D/c: Harry Potter and the like owned by JKR
D/c 2: Song Because of You by Nickelback.
Song in Itallics.
WARNINGS: Cutting, abuse, death, language possibly, I don't remember. Slash-ish. Oneshot. You were warned, do NOT flame me.
Enjoy.
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Hands on the mirror, can't get much clearer,
Draco stared into the reflection again. His silver eyes were dull and leaking tears that burned his pale skin with their heat. He heard the voices echoing memories in his head, wishing he could ignore them.
Can't make this all go away.
How many times had Harry told him he should leave Voldemort's side? How many times had he tried to carve the Dark Mark off of his skin, only to find himself opening his eyes to the same disappointed look on Harry's face? How many times had his father told him he was proud, proud that he was finally in the elite Death Eater position he deserved? And how many times had he wished that that burning mark had never touched his skin?
Now that you're bleeding you stare at the ceiling,
He should have given up on removing the mark. It was dark magic, and nothing could rid of it. But it didn't stop him from trying. Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater. But what if you never wanted to be one in the first place? Then you live with the consequences of giving yourself up to authority. You make your own release. Draco pulled the blade from the skin on his forearm and watched the stars glittering in from the edges of his vision.
Watch as it all fades away.
He knew that Harry could feel his pain. He knew that the only person to ever trust him for more than he was worth would be there. The empty threats echoed in his head, telling him that the next time he cut, no one would save him. But he knew that Harry couldn't let him die, he wouldn't let him leave, no matter how much Draco wanted to. He knew the next thing he'd see would be those sad green eyes, boring into his silver ones with pure agony scrawled across them.
From what you do, because of you.
Across the city of London, Harry Potter's scar throbbed from the increasing evil in the world. The numbers of Death Eaters was growing every day. However, this was the least of his problems. His heart ached and his arm burned, knowing what was happening in the Malfoy Mannor at the very same moment. The connection they had accepted a year back brought them close physically and emotionally. Harry doubted Draco ever felt the constant headache or fiery hot scar, but he knew the teen had his own problems, his own constant headache and scalding mark, just in a different location. He also knew that the blonde was growing weaker and wanted to lose his pain forever.
You know I can't be there
With a 'pop', Harry appeared in the all too familiar white tile bathroom, pulling Draco from the floor into a sitting position against the counter. He revived him and magiked the blood back into the cold veins, watching the pale skin gain the faintest colour. The entire time, his green eyes avoided the pointed face in frustration.
Each time that you call,
As the silver eyes opened up slowly, they tried to take in their surroundings sadly. Harry wasn't furious though, instead, disappointed.
I swore not to come, but I'm here after all.
"Don't do it again. I swear, I won't be back next time." A broken record. The same sounds again and again, never really meaning anything.
I know by the look that I see in your eye,
A tiny smile appears on his face for the smallest fraction of a second before disappearing. He knows Harry will come back. He always comes back. Unspoken bonds of love aren't enough to keep him holding on though. He wants to rid of the pain. He doesn't want to be needed. He doesn't want to be loved, or cared about. He doesn't want to serve, he doesn't want anything anymore. The only thing that would make Draco stop cutting would be to remove that mark that was the cause of all of this.
I won't stand around and I won't watch you die
Harry sees him staring at his forearm and tears sting his eyes. He stares into the pale face with raging emotions. He's giving his love to a rock, something that can never appreciate it, or love him back, or even do anything about himself. But even though he knew this, he couldn't just leave him to die.
From what you do, because of you.
Ever since the first time they'd stopped hating, the first time Harry had seen him as a person, a sad, broken person who needed help and friendship, Harry had opened to him and Draco had accepted it. For a while, Harry even though he loved him back and had resisted his father's will to join the dark ranks. He was wrong however.
What you do, what you do,
What's become of you?
What happened? Where was the boy he'd fallen for? Where was the strong person who never accepted anything but what he wanted? Where was any trace of the person that used to exist in the empty body?
What you do, what you do,
What's become of... ?
