…Haaaah. In the end, I couldn't resist. I wanted to have some fun before I finish the Bromance series.

Warnings: Cursing, guy love, a little OoCness, unbelievableness, and frequent sarcasm.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Draco Malfoy sat primly in the chair before the lawyer; after 22 years, the man had finally grown into his angular and sharp face. His blond hair was kept short and neat, his bangs only occasionally straying into his eyes. As most modern wizards did, Draco found himself leaning towards Muggle clothing—today, he wore a black three piece suit. The occasion called for it.

When Narcissa had passed, it was devastating to the Malfoy family. With some help from the Golden Boy, Harry Potter, the Malfoy family was able to stay out of Azkaban relatively untouched. Lucius was sentenced to one year in Azkaban, however; the entire time, Narcissa fretted and her health slowly declined. Lucius was released with just enough time to spend some precious moments with his wife before she passed peacefully. Sunken in a depression of his own, though he put up a brave front for Draco, Lucius followed his wife a year later.

Draco sat through the funeral stoically. On his left sat Harry Potter; in the years following the war, Harry had made it very clear that he and Draco needed to set the example for the houses. Harry believed all the bias and stereotypes surrounding the houses had led to people believing in Voldemort's cause and Harry did not want to have to suffer through another war. Draco, in a show of maturity, agreed. Their final year in Hogwarts was spent creating the friendship Draco had offered eight years ago. Unfortunately, being friends with Harry Potter meant spending time with Hermione Granger, Ron and Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Luna Lovegood. Eventually, he learned to be friends with them as well, especially with Luna. As it stood, she currently had the keys to his flat—not that Neville really approved of his girlfriend having unlimited access to another man's home.

With a pat on his hand, Draco was brought back out of his musing. He looked to his right where, strangely, Hermione Granger sat. She smiled sadly at him, her big brown eyes misty.

"Your turn to speak, Draco," she said quietly.

With a nod, he stood and walked toward the podium with all the hard-earned confidence he had left in him.

And now, he sat in front of his father's lawyer, who was reading his father's will. Said wizard glanced up at the blond, sympathetic.

"Well, son, it seems your father knew how to use one Muggle device," the man said. With an eyebrow raised, Draco watched as the man put in some strange, black box into an even bigger black box with wires coming out of it. The box with glass in it came to life, and his father's face appeared.

"Before you ask, Draco," the Lucius in the glass stated, "It's called a VCR. I wanted to record my last will so that you would always be able to have a small bit of me. I love you very much, son. I'm sorry I almost failed you and turned you into a Death Eater."

Draco felt tears at the corners of his eyes, but did his best to contain them.

"Without your mother, I just didn't see the point in living. I'm sorry I left you, but I hope you understand how, even with you in my life, I needed Narcissa. She was, and is, my everything. To that end, I suppose I should get to the point. Your inheritance."

Draco nodded, though he realized his father couldn't see it.

"You will inherit the entire Malfoy estate—all of the estates—and all of the Malfoy vaults in Gringotts."

Draco's eyes widened. He was getting everything? There was basically no reason for him to work anymore! He could quit Hogwarts and finally be free of those damn kids and—!

"However, my time as a Death Eater made me realize that I have raised you with an unfair bias towards Muggles and half-bloods. As such, before you can inherit anything, you have to be married. To at least a half-blood. No pure-bloods. That means break off that relationship with Astoria. I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian anyway."

Draco's smile immediately fell off his face.

"Oh, and you have to do it before you're 24 years old. Cheers, son!" After an enthusiastic wave and a cheerful smile that had no right to be on Lucius' face, the screen went blank.

Draco and the lawyer sat in silence for an entire five minutes.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK."

The lawyer shrugged. "Trust Lucius to be an obstinate ass, even in death."

A few days later, Draco stormed through the halls of Hogwarts, intent on speaking with his godfather. After the war, Severus Snape was absolutely dead. There were no two ways about it. However, in a rare show of powerful and dark magic, Harry's intense emotional trauma triggered something within that unleashed some ancient spell in parseltongue and brought back to life everyone who was important to Harry.

Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin, Fred Weasley, Sirius Black, etc, etc; they all came back. The only ones who refused were Lily Potter, James Potter, and Albus Dumbledore. Lily and James, Harry realized, were too far gone into the other world. They couldn't come back and start life over again. Dumbledore decided that, even if he came to life, the curse on his hand would still be there. He'd only die again. He preferred to be at peace, knowing the world was saved. And so, Harry accepted that his parents and his mentor would not come back, but was pleased in knowing he had brought back so many others.

Including one Severus Tobias Snape.

People were surprised, to be sure, until Snape's involvement in the war came to light. Though there were the occasional howlers of people who were convinced Snape was still loyal to the dark, most people were impressed by his loyalty and bravery. He was awarded an Order of Merlin and was hailed as a hero.

Not that he liked it.

After Dumbledore's refusal to come back, Severus Snape was once again appointed as Headmaster. With his efficient leadership—and biting witticisms—the school was rebuilt in mere months. Snape invited Harry and the others to come back to school, to finish their seventh year. As both Headmaster and Potions Master, one expected Snape to be more irritable. However, though Severus still had a biting tongue, the show had come to an end. Severus Snape no longer had any masters to answer to and he could finally focus on teaching the next generation, properly.

For the first time since Snape had been teaching in Hogwarts, Gryffindor only had 150 detentions (which was a bit of a milestone, seeing as Harry alone used to get at least 75).

