TW: Referenced Self-Harm, PTSD.

Michael knew Jeremy was nervous. He just expected something totally different from him.

The two boys had been dating ever since Jeremy and Christine split things off. The two high school lovebirds realized that they couldn't do long distance in the first month of post-secondary. Michael and Jeremy went to a college far enough away that no one heard of the SQUIP incident but close enough that Michael could drive them back if needed for a weekend. Jeremy confessed his love to his now-neighbor about a month into school, which absolutely thrilled Michael; he had been hushing a crush on his best friend since middle school. Jeremy admitted that he had been questioning his sexuality for a few years and he was sure he was bisexual. Michael had already told Jeremy he was gay; as soon as he knew himself, he had told his Player 2. Jeremy was of course cool with it.

It had been almost a year into dating when Jeremy had brought it up. And Michael was hoping Jeremy would be the first to bring it up, since Michael didn't want to come off as too eager. Plus he had been comfortable with the idea for a while; he wanted Jeremy to be comfortable too.

They had gotten close before. Since the Halloween party, however, Jeremy was not the best with intimate contact. He had told Michael and Christine about what happened due to having an anxiety attack during a presentation at school regarding rape culture. Christine helped him while they were together; and to Michael's knowledge they hadn't done anything past third base. Michael had helped Jeremy too in the past almost-year too. They had gotten close before. Michael always respected Jeremy's boundaries and Jeremy did the same for him.

They had just gotten back from Meal hall - a depressing experience each time they went, but food was food - and entered Jeremy's place when the skinny boy brought it up.

"So, Michael," Jeremy said, his voice sturdy but Michael could tell he was nervous. He wasn't making eye contact and fidgeting with the keys he had just used to open up his dorm room.

"I've been thinking lately… About you and me… I talked to my therapist about what happened and I think I am at a point of almost healing…"

This was news to Michael.

"I obviously will never fully recover but I am now able to think about participating in.. stuff… instead of just watching it on a screen…"

"Oh?" Michael didn't know what to say. This was amazing; not the sex part, but that Jeremy is getting better. Michael had seen the worst of it. He walked in on Jeremy having an anxiety attack and he had to pin Jeremy down so he would stop hurting himself. Jeremy calmed down after realizing it was Michael on top. The boy in the red sweater cleaned up the scrawny boy and they watched a movie. They didn't talk about it until the next day because Jeremy fell asleep during the movie and Michael knew about the nightmares. If Jeremy was sleeping, it was a blessing.

"And, uh, we don't have to necessarily, um, plan a date for it to happen, but I would like to… Just so I can prepare and such."

Michael thought that setting a date was a bit odd but it was not a big deal.

"Did you have a date in mind?" Michael asked. He told Jeremy that he can choose if he wants. Jeremy nodded, relief washing over him. He told Michael that since it will be a year since they started dating soon, that would be a nice way to start off the next year.

"Since we have a date, can I make it a date?" Michael asked. Jeremy nodded, trying to suppress a giddy smile.

"I'd like that."

"Careful what you wish for though. I'm going to romance the shit out of you. You will basically be swooning."

Jeremy chuckled and pulled Michael in for a quick kiss. He grabbed Michael's hand and led him to Jeremy's bedroom area of his dorm. That night they played AotD until dawn.

It had been a few weeks since their conversation about their special night. Michael knew exactly what to do. Every Saturday, the two boys ordered pizza instead of going to meal hall. Their anniversary was on a Friday so he was going to make one of Jere's favorite homemade dishes; his mothers' 5 cheese veggie lasagna. Michael cleaned his place for the first time in a while. He did laundry. He bought chocolate and layed out the bars on the floor leading to the bedroom. He told Jeremy not to wear anything too fancy. Jeremy stood in front of Michael with a plain shirt and skinny jeans. Michael wore his typical jeans and red patched hoodie. Both boys were beautiful in each other's eyes. They sat and ate their supper, casually talking. As if they hadn't planned on doing anything big later. To both boys having sex was a big deal. Michael asked Jeremy how his classes were, and Jeremy asked back. Jeremy ranted about an assignment but finished his supper first. He cleaned up after himself, informing Michael that his cooking was chef-material. The boys moved on to Michael's room, picking up the chocolates along the way, and started playing video games.

Previous to the date, they discussed that they would do their regular routine; eat, play video games until they beat a level and burned off supper, and then whoever got the lowest score had to be bottom when making out. This time, it was Jeremy. Michael asked if he minded losing and Jere admitted he lost on purpose. Before Michael could respond, he kissed the Filipino and pulled him over to the bed in a passionate kiss. Michael met his passion and it soon became a harmonious symphony. Michael parted for a moment. Jeremy looked up at him with curiosity. He went over to his laptop and brought something up on the screen. A sensual song began to play as Michael came back over.

