"It`s over"

Those words rang through my head as i splashed water over my face and looked up at the mirror in the toilets of the club where i work.
I grab a paper towel and wiped away the wetness and threw it into the bin.
I was glad to be on my break for a few minutes to try and gather my thoughts.

"It`s over" I heard his words to me again and there was the ache in my heart once more.
It was always over, when HE said so, and then just as i tried to pick myself up and get on with my life, there he was infront of me, in my face...annoying me...teasing me...kissing me.
A noise from upstairs broke me from my thoughts and i hurried back to work.

As i cleared glasses from some of the tables i passed his office door, i thought of him again. I should be used to his ways by now, i don`t know why im not stronger, i try to be. But he knows just how to get to me, how to wind me up, and just how much i can`t resist him.
Suddenly the door to his office opened and there he stood, his suprise presence still made me nervous.
I kept my head down and carried on with my work, but he stared at me. I could feel his eyes on me and as much as i tried not to, i looked up at him.
He just looked at me expressionless for what felt like ages before stepping towards where i stood, frozen to the spot. His eyes never left mine as he got closer and stood right next to me and lent in so close to my ear that i could feel his warm breath on my skin...i shivered.
"Are you going to just stand there Steven ... or are you going to do some work?"

I hurried off and took the glasses to the bar and loaded them into the washer and looked for any other job i could do to keep me occupied, and away from him. I noticed that the stock levels of some drinks were getting low and so disapeared to the cellar to get some more.
I`d often go down there to get away from the noise in the club, but mostly to get away from him. He`d found me in there one time, i was loading creates with empty bottles for disposal when he came down the stairs and found me. That was when he first said it was over, he accused me of shirking off work and started pushing me around but as i tried to leave he pulled me back, pushed me up against the wall and kissed me so hard that he took my breath away.
He touched me and pleasured me and left me desperate for more, and just as quick as it had all started it stopped, he pushed me away and told me to get back to work...how that was the last time...how it was over.

And then suddenly there he was again, closing the door behind him as he stepped into the cellar room with me.
"What do you want?" i asked sharply.
"Thats no way to talk to your boss now is it Steven" He hissed.
"My boss when it suits you" I mumbled and looked away, but he didn`t reply. He just looked at me...the way he does.
I picked up a create of new drinks to go back upatairs and headed to the door, but he moved quickly to block the way.
"Excuse me..." I said trying to be strong, but he just continued to stare at me. "...Brendan can i get passed please" I added a bit softer as i reluctanly looked into his eyes.
"Of course young Steven..." it was as if he suddenly came back to life. "...far be it for me to stop you from working". He smiled at me.

I quickly hurried up the cellar room stairs and into the bar incase he changed his mind again. I busied myself with the stock and didn`t see Brendan coming back into the club, going back into his office for less than a minute before rushing off down the stairs and out of the club.

It was a little while afterwards and nearing the end of my shift that i wondered where he had gotten to, his office door was left open a little and when i looked in he was no where to be seen. It made me nervous when i didn`t know where he was, nervous that he could suddenly appear out of no where and set upon me again.
I finished up my jobs and collected my coat said my goodbyes and headed towards the door, but i couldn`t leave, not without knowing exactly where he was. So i went back in and asked one of the other staff if they knew, they said that he`d gone home a while ago complaining of a headache and that he was going to bed.
I knew that was a lie.
Nothing made Brendan have an early night.

I smiled to myself as i went out of the club and felt the night air hit my face, i thought of how Brendan could have his left arm hanging off but would still insist that it was only a scratch...i giggled to myself at how i much i knew him, but then i stopped.
I knew him too well to know he wouldn`t just go home, i knew that he would do it on purpose, knowing that i would ask where he had gone and knowing that i would be weak enough to go to see him.
It angered me. This is what he was like, making me do the running only for him to play with me, to have his fun, to push me to the edge before driving me so crazy that i can`t help myself.
I stopped and looked up the steps that led to where he lived, knowing that he would be there, waiting for me. But I needed to be strong, to resist.
I turned away and headed for home, this time i wasn`t falling for his games.

