HER PAYBACK
"She is a monster. Why are you speaking to her? She is the Evil Queen."
Regina could hear Marianne's voice in her head clear as a bell. That accusation sure made her uncomfortable. She was an evil queen once and it was not easy for people to forget what she had done to them when she was that person. Yes, after Never-land, fighting with Wicked Witch and mostly because of their beloved leader Snow White and the savior Emma's friendliness towards her- the people she had once cursed had finally come to not dislike her as much as before but forgiving and trusting her completely was not easy for any of them, even today. And Mariane, how could she feel any different about Regina than anybody else and worst of all she was actually killed on the orders of Regina. Even though Regina knew that she wasn't the same person as before still she couldn't help but think and rethink over what Mariane had said to her.
"Am I a monster? Is there really no hope for me after all? No chance of true love? Is my past always going to stand in the way of my future? Is there anyone who will like me for who I am and not judge me for actions I took seeking vengeance with a desire of soothing my broken heart?"
She was in the midst of all the thoughts when she realized that somebody was calling out for her from across the road. Robin. She didn't know what to think when she saw him but still a ray of hope rose in her heart as she saw him coming right towards her with his tender but intense eyes. "Maybe he chose me over her", she thought, "after-all Mariane HAD died and Robin HAD moved on with his life." As he came closer she smiled at him sadly.
"I have been searching for you everywhere. I know you are hurt and infuriated but I have to talk to you." Robin said.
"What's there to talk about, Robin? Aren't you afraid that the Evil Queen will kill you, curse you or turn you into a rat?"
"Come on, I know what Mariane said was not very appropriate but you can't blame her for her attitude towards you. Regina, you killed her. She doesn't know how much you've changed. She knows Evil Queen – the one who killed people for not giving information about Snow White, she doesn't know the person you've become now. She doesn't know YOU."
"It doesn't matter. Nothing really matters now. She is your wife, she is mother of your child, you will always want to be with her. I knew it you know; I knew that what we had was far too good to be real."
"BUT IT WAS REAL, REGINA, in fact, IT IS REAL." Robin said, taking her hands into his and looking very intently at her.
"What do you mean?" Regina said, with hope in returning in her eyes.
"Regina, I love you. I know Mariane coming back has changed things but it doesn't change what I feel for you. I will always love you but…"
"But .. BUT WHAT?"
"You were right before, I can't be with you, no matter how much it hurts me/us. Mariane is my wife, I can't abandon her. I can't leave my son motherless, not again. I have to do what is right for my son. I wish I could follow my heart. I wish I could change our fate."
And he went away.
Regina knew that no one could change fate, at least not without magic. And she finally knew what she had to do.
She went to her house, and took out the key to her study where she had kept her mother's book wherein she knew she would find answer to her problem. "Robin is destined to be with me and HE WILL BE WITH ME, no matter what I have to do, or what consequence it causes. Mariane has to go and if changing fate does that then I will change it. Robin is the only thing that matters and he is the one who will give happy ending to my story," Regina was searching for that book everywhere but she couldn't find it. She was going frenzy and suddenly she realized that her mother had actually taken that book back when she had come to Storybrooke and knowing her mother she was sure that the book was either destroyed or kept at some place where even a soul would fail to get it.
That book was her only chance at changing things and now it was gone too. And then it finally struck her, she could never have her happy ending. This was her payback for all the deeds she had done over the decades. This was destruction of her happy ending for destroying other people's happiness. This was her turn of not being with someone she loved. She was lonely. All the feelings she was fighting for a very long came rushing towards her. The loss. The grief. The emptiness. The loneliness. The pain and the regret. The feelings were so overwhelming that she didn't know what to do.
She literally turned the study upside down. Throwing and slamming the books, papers, lamps and everything there was shattered into pieces. She screamed … "I AM ALL ALONE. I HAVE NOONE. I HAVE NOONE. NOONE." And then she cried like she had never cried before. Tired from crying, she never realized when she fell asleep but when she woke up, she saw that a worried face was looking at her. Looking at that face she smiled.
"Are you ok? Everything will be fine. Don't worry, I am here. Let me get you some water."
"Don't go away from me. Please, please don't leave me."
"I will never leave you mom. Ever." Henry said stroking her hair gently.
And then she fell asleep with little comfort to her heart, knowing someone was there for her when she would wake up. Perhaps the emptiness inside her would be filled by her son.