Hello. This is my first TRC story, spoilers from book 15 and on. I heart the Syaorans, and hope they find happiness in the end!

Story was inspired by "Kingdom Come" by Coldplay, some of the lyrics are in the story, thus the italic.

Never Be Him

-Son Akito

I feel my time, my time has come.

Thought the eye, I saw everything. I saw the way she looked at him, I saw the way she would grab his hand and smile upon him. I saw the way she needed him, although he restrained his feelings for her.

I had always wished that I could become part of the story, to join him and the others on the search to restore her memories. I know deep in my heart I will never be able too.

My other self was always strong, even though it seemed impossible to win, he always found a way around the situation and everything was fine again. I don't think I can be that strong.

When I look at her, and she can't look at me...

It just reminds me all over again that I am not him.

Let me in, unlock the door.

I've never felt this way before.

Trapped inside that spell for years, only watching as my other self was living his life. I can't help to feel regret. Regret that I let it all happen. I knew what would happen on that promised day, and all I could do is sit back and watch as those wings spread and those feathers fly to a million different places all at once. I knew the price my other self had to pay before he had to pay it. The memories he held the Princess; I could see them all.

I know her just a well has he does, but these last few weeks, I have seen a change...

And I know it's because of me, I'm not that person she holds close to her heart. I wish I could be, but that won't happen. I see the looks the party glances at me, they wish it was him who was here and not myself.

I hate that I look at myself in the mirror; wishing I was something else.

I wish I could be saved from this torture; that my other self was just a different person all together--that he didn't hold my heart. So I could live as my own person, be free to make any decision I want to make.

So I won't have to live up to the shadow of...

Glancing back at that shut door, I wish the Princess would let me protect her. I know my other self would want me to continue this journey with her since he is no longer able too. Yet-- I wish the impossible was possible so I can return that heart. I am holding onto feelings that are not mine, I was not there experiencing the bond they had. I was merely an observer.

For years I was watching them.

I know what name she calls out at night, and even though I bare the same name, it's not me she's calling. The memories she is not able to keep, seem to be replaced with the feelings that have been there all along. I can feel her pain though this wall that parts us.

My heart feels like it has gone though too much.

I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

I feel so much weight on my shoulders, so many things that have happened, that I am not sure what I am suppose to do. My heart feels like it has been replaced. I feel all these feelings inside of me, and I am not sure if they are truly mine or not.

I feel the strongest urge to protect that girl in the other room, and I can't figure out if it's me who feels this or him. As well as the feelings for the others. Is it my mind playing tricks? Thinking that I feel something; when it isn't really my feelings that are surfacing.

I've been locked up for so long, I have forgotten how to live my life. I only know how to live his, but no one will let me in.

Wondering lost between these worlds, baring the sins that the other me has inflected. Having to look them in the eye, and realizing it's not me they are trying to see...

...Having to hear her cry.

There is no way around it, I could never be him to them.

Even though it was my heart he was holding.