Draco was only a ghost now. Running on nothing but magic, only living because he cannot die. He wanted out, but Harry would not let him, not as long as his heart held a piece of the human traits Draco had once held, be they anger, hate, love, joy. Mostly, selfishness, the fact that he'd given up and only wanted what he wanted now, reminded Harry that there was still a person somewhere. As long as that tiny bit existed, Harry knew he could never let it go.
Now that you did this, you ask for forgiveness,
His voice is hollow as he says he's sorry. He may as well be another recorded voice on the same skipping record. He's not sorry he tried to die, he's sorry he didn't die.
Doctor could you be my priest?
Sorry he didn't die and that Harry had to see him in this state again. The tear stains on his cheeks show that he can feel pain, no matter how much he feels on the inside, something outside pushed the tears out. Maybe he felt a bit guilty.
You say you're mistaken, but look what you've taken,
And that was what kept making Harry come back, no matter how much it hurt him, no matter how angry it made him that he couldn't stop it. He could only hope that Draco didn't want to hurt him.
You laugh as you lie through your teeth.
He could only hope that the shred of human emotion that was left was still thinking about him. Draco won't stop until Harry lets him go, but Harry will keep that shred alive as long as he can.
From what you do, because of you,
Harry shakes his head when Draco says nothing else. He looks to the burned mark on his forearm and wonders if the pain is anything in comparison to his forehead.
You know I can't be there
Movement is heard downstairs. Lucius is calling for his son. Worry flashes across the silver-grey eyes for half a second and that tugs on Harry's heartstrings. The emotion is there. It has to be.
Each time that you call,
That's why Harry can always feel the pain. That's why he always comes. He wasn't even supposed to be here, but he was, like always.
I swore not to come, but I'm here after all.
"Go." says the hollow voice from the floor. The cloudy eyes are hidden behind the pale eyelids and Harry's heart wrenches in his chest.
I know by the look that I see in your eye,
Draco doesn't want that last little bit of emotion. He'll cut it out, literally. The eyes spark and open, glaring angrily, masked with tears of rage. Probably from the fact that he had to live through another day. He had to face his father and the Dark Lord again. He had to feel more pain, sorrow, anger. It wasn't that he was emotionless, Harry realized. It was that he wanted to be. And he tried. And Draco was actually mad that Harry had stopped the process.
I won't stand around and I won't watch you die
Harry stood in silence, hurt the only thing evident in his face besides the barely concealed tears of anger. Anger and hatred for the people who did this, the people who took away this piece of his heart. Anger at Draco, for not caring in the slightest.
From what you do, because of you.
Because he wasn't strong enough to say no, and now he wanted out.
What you do, what you do,
Harry poofed back into his own bathroom and stared into the mirror. His reflection was a wreck. Just another empty echo though, he couldn't act on it. Could he?
What's become of you?
Harry shook with confusion. How could he even consider this? His eyes found the razor lying on the counter, shining at him innocently.
What you do, what you do,
He couldn't do it. He needed to be there to keep Draco alive. He knew that if the emotions where in there somewhere, that meant that the love had to still exist.
What's become of... ?
Unless the boy was just a monster, like the master he served. Perhaps he just lost hope and couldn't bear anything else? Harry stared into the Green eyes and was shocked to see the same empty, masked, tear-filled look that the blonde's held. His head began to throb again, hotter and hotter, and soon enough, his arm was burning. It hadn't been long, had it? Draco surely couldn't be cutting again, could he?
From what you do...
Had Harry become lost in his mind for that long? Did something go terribly wrong? Did Draco want to see him again? Was that the love part of him crying for attention, or just another attempt at escape?
Hands on the mirror, can't get much clearer,
As the pain in his chest grew from trying to breathe against the pain, it suddenly dawned on him. There was no way he could stop this.
Can't make this all go away.
The razor lie there, untouched, pure, innocent, torturing him as badly as the pain in his arm. Harry suddenly knew that this was never going to end. There was only one way to save Draco.
