This story is a complete and utter laugh at the FF7 world...
Lets just say the characters have accidentally unleashed their alter egos...
Cloud has become a girly cheerleader. Barret has become a quiet and thoughtful man. Tifa has become a fan-girl for Cait Sith, who thinks that he is an airplane. Cid thinks that he is a gay man, and wants Cloud, but Cloud thinks he is a woman. Vincent is the only one who has maintained any sanity, though he seems to have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Red XIII has become a little puppy, even though he is a feline. Yuffie has become a schizophrenic, bipolar, with a fetish for hitting things with a baseball bat. And finally Aeris, dear sweet Aeris, seems to have gained a murderous intent, that can't be sated with just anyone's death...
So sit back and enjoy this very strange, crazed FF7 spoof!
Chapter 1: Madness Ensues!
There came a loud 'thunk' from the other room, and a loud "ZOOOOOM" as Cait Sith flew out of the room.
"Hey! Don't break that! That's not funny!" Squealed Cloud as Yuffie smacked the wall with a large bat.
"Shut up wench! I'll smack you next!" Yuffie screamed.
Vincent came to the door, and touched the doorframe three times, and then entered.
"What is going on in here?" His deep voice cut through Yuffie's shouts.
"VINNY! I WUV YOU!" Shouted Yuffie, flinging her bat down on the ground.
Vincent looked at Cloud, who was dressed in a miniskirt, and a tank top.
"What the hell is going on?" He said, as he observed Cloud dancing like a cheerleader.
"Well, like Yuffie was trying to kill me! And like all that broken stuff is cause she like broke it with that like huge bat thingy!" Cloud said, doing an impossible split, grimacing as he hurt his groin.
"Why are you talking like that?" Vincent asked trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
"SOME ONE IS GOING TO DIE FOR THIS!" Came a gruff alto voice from the kitchen.
"VINNY! CAN I HAVE A HUG? I WUV YOU!" Yuffie screeched, jumping up and down in front of him.
"Some one needs to tell me what the hell is going on! Why are you dressed like that?" He asked Cloud again, earning a head cock, and a large smile.
"I'm a CHEERLEADER!" Cloud yelled, shaking his hips as he did.
"Um... Well..." Vincent got to the doorway, and touched the frame three times before he left the room.
"You are going to pay you little bitch!" Yuffie said, slamming the bat into Cloud's face.
"AHHHHHHH!" Cloud screamed, falling onto the ground, and holding his nose.
"Wow. The weather is great, isn't Cloud?" Yuffie said, looking at Cloud, who was still on the floor.
"Why are you on the floor?" She asked.
"Maba bu ma gah hu!" Cloud mumbled, not really saying anything, because he was crying to hard.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Meanwhile, Vincent was struggling to find someone who was sane.
He met Cid in the hall way but something seemed a little odd about him.
He was standing in front of a mirror, examining his ass.
"I love tight pants!" He said.
"Do I look sexy?" Cid continued, looking at Vincent with a happy look.
"For who?" Vincent asked.
"CLOUD!" Cid shouted, jumping up into the air.
"Cloud?" Vincent inquired.
"Yes! He is the sexiest man alive! I want in that boys pants sister!" Cid said, snapping his fingers.
Aeris walked in holding a bloody butcher knife.
"I HATE THAT FAT MAN! I JUST CUT HIS THROAT OUT CAUSE HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME MY CHEESE!" She said, stabbing the knife into the side table.
"You WHAT?" Vincent cried, so shocked to hear those words come out of Aeris' mouth.
"I KILLED THAT FAT ASS IN THE SUPERMARKET! HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME THE CHEESE!"
"WHAT?" Vincent still could not believe what he was hearing.
"SHUT UP! I'LL STAB YOU TOO!" She said, snagging the knife up from the table, and pointing it at Vincent's heart.
"But...?" Vincent began.
She lunged at him with the knife, but he dodged it, and took the knife away in one fluid motion.
"Why are you stabbing people Aeris? You never used to do things like this before!" Vincent asked, as he restrained Aeris with his free hand.
"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!" Aeris shouted, trying to knee him in the crotch.
"Like Girlfriend! Calm your self! You're like up here..." Cid indicated, by raising his hand toward the ceiling, "But you need to be down here." He finished, lowering his hand toward the ground.
Vincent contemplated shooting himself with Peace Maker, but thought better of it.
"Why is everyone going insane?" He thought to himself, as he felt Aeris' teeth sink into his arm.
"OW!" He let go of Aeris, and she kicked him in the chin, then snatching up the knife from the ground, she ran out the door, laughing maniacally as she did.
Vincent lay on the ground.
Someone came and stooped over him, dripping some hot liquid onto his head.
"Like, you okay?" Cloud asked in a falsetto.
"What the hell is dripping on me?" He asked.
"Blood." Cloud replied.
"Why?"
"Cause Yuffie like broke my nose!"
"Well... Doesn't that just take the cake?" Vincent said, shaking his head.
"Cake! Can I have some?" Cloud asked, becoming giddy like a little schoolgirl.
"Like my Cloudy! Come be gay with me!" Cid said, striking a pose.
"Like no way! You're like a gay guy! Like I'm a cheerleader!" Cloud said.
"So! You're a guy too, girlfriend!" Cid snapped his fingers as he said this.
"Um... Like hell I am! Like I am soooo a girl!" Cloud said, rolling his eyes.
"Will you two just stop acting so strange? It is getting on my nerves!" Vincent snapped his voice had an edge of anger in it.
"But Vincent! I want to be gay with Cloud!" Complained Cid, his voice full of sorrow.
"That's it! I'm out of here! Sort this out amongst yourselves! I have to find Aeris!"
He left the room, and on his way, he touched each doorframe three times before he went though.
Cloud and Cid stared at one another.
"Like what's his problem?" Cloud asked.
"Your guess is as good as mine girlfriend!" Cid replied, slapping Cloud on the butt.
"HEY!" Cloud shouted in protest, before running because Yuffie was coming, swinging her bat around.
"Don't leave me Cloudy!" Cid said running after Cloud.
This left the room empty, except for Yuffie, who happily smashed a vase with her bat.
"FUN!" She cried, as it shattered into a million pieces.
"I have to tell Vinny about how fun this is!" She said, wondering outside to find Vincent.