Disclaimer: I don't own any Avatar characters or related content.
Warning: some mild language
Chapter 1: Have you ever smelled your dirty socks?
That bitch! His mind screamed at her, but he knew he couldn't actually do so out loud. She had no idea what he had been through, the lengths he had gone to, just to be there for Aang, and now she was telling him he was ungrateful for not washing his clothes and expecting her to do it! Well, he'd had about enough of that. He stormed out of the room and let her seethe by herself.
When Zuko took the time to think about it, he knew Katara was actually right. She did know what he'd been through, and had been through more than enough herself. But right now, Zuko did not want to feel sympathetic.
"She's just so …UH!" he screamed in the bathroom a minute later, along and to no one. He pulled his shirt over his head and started to run a bath, figuring he was already there. But then he remembered: he had no clean clothes left. And that was exactly what had started the fight.
"It wasn't my fault. I put them in the laundry pile this morning."
Yeah, after Katara had already done the laundry.
"Well, I mean, she didn't have to get so upset about it."
But Zuko was kidding himself. Katara had every right to be upset, and he knew her moods like…well, like he knew his own moods. He had seen the dark circles under her eyes this morning and heard her sighs of frustration. More importantly, he knew exactly how long it had been since she'd been like a rampaging Armidillo Lion. And he'd just gone and baited her.
He sighed. He should probably apologize, but he really didn't want to face the well-deserved reaming he would get if he went back now. Better to let these things pass like a storm over a sea than to head straight on into it.
Eventually Zuko decided to take his bath, after first washing out the clothes he was wearing and drying them a bit with his fire bending. It would be a good way to distract his mind from his recent spat with Katara.
As he sank into the bath, which had cooled but was now being reheated to an almost scalding temperature by him, Zuko thought of how much of Katara's element she embodied. She could be cold and hard as ice, and slow to change and move as the biggest icebergs of her home, or fluid and quick as some of the mountain streams they had passed on their journey. She could be furious and full of rage as the sea during a mighty storm, or calming and warm as these bathwaters were to him now.
I'll never be like that, he thought. His own element was one-sided in his view, hot-tempered like himself, but nothing else on the side. He wasn't versatile like Katara. Hell, he couldn't even make lightening. He was a sad excuse of a bender in a sad excuse of an element.
But he couldn't help but think of the times Katara and he had fought side by side, especially against Azula. Then he had felt like they were connected, extensions of each other, like he felt with his twin blades; he had felt able to do anything, versatile like Katara. He had liked the feeling.
It had been over two months since the Gaang's successful battle during the comet, and most of them were still holed up in the Fire Lord's palace, figuring out their next move, chartering vessels, and generally trying to piece their lives back together after almost two years of running and trying to save the world from Fire Lord Ozai. Zuko's place as Fire Lord was still surreal, as was most of the things happening around him: the collapse of his country's economy, the riots in the colonies and other nations, the uneasiness of his people now faced with freedom, and most of all, his growing relationship with Mai. He was most afraid of that last one.
With all of this going on, it was easy for Zuko to fall into the familiar patterns of his life with the Gaang in his spare time. Easy to fall into the familiar patterns of fighting with Katara, laughing with Aang, caring for Toph, and generally being annoyed but amused by Sokka. But he had little to no spare time, and even his private bath was about to be spoiled by an attendant rushing towards him with a scroll, a panicked look, and four other guys behind him carrying some very regal looking robes. Zuko sighed and prepared to go back to work. He would just have to postpone his apology further. It was then that he remembered he was Fire Lord, and always had an abundance of clothes, meaning the fight had been pointless from the beginning.
"Katara!" Katara turned to find Aang swooping in behind her on his new glider. "Want to go for a picnic today?"
Katara sighed, her patience wearing thin. "No, Aang, I'm sorry." Aang's crestfallen look prompted her to explain, though she knew it would just waste more time. "I have to wash Zuko's clothes now, because he didn't put them in the laundry pile until after I had washed all of your clothes, so now I have to go back to the stream again, and do another load of wash, again, then walk back, again, probably to find some more dirty clothes someone forgot, AGAIN!" Katara stopped. She had almost screamed that last part. She must be really frustrated again, and the time of the month didn't help.
"Why?" Aang said. Bad choice. Katara whirled at him, looking like she just might breathe fire, despite the fact that she was a waterbender.
"Why? Why? Because all of you are ungrateful, good-for-nothing lumps of stinking clay who can't even do their own laundry, or pick up after themselves, or cook their own food, or get their own food, for that matter, and it's a wonder you can even eat without me spoon-feeding you, or that your even POTTY-TRAINED! And by the way, have you ever smelled your dirty socks, Aang? Hmmm? They're almost as bad as Sokka's, which are almost as bad as Toph's! I never thought I would smell socks worse than Sokka's, until I got a whiff of Toph's! Spirits, have you smelt them?"
"Um, but Katara, Toph doesn't wear socks—"
"Well, whatever she wears on her feet, they stink!"
"And you don't have to do our laundry anymore."