Now that you're bleeding you stare at the ceiling,
The blade hung loosely from his fist, dripping with fresh blood, no longer pure. Harry's glasses tipped off of his nose and crashed to the floor, but nothing was ever more clear than it was at this moment.
And watch as it all fades away.
He felt his knees hit the floor and watched the room turn from molding tile to calming dark. He could see in this dark, he could see lights dancing in his head. He could only call through the dark, shouting as loudly as his throat would let him.
From what you do, because of you.
He shouted for Draco. He knew the boy would be here somewhere, trying to solidify something in his confusing world.
You know I can't be there
He thought though, what if Draco couldn't go through with it? What if he sensed that this time, no one would come? What if he never made it to the darkness?
Each time that you call,
Harry couldn't be alone, he just couldn't! Panic shot through his calm and bright white strobed around him, taking over the soft, colourless lights.
I swore not to come, but I'm here after all.
Some part of him had to know that Harry was there though. Draco had cried. The tears proved that something of a human existed in the shell, maybe he knew.
I know by the look that I see in your eye,
Harry tried to calm down, he knew exactly what the boy wanted, he knew that eventually, he wouldn't be able to take it any more and would join him in the dark.
I won't stand around and I won't watch you die
After all, he was only here because it was the only way to save Draco. He needed to be saved, as much as Harry needed to save him.
From what you do, because of you.
The dark calm returned again and Harry waited, suddenly appreciating what Draco was thinking. There really was no more pain. No throbbing, no dull roar in his ears, no heartbeat wracking through his body, no anything. He was as calm and peaceful as the dark abyss he was in.
What you do, what you do,
"You said you wouldn't come back." Came the soft voice, still hollow, but warmer than before. Harry looked around desperately. Soft glowing lights showed the pale boy just as he was, a ghostly teenager, but no longer in pain. Harry could see the confusion in his eyes.
"I didn't." Harry replied. Draco's face melted into a sad smile that seemed too soft for the pointed boy. He was suddenly held in the light arms and could feel the warm breath against his neck.
"But you did. Don't you see? You're here, you came for me." Harry knew it was true and wondered if Draco had ever wanted him to.
What's become of you?
"You shouldn't have." He says softly, and Harry knows his answer. He looked down to Draco's arm and sighed gently, relief washing away any worry. The mark was gone. There was no way it could hurt either of them any more. The scarred flesh was perfect again and Harry wondered again.
"Did you know it would be gone?" He asked, almost afraid of an answer. To his suspicions, Draco shook his head. Harry then knew he was only running away from his problems, hoping that it would all be ok in the end. In a way it was, but what would happen when the world found both Potter and Malfoy dead? Nothing good.
What you do, what you do,
"Thank you." Were the only words Draco could bring himself to say. He was prepared to sit in silence for eternity, but he needed Harry to hear those words. He didn't follow up on it, didn't explain in the least. He knew Harry would understand.
What's become of... ?
Harry almost wanted to be angry for this. Thank you... simple words for such a complicated emotion that he'd sacrificed to the blonde. He shouldn't have done it. He shouldn't have died for one boy who had damned himself. He shouldn't have tried for so long to keep the little piece of Draco alive, because it hurt them both more than letting him go would have. Then again, he shouldn't have fallen for someone he shouldn't have trusted. But he did.
Gentle fingers touched Harry's cheek and he realized that he'd been crying. He looked away, ashamed. There was supposed to be no more pain, no more sorrow or frustration.
Then, the both of them realized something, there was nothing left to do but smile, there was no going back, no one could bring them back into the world, there could never be anything to hurt either of them again. They would be together, happy, human for as long as the Earth and Heavens existed.
"Are we monsters, ghosts, or Angels?" Draco asked shyly after a while in the dark, just holding Harry. Harry stared into the faint lights and sighed.
"We're human." He said softly in answer, although at the same moment, they both knew that the other was thinking the same thing.
What happened to the Golden Boy and the Silver Prince? But it was true, they weren't gold and silver. They had their emotions and could be free. They really were human, both of them.
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Well? Any good?
Till next time
-J X