Author's Note: The characters and cannon of Tenchi Muyo belong to Masaki Kajishima. I claim no ownership to the creation or development of their signature mannerisms. Please don't sue me.
To Tenchi Fans: While the girls don't play much of a role in this first chapter, they do play an indispensable part to the rest of the chapters, so please don't be discouraged.
Continuity: The story doesn't take place in any particular Tenchi cannon, but mostly takes its cues from the original Tenchi Muyo OVA (first two series), with a little Tenchi Universe sprinkled in. The only major deviations from the original OVA series are: Kiyone is in it (seriously, FUCK Noike), Tenchi's father and grandmother were humans and Ryoko's backstory has slightly changed. She's was still created by Washu and used as a marionette by Kagato, but became sentient after the attack on Jurai and worked as a freelance space pirate (like in Universe) before she was sealed up on Earth by Yosho. This may appear to host a series of plot holes, but if you really think it about it, the OVA (at least the third series) doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense either. Yosho, Nobuyuki and Achika (Kiyone) are supposedly hundreds of years old and have been living on Earth the whole time, yet they only managed to have the two children/grandchildren, despite Nobuyuki's more-than-apparent sexual prowess.
My continuity states that after the attack on Jurai, Yosho spent those hundreds of years hunting Ryoko before eventually catching her and sealing her on Earth (I don't really explain this in the story because its hard to do so in casual conversation); not by accident, but in order to keep a vigilant eye on the threat stated in the summary.
To Japanese Interest Groups: I am completely aware of my cultural ignorance when it comes to modern Japanese society, so I have conceived this story as a sort of anime satire through the eyes of a westerner.
Chapter One: Liberation
This is our man, Keisuke Aomori. A short, chubby, eighteen year-old, overly abounded with body hair. His face holds a rather grim and angry expression, complimented by a callous unshaved face, large sideburns, and thick, but short unkempt brown hair. He is about to graduate high school with a C average.
Attending this graduation are his father; Hiro Aomori, the chief executive officer and owner of 'Aomori Enterprises', a large, very prominent exporter of Japanese goods. Mr. Aomori's company currently has a net worth of over six-billion yen. Also attending are his mother; Chizu Aomori, currently a journalist and part time actress, his sister Kai Aomori, the prodigal, straight A honor student of the two siblings; she is currently attending her second year at Fujiyo University. And then there are his grandparents; Jiro and Hisano Aomori. Jiro was the founder and owner of 'Aomori Enterprises' until he passed down full ownership to his son two years prior. His wife has been a homemaker all of her life and has recently developed a gambling problem.
The seniors stood outside of the school gym waiting for the Pomp and Circumstance music to cue them for their entrance into the ceremony. The boys and girls each stood side by side in boy/girl, boy/girl fashion. Standing next to Keisuke was Maiya Chiba. Much like Keisuke's sister, she is a straight A honor student and the senior class valedictorian, as you could tell from the gold sash she wears over her graduation gown. She holds a thin and slender physique, her hair is long and brown, complemented by green eyes which are covered by large thin rimmed glasses. She does not like Keisuke.
Keisuke stood next to her with a devious grin upon his face, "So… sure are a lot of people in there, let's hope Miss Perfect doesn't choke during her speech."
Maiya gave a sarcastic chuckle in response, "The only thing I'm worried about is whether or not the stage is gonna collapse because of your fat-ass."
Keisuke struggled to come up with a suitable comeback, "Oh yeah… well… I just hope that the audience doesn't run out of the room because of your ugly face…"
Maiya kept herself cool and was confident that Keisuke would fail to come up with a competent retort to any of her insults, "Wow… that struck a nerve, did the fifth graders help you come up with that one?"
"Burn in hell, bitch!" Keisuke grunted.
Pomp and Circumstance started up, Mr. Hairo, the ceremony's coordinator came up to the students, noticeably intrepid, "Okay, everybody… now remember, graduation is not for you, it's not for the school; it's for your mother, your father, and your grandparents. For the past four years, you students have collectively established yourselves as a kind, caring, and hardworking community… a family, if you will. So theoretically, every audience member out there is your family, don't embarrass yourselves and you won't embarrass your family."
The school Principal entered the room, the students all bowed in respect. He walked over to Hairo, the two gave each other respective bows. "Let's go." The Principal said, as he took to the front of the line and lead the students into the auditorium.
The auditorium was full of student family members, standing in respect of the graduates. Keisuke and Maiya continued their relentless game of trying to psyche each other out through name-calling and faces made at one another, even after being in full view of the graduation audience. Keisuke's family, being very wealthy and prominently giving donations to the school, had seats reserved in the front row. His mother, Chizu, was seen tearing up at the event, "I can't believe my baby is actually graduating from school… they grow up so fast."
His sister, Kai, stood next to her mother with a doubting look upon her brow, "I can't believe it either, wonder how much he paid the teachers to pass him."
His Grandfather, Jiro, stood next to Kai, eyeing the graduates and examining the auditorium, "Seems like yesterday I was graduating from here, yup, this place hasn't changed a bit. Look, that's the exit where the bus was waiting to deploy the boys off to Iwo Jima. Ah, the memories. Say, I saw a few buses waiting outside, looks like our boy's gonna grow up to be a military man just like his ol' Grandad!"
"That's the bus taking the kids to Tokyo Disney, dear." said Hisano.
"Tokyo Disney? Ah, after all the money I donated to this school!" Jiro replied, enraged.
The graduates and the audience took their seats, the school Principal took the stand, preparing to give his speech to everybody. Meanwhile, Keisuke and Maiya were seated next to each other in the middle row, at the very end of the left side of the stacked bleachers. They continued their bickering under concealment of the Principal's speech. "I think I saw some notes drop out of your pocket on the march over here, Maiya, better hope it wasn't anything important for your speech." Keisuke whispered.
"I think I saw a cheeseburger fall out of your pocket, Keisuke, hope you don't get hungry mid-ceremony." Maiya replied, gracefully.
Keisuke, enraged, reached behind Maiya and pulled her hair. She let out a small shriek, then retorted by giving him a dead leg with her fist. "Ouch! You bitch!" Keisuke whispered, then gave her an Indian burn. The two continued to take physical shots at each other, seemingly unnoticed by the Principal or the audience.
