Note: I came up with this after looking up pictures of the Espada and the dwarves and I thought 'Hey why not?' The dwarves are based off their version from the upcoming movie. Lastly if you've come here planning on taking this seriously leave, this is supposed to be fun.
Ten Swords and Thirteen Dwarves
Thorin and Company along with their burglar associate Bilbo Baggins had been wandering around Mirkwood for some time.
Bilbo led the way as he had the map, but the group would often find themselves stopping so they could analyze the map, and also Bombur would complain about being hungry.
Then once they figured out where they were and where they had to be going they would set out once again.
"How much farther ?" asked Thorin.
"N-Not much farther." Replied Bilbo as he took a second to look down at the map.
"Well how much time would you guess?" asked Dori." I thinks everyone else is getting on edge." He glanced back at the other dwarves of the group.
"My feet hurt." Groaned Bifur.
"I'm starving." Added Bombur.
"I hope it's not much longer." Said Gloin next to his brother Oin. Upon seeing his mouth move Oin reached into his pocket and pulled out a horn then put it to his ear.
"WHAT!" he shouted causing the dwarves around him Gloin, Dwalin, Ori, and Bifur to jump.
"Hey look there." Said Balin pointing in the distance. The dwarves then rallied themselves and looked. Just beyond in the distance not too far ahead was a clearing. Creaking threw the darkness of the forest trees was a crack of sunlight.
"We've finally made it out." Said Kili.
"Excellent work ." said Fili as he patted the hobbit on the back.
Then with a newfound burst of speed the group made their way to the light, expecting it to lead them out of Mirkwood.
One by one they approached the light and one by one stepped into it.
Then once they stepped threw it they immediately found themselves piling on top on another on the other side.
Bilbo groaned at having the pile of dwarves on him.
"GET OFF ME!" shouted the voice of Dwalin amongst the group. Nori was squeezed out from the pile and rose to his feet.
Balin was up next and noticed Bilbo's hand sticking out from under Bombur, a terribly tragedy.
"Get off him." Said Balin as he reached down and picked the larger dwarf up and off the hobbit. Then Balin reached down and helped Bilbo to his feet." Are you alright?" he asked as he dusted him off.
"Well where are we now?" asked Thorin as he rose to his feet." This looks like no home of the elves."
Bofur reached down and pawed at the ground, it was sand.
"Sand?" he said confused." On the edge of the forest." Now all the dwarves rose to their feet.
"Oi." Shouted Nori. The dwarves all looked over to him and saw Nori pointing to something in the distance.
They looked over to see a towering fortress with a large dome atop it.
"And what is that?" asked Ori.
"Perhaps it's the home of the elf king of Mirkwood." Said Gloin.
"No elves would make their home here." Said Thorin." It's too dark and rough. That dwelling is more suited for dwarves."
"Should we go and have a look?" asked Kili.
"Perhaps there's food inside." Said Bombur." Mr. Baggins." He said turning to the hobbit." You think you could burglar us a nice hot dinner."
"W-well I." said Bilbo.
"Don't worry about food now." Said Bofur." We should scout the place out first."
"Agreed." Said Dwalin.
"Very well then." Said Thorin." Dwarves move out." Then one by one the dwarves gathered their things and headed for the large fortress.
They made it inside easily, Dwalin and Dori pushing open the large doors. Then the dwarves all poked their heads inside, and when they did they saw nothing.
So once again the group ventured in and exploded some more.
"Let's keep quiet." Whispered Thorin to the group." We don't know what's in here."
Oin pulled out his horn and brought it to his ear."WHAT!" he yelled. His voice echoed throughout the halls.
The rest of the company grimaced at him, if anything was here it knew they were here now to.
They roam the large halls, all with a dark silence around them. However as they ventured they couldn't help the feeling they were being watched.
"It's like the story you told us Bilbo." Said Balin to him." Where you met that creature Gollum." The dwarves all nodded in agreement as they remembered the story.
"In here." Called one of the dwarves. They all turned around to see Gloin standing by a set of large doors. The group gathered around him and Gloin pushed the doors open.
Then when they were inside they saw a large table fit with ten chairs, and not too far away from that was a throne.
"This must be the hall of the king." Noted Nori." That must be where he sat."
"It could be the dining hall." Said Ori." Its big enough."
"If it's the dining hall." Said Bombur." There must be food."
"Indeed." Said Thorin." Dwarves let's sit down and collect ourselves over a meal."
So the dwarves sat down at the table finding that the chairs were much too big for them. Thorin sat at the head of the table.
"Bilbo." Said Thorin." Search the area round see if you can find some food." Bilbo obligated my contract did so and set off while the dwarves made themselves comfortable.
Bilbo left the room and began searching the surrounding ones. And one of them was the kitchen, and sitting there he saw a large feast with turkey, potatoes, fruit, different assortments of ale and best of all sponge cake.