That stopped Katara cold.
"What?"
"Well, I mean, we're at the palace now and they have servants to do that, and all the other stuff you said, and, well, even if you did have to do our laundry, you wouldn't have to walk all the way to the stream, you know?"
Katara was motionless, and speechless. A very rare occurrence for her. "Oh, right," she said softly. "Well then, I'll just be…heading back to put these away…"
"Then do you want to go on a picnic?"
"Maybe…"
Katara felt strangely lost on her way back to the palace. She walked through the hallways in a haze, dropping the basket at the laundry room and continuing on until she got to the courtyard and gardens. There she sat in the shade of a tree, staring at the pond full of turtle-ducks in front of her.
She had always felt overwhelmed, the only mothering type of the Gaang, at least until Suki came along, and still she had felt like there was always something she needed to get done. But she had always been needed. She had dreamed of the day when she would be free from the Gaang's laundry, their cooking, their tidying up, their campsite. When she wasn't the bad guy because she yelled at someone to cook or clean or do laundry like she had asked them to, or at least obey the parameters she had put in place for her to do those things. But now, the Gaang didn't need her. Aang didn't need her. She flashbacked to the beginning of their journey together, almost two years ago, when Aang had surpassed her at waterbending, something she had spent years learning how to do. She had been so mad. It had taken her years to do the simplist of maneuvers, and it had taken Aang only a few minutes to figure them out, then to make them better. It felt like he had taken away the one thing that made her special and important. That was just how she felt now, except now she had no one to place the blame on. And it just made her more mad.
Zuko arrived at the garden area almost an hour later, wanting to clear his head and think about all the problems facing him with a new view. It surprised him to find Katara there, staring at the pond under the tree he and his mother used to sit under. Though, thinking on it, he wasn't overly surprised. The pond was the only real water in the palace, and Katara was a waterbender.
A good opportunity for that apology, he thought.
"Hi Katara," he said, sitting beside her and flashing a smile.
"Hi," she replied, rather sulkily in his opinion. Where was the rampaging Katara, feared by all? Where was the powerful woman to be respected and apologized to? That was what he had expected, not this sulky, melancholy girl. It was like she was Mai, though Mai was like that all the time, and he thought it was kind of cute, in a weird way. On Katara, it was just weird. She didn't even try to smile.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"… Okay."
This caused her to look at him curiously. He was staring at the turtleducks in the pond.
"Okay? You don't want to know why I'm upset?"
He shrugged. "If you want to tell me, I'm all ears. But if not, I've got my own issues to work out, you know?" Katara sat back and was quiet. This was strange. Usually Aang pushed her to tell him what was going on, and Sokka and Toph never really cared enough to listen, or, in Toph's case, even ask. Zuko's reaction baffled her. She sat for a few more minutes in the silence.
"So what's on your mind?" she asked.
"Hmm? Oh, well, a lot of things. You know, Fire Lord and all. Lots of things to deal with."
"And the current crisis?"
He sighed. "The country's coming apart at the seams. After a hundred years of bad blood, no one wants to trade with the Fire Nation anymore, and our previous methods of creating and exporting goods are no longer viable. We can't just take people and force them to work by imprisoning them in work camps; we have to give them a proper wage. But first we have to figure out what that is. Plus, there's tension within the nation. Everyone's afraid of the big, bad new Fire Lord, disgraced son of Ozai. No one's seen me for years, and none of them know what to expect. Hell, half of them don't know what I really look like, and the palace wardrobers want me to change 'my look'. I don't even know what my look is! But, all in a day's work of running a disgraced nation, I guess."
Katara sat back and thought on this. "My problems don't seem nearly as bad as yours do."
"Maybe their bad in a different way. I won't know unless you tell me."
Katara looked at him again, finding his golden eyes with her own. She squinted at him. "You're pretty wise, you know that?"
He laughed. "Not really. Just been through a lot. Plus, I've spent a lot of time with Uncle."
At this she laughed too. "Yeah, he kind of rubbed off on you."
He seemed surprised. "Really?"
She laughed again. "Yeah, you two seem really alike to me. Both wise and a little goofy." She continued to laugh, and Zuko joined in.
"You know, I don't think I've ever really heard you laugh. Not a lot, I mean," he said to her.
"I could say the same for you."
"Yeah." He smiled softly and pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his arms on his knees, his chin on his arms. "Guess I just haven't had the opportunity."
"Same goes for me. I was always the responsible one, never had time for a joke, never the person people worked to make laugh. Never any time to laugh. Guess I'm not anymore."
This made him sit up and look at her. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I was always kind of the mom of the group. I just fell into the role, after my mom died, with Sokka, and the same with the Gaang."
"No, that's not what I meant. What do you mean, you're not the responsible one anymore?"
"Oh." She went quiet. "Well, I guess I'm not needed. There's all these attendants and servants and wardrobe people, and, well, now none of you guys need little old Katara cleaning your clothes in the stream. I'm useless."