Hairo, who was standing at the side of the bleachers noticed, though, and quickly acted to stop the ruckus, "Hey!" He yelled in a whispering tone, then drug his finger across his throat making a "death" signal. The two ceased their squabble immediately.
Keisuke and Maiya sat there pouting, unable to attack either of their opponents. Keisuke suddenly formed a devious grin upon his face as he looked at Maiya.
The Principal finished up his speech, "Now, in a few moments, we will have a word from one of our finest students; class valedictorian, Maiya Chiba!" The audience clapped in approval.
While this was going on, Keisuke reached into his graduation gown sleeve and pulled out a concealed Zippo lighter. He reached behind Maiya with it, and sparked it on her tassel, successfully lighting it ablaze before she got up to take the podium and recite her speech. As she walked down the steps of the bleachers, Hairo noticed the tassel aflame, shortening as it burned its way up to her hat. He was stricken with shock but unable to move, trying not to panic. As she continued to walk down to the podium, the students and members of the audience in the front row gasped as they noticed the flaming tassel, which soon became the flaming hat.
Maiya, proud of her honor, gracefully pushed forth and made it the podium to make her speech, she still hadn't noticed the problem at hand. She stood at the podium and began her speech, "Students and faculty…"
The audience began to erupt with chatter, Maiya was about ten seconds into her speech before she noticed the audience in distress and stopped, looking on in confusion. At this point, the smoke became visible to her eyes, the smell of the burning threads became noticeable to her nose, and finally, she felt a burning sensation atop her scalp. She looked up and knew right away the fire was coming from her, she screamed, then promptly removed the burning hat from her head and threw it onto the floor. The audience's chatter grew in volume, and Maiya, still in shock and embarrassment looked around the room. Her attention turned back to her section of the bleachers where Keisuke, along with some other boys sitting with him were bursting out with laughter. She began to see red, her eyes caught with Keisuke. She stood there for a few seconds, panting, sweating, and steaming with fury. She gave a swift, loud battle cry as she rushed the stands and jumped over the first three rows of graduates. Her hands locked on Keisuke's jugular, as she strangled him with powerful force, with the other students quickly dispersing away from the scene. Soon, all that was left on the stands were the sight of Maiya, strangling Keisuke, yelling furiously, "You!"
The school faculty quickly rushed to the scene to try and get Maiya off of Keisuke. It took twelve teachers and nine security guards to separate them. The audience stood, trying to get a better look at the spectacle. Keisuke's family remained sitting in their front seats, noticeably embarrassed, using their hands to shield the site of their faces from everyone else in the building.
Meanwhile…
Now we have our other man: Tenchi Masaki. You're probably already familiar with who he is, I mean, why would you be reading this otherwise? Just in case you're not, I'll give you a brief summary of who he is: Tenchi Masaki is basically the crowed prince of a powerful alien empire known as Jurai. He was born and raised on Earth, where he still decisively resides in the small village of Okayama. He lives in a shrine with his father Nobuyuki, grandfather Katsuhito aka Yosho (where he gets his Juraian ancestry from), and six lovely ladies who are all persistent in wanting to jump his bone. In recent days, his household has been thrust into turmoil (more than usual) over a recent problem that has come into prominence…
"College!" all the girls repeated in distress as Tenchi tried calmly to explain the situation to them kitchen.
"I'm afraid so, girls. Now, let's all be rational about this, Tenchi has worked very hard in school and it's a great honor that he be accepted into one of Japan's finest universities. Besides, we all knew this day would come, Tenchi's a man now, it's time he leave the nest and head for the bigger and better things." Nobuyuki explained to the girls in a calm and collective manner.
Ryoko, always being the least rational of the bunch, promptly grabbed Nobuyuki by his shirt collar, "What do you mean, better, old man! Are you saying none of us are good enough for Tenchi!" She screamed in his face.
Tenchi, trying to alleviate the situation put his voice of reason into the mix, "C'mon Ryoko, don't be ridiculous, you know I love all of you, but this is something I have to do. It's not like I'm gonna be gone for good, I'll come back and visit as much as possible, it's not like I can forget about you."
Ryoko dropped Nobuyuki from his shirt collar onto the floor, and rushed over to Tenchi, grasping onto him like a child to her mother, "But Teeenchiiiii!" With his space invaded, and air growing short due to Ryoko tightly hugging herself to him.
Tenchi became very nervous, as he usually does, "Ry-Ryoko, p-please."
As in normal household crisis fashion, Ayeka stepped up to the plate to get Ryoko under control. She pulled Ryoko off of Tenchi and took her to the side, "Ryoko, have some dignity. Now we can't expect to force Tenchi to stay by begging him like a bunch of harpies." With her and Ryoko off to the side, Ayeka stealthily took a butcher knife from a drawer and handed it to Ryoko, "Slash his tires." She whispered to Ryoko.
Ryoko nodded, and then hid the knife behind her back as she attempted to sneak to the back door unnoticed. As soon as she got there, Katsuhito opened the door behind her and grabbed the knife, "Hmm, what were you planning to do with this?"
Attention by everyone was drawn to Ryoko and the knife, everyone then looked back at Ayeka, who snickered nervously then quickly worked to pick herself back up, "Why Ryoko, I'm so disappointed in you!" Nobody believed her.
Katsuhito sighed, then took a seat in the kitchen. "Girls, I know you love Tenchi, none of us want to see him go, but you know what they say, if you love somebody, you let them go, if it was truly meant to be, they'll come back."
The girls stared at Katsuhito, blankly. His words clearly without merit in their eyes.
"Well, I think it's ridiculous, Tenchi's the Emperor of Jurai, what does he need an Earth education for?" Washu asked as she walked up to Tenchi, "Besides… If it's education Tenchi wants…" Washu, seemingly by magic, dawned a sexy Japanese school girl outfit and wrapped herself around Tenchi, "I am the greatest genius mind in the universe, I'll teach him everything he needs to know." She said in a sexy tone.
Ryoko and Ayeka became angry at Washu, pulling her off of him, "Hey! Get off of Tenchi, he's mine!" Said Ryoko.