After the seventh years graduated, many were invited to return to Hogwarts as professors. Hermione Granger came back to take over for Flitwick in Charms; Neville Longbottom allowed Professor Sprout to retire; Harry Potter, of course, decided to break the DADA professor curse; and Draco Malfoy became the new Potions Professor. In a show of modernity, Snape asked Luna Lovegood to come back as his assistant, so that he could focus on helping the students. Luna didn't mind. Snape's meticulousness suited her well and she was still able to write for the Quibbler. Along with the new, many old professors remained. As Professor of Transfiguration and Deputy Headmistress, Minerva Mcgonagall remained as steadfastly as ever and, as usual, she constantly kept Snape on his toes. Nowadays, though, their banter was much more playful. Hagrid, of course, stayed with the staff—if only to amuse Snape. Binns continued to bore students to sleep and Trelawney continued to give her students scary predictions. All in all, the head table looked like the world's strangest family.

Draco smiled fondly, remembering how odd they all seemed together; but they worked together well and they were family.

The blond continued walking, but did a double take right as he reached the Headmaster's hall. Draco stopped short at the sight of Harry Freaking Potter on his hands and knees, stealthily looking around the corner to the Headmaster's office. Draco walked up to him and crossed his arms.

"What the hell is this, Boy Wonder?"

Harry jumped, bumping his head on the wall. With a small, less-than-manly groan of pain, the brunet stood up and scowled at his friend. "You couldn't have warned me?"

"I did. So what is this? Why are you…in position in front of my godfather's office?"

Harry blushed, but a wide grin graced his face anyway. He pointed to a small green plant right above and slightly forward of the gargoyle leading to Snape's office. "See that?"

Draco nodded.

"It's a charmed mistletoe. The twins made it for me. Whoever steps under it is forced to remain in place until they're thoroughly snogged by someone. Once Severus walks out, he'll be stuck there and I'll have to save him. I walk over, snog the living daylights out of him, he'll fall in love with me, and we can finally shag!"

Draco shook his head. This was, unfortunately, not the first harebrained scheme of Harry's and was certain not to be the last; since Harry's return to Hogwarts, the Golden Boy had relentlessly pursued Snape. It was no secret among the younger staff that Harry wanted Severus, bad. In the year and a half that Harry had been employed there, he'd tried—literally—three hundred forty five of said schemes to get the Headmaster to fall in love with him. Through it all, Snape remained blissfully unaware of all the attention he was receiving—or so it seemed.

Draco wasn't fooled. Severus was a spy for Merlin's sake. Of course he knew; Severus just ignored it. He had to have noticed.

"Shh!" Harry suddenly said, pulling Draco around the corner with him and falling back to his hands and knees. Diligently, Harry watched as the gargoyle turned and Severus Snape walked out, in all his glory. Since his recovery, Snape had taken an interest in hygiene. His once crooked, yellow teeth were more straight and white than a picket fence. Being out of the dungeons had done the Potion Master's sallow skin a world of good; it was now a much healthier alabaster. The potion fumes he used to toil over were no longer aiding the grease in his hair. The black, silky hair was now luxurious and soft, falling in waves around the no-longer-gaunt face. Years of servitude had once formed severe lines in the man's face, but times of peace had eased those lines and Severus easily looked ten years younger. His nose was still as large as ever, but Harry thought it gave Severus character. Having pulled Snape out of the rubble, carried him to St. Mungo's, and personally stood by while the man was treated, Harry glimpsed—and drooled over—the toned muscle that lie under the man's robes.

In short, Severus Snape was damn hot and Harry was staking his claim.

The only thing that marred Snape's perfection were the scars on his neck; Harry liked to think those scars connected them more.

Eagerly, Harry watched Snape step under the mistletoe—Harry almost cheered!—and keep on walking. The Golden Boy's mouth dropped open as Snape walked by them.

"Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter," the Headmaster stated with a nod, not even looking twice at Harry's peculiar position.

"Severus, I need to talk to you," Draco replied. Snape raised a brow at the lack of formalities, but nodded regardless and motioned for the Draco to follow. They walked away, leaving a shell-shocked Harry on the floor.

After a few minutes, Harry came to his senses. He jumped up, screaming in Snape's direction. "GODDAMIT, SEVERUS SNAPE! GET BACK HERE AND SNOG ME!" With a huff and a pout, Harry walked over to the mistletoe, intent on seeing why it had failed…only to get stuck.

"Wha…? Damn! Goddamn you, Snape! How do you always get away?!" Harry wailed.

With another pout, Harry resigned himself to waiting until the Headmaster returned. Slowly, his mood began to brighten. Snape had to get into his office, right? That meant he'd have to get past Harry! Which meant he would have to snog Harry in order to get him out of the way! It was nearly as perfect as his first plan!

And then Luna Lovegood walked by.

"Hello, Harry," she said, dreamily. Her long blonde hair fell behind her, reaching the small of her back and her pretty, large eyes stared at Harry unflinchingly. Even though Luna was petite, she was easily one of the few women Harry would've gone straight for. Today, the Ravenclaw wore a bright turquoise dress suit with large, squareish shoulders. She reminded him slightly of Lady Gaga, if a bit shorter and with much more modest heels.

"Hello, Luna," he replied miserably.

"Are you waiting for Severus?"

"Well, yes, in a manner of speaking…"

"Would you mind moving aside? I need to get some work done."

Harry groaned and looked up. Luna followed his gaze.

"Oh, I see. You're trapped. I suppose this was another attempt to get into Severus' trousers, yes?"

Harry meekly nodded.

"And the only way out is…?"

"To be thoroughly snogged."

"Where is the Headmaster?" she asked kindly.

"He went off with Draco. It might take a while. Draco's father just passed away; it's probably about that."

"Oh, my. This work I have to do is rather urgent. I'm sorry, but I need you removed quite soon."

Harry whimpered.

"I suppose someone will have to snog you now."

Harry sighed, resigned to having to kiss Luna.

"Let me go get Neville."

Harry sobbed.

There's the prologue. I'm going to have fun with this.