Brendan opened his eyes, looked at his watch and dropped his head back onto the settee where he`d been since he had gotten in from work and where he`d been waiting for Ste to arrive. But he hadn`t.
He got up and paced up and down for a while, his eyes flicking between his watch again and the front door. How dare Ste not be there, his shift had been over for a while now, he always ended up there no matter how much he protested he wouldn`t, Ste would be there pretending he didn`t want to be and begging to be kissed.
Brendan moaned to himself as he thought about Ste.
Letting his want overtake his pride for just a moment Brendan grabbed his jacket, flung open the front door and disapeared through it.

The anger Brendan felt from Ste disobaying him disapeared a bit more with every step he took towards his flat. A light was on inside, it had to be Ste as his flat mate was away for the night at her mothers and so Ste was alone.
Brendan tried to peer through the net curtains but couldn`t see anyone, as he pondered what to do suddenly Ste came into sight, obviously fresh from the shower as he had a towel around his waist and another he pushed over his wet hair.
"Oh fuck" Brendan reacted at the sight. Ste heard the noise and headed towards the wondow, Brendan quickly crouched down under the wondow sill out of sight, the last thing he wanted was for Ste to know that he`d gone to him. Showing that there may just be a side to him that cared for Ste...because that of course was obsurd.

Im sure i heard a noise outside the window. I went over to it, pulled the net to one side and looked out, my heart jumped when i thought i saw someone move in the darkness and my first thought was it could of been Brendan. But what was i thinking, he would never come to me like that.
I decided to try and distract my mind, i got dressed and flopped down infront of the tv and absentmindedly flicked through the channels.

But i couldn`t concentrate.
I know what my flat mate would be saying if she was here...`what are you doing even thinking about him...don`t go to him...you know what he wants...why can`t you just forget about him`.
The reason i couldn`t that night was the same reason it has been all the other times...because i loved him.

I was out the door and half way to Brendans before i had a chance to talk myself out of it. My heart beat got faster the closer i got and my chance of getting away from this unscathed slipped away with every step i took.
I hesitated at his front door, the voice of my flat mate was still in my head telling me to wise up and leave ... fast.
I couldn`t.
I went to knock on the door but as my hand touched it the door opened, it had been left unlocked almost as if the person inside was expecting someone.

I gingerly stepped inside expecting to see Brendan in there with that smug expression he does so well, sat there with his arms folded telling me that he knew that i would come, because i always do...but he wasn`t there. I went more inside the softly lit front room and looked around thinking he must be there somewhere.
"What are you doing here Steven ?"
I spun around to see Brendan coming in through his own front door way. "I asked what you are doing here" He repeated as he shut the door behind him.
He stepped closer to me as i stood there lost for the right words.
"I...er...where have you been?" i asked trying to divert his question.
"Just out, getting a breath of fresh air you know" he replied as he proceeded to remove his jacket and drop it on the settee.
I knew he was lying...and then it all fell into place, where he had been and who it was that had made the noise i heard outside my flat. A grin quickly formed on my lips.

"I hate it when you smile like that Steven, when you think you know something" Brendan scowled.
"I do" I replied confidently.
"Go on then Stevie-boy..." Brendan started as he pushed past me and turned to hear my reply. "...what pearls of wisdom have you got for me this time". He stood next to me with his arms folded. I bravely turned to face him.
"You`ve been at mine...you came to my flat...you was outside my window" I said.
"Oh really..." Brendan replied dismissivly. " ...if thats so how come you managed to get here first ?"
I lent in towards him a bit to smell his breath.
"Because you went for a drink...whiskey... you probably rushed off after i heard you "
Brendan stayed quiet.
"..you will of gone to the pub of course because you wouldn`t want to go back to the club, not after faking that headache earlier..." I giggled, this felt great, Brendan was so quiet, but i could see i was right. Brendan just continued to look at me with his hooded blue eyes. "You think you know me so well don`t you".
I confidently stood my ground.

"But I do ... i know what goes on in your head...i know that you say it`s over but you still want me..." Im standing so close to him now, our faces almost touching. I place my finger tips on his chest. "...you want me so much that you came to me tonight...to me".
Brendan glanced down at my fingers on his skin and then looked back into my eyes. The annoyance he felt at being ridiculed quickly being outweighed by the need to kiss me.
"Is that so" Brendan hissed quietly.
I knew he was nearing the edge and so licked my lips and just nodded.