"What do you mean yours, you skanky bitch!" Ayeka retorted. Soon, the three were grappled in a three-way rumble.
Tenchi took this time to make his escape, by slipping out of the kitchen and into his room. His room was covered in moving boxes, holding his clothes and other personal items. He continued to pack, trying to ignore the ruckus downstairs, sighing to himself. "I knew this was going to be nothing but trouble…" He finished packing and went to his laptop computer, still hooked up, he logged onto a messenger, where he began chatting with a contact he'd been getting to know for the past few weeks called Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend.
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: Everything go well?
Tenchi01: Just like I thought it would.
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: That bad, huh?
Tenchi01: Yeah, but I'm still going.
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: Don't be pussywhipped.
Tenchi01: lol
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: Two more weeks…
Tenchi01: Yup, you excited for college?
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: If by excited for college, you mean not being in high school anymore, then yes.
Tenchi01: lol. I'm sure it'll be fun.
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: Yeah, I just don't know why I'm going to college. I still don't know what I want to do with my life. But I suppose my parents are gonna make me anyway. Speaking of which, my parents said they wanted to talk to me; I'd better get down there. Later.
Tenchi01: Later.
Keisuke, sitting in his room, logged off messenger and leaned back in his chair, sighing. "Fuck college." He muttered to himself.
He got up and left his room, passing by a framed newspaper headline reading: Idiot Ruins Graduation Poster, complimented by a photo of him being strangled by Maiya.
Downstairs, Keisuke's parents and grandparents were talking. "Pfft, college, the boy needs to go a Chinese sweatshop to learn some respect, if you ask me." Jiro said spitefully. "If this were the army, he'd have his head cut off!"
"Now, Father, Keisuke may be trouble, but he's a good kid at heart. He just needs love." Chizu said.
"Love! You and your westerner friends have putting that nonsense in your head again? The boy's had nothing but love, it's time for some ass-kicking, I say! It's not like he was raised on the streets, he has no reason to be acting up like he does." Jiro replied.
"Hey, Pop, we've done our fair share of disciplining, the boy just doesn't feel like he belongs, that's why he acts up." Hiro said.
Jiro scoffed, "Discipline... Face it; you two have been babying that boy since he was a baby, now you're sending him off to some hoity-toity college where he's going to continue to be babied by a bunch intellectual snobs who also have been influenced by your western friends. I'm telling you, just one call to the General, and in two years the boy will be as respectful as a British houseguest."
"Well, those days of babying are over, I tell you." Hiro replied.
Keisuke came downstairs from his room. "Well, speak of the Devil, and I mean that literally." Jiro said.
"You guys wanted to see me?" Keisuke asked.
"Yes, son, have a seat." Keisuke took a seat at one of the many chairs. The family's butler, Hibiki, came in with some champagne and served it to the adults. "Will you be needing me anymore tonight, sir?" Hibiki asked.
"No, Hibiki, you can go now." Hiro replied.
"Thank you, sir." Hibiki bowed, then left the dining room.
Hiro turned his attention back to his son, "Now, Son, the reason why we asked you here, tonight, is to discuss some things, mainly your behavior."
"Hey, I told you, she started it!" Keisuke said, defensively.
"Yes, well, we've all been talking about your behavior, and I've decided that it's time to finally do something about it."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, for some reason, Hanayama University has accepted you into their alumni. It's a great honor and privilege, and we're all very proud of you for it, and you are going."
"I don't see why I have to go to college anyway, I don't know what I want to do with my life, besides work for the company. Besides, you didn't go to college, neither did Grandpa."
"Yes, but times are different, things in the economy are looking as well as they did back then. You never know when the company could go under and with a college education, if that time comes you'll have something under your belt to help you along. You can't just go on expecting a free-ride through life; you need options in this day and age. Besides, even though I didn't go, I wish I had, maybe you'll go there and decide you don't want to work for the company, maybe you'll find something else that strikes your fancy. Either way, college is a great opportunity to discipline you and help you become a responsible adult. I'd say you need that dearly."
"Well, I guess if there's nothing I can do about it."
"Glad you understand son… oh yeah, and we're cutting you off."
Keisuke gave his father a confused look. "Huh?"
"No more free rides, you need to learn what it means to be an upstanding citizen in the real world."
"Yeah… but… uh… what the hell am I supposed to do?"
"We have a fund for your tuition, books, and to get yourself started with housing. But everything else... well, it's all you, son."
"Y-you mean… a job? Me?" Keisuke cried.
"That's right."
Keisuke ran to his father and grabbled at his dad's feet, "No, Dad! Not that! Anything but that!"
Keisuke was shown out the door by Hibiki who handed him a small duffle bag and a train ticket, "Just call us when you want us to ship more of your stuff. Good luck, Master Keisuke." He said as he shut the door in Keisuke's face.
Now, out on the street, Keisuke kicked the door in anger, "Son of a bitch!"
He stood at the door for a few seconds before lighting up a cigarette and making his way to the family's chauffeur who drove him to the train station.
While sitting in the back of the car, Keisuke tapped on the driver's shoulder, "Hey, I'll give you a hundred-thousand yen if I miss my train."
The driver promptly replied in a humored tone, "Sorry, Sir, but Master Hiro already gave me two-hundred thousand to not take any bribes from you."
Keisuke shot back into his seat, crossed his arms, and continued to pout.
Keisuke made his train and was on his way to the university. He sat looking miserably in his seat, he then reached into his pocket and grabbed his cell phone, which he used to mobile chat with Tenchi.
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: Well, I guess I'm going.
Tenchi01: So, your parents made you do it?
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: Yup, and they cut me off too, so now I have to get a job. Never had one before.
Tenchi01: Wow, sorry to hear that. Oh well, at least you won't be alone, looking forward to meeting you.
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: So, you think you'll be able to get out of there smoothly?
Tenchi01: Probably not, I'm leaving in the middle of the night to avoid any further drama.
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: Well, I guess the next time we talk, it'll be in person. Later.
Tenchi01: Later.
Tenchi was dressed for his journey to college. He only had a couple of bags which he had hanging over his shoulders. He packed up his laptop and headed for the door. He took only two steps out before tripping and falling, all his bags landing on him.
