoning being the only way to defeat Sin is a lie too. Just because we've been following the same route, doesn't mean that another route doesn't exist, you know? So…I'm going to try and find another way too. It's the only way that I can repay you for your determination. I hope that what you and Rikku believe is true, because I don't want to die…I want to go back home."
Tidus leaned closer to my face, until the tips of our noses were nearly touching. His light breath on my face was making me lightheaded.
"And I'm gonna go back home with you." Tidus replied with a passionate look.
I was a little confused. Wasn't Tidus' home in his Zanarkand? Noticing my look, he added on:
"I've realised something too," He said. "My home isn't in Zanarkand anymore. Home's where the heart is. My heart belongs to you, Yuna. I'll go wherever you go. Not just as a guardian, but as a person. I'm not trying to be cheesy, but that's really how I feel!"
This was all too much; my will to resist him was slowly ebbing away now. I was grinning so much, my cheeks were sore. "So…you'll really stay with me, even after all of this?"
"Yeah. Now and always, Yuna."
"Always then, Tidus."
The air around us had mysteriously grown warm and romantic. Our eyes were fixed on each other as we held each other closely. My heart was pounding against my ribs as I blushed under his intense scrutiny. Our loving gazes, our mingling breaths, our tight grasps, I couldn't take the waiting anymore, I was hungry for him. I slowly dipped my head against him as my eyes closed, and I found his soft lips responding to mine.
My hands weaved through his hair as his arms pulled me right up against his body. I could swear that I could hear a melodious ballad playing somewhere in the distance. We slowly swayed back and forth on our knees, losing all sense of time and direction. The crickets stopped chirping, the frigid temperatures were non-existent, everything felt dizzy, yet ecstatic. The only sounds being our soft sighs and our embraces against our clothes.
I pulled back reluctantly, needing to catch my breath. Tidus looked at me with a look of pure joy in those gorgeous lapis eyes. I peered back at him with the same look, both trying to catch our breath.
"Wow," I gasped, my fingers resting on his front. "That was almost as amazing as…"
"Last night." Tidus finished. He was circling my shoulder blades with his palms. He inhaled sharply through his teeth.
After a few minutes of almost-silence, I let my fingers fall off of him. I was feeling droopy and exhausted. I let out a yawn as I fell against him again.
"You sleepy?" Tidus questioned as he squeezed his arms against my backside again.
I hummed in response, letting my eyes fall shut. Suddenly I felt myself being lifted up into the air.
"Let's go back then," Tidus decided, standing up. He was carrying me in his arms! "Wouldn't want you to freeze out here."
He made his down off of the cliff and hopped onto the flat earth. Eyeing the dimly lit exterior of the Travel Agency he strolled steadily across the plains, avoiding the fissures and the creases from Sin's previous invasion in this area. I rested my cheek against his torso as I was slowly drifting into slumber.
"You know," Tidus whispered, a smile on his features. "That day in Bevelle, when you went to the Chamber of the Fayth, I carried you out of there just like this."
"Really?" I said drowsily. "I thought Kimahri did that."
"Well when he saw me do that, I thought he was gonna maim me." Tidus laughed. I smiled as I pressed my head against him again.
'Thank you.' I mouthed, looking up at him.
'No problem.' He mouthed back, kissing my forehead.
A small barrier of light lit up my eyesight. We were in front of the Travel Agency, just beside the entrance flap. Tidus set me down in front of it, still holding me by the shoulders.
"Get some sleep, okay? We're still staying in this place for a few days." Tidus said.
"Don't worry, I will this time." I giggled, my eyes sparkling. But oh, how I thanked the Farplane for keeping me awake.
We went into the tent that was the Agency as the warm air swamped us. We snuck quietly out of the reception room and into the middle of the corridor. We stopped just outside my room. We embraced one last time before it was time for us to finally go to our rooms. However, I was feeling a little brave, something I did not feel often.
"Hey, umm…" I hitched. Tidus pulled back to look at me.
"What is it?" Tidus asked. He must have noticed my sheepish look, because he raised an eyebrow at me.
