Castiel finally finds God

Several months after getting the amulet off Dean, Castiel could feel it burning gently in his hands. His heart beat fast as he looked around. As he walked, the amulet burned hotter, then cooler with each direction Castiel turned, as if it were a compass.

At last it was almost too hot to touch, and in front of Castiel sat a middle-aged man who wore a gentle and knowing smile on his face.

"Father?" Castiel croaked, his voice failing him with nerves.

The man looked at him, his smile growing wider until at last he said;

"The amulet never lies, child."

Shaking, Castiel knelt in front of God, but before he could speak, Castiel was suddenly overcome with grief and began to cry uncontrollably.

God waited patiently while Castiel wept.

"I…I have failed you father." he admitted sorrowfully.

"Are you sorry for what you did, Castiel - for killing other angels that threatened Dean and Sam? For disobeying?"

Castiel stopped crying and thought deeply of things, before looking up and answering with all truth.

"No."

"And why are you not sorry?"

"Because…I have developed feelings for the boys. They lost everything but each other, and I couldn't allow them to lose each other. I thought saving Dean was just part of the big plan, but I felt for him when I saw him suffering in perdition. I - I saw his grief and anguish even as he tortured the other souls. I can see the pain in his very soul every time he looks at Sam, yet he stands by and deals with the pain because he loves his brother so much. I stood by as Dean rebelled first - but I didn't see darkness, I saw bravery, because Dean was terrified of what he was doing. Yet he did it, because he truly felt from the bottom of his heart that it was right to rebel, because heaven was wrong. And I agree. The other angels want to kill Sam in case he says yes to Lucifer, yet they are desperate for Dean to say yes to Michael. They blame Sam for his wicked ways, yet he is enveloped in a darkness he cannot escape, no matter how desperately hard he fights it. And Sam, despite his darkness, is still loyal to the good through it all. He stands by his brother and craves acceptance, if not by you. I see inside him and see his anguish every time he silently prays and heeds no answer. I see the determination every time he says no to Lucifer and is mocked by him. I see the heartbreak every time he and Dean fight and the desperateness to be forgiven for all he has done, from stealing to drinking demon blood. That is why I am not sorry, father. Because I have seen Sam and Dean's desperate suffering and have felt it. Yet they are determined to win against Lucifer and Michael because they want every apple pie family to be safe and secure - they want each other to be safe, and I've seen that they have given up their very souls for each other. Please forgive me for all my wrongdoings, but I cannot turn my back against Dean and Sam after all I have seen and felt."

Castiel breathed out - he felt light after letting such a heavy load off his chest, but did not look at the lord, fearful of his reaction.

Because of this, Castiel did not see the proud tear escaping God's own eye.

"You have done so well, my son!" he praised, much to Castiel's fascination.

The angel looked upon the heavenly father.

God told Castiel to sit on the seat opposite him, as it was much more comfortable than kneeling in front of him.

For the first time in months, Castiel obeyed.

God considered him for a moment while choosing his word.

"Cas, as I believe your now called," he smiled, watching as Cas smiled back, "I have been watching and listening all of the happenings, and it will surprise you to know that I am currently disgusted with heaven at the present moment."

Castiel's jaw dropped, as the angel watched the father in stunned silence.

God continued.

"Michael is not pleasing me. I told him I was coming back to Earth for a short period of time, and entrusted the whole of heaven to him.

"He agreed to my wishes of course, but I still know all, so I was not pleased with Michael at all when he idly put Zachariah in charge.

We both knew that Zachariah was too proud and arrogant to command something as just as heaven. He turned the other angels, Cas. But I watched you as you developed loyalty to the Winchester brothers, and your understanding of what is right and wrong developed. You understood that the orders Zachariah were given were wrong, and you bravely rebelled against them. I am proud of you for doing so, Cas.

You have never let your faith in me totally slip away. Weaken, yes, but you always had some left to grab a hold of when you felt really low.

You still prayed to me, which is more than the other angels and half the human population. But I understand them, Cas, and I will forgive them willingly if they mean their apologies. If they truly crave my forgiveness. It is sad to know only about 20% of heaven's host will be forgiven, because only 20% care anymore. I can see how they think and feel. I see how you think and feel Castiel. I can see you crave my forgiveness for the murders, and I do forgive you. You have stood by Sam and Dean through thick and thin, and I acknowledge that, though you did let your anger slip and gave Dean a fair beating."

He watched Castiel's eyes shoot to the floor in shame, and smiled.

"I er, regret that incident very much - I should've known better than to release so much anger on Dean, after everything he had faced." Castiel said, looking back up to God.

The almighty smiled and forgave him before continuing.

"I told Joshua to tell Sam and Dean to 'back off' but of course I knew they would disobey, and I am happy they did."

He observed Castiel as the angel suddenly shifted with growing discomfort - he knew what was coming, and didn't like it one bit.

"I saw your faith almost shatter after that, Cas. You seemed to think I was a 'son of a bitch'?"

Castiel stared at the floor which was suddenly fascinating.

He gulped in air to try and calm his nerves before answering at last.

"I am sorry about that - truly - but I had just been told that you no longer cared about anything, that Armageddon was no longer your problem and you told Sam and Dean to back off from the fight despite they being the only souls able to stop it."

God smiled, which made Cas feel a little bit more at ease.

"I did a little lying, I must admit." he said, "of course I care, and of course the apocalypse is my problem. And of course I want Sam and Dean to help. I wish to meet them in fact, but you must warn them first. I'm afraid it may be too overwhelming for them if I just suddenly appeared. Dean's rage must be soothed before he meets me as well."

Castiel nodded, knowing how angry Dean was with God at the present.

"Go on then, Cas."

The angels nodded his head in an awkward bow, which the lord found amusing, but he didn't show it in case he hurt Castiel's feelings.

As the angel left, God called after him.

"No need to walk, Cas. You'll find your 'angel mojo' has returned to you, new and improved."

With that, God disappeared and Castiel found Sam and Dean to prepare them for the meeting with God.