"What the!" He looked to see Ryoko and Ayeka asleep on the floor right next to his door. They both woke up and immediately began the drama again.
"Tenchi! Please don't go!" They both cried, still sleepy as they each grabbed onto him.
Tenchi struggled back onto his feet, trying to detach the girls from his body. "C'mon Ryoko, Ayeka, I'm going... and…that's…final!"
Katsuhito and Nobuyuki were waiting outside with the car started up. Tenchi inched his way outside, both Ayeka and Ryoko were still clinging to each of his feet. Katsuhito sighed at the sight. Both he and Nobuyuki went to Tenchi's sides to detach the girls. Both, still tired, didn't put up too much of a fight. With the girls restrained, Tenchi was able to pack his bags into the car, and take a seat in the back.
Katsuhito and Nobuyuki escorted the girls back inside, "C'mon girls, go get some sleep." Katsuhito said in a comforting voice. They then went back to the car and took off for the train station.
Tenchi sat in the back, silent for most of the ride. Katsuhito, who was sitting the front passenger seat, noticed his solemn manner. He attempted to break the uncomfortable silence, "So, excited, big college man?"
Tenchi, seemingly off in space, didn't answer at first, but soon perked up, "Huh? Oh yeah, of course, it'll be fun."
"Why so gloom, son?" Nobuyuki asked.
"Oh, I just feel bad for the girls, we've been through a lot together, they seemed really upset." Tenchi answered.
"Oh, don't worry about them, they seem sad, but I'm sure they'll get over it… or they'll continue with their drastic behavior until someone gets killed." Katsuhito said.
"Yup, more than likely." Tenchi and Nobuyuki chimed simultaneously.
Tenchi was seen off at the train station by his father and grandfather, "And don't worry about the girls, they'll be fine, just remember to have fun, that's what college is for!" Nobuyuki said.
"Yes, college is a big step in life, study hard and party harder, this where you become an adult." Katsuhito added.
"Yeah, I'm sure I'll perk up, just need some time, I'm really gonna miss those girls, we had lots of fun in our adventures traveling through space, kinda makes college seem like not such a big venture." Tenchi replied.
The conductor yelled out of the train, "All aboard!"
"Oh, that's me." Tenchi said then picked up his bags and headed for the nearest car. He took a window seat on the second level and waved bye to his father and grandfather as the train took off. Tenchi grabbed his cell phone out of his bag and texted Keisuke.
Tenchi01: Mission successful.
As the message was sent, Tenchi heard a small alert come from the seat behind him. It caught his attention. He then heard someone typing behind him on their cell phone.
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: That's good.
The alert went off and Tenchi got his message. Tenchi typed again.
Tenchi01: I think you're right behind me.
Cunninlynguist69Sexfiend: Really? Look, then.
Tenchi sat up on his seat and looked at the passenger behind him; low and behold, it was Keisuke. The two gave each other acknowledging nods. Keisuke picked up his bag and took the seat next to Tenchi, the two shook hands. "So, we finally meet, huh?" Tenchi greeted cheerfully.
"Yup." Keisuke replied.
"Gee… you're a lot shorter than I thought… heavier too." They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence that lasted for a few minutes.
The silence was eventually broken as the two spent much of the train ride catching up. Tenchi showed some pictures he had on his cell phone to Keisuke.
"This is Ryoko. This is Ayeka. This is her little sister, Sasami. This is Washu, she's a scientist. And this is Kiyone and Mihoshi." Tenchi provided commentary on a group picture.
"Well, I gotta admit, I was skeptical when you talked about living with six girls, but call me a believer now. They're all foreign?" Keisuke asked.
"Yup." Tenchi confirmed.
"Do you date any of them?" Keisuke asked.
"Uh… no." Tenchi replied.
"So… they're single?" Keisuke queried.
"Well, uh… it's kinda complicated." Tenchi said, embarrassed.
"Are you trying to tell me you live with six girls and you haven't put the moves on any of them?" Keisuke asked, incredulously.
"No…" Tenchi trailed.
"Tenchi, are you a homosexual? 'Cause I'm fine if you are, but I would have appreciated it if you had told me earlier.." Keisuke asked, genuinely confused.
"No, no, it's not that. It's just that the girls can be very… demanding." Tenchi exasperated.
"I don't get it." Keisuke replied.
Tenchi laughed nervously, "Uh… so enough about me, any pictures of your family?"
Keisuke sat back and put his hands behind his head, "Nope."
"Oh... You said your sister goes to this school?" Tenchi tried again.
Keisuke looked out the window dazedly, "Yup."
"Cool, looking forward to meeting her too." Tenchi replied.
Shooting a look at Tenchi, Keisuke warned "Stay away from her, she's an evil psychopathic bitch. Anyways, you got a sister?"
"Not that I know of." Tenchi looked a little alarmed by the warning, shrugged.
Keisuke raised a brow, "O…kay…"
Tenchi rubbed the back of his neck, "Well, I have lots of family, let's put it that way."
"Oh... You're a strange guy, Tenchi." Keisuke replied simply.
Tenchi laughed nervously again as the train pulled into the station. The two boys grabbed their luggage out from their overhead compartments, and struggled to make their way off the train.
"So, the university's supposed to be close to here. I say we walk, since I really need to save money now." Keisuke said.
"Sounds good to me." Tenchi replied.
The two made their way out of the train station. As they left, a dark, shadowy figure wearing a fedora and trench coat, leaning on a wall in the station kept a suspiciously vigilant eye on the two boys. As soon as they left, he left as well.
The two made it to the university grounds, they were amazed at how big it was. The campus was covered in old-style buildings and many students were studying and hanging out all over. Keisuke was mostly amazed at how many girls there were. "Looks like we've got our work cut out for us, Tenchi." He quipped.
The two headed for the Freshmen Registration Center where they were given keys to a room in the freshmen dorm, and were also taken on a tour of the campus by another student working for the administration. The tour was held on a school motorized cart since there was a lot of ground to cover. The tour guide was named Ebisu; he was a short, fat, nerdy-looking sophomore who was a little more than enthusiastic about the school. He spoke to the boys in a strong and authoritative tone. "Now listen up, new fish, cause I'm doing you a big favor by being seen with you freshmen losers around the campus, and I don't want to be annoyed any further by having to repeat myself. Now, Hanayama University is the best college in all of Japan and if you two expect to be any sort of reputable Wolverines, then you'd better learn to live by that guideline."