"Thought that it could fill up any silence that might feel awkward."

Jeremy brings his boyfriend back over to the bed. Jeremy takes a big shaky breath. His hands cross over his body, he grabs the bottom of his own shirt, and in one fluid motion brings it up over his head, and off. Jeremy throws it away. Michael begins kissing Jeremy, knowing that it is not the right time to check the scars on his upper arms and abdomen. He asks if Jeremy is alright, to which Jeremy just moans and nods. Jeremy's hands slither up Michael's sweater and he uses his arms to take the sweater off. Michael takes his own shirt off. He and Jeremy move to fully be laying on the bed. Michael continues to kiss Jeremy, then trails light kisses down his boyfriend's neck and chest, sending shivers that Jeremy can't hold back throughout his body.

Michael makes a mental note that past this point, the SQUIP would have started sending Jeremy shocks that causes his body to jerk. Jeremy had been recovering well but one thing the doctors weren't sure how to help was the Phantom Shocks Jeremy experiences. When Jeremy knows that the SQUIP wouldn't want him to do something it's almost as if the SQUIP is still there. It doesn't hurt as much but Jeremy has sensations as if he were being shocked. At first this had freaked Michael out. They had been cuddling in nothing but their underwear and Michael had started pleasuring Jeremy. Suddenly, Jeremy had screeched in pain as his body jerked away. Michael tried helping him but Jeremy could barely talk. Unknown to Michael at the time, Jeremy was trying to repress the symptoms of the Phantom Shock, which meant Jeremy couldn't speak due to concentration. He had cuddled Jeremy and rocked him until he was okay and able to explain his behavior. Jeremy had it happen a few times at school but his teachers and classmates thought it was just an anxiety attack. His therapist didn't know how to treat it, and was still looking into it.

Jeremy pulled Michael back up to his face and kissed him again. He slid his hands between Michael's pants and underwear.

"I know the rules-" Jeremy whispered between kisses "-but can I top?"

Michael rolled so Jeremy was on top. He loved when his boyfriend took control. Jeremy did the same thing to Michael that Michael had just done to him. Michael asked if it was ok before doing so, and he starts massaging a certain body part on Jeremy. Michael prepared himself. Another reason he liked Jeremy on top was that Jeremy could freely move during the Phantom Shock. It happened, but Jeremy wasn't affected for long. When he came out of it, he took his pants off. Michael couldn't say a word because his boyfriend was suddenly on him again, passion turning into more of a hunger. Michael moved to kiss Jere's neck again. Jeremy had his head over to the side, looking off of the bed. Michael felt Jeremy reach down to his own pants, his arm move up and down a few times. He whispered something, inaudible to Michael. They kept kissing. Jeremy added some tongue and Michael happily challenged him. He felt Jeremy's arm do the same motion. He was starting to get a bit confused. Michael decided to investigate. He pushed lightly on Jeremy and they parted.

"What were you just doing with the hand that's off of the bed?"

Jeremy froze, his eyes wide. He looked around the room because he was embarrassed. When he didn't answer, Michael said the boy's name.

"Ok I was really nervous about this and not doing it right. So I made up a little, erm, check list to make sure I got the main bits. I added a few things that would happen."

Jeremy pulled his pants up off of the ground and took out a piece of paper. He checked something off and turned the paper; his hands covering the rest of the list. Michael could see the latest one.

Michael finds out about checklist

Michael chuckled a little.

"I am sure that you would have been good without a check list. If it makes you feel better to have one, then go ahead."

Jeremy sheepishly checked off something else from the list. Michael read it.

Michael is cool with Jeremy being weird

"Did I… Kill the mood?

Michael pulled down on Jeremy so he would flop on top and Michael's mouth would be near his ear.

"I am in love with you Jeremy Heere. You and your favorite shirt, the way you smile. Even the part of you that makes a check list for sex. While I love you, I also am incredibly turned on by you right now"

Jeremy dropped his pants back to the ground, took his boyfriend's face in his hands and kissed him. Michael slid his pants off.

"You sure you want this Jeremy?"

"Yes," Jeremy breathed.

The next morning, Jeremy was the first to wake up. They were so tired that they didn't bother putting their clothes back on. Jeremy looked over at Michael lovingly, watching the rise and fall of his chest. He was proud of himself. He did not have any Phantom Shocks. He felt safe with Michael. He felt right with him, whole with him. Michael accepted him and helped him become a better person every day. And Jeremy helped Michael too; he felt good knowing he could offer people things too instead of just taking them. Although last night, Michael and himself took something away from each other, gave it to each other with love.

He managed to do everything on the checklist, and more.