Tenderly

By: chrysalisjade

Kylo entered his chambers after a long day. He removed his gloves one at a time, and set them on his nightstand. He stepped out of his boots and socks, kicking them off by the door. He strolled over to his sink, and removed his cloak. He let it fall to the floor, and he looked at himself in the mirror. He had never had much vanity, but he kept tracing his scar with his eyes. He still had to get used to it. It had brought him shame in the beginning, symbolizing his loss to his fight with Rey. The sting of that shame took time to dissipate, but slowly, it stung less.

He removed his top, facing away from the mirror. He walked over to his shower and turned it on. He let his top fall to the floor as he adjusted the temperature of the water. When it was right, he removed his bottoms and stepped out of them. He then stepped forward into the shower, and shut the door behind him.

As the hot water hit his face, he leaned his head back so the water could spray onto his face. He turned around to fully wet his hair, and he took some shaving cream and rubbed some on his face. He took his razor and began shaving. His thoughts began to wander…

He remembered what it was like to be feared when he was younger. He was shunned, disowned by his own family after that night Luke Skywalker, his own uncle, tried to kill him. He remembered how even his own mother and father had forgiven Luke, despite attempting to murder their only child. How could something like that be forgiven? Had they so little regard for him all this time?

Finished shaving, Kylo allowed the water to rinse away the rest of the shaving cream. He then took some shower gel, lathered it up and began to wash his body. He noticed that his skin was raised into more scars that reminded him of Rey; where she had struck him with the light saber. Snoke's words echoed in his mind…when he had told him that he had been bested by a girl who had never wielded a light saber before. He gritted his teeth at the memory, and his fists clenched. That had been the first time he had lost control before the Supreme Ruler, let alone get aggressive towards him. He could barely recognize himself since Rey had gotten in the picture. He used to be so sure. His path was clear before him. But the Force kept testing him…putting her in his path, then his father, then his mother…why was he being tested so often?

Kylo lathered his hair with shampoo before rinsing off his hair and body, shaking his head so his hair splattered water all over the glass shower walls. These times haven't been easy on him; not to his body, mind, nor his spirit. Somehow, he felt that this was only the beginning.

Kylo stepped out of the shower and turned it off, and grabbed a towel. Drying his hair off, he went to his closet and pulled out pants and undergarments. He dried his lower body before donning them. He wondered if Rey was as conflicted as he was, if she was living with demons of her own. Were her challenges as numerous as his?

He felt something swimming towards his mind, and he knew it was her. The Force was piercing her through to him. The connection strengthened, and rushed them together, meeting their minds.

Rey's steps slowed as she walked along the island. She could feel her mind being pulled, a tugging towards the Force. She'd felt it twice before; each time it meant that she was about to see Kylo Ren. "I'd rather not do this now," Rey said, stopping in her tracks.

"Yeah me too," Kylo mumbled, throwing his towel on the ground, his back to Rey. He needed to wind down for the night, not to be hurled with insults once again.

Rey paused, then turned to face Kylo. "Why did you hate your father...?" she stopped her sentence as she noticed Kylo's bare back. She wasn't expecting him to be half-naked.

Ben turned around to face her. He looked at her directly in her eyes. She avoided his gaze. "Do you have something, a cowl or something you could put on?" she asked, almost demanded.

Ben didn't move, didn't answer. He just kept looking at her, unmoved by her request. Although, he did like the fact that seeing him shirtless was distracting to her. He fought to hide a smirk.

"Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer," she asked.

Ben stepped closer, walking slowly towards her. He could feel through the connection, through the Force, that she was perturbed by Han's death. He knew that she needed closure. He hated to see her in pain, to struggle so. He made it a point to help her get through her emotions, to tell her the truth, no matter how horrible it was.

"You had a father that loved you, he gave a damn about you!" Rey all but shouted, tears brimming over her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks. She couldn't understand the logic. Her parents didn't give a damn about her, and there was nothing she could do about it. However, he had parents who loved him, and he walked away from them? She would have killed to take his place, to have a nurturing, loving family like he did.