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that part." Keisuke said.
"Hey! No backtalk from the freshmen!" Ebisu snapped back.
As Ebisu drove the school cart, a football flew in through the passenger side, hitting him square in the face and causing him to lose control of the vehicle, crashing into a bush. He quickly tried to recover himself, looked over at some other students who apparently threw the football. "Ha ha, nice throw. Caught your ball, guys!" He said as he threw it back to them, then backed up the vehicle and continued driving.
A voice from one of the students yelled out as he drove away, "You suck, Ebisu!"
The tour made its way to the dorm area where all the sorority and frat houses rested. "That's Alpha-Beta, that's Gamma over there, that's where I'm from."
"So that's where all the freaks live?" Keisuke asked.
"You wanna walk the rest of the way?" Ebisu replied, angrily.
The cart drove by a very large Castle-like house that appeared to be unoccupied. "What's that big one right there?" Tenchi asked?
Ebisu halted the car in front of the house. "That there's nobody's house." He replied
"Oh, so they just built a huge mansion to get rid of the extra oxygen, brilliant school you've got here." Keisuke remarked.
"Very funny, freshman, but it used to be inhabited, many times." Ebisu replied.
"Well, what's the story?" Tenchi asked.
Ebisu set the parking break, then began to explain the legend of the Old Dean's Mansion...
"Well, you see, the story goes that the house was built back in 1974 and was supposed to be the new Dean's house; but right from construction the house had problems. While they were laying out the foundation, there was a huge earthquake that swallowed ten workers... but construction continued. The workers said the land was cursed, but the Dean wanted it built. So, eventually it was, and the Dean lived there for a while. Legend goes, as he lived in that house, he started to become crazy, kids said the house was haunted, they said the Dean became possessed. One day, the Dean went missing. The house was searched and his body was discovered down in the basement. Apparently, the Dean had dug a tunnel going straight down into the basement floor. The hole was over fifty feet deep and the Dean had fallen into the hole and broken his neck. After that, nobody wanted to live in the house.
The school won't tear it down because of how expensive it was to build it, they keep hoping they're gonna make some money back... They've had a few renters over the years, but none have stayed for long. The last people to stay there were a group of rich freshmen who didn't wanna stay in the freshmen dorm. A month later, all the renters were found brutally murdered at the hands of each other... a day remembered around here as 'The Midterm Massacre'."
"And it's still up for rent after all that?" Tenchi asked, sounding confused.
"Yup. Each year the Housing Board lowers the cost of rent, but no one's crazy enough to buy..."" Ebisu replied.
"Hmm… So, how cheap is it, exactly?" Keisuke asked.
"I don't know, you're gonna have to talk to housing if you wanna know that. Why, you want it?" Ebisu asked.
"Maybe." Keisuke replied.
"Well, just remember to save some money for your funeral. But enough of that, there's so many other great things to see. So little time." Ebisu said as he put the gold cart back into drive and drove away.
Keisuke continued to stare at the house as they drove away, the wheels in his head turning.
As they continued their tour of the campus, that same suspicious dark figure from the train station continued to watch the boys as he sat on a bench across from the mansion previously mentioned.
The tour eventually wrapped up, and Keisuke and Tenchi were dropped off at the freshmen dorm rooms. They made their way up to their room, which Keisuke was disappointed by. It was small, cramped, not nearly enough space for the likes of his rich upbringing. "You mean I gotta live here for the next year?"
"Is there something wrong?" Tenchi asked.
"Well, look at it, what a dumpy… small… is this a room or the janitor's closet?" Keisuke complained.
"It is kinda small, but hey, it's better than nothing." Tenchi said.
"This will not do…" Keisuke said as he scratched his chin. "Hmm…" He said, as he thought. "Tenchi, what do you think of that mansion we saw earlier?"
"You mean the haunted one?" asked Tenchi.
"Bah, you don't believe in spooks, do you?" Keisuke replied incredulously.
Tenchi shifted his eyes "Well, yeah, I actually do, I grew up in a shrine. What are you thinking?"
Keisuke scratched his chin, "What if we rented that place?"
Tenchi shot Keisuke an odd stare, "Uh… did you not listen to the stories?"
"Ghosts don't scare me..." Keisuke scoffed.
Tenchi sighed heavily, "C'mon, Keisuke, be realistic, we can't rent that place out, not by ourselves, they said it's cheap, but it's a mansion, can't be THAT cheap. Didn't your parents cut you off or something?"
"Yes, but, we CAN afford it." Keisuke said.
Tenchi raised his eyebrow, "Huh?"
"When we took a tour of the administration buildings, I got this pamphlet showing all the available places to rent on campus, look at the price of that place." He said as he showed the pamphlet to Tenchi.
Tenchi looked at the price, "Yeah, just like I said, we couldn't afford that monthly rent, not if we expect to, you know, eat."
"True, very true. But we don't need to have all the money up front, we can lease it at a fraction of that price." Keisuke replied.
Tenchi still didn't understand, "And then what?"
"I have a plan that's foolproof. Now hear me out, there's rich kids like me that come into this school all the time, and you have to live on campus, but you can't join a sorority or fraternity until your second year. They're not gonna wanna live in this dump either. BUT, they can rent from a party that's outside of the school system. So, here's my proposition: we lease the place, then we advertise to freshmen, rich freshmen who haven't heard any of that hocus pocus and who don't wanna live in the freshmen dorms. We collect their rent, we use it to the pay the lease, and not only does that cover housing and cost of living, but we'll have lots of dough still left over." Keisuke explained.
"You're talking about renting a leased house, that's kind of illegal, isn't it?" Tenchi asked.
Keisuke tried to reason with that logic, "Only illegal if you get caught. C'mon Tenchi, you go in with me on this, and we'll be filthy stinking rich… I'll be filthy stinking rich again! I won't have to get a job, and neither will you, we'll be on easy streak. And just in case you're scared, we'll only put my name on the lease, that way if we're discovered, I'll be the only one liable. All you have to do is put up the half the money."