So Bilbo quickly returned to his dwarf comrades who were sitting around the table smoking.
"Bilbo you return empty handed." Said Bifur at seeing him so soon.
"No no," replied Bilbo." I've found a whole feast of food it's just waiting in the other room. But I'll need some help carrying it." With that said all the dwarves jumped to their feet and followed Bilbo into the next room.
Then one by one they all returned carrying the food and set it down on the table. Then the feast began.
"Here Bilbo." Said Balin to the hobbit." You may take my seat." He stood up and pulled the chair out for him. Bilbo thanked him and then jumped up and sat amongst the dwarves.
Ori bit down on an apple. Dwalin slammed his hand down on Gloin's plate causing the potatoes to fly up onto his face. Bombur had a turkey leg in each hand and was stuffing himself with both. And while they were all eating away Nori would casually take the silverware and hid it in his pockets, seeing as how the dwarves didn't need them they wouldn't be missed.
But this whole time they had let their guards down, and little did they know they were being watched.
In the corner of the room was a camera and it was currently capturing the dwarves and displaying them on a larger screen.
Sitting in front of the screen and watching them with great curiosity was Espada number eight Syazel. He ran his hand across his chin as he watched who he presumed to be men eating.
Then suddenly there came a knock from the door behind him and then it flung open and the other nine espada walked in.
"This better be good." Said Nnoitra as he walked in, followed Zommari and Aaroniero. Then Ulquiorra, Yammy, Grimmjow, Barragan, Strak, and Halibel walked in.
"It is." Said Syazel turning from them and pointing to the screen." What do you make of this?" The other espada looked up and saw the fourteen people eating at their table.
"Who are they?" asked Stark.
"Don't know." Said Syazel." They just walked into the throne room and started eating."
"Why didn't we sense them?" asked Zommari.
"Perhaps they're hiding their power." Said Grimmjow.
"Have you alerted lord Aizen?" asked Halibel.
"No." said Syazel." I was going to wait and see what they do next. They don't appear to be any real threat."
"These are invaders." Said Barragan." And we should deal with invaders accordingly."
"I agree." Said Nnoitra with a smile.
"Very well." Said Syazel." Let's go." Then with that the ten espada all left and made their way to the thronw room.
Meanwhile in the throne room.
The dwarves all continued to eat away while Balin acted as their look out eyeing the door.
Then suddenly to his surprise the door slowly opened and there stood the ten espada. Balin looked at them shocked.
"Guys." He said glancing back at the dwarves. But they didn't hear and kept eating." Guys." He said snapping his fingers as the espada continued to glare him down.
Now the dwarves all looked up, some with food still in their mouths and looked at the espada. Bilbo looked nervously to his friends to the group before them. But the espada all looked confused as they looked upon the dwarves.
"It looks like we're being invaded by midgets." Said Barragon.
"Who you calling a midget?" said Dwalin as he stood up.
Then Thorin stepped up and moved before his group.
"I am Thorin." He said." This is my company." He said pointing to his group." Why are you here?"
"Why are we here?" asked Halibel."Why are you here?" she said pointing to them." You're trespassing in Hueco Muendo."
"Us trespassing." Said Throin as he looked back to his group.
"Oh aye." Said Dori.
"In Hueco Muendo." Added Kili. Bofur took a long puff of his pipe and blew it into the air. Thorin looked back to the espada.
"Well we've come a long way." Said Thorin." We're going to continue eating and then we'll be on our way."
"Sadly that's not an option." Said Nnoitra. Thorin looked back at him.
"Why's that?" he asked his hand sliding to the hilt of his sword.
"You've entered our fortress." Said Barragan." And now you won't be able to leave alive."
Thorin looked to his dwarves. The dwarves all rose to their feet and grabbed their weapons then they stood by each other.
The espada recognizing the dwarves ready to fight drew their own weapons.
Bilbo looked back between the group extremely frightened.
"Bilbo." Said Dori turning to him." You should hide, we'll get you when the battles over." Bilbo did as he was told and ducked under the table. From under there he saw the dwarves and the Espada starring each other down.
Then suddenly the groups flung themselves at each other and chaos ensued.
The espada who were used to fighting one on one were not prepared to the chaos of the dwarves fighting.
Nnoitra ran up and swung his spear but Bifur and Bofur dodged and then ran under his legs. Nnoitra followed them as they dived between his legs.
Grimmjow chased after Dori, Kili, and Balin ran under the table avoiding him. But Grimmjow ran into the table hitting his stomach into it.
Then looking to his left Grimmjow and saw Bombur eating more turkey. Grimmjow raised his sword and swung it down but before he could hit Bombur, Dori, Kili, and Balin reached up and pulled him under the table.