"I didn't hate him," he answered truthfully.

"Then, why?" Rey demanded.

"Why what?" Ben countered. He had been through the stages of grief before when his family had abandoned him. She needed to say it out loud. It would help her accept what had happened. "Why what? Say it."

"Why," Rey breathed, gathering her breath to ask between her sobs. "Why did you kill him? I don't understand!" she all but shouted at him.

How could he explain? That his father was holding him back? That he was the very personification of the call to the light? That he needed to once and for all sever the last thread of hope anyone had of him changing? That he needed to move on, that his father was merely a painful reminder of rejection, of his past? "Your parents threw you away like garbage," he reminded her.

"They didn't!" Rey protested.

"They did, but yet you can't stop needing them." Ben began. "It's your greatest weakness. You look for them everywhere; in Han Solo now in Skywalker." He paused, searching her face for comprehension. He found none.

She doesn't know, he realized. "Did he tell you what happened that night?"

"Yes." Rey said with certainty, the memory clear in her mind.

Ben watched her face as she answered. She had no compassion, not a hint of understanding in her eyes. "No." he answered. There was no way that he had told her the full story.

Ben searched her mind. "He had sensed my power as he senses yours. He feared it." He said, playing in his mind the very scene of Luke's attempt to murder him, and of Ben only defending himself.

No, it can't be true, Rey thought. "Liar!" she shouted.

Ben approached Rey, and got closer still. He saw that she was still in much anguish about it all; her parents, Han's death, and Luke's lies. He could only advise her to break free of the chains of the past, and move on with her life. "Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way to become who you're meant to be."

Rey stared at him, her mouth quivering as her tears fell from her face. Ben walked closer still, until he was less then a foot away from her. He placed his thumb under her eyelid and brushed her tears away. She flinched under his touch, expecting violence, but was surprised to receive such a tender gesture from him. Her eyes widened with surprise. She froze in place, stunned.

Ben wiped her tears from her other cheek, and frowned when he noticed that she stiffened. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said, his eyes never leaving hers.

She glared at him. "Why would Luke lie to me? He has no reason to," she stated.

"He has every reason to," he said. "Perhaps he feels some guilt? Maybe he wishes to hide his fault in all of this?" he shrugged, then lifted his head. "I haven't lied to you, I have no reason to."

"You have every reason!" Rey stammered. "All you want is to know where Luke is so you can kill him!"

Ben shook his head. "That isn't all that I want..." his eyes flickered to her mouth and remained there for a long moment. When he looked back up at her, he noticed her eyes fixed on his lips. He licked his lips. Her eyes shot back to his, and she clenched her teeth, her cheeks flushing. She knew that he saw her looking. She knew that she was caught.

Ben stepped forward, their abdomens now just a centimeter apart. He could taste her breath as she raised her head to look him in the eye. Her eyes were swollen from crying. He wanted to comfort her. The last thing he wanted when he killed his father, was to cause her pain. He couldn't bring his father back, but he could do this.

Ben raised his hand, tilted Rey's chin up, and lowered his face to hers. He brushed his lips against hers slowly, enjoying the feel of hers against his.

"What are you doing?" Rey breathed.

Ben smiled. "Giving in to temptation," he murmured. He then pressed his mouth against hers, closing his eyes to focus on the feel of her. Rey closed her eyes and relaxed from her stiff posture a bit, hesitating. Her feelings were in a turmoil. It overwhelmed her, all at once. Her eyes snapped open, and she took a step back, breaking the kiss.

Ben opened his eyes and dropped his hands, eyeing her sadly. Rey looked to the ground, then looked back up at Ben. "I want to know the truth about my mother and father," she said with earnest longing. "I have to know. I can't let the unknown drag me down."

And with that, she turned away from him and ran towards the underside of the island, where she knew the Darkness resided. Just as suddenly as she had appeared, she was gone.

Ben's lips were still tingling from the kiss he shared with her. He closed his eyes and licked his lips, reveling in her taste. He didn't know the cause of this Force connection, but he hoped that he'd see her again soon.