Tenchi thought hard and deeply about the pros and cons of the situation. "Okay, I guess I'll do it, but we'd better not get in trouble, I'm not rich like you, so I can't afford to be kicked out of this school."
Keisuke cheered inside, "You have my word, this plan will go off without a hitch. Now all I have to do is get my money from that evil bitch."
Keisuke paid a visit to the evil bitch's (his sister) sorority house where he pleaded to her for the money. Kai, as usual, was giving him a hard time in the matter. "Hmm… that's quite a bit of money there, too much for housing. Our beloved parents gave me full responsibility of your school funds, what kind of daughter would I be to disappoint them?"
"Just give me the money, bitch." Keisuke demanded.
"Now that's not very nice, why should I? I know the freshmen dorms didn't cost that much when I started going here." She said in a cool and collective tone.
Keisuke growled, "Well, inflations a bitch, and so are you, now give me the money."
"You tell me exactly what it is you're planning, first!" Kai demanded.
"I said housing. It's fair game, damn it." Keisuke snapped at his sister.
"You're lying! I know it! So what are you really planning to spend this money on, fat boy, the world's largest bucket of fried chicken?" Kai mocked.
"You give me that money, or I'll tell everyone on campus you have yeast!" Keisuke yelled.
Kai laughed, "So? I'll tell everybody about the time you got the detachable shower head stuck in your ass."
Keisuke steamed with anger, "Grr… I'll tell mom and dad about your abortion!"
Kai's face suddenly went very pale, "What? You… you..." She stuttered with uncontrollable fury, "You are the biggest piece of shit in the world, you're lower than shit, you're shit's shit!" she screamed at him.
Keisuke stared at her with his devious grin and held out his palm, "The money…" Kai, red in the face, threw a piece of paper with the account number at his face. Keisuke grabbed it and made his way out, "Good talk, sis." He said smiling as he left the room. Kai was left to cry facedown on her bed, her sorority sisters rushed in to see what the ruckus was about. Keisuke continued to saunter away.
"Well, I think you're crazy, but the money's good. Here's the keys." The school treasurer said as he accepted Keisuke's money to lease the mansion. Keisuke and Tenchi celebrated their transaction with sushi and a night out on the town.
"Woo-hoo! We did it Tenchi!." Keisuke exclaimed. He pulled out a notebook from his front pocket, "Look, I've already got a list of interested renters, there's even an American transfer bitch on there. We are gonna be sitting prettier than Miss Universe, I tell you!" He told Tenchi, as the two walked out of a sushi bar in a high-end part of town.
"Yeah, I gotta admit, this does seem too good to be true." Tenchi replied.
Keisuke laughed, "But it is true. I tell you, who needs a college education when you gotta brain like mine!."
As they walked down the crowded streets of the college town, they were followed from a distance by the same suspicious dark figure that had been following them all day. Still, the boys were none the wiser.
Meanwhile, another dark male figure, in an unknown location was keeping a visual eye on the boys from means of a holographic monitor. He snickered as he watched them, "Yes… that house is truly… too good to be true." He said in a devious voice. His surroundings were dark, as if he were in the black of space. Sitting on a chair in the middle of this huge dark room, he turned the chair around to face the wall, which opened revealing a small squad of mechanized robot warriors. "The time to attack is now, there'll be no one to stop us this time!"
The boys continued to walk back to the university where their mansion awaited. They started to stray away from the crowd and were walking by a closed construction area. Keisuke noticed the area and stopped, "Hey Tenchi, let's cut through here to get back to the campus."
Tenchi, still walking, looked back at Keisuke, "Oh, no thanks, I think I've broken enough laws for one day." He replied nervously.
"C'mon, don't be a wuss!" Keisuke pressed on, and went ahead through the construction site. Tenchi stopped and sighed, then proceeded to follow Keisuke.
"I don't think this is such a good idea." Tenchi said nervously.
"Tenchi, has anyone told you that you need to lighten up? What's the worst that can happen?" Immediately following those words, one of the large mechanized warriors as aforementioned dropped out of the sky in front of the two boys. The impact sent them both flying backwards into a ditch. They recovered and slowly peeked their heads out of the ditch to see the mecha standing before them.
It was large, about ten feet tall, colored silver, held a face like an ancient samurai warrior, and wielded a large sword that more resembled a large butcher knife. The mecha pointed the sword, tip first at the two boys.
"What the hell is that thing?" Keisuke yelled, confused.
Tenchi quickly climbed out of the ditch. "You stay here, I'll take care of this!" He told Keisuke, as he drew his Juraian sword from his pocket. Keisuke watched the spectacle, understandably dumbfounded.
The mecha rushed Tenchi by means of rocket propelled shoes, it took one swing at Tenchi, who blocked it, but the blow caused him to slide on his feet a few feet backwards. The two both shot backwards, Tenchi came in with a forward attack, hacking and slashing, the mecha blocking each strike. Tenchi finally came in with a high blow from the left side that stuck the mecha's sword into the ground. With the mecha briefly unarmed, Tenchi jumped into the air and came down with his blade swiftly, successfully cutting the mecha down to the middle. Both sides of the newly split machine fell to the ground, shooting sparks. Keisuke, wondering what the hell just happened, peeked his head out from the ditch again and saw Tenchi standing over his fallen adversary.
"Woah… What the hell? What are you, a Jedi?" Tenchi looked at Keisuke, noticeably worried about the event the other boy just witnessed.
"Well, uh, it's kind of a complicated story." Tenchi laughed.
Keisuke climbed out of the ditch warily, "Well, you sure did make quick work of it… now… what the hell is going on here?" Without warning, six more mechas dropped in, surrounding Tenchi.
"Uh oh." Keisuke deadpanned, then promptly ran back to hide in the ditch.
Tenchi, surrounded by mechas, donned his battle face, then went in for the attack. He struck two of the mecha with his sword, the power from each strike pushing the mechas to the side. Two more mechas attacked from behind and sliced at Tenchi. He dodged both blows by jumping into the air, and landing on top of one of mecha's swords. Using the sword as a walkway, Tenchi ran up, attempting to strike the mecha's face, but was thwarted as another mecha came down from above and kicked Tenchi about fifty feet to the side. On the ground, all of the mechas rushed Tenchi, who replied by giving them each one strong swoop of his sword. From there on, it turned to a game of dodge and strike. Tenchi was eventually taken when a mecha came up from behind him and put him into a stronghold.
