A/N In the past, when helping friends deal with loss and grief, I would suggest for them to write down their feelings, some would write stories.
Today, I heeded my own advice.
Warning : There is death of a main character, an animal and suicide.
All mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer : I own nothing of SyFy.
My fingers tighten on the wheel,my knuckles turning white as I felt the slight bump under my tire. I forced myself to look straight ahead. I bit my bottom lip,tasting copper,as my eyes glanced toward the mirror, then ripping and throwing the rear view mirror down on the floor of the passenger side of her SUV.
I turned off at the next exit,wringing my hands on the steering wheel as I searched for a liquor store.
" Going to a party?" the man behind the counter asked as he rang up the bottle of whiskey.
" Something like that" I said as I gave him a slight smile. It felt like my lips were splitting apart with my sad attempt at being cordial. Grabbing the bottle, I thanked him as I made my way back out to her SUV. I tossed the bottle next to the bouquet of flowers sitting on the passenger seat.
I drove till I found the street I was looking for,finally finding a parking spot near the gates. I leaned my head against the steering wheel, trying to collect myself as I sat back. I went to check my face in the rear view mirror. " Just fucking bloody great!" I hissed out as I reached for the mirror on the floor. Wiping away the tears from my cheeks, I reached behind me to grab the leather tote on the back seat, placing the bottle inside, I left the keys in the ignition as I closed her door.
I grabbed at the side of my dark brown rain coat, the flowers in hand as I tugged her favorite coat around me tighter. She loved this coat on me ' you were wearing that when you yanked me into the sky, " holy crap, I'm going to die" raced through my mind' . I could see her smile as she used to remind me of the first time I wrapped her in my arms, feeling her heart racing against my ribs. The clinking of glass against steel, in the leather bag slung over my shoulder, as I walked further into the park shook me out of my revere.
I sat down on the grass next to her as I took out her favorite libation. I set her flowers down next to her as I grabbed the bottle out of her bag, taking a hefty pull from the bottle, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand " Good lord, I thought I would die before a drop of Irish Whiskey would touch my British lips"
I smiled to myself at the horrified look that would cross her face " My love, please, I know I was not one to indulge in drink, till that...I know, a day has not gone by since your last birthday when I can remember being sober" I took another healthy draw from the bottle,watching the swirl of leaves before us " It looks like a storm is coming" I said as the gray clouds blew over us.
The cold wind was a sharp contrast to the warm liquid seeping it's way into me with each sip. I felt the sting of the wind on my redden eyes,burning at my soul. " I am sorry that I am late, it took forever at the DMV, but, I did as you asked, I now have my organ donor card, the bank was not as bad" I said as I leaned on one elbow, leaning toward her " I made sure Claudia would be able to access my funds, we do not want a repeat of that fiasco from the bank that I had to deal with last year. No worries love, all my assets are going towards that cancer research place, God knows they need all the help they can get"
I reached out to smooth the drying grass down, readjusting the flowers from a gust of wind " No my love, it was...not a good drive over here" I stood up, the bottle raised to my lips, taking another long swig " How the hell does a small kitten end up in the middle of the road, Jesus Christ! on the middle of a bridge no less! I couldn't...I had no time to stop, that damn van in front of me had hit it, it's little head raised up toward to me as I...I couldn't stop..I couldn't do anything..I..Oh God Myka, It looked just like Dickens, it could have not been more than a few weeks old!"
I was waving my arms around, pacing around the lawn. My tears were uncontrolled as they poured down my face" I couldn't...how could I kill a young, innocent thing!" I tilted the bottle back, some of the liquid running down the side of my mouth " It was just an innocent soul…I prayed that it was quick"
My chest tighten as I sank down next to her, my throat became raw, my chest was convulsing with each sob " I am so sorry Myka, I should have been there for you, I couldn't make it there in time to say goodbye to you"
I said as I wiped my tears away " But, I would not leave you, I sat by your side,holding your hand against my cheek, refusing to let them take your body..you, away from me "
I took the cold metal out of the bag, running my fingers over the barrel " I made you a promise long ago that I would never leave your side my love. And I never will ever break my promise to you"
I finished the the bottle as I leaned against the cold headstone.
"Not ever my love"
I said as I felt the cold steel under my chin, the last sound I remember, is the click of the hammer as I squeezed the trigger. " Happy birthday Myka"