"I was wondering if," I paused for a bit. I had to pull myself together! It's only a small favour…yet, it might be a little much for a summoner. "Well…I want to do this every night with you, f-from now on."
Tidus looked a little surprised. "You mean, sneak off from this place and talk to each other all night?" He cocked his head to the side a little, a habit of his when he was confused. I always found that cute about him, just how he would react to things in general.
"Y-yes, I mean, we've only a little way to go, and we don't spend much time together. I just…" I stammered, my cheeks turning a bit red. "If you don't want to, that's fine! I just…would lo-err, like to do this with you from now on."
Tidus beamed, stroking my cheek again. "Of course I will, Yuna! I was just a little thrown off by your straightforwardness."
Tidus pulled back, reluctantly letting go of me, as did I. In a way, Tidus was right. I did notice that I have become more assertive lately. I wonder if that was because of his influence. He chuckled a little as he walked back to his room. Opening the door and partly stepping into it, he spoke.
"You've changed a little, you know?" Tidus smiled, looking at me with a hand on the doorframe. "You're more open about stuff. Less shy. I like it."
Heat spread through my body. Knowing that Tidus approved of my change made me delighted, and a little proud. I clutched the handle of my door, ready to open it.
"Well, goodnight Yuna." Tidus said his last words of the night.
"Goodnight, Tidus." I murmured.
He stepped through the doorframe completely and shut the door. I pushed down on the handle of my door and entered my room. I strode over to my still crumpled duvet and sat down on it, removing my boots. I then lifted myself up and gently lowered myself under the covers. I lay on my side with my right hand lying in front of my face, and my legs curled. I sighed happily.
No matter how much I thought of the pilgrimage ahead of us, no stream of bad thoughts seemed to plague my mind now. I was completely at peace. Tidus had managed to erase those fears. I once again looked back on tonight for the umpteenth time; our company, our embraces, our kiss…it was such a perfect night. It only made me gleeful to know that there was more times like this to come.
For once, it didn't matter to me that we were basically on the run from the rest of the world. It also didn't matter to me that my end might be coming near. For Tidus had assured me, promised me, that I wouldn't have to die. I, and everybody else, would defeat Sin, and I would live to tell the tale. With this, I pondered more. Is it possible…that I could defeat Sin forever this time forever? If there was a way I could live, there certainly could be a possibility that there is a hidden secret inside Sin. Maybe, just a little more, and I could unravel that secret. I could kill Sin off completely.
And then there would be no more tears, no more bloodshed, and no more destruction. Me, Tidus and my friends and family, we would all live our lives in juvenile solace. I could look up to the sky and, instead of seeing burnt houses and flying fiends, we would see the sun, beating down on us. Only my sun wouldn't be the huge ball of gas in space, he would be the optimistic man, with his golden hair, deep blue eyes and his handsome features looking down on me as we played around in the sand, laughing until the sky darkened and the stars began to shine.
I yawned as my eyesight began to go out of focus. My eyelids fluttered shut as every little sound began to dull and eventually disappear, as I entered into my bubble of sweet dreams. Imagining Tidus holding me as we sat under a palm tree, looking out to the seas of Besaid.
I decided at that moment. I will defeat Sin, and I will live to see my eighteenth birthday. It didn't matter if everybody else said I had to die, I believe that we will kill Sin with our own hands. It was unfathomably dangerous, but it was something.
I will stay alive after all of this. I'll still be in the picture, with Wakka and his blitzball buddies, Lulu and her voodoo dolls, Kimahri and his Ronso smile, Rikku and her fear of lightning…everybody will be there. We will be the ones who broke the Teachings, but still continued onwards to save the world. And finally, when all is said and done, when the celebrations have ceased and the festivals have faded…
Maybe Tidus will show me Zanarkand after all.
And the wind will catch our new and simple clothes, the gulls squawking above us as I look into the deep ocean blue of his eyes.
When I am down, and oh, my heart so weary,
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be.
Then I am still, and wait here, in the silence,
Until you come, and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains,
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders,
You raise me up, to more than I can be.