Keisuke, seeing Tenchi in distress and triggered by adrenaline, rushed to assist him. He found a metal pole lying on the ground which he picked up and used to rush the mechas. "Don't worry Tenchi, I'll help you!" He exclaimed as he ran towards the ruckus and struck one of the mechas huddled around Tenchi on the back. The mecha was barely phased by this blow, it simply turned around and punched Keisuke in the chest, sending him flying back into the ditch. With Tenchi restrained, one of the mechas prompted to deal a critical blow. He came forward, thrusting his sword towards Tenchi's torso. The blade was just mere inches away from his chest when it suddenly halted. Tenchi, trying to regain himself, looked at the mecha who almost killed him and saw a blade sticking through its torso.
Standing behind the mecha was that same suspicious dark figure who had been following the boys all day. The figure drew his sword from the mecha's torso, it fell to the ground instantly. The figure looked at Tenchi, who was still restrained. The other mechas had also paused the battle. "Looks like you could use some help, Tenchi Masaki Jurai." The figured said.
Tenchi, realizing the mechas were stunned, used this chance to free himself. With his sword still in hand, he used it to stab at the side of the mecha that was holding him, the machine released him and was stunned, giving Tenchi ample time to cut it in half.
There were four mechas left, the figure made quick work of them through a flash of speed, as he ran through the foes multiple times, using his blade to cut them into small pieces. Tenchi stared at the figure who turned around to take his coat and hat off, revealing a tall, long-haired man with a goatee. "Wow, thanks, whoever you are."
The man calmly brushed his hair back, "It's my pleasure to serve the Emperor of Jurai."
"How do you know who I am?" Tenchi asked.
"Everyone knows who you are, especially since you defeated Kagato." The man said simply.
"Well, who are you? You're not too bad with a sword yourself." Tenchi said cheerfully.
"My name is Akura, I am the Head Guard of the Royal Family of the Empire of Genissant." The man explained.
Tenchi quirked a brow, "Genissant? Never heard of you."
Akura smiled, "Well, we're not quite the same distinction as Jurai's empire, at least not anymore. So where's the other one?"
Tenchi looked a bit worried at that, "Keisuke? Listen, you don't need to do anything to him, I'm sure he won't break any Galaxy Police laws of developing planets, you don't have to worry."
"I'm not going to kill him, I just want to talk to him." Akura chuckled.
"Oh, well, he's right over there." Tenchi pointed towards the ditch where the mecha had tossed Keisuke.
Tenchi and Akura walked over to the ditch where Keisuke lay unconscious. He opened his eyes slowly, groaning "Did anyone get the number of that truck?" He said in a daze.
"Bah, pathetic." Akura said in disgust.
Tenchi helped Keisuke to his feet, he stood up rubbing his face and his eyes. "Tenchi? Oh, man, I just had the weirdest dream…" As his vision recovered, he noticed Akura standing there, "Who the hell is that?"
Akura gave Keisuke a dirty look, "That'll all be explained momentarily… on my ship."
"On your sh—" Keisuke tried to inquire before he was thrust up into the air on a sort of tractor beam at lightening fast speed along with Tenchi, Akura, and the remnants of the fallen mechas. Keisuke screamed in fright as he flew up past the stratosphere into space until he eventually landed in a large dark room, which was promptly lit to reveal the interior of a spaceship.
Keisuke recovered himself, and sporadically looked at his surroundings, "Wh-where are we?" He asked in a frightened tone.
Akura sighed, "Calm down, fool, you're on my spaceship."
Keisuke gave him a confused look, "Space? Ship?" He was stricken with disbelief at first, until he looked out a big window in the room, where he saw the Earth and the Moon in plain view. He stood there slack-jawed for a few moments, but his amazement was soon overcome by further confusion, "Oh yeah, now I'm really calm. What the hell is this supposed to be?" He said, almost angrily.
"Space. Ship. Read my lips." Akura replied, nastily.
"Yeah, but…" Keisuke floundered in disbelief.
"Uh, he's probably a little distraught, he's not used to this sort of thing." Tenchi assured Akura.
The pile of mecha remnants lay on the floor of the ship's interior. Akura walked over to it, "Let's get rid of the garbage," he said as a holographic control panel appeared before him. He pressed a few buttons and an opening in the floor was revealed, which took the 'garbage' out of the room. He then lit up a cigarette.
Keisuke saw this and a light bulb went off in his head, "Hey, good idea, I can use one after all this crap." He said as he attempted to light up his own cigarette.
"Sorry, pal, I'm the only one allowed to smoke on my ship." Akura said
Keisuke frowned then put away his cigarette.
"Now, let's get to business shall we? You see, you're very important to me." Akura said.
"I can only imagine what's going on now." Tenchi replied, believing Akura was speaking to him.
"Not you, the other one." He replied, pointing to Keisuke.
Keisuke pointed at himself in the "Me?" fashion. "This isn't some sort of gay thing is it?" He asked.
"No..." Akura replied, in a confused manner.
"Are you sure?" Keisuke asked, brow quirked.
Akura growled out, "Yes, you idiot, now listen up—"
"Cause if it is, I have no problem with that personally, but I don't swing that way." Keisuke interrupted.
"Shut up and pay attention! You, Keisuke, are very important to the universe." Akura barked.
Now Keisuke looked very confused, "Is the universe gay?"
"Okay, that's it... One more word from you and it's out the window, to hell with the universe!" Akura said, highly annoyed.
Keisuke finally decided to shut up, which gave Akura the chance to continue explaining the situation.
"Now, what I'm about to tell you may come as a shock since you've lived on Earth your entire life, but it is of the upmost importance. You, Keisuke, are the Prince and last hope for my Empire, and the rest of the universe." Akura pronounced.
"Keisuke? Really?" Tenchi asked, skeptical.
"Yes, Tenchi. You and he both share much in common and you both need to listen up. I come from an empire known as Genissant, we are small, but were once a very powerful force in the universe. Over a million years ago, our Empire was the defining power of the universe. We were in possession of an item, an item known as The Rock of Beryllos. It was a mystical stone that had the power to destroy entire galaxies.