Thorin swung his sword at Barragan but he blocked, then Thorin swung again but he blocked once more.
"This is ridiculous." Noted Barragan as he saw the Dwarves scampering al around the room as the espada gave chase. Thorin looked at him." This isn't how you do battle."
"Were we come from it is." Told Thorin." We don't have time to learn all your malfunctions." Then THorin swung his sword which Thorin blocked.
Dwalin ran up and punched Syazel in the knee causing him to fall to the ground, then Bofur ran up and hit him across the face with his club.
Ori and Zommari starred each other downed.
"Tell me your name intruder." Said Zommai. Behind him Gloin swung his ax at Halibel who blocked.
"Tell me your name sir." Replied Ori." And I shall give you mine."
"I am espada number seven." Began Zommari. At that time Oin and Nori ran over to him." Also known as-"
Just then Oin and Nori ran on both sides of Zommari, they swung their clubs and cracked Zommari in both his knees.
Dwalin punched Ulquiorra in the face with is gauntlets. Then a second, and third time. Then Dwalin grabbed his head and began slamming it against the floor.
Yammy rose to his feet. Kili and Fili looked up at him and then armed themselves with their arrows. Then they began to fire at the large espada. Just then Bombur appeared on the espada's head. Yammy tried to shake him off but Bombur held on for dear life.
Then Bombur reached into his pocket and pulled out a pan. Then he began hitting Yammy on the head with it.
Aaroniero was approached by Oin.
"Perpare to die." Said Aaroniero. Gloin reached into his pocket and pulled out his pocket and pulled out his horn. Then he put to to his ear.
"WHAT?" he yelled.
"I'm going to kill you" replied Aaroniero his voice rasied slightly.
"WHAT'S YOUR GIMIC?" asked Oin.
"No Gimic." Said Aaroniero."I steal souls as my aspect of death is Greed."
"Green?" asked Oin pushing his horn into his ear." Does that mean you have money?"
"No I said Greed." Replied Aaroniero. " I said-" Just then Bofur ran up from behind him and hit him in the back with his hammer.
Gloin swung his ax at Halibel but she blocked, then she swung but Gloin ducked down and rolled between her legs.
Nnoitra swung his spear at Bifur but he blocked. Then Bifur pushed it away and then jabbed Nnoitra.
"My skin is the hardest of all the espada." He said." You can't cut me."
"Does that mean your skins made of mithril?" asked Bifur." In that case I'm going to skin you and sell your skin."
Stark swung his sword at Balin but he blocked, then Balin swung but Stark blocked. Just then Bofur, Oin, and Gloin appeared all around Stark and began and began hitting him with their clubs. Stark squeezed between them and ran but the dwarves gave chase.
Dori ran across the battlefield. Then he ran to Syazel. Then he grabbed onto his legs. Then Dori lifted him up and slammed him onto the ground.
Bombur kept hammering his pot to Yammy's head. The tenth espada was now seeing stars and began to fall over.
"Timber!" yelled Kili as the espada fell. He fell and landed on Syzael, Zommari, and Ulqiorra. Bombur rolled over to his fellow dwarves. Thorin looked to Bombur and the espada who were all standing together.
The rest of the espada rallied together.
"Damn these midgets are tough" said Grimmjow.
"It's not that." Said Barragan." They're just running all over the place." Then they all saw something strange. They saw Bombur roll up into a ball.
Then the dwarves laid Bombur down before them. Dwalin, Bifur and Dori stood behind him. Nori jumped out to the right.
"Three degrees west." He said and the three dwarves moved Bombur so. He was now in line with the espada.
"Fire!" yelled Thorin. Then the three dwarves pushed Bombur and he rolled towards the espada.
From the force that had pushed him he was moving very fast, too fast for the espada to react. They all looked on in concern as Bombur came at them and then he hit them.
The espada fell to the ground like bowling pins. Then Bombur rolled to his feet and stumbled around.
"I think I'm going to lose my lunch." He said as Bofur and Fili came to his sides and helped him walk.
"That'll be a first." Said Bofur.
"Bilbo." Said THorin. Then the hobbit in question crawled out from under the table.
"I'm here." He said. Then he looked around at the battlefield and the espada lying on the ground." Did you really do all this?" he asked as he cautiously stepped forward.
"Yes." Said Dwalin." Fighting is what dwarves do best."
"Nothing stands taller than the might of the dwarves." Said Gloin.
"Come." Said Thorin." We've over stayed our welcome. Let's be on our way before any more of them show up."
Then with that one by one the dwarves began to leave.
But then Oin walked back to Aarioineros' body and began digging threw his pockets.
"You just lost five dollars." He said when he was done. Then Oin ran back and joined the rest of the company.
The company would continue on their journey after that and eventually made it to the lonely mountain.
The espada would wake up some time later remembering the events of the battle as if it were a dream.
The End