Brendan suddenly pushed me sharply making me stumble backwards, he followed and pushed me back again. As he moved he undid the buttins on his shirt and let the edges fall open to reveal his toned chest. He pushed me backwards again as we moved through his front room and kitchen and headed towards his bedroom. I bumped back against his closed bedroom door and was suddenly trapped with Brendan moving in close again. He took off his shirt and threw it down.
"What are you doing ?" I asked playfully.
Brendan took hold of the fastening on my trousers and undid them.
"Are you going to teach me a lesson ?" I teased again as the zipper came undone.
"I think ive taught you enough...". Brendan suddenly spoke, and smiled as he lent in close to my ear. "...but the more practise you get the better you`ll become".

He pressed his lips hard onto mine and slid his hand inside my trousers.
He stroked me hard and we kissed feverishly.
With desperation growing between us i reached for the door handle and as we lent on it the door opened and we stumbled inside, we fumbled with each others clothes as we kissed before falling backwards onto the bed.

I woke up a while later and im instantly happy. I see Brendans arms wrapped around me, it`s one of the times when im truly happy. I turn a litte to face Brendan trying to not wake him and spoil the moment. I carefully put a finger tip to his tashe and stroke it, he twitches his face and settles again.
I smile to myslef, i wish it could always be like this, not with Brendan always asleep of course, but with us this close and peaceful together.
My finger trails down his cheek and neck to his body where i carefully wind it in and out of his chest hair. Brendan sighs and smiles broadly to himself before resting again in his sleep.
I look at the time, kiss his lips gently and reluctently climb out of his bed. I pick up my pants and trousers and pull them on and after looking, see my top on the other side of the room.
"You going already ?" Brendan sighed opening his eyes slowly and yawning.
"Amy`s due back soon and you know how she likes to ask questions" I reply.
"Yeah" Brendan sighs again as he stretches his body.
"Of course we could stay together longer if..." I start.
"Stop right there..." Brendan cut me off.
I pulled my top on over my head. "You`re gonna have to admit your feelings sooner or later Brendan, even you must realise that" I push.
"I don`t have to admit anything" Brendan snapped as he sat himself up in the bed.
"I know you want us to be together too..." I talked carefully as i moved towards Brendans side of the bed and sat down close. "..i just wish you would admit it... to yourself at least". My heart was pounding but i controlled my nerves and carefully layed my hand to the side of Brendans neck and gently stroked his skin.
We shared a moment, i can`t really describe it ... it was like all that mattered was each other.

Brendan suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away form his face.
"There you go analising me again... i`ve warned you about that Steven" He held my wrist tightly to one side.
I felt brave again.
"I don`t need to analise you, you forget i already know everything about you, i know you better than anyone..." I smiled cheekily and pulled my hand away sharply.
I stood up "...even if you don`t think i do".
I started to move away when Brendan spoke again.
"Go on then Steven, if you think you know me...what am i going to say next ?" He shuffled himself in the bed and sat up straighter...and watched me.
This was my chance to really prove that i was right.

"You`re going to say it`s over, like you always do when you get defensive, when i get under your skin a little too much...when its obvious that you want me as much as i want you and for a few seconds you`re not in control of your feelings...the shutters come crashing down and Brendan Brady gets defensive... then you say its over...everytime...and you mean it...that is until you can`t fight it anymore and you want me again". I tried to catch my breath.
"Interesting..." Brendan mumbled as he studied me. "...you`d better go then if you already know whats coming"

I pulled on my shoes and turned to head for the door. "Whatever" I grumbled.

"Steven..." He called out.

Here it was, Brendan having to get the last word in, even though i`ve just poved i know what he`d say, he still has to go and say it ... and i guess i let him. Because as much as it hurts sometimes i know he dosn`t really mean it. That some time soon he`ll he with me again and we`ll share our passion with each other again until we are breathless.

"What is it ?" I asked.
I turn to face him, to let him have the final word...if thats what he wants, but I still can`t believe he`d do it after all i`ve just said.

"I love you...Steven".

The End.