Our royal family were the only people in the universe able to control its power, and with it, we brought upon a tyrannical rule of the universe. It was a dark time that our Empire is now ashamed of, and is one of the reasons why we are kept at limited power by Jurai and the Galaxy Police. We are now but a speck of what our ancestors were. Our power was felt throughout the universe until fifty-thousand years ago, when fleets upon fleets of every other power in the galaxy attacked the royal ship which was carrying the Rock. The battle was immense, we could not use the Rock out of fear of destroying ourselves in the process.
Our ship, along with every other ship in that battle was destroyed and the Rock was lost in space for millennia. Without use of it, the Rock eventually became dormant, and crash landed on the Earth ten-thousand years ago. The impact brought power and knowledge to the primitive people of the planet, which eventually birthed your systems of writing and civilization. By this time, Jurai and the Galaxy Police had taken almost full control of the universe. They knew that the Rock had landed on this planet, which is why they established the Law of Developing Planets to keep anybody from ever recovering the Rock. Jurai and the Galaxy Police felt it was too powerful to be let out again. It wasn't until fifty years ago, when the Rock's impact site was dug up and the Rock's location became known to many evils in the universe, who to this day want nothing more but it to be in their possession. With the secret out, and the heat on this small planet..." Akura trailed off ominously.
Akura lit another cigarette and went on, "Tenchi… It was no mistake that your Grandfather Yosho chose this planet to hide on. He came here specifically to keep track of the Rock, and you two, the Prince of Jurai, and the Prince of Genissant… it is no mistake why you two became friends, or why you were both accepted to Hanayama University. Our agents have worked the fates in your favor. You two have been chosen to be the final guardians of the Rock, until its death."
"Death? What do you mean?" Tenchi asked.
"The Rock is a living thing, it can live forever, but only when it is used. Being dormant for the last fifty-thousand years has taken its toll and in four years, it will completely die, becoming nothing more than a piece of granite in the Earth's crust, its power unable to be used by anyone. The evils that desire its power know of this, and are making their move before it's too late. You two have to make sure that no one comes into possession of the Rock that lies beneath your home." Akura explained.
"Well, that's a neat story and all, but why am I chosen? I can't fight, what the hell can I do?" Keisuke asked.
"You Keisuke, possess an ancestral power, only you can control the Rock, the evils want not only the Rock, but your blood as well, to gain your power to control the Rock. You would have been hunted nevertheless. That's why your mother and father, the Emperor and Empress of Genissant sent you at a young age to live on Earth. You were protected by me and Yosho. Now it's time to learn who you truly are, and become the protector of the Rock." Akura finished.
"So, you mean my parents aren't really my parents?" Keisuke asked.
"I'm sure it must come as a real shock to you, but it is true." Akura replied.
"You mean my sister's not really my sister? Woo-hoo! I knew there was no evil in me!" Keisuke cheered at the thought.
"You sure are taking this well." Akura said, confused.
"Are you kidding? This is great! I can get all the pussy I can handle now, like Tenchi!" Keisuke replied, enthusiastically.
"Okay, then. Glad we're at an understanding. Any further questions?" Akura asked.
"Just one, my parents never told me I was adopted, now I can understand them trying to keep that information from me, but surely my sister would've said something, she's just THAT much of a bitch. How do you explain that?" Keisuke asked.
"You weren't adopted, at least not by your parent's knowledge. You see, when you were conceived, your real parents used our Empire's technology to teleport you to your Earth mother's womb. That way, your identity could be completely concealed by being birthed by a human. Your enemies would be none the wiser about who you really were, at least until the time came when you and Tenchi were bought that house. Somehow, someone got word of our plans and they knew you were human, but didn't know which one until today. Your parents chose the Aomori's in preparation for your acceptance into Hanayama, they knew the school your parents donated to was connected to Hanayama and with the way Earth's hierarchy works, it was very simple for you to be accepted." Akura replied.
"So… you're saying I'm like Jesus?" Keisuke asked.
"Yes, exactly like Jesus... Any more questions?" Akura replied.
"Not from me, you've pretty much asked me to be a house sitter to my own house, sounds simple enough." Keisuke sat back, relaxed.
Akura snickered, "I'm afraid it won't always be that easy, son. Tenchi, you know the drill, keep him briefed. Until then, you guys have school tomorrow. If there's any trouble, you don't have to call, I'll be around. Mostly up here on my ship."
"Gee, this all seems to be happening a little fast." Tenchi examined.
"Well, time is short, so don't fuck anything up." Akura said as he brought up another monitor which he used to beam the boys back down to Earth. They landed in the exact same construction site from before.
Tenchi and Akura stood there with blank stares on their faces. "That jerk couldn't even drop us off at home?" Keisuke said, angrily.
"So… you're not fazed by any of this?" Tenchi asked.
"Meh, I figured you went through the same thing, I'd be a bit selfish to react differently." Keisuke replied, then sighed. "Well, I guess we'd better start walking home."
The boys made their way back to the college and to their mansion. They unlocked the double doors and opened them to see a huge interior. The entry way was bigger than most houses. There were doors leading into multiple rooms on each side of the gigantic entry way and a staircase leading to even more. The place had been kept clean by the school. Keisuke looked around appreciatively, "Wow, this is bigger than my dad's house, I can't believe it!"
"I gotta admit this turned out to be a good idea." Tenchi said.
"Yeah, except now we're gonna have to fight off evil alien robots for the next four years. I'd better get some good pussy like you do for this." Keisuke added, then yawned. "Well, we'd better get some sleep, our renters are gonna be moving in tomorrow, and we got lots of stuff to move in."
"Uh… remember the stuff about alien robots? It doesn't sound like such a good idea to bring any other humans into this house, anymore." Tenchi said.
"Well, how the hell else are we supposed to pay for it? That guy give you any money?" Keisuke replied.
Tenchi sighed, "I guess you're right."
The two set up their beds in the entry way. They lay awake for most of the night reflecting on the day's events. "You know, Tenchi… I have a feeling that this is gonna be a looooong four years…" Keisuke said, as he shut his eyes and went to sleep in preparation for the upcoming events.