This made Zuko turn and look at Katara, shocked. "Katara, you could never be useless. Never. You're the best waterbender in the entire world, you defeated Azula, you're the only mother Toph has ever had, you're the best sister in the entire world, you taught the avatar waterbending, and…and, well, I don't know what I would do without you."
Katara looked at him, shocked with this outburst. "Really?"
"Really. Even when we were enemies, you were the person I trained myself for. I knew if I could defeat you, I was one step closer to beating my sister." He smiled. "Not even my sister could beat you. And now? Well, now I rely on you to be there, Katara. I know whether it's going to be a good day or a bad day by your moods, like my uncle knows when it's going to rain from his knees. I don't know what I'll do when you leave."
Through all of this, Katara began to cry a little, and at the last part she burst into sobs, tears and snot streaming down her face.
Zuko was startled by this display of emotion; he had no idea what was the right thing to do, so he just took Katara and wrapped her in a hug, patting her thick hair and shushing her sobs. When she had quieted a little, he pulled back and looked at her.
"What was that all about?" he said with a small smile, hoping to make her laugh a little.
"It's just…I never even thought about that. Where am I going to go now? Travel with Aang? Go back to my family? Live my life in one place, isolated from the rest of the world? I don't think I can do that now. I don't even know who I am anymore!" She stood and made her way out of the shade of the tree, watching the sunlight on the pond. "I can't go back to where I was, or go on to a new place, without knowing that."
Zuko stared at her, awed. After too long a silence, she turned and looked at him.
"What?"
"I was just thinking."
She sniffled and wiped her face. "Yeah? About what?"
Zuko stood, watching Katara from under the tree. "How old are you?"
Katara sniffled again. "Huh?"
"How old are you?"
"Sixteen this year."
"Really? Huh. When's your birthday?"
"The day of the Wolf Moon."
He blinked. "That was a few months after the attack on the Northern Water Tribe."
She laughed a bit sadly at that. "Yep. I never even got to celebrate it. We were still running from the Fire Nation." She shot him a look. "Well, the former Fire Nation."
He smiled. "Thanks. You know, I had a lot of birthdays as a banished prince. My uncle was the only one I always had there to celebrate them. Sometimes, when we couldn't even awknowledge it, I felt even more lost than I already did. But when I asked you how old you were, it was just to make sure I was right."
"Right about what?"
He turned to grip her shoulders, looking her straight in the eye. "Katara, you've had to grow up fast. Ever since your mom died, you had to be the mom of the family. When your dad went away, you were the only real responsible one in Sokka's eyes. When you met the Gaang, you were the person who kept everyone together—"
"That was Aang. You know, Avatar and all."
"No. It was you; you were the moon and stars to them. And when I met you? You were the sun, the moon, and the stars to me. I could set my watch by you. You were everything my uncle was to me, and more. Never flaky, never cryptic. I worked twice as hard to get you to accept me, like you were you and my uncle meshed into one. I knew if you accepted me, my uncle would too. But now, no one needs you to be their mom. Well, except maybe Sokka. And that's something you'll have to deal with; finding yourself."
There was the sound of clapping behind them, and Zuko turned to find Mai staring him down.
"Woooow, Zuko. Real deep."
"Mai! How long have you been standing there?"
Mai flashed a look at Katara. Katara had never really liked Mai, and Waterbenders didn't cower in fear in the face of someone they dislike. She was no shy flower, so she met Mai's glare with her own proud gaze. Even if there was snot running down her face.
"Long enough," Mai said.
"Well," Katara started. "I can see you want to talk to Zuko alone. I'll just leave you to it, then."
"That's Fire Lord Zuko to you, girl," Mai sneered as Katara sauntered out. That made her red with anger, and she turned to face Mai's back.
"Mai…" Zuko could see Katara behind her, and knew this wasn't going to end well.
There was a woman carrying a bucket of water in the open-air corridors just above Mai's head. Katara could sense the water sloshing in the overfilled bucket, and could sense the woman as she approached the perfect spot. Just as Mai started to step to Zuko, the woman tripped, and the water sloshed out of the bucket and onto Mai's head. She gasped and turned to find the culprit, but Katara was already halfway down the hallway.
"That bitch!" Mai said, her hands fisted at her sides.
"Mai…" Zuko said again, reaching towards her.
"No!" Mai pushed him away, anger in her eyes. "She was what? The sun, the moon, and the stars to you? What about me? Did you ever even spare a thought for me? You wrote that stupid letter, then ran away at the Boiling Rock prison; did you even care about me?"
"Of course I cared about you, Mai! You're my girlfriend!"
"Well, I won't be for long if you keep this shit up."
"What are you talking about?"
Apparently, that was the wrong response, because Mai just glared at him, turned and stomped out.
And right on her heels were more courtiers ready to abduct and torture Zuko with the affairs of state. He rubbed his forehead. This was going to be a long day.
And he was right. Zuko spent hours in his office meeting with attendants, advisors, secretaries, dignitaries, business people, and many more. There was even a visit from his wardrobe staff. By the time he escaped to get dressed for dinner (not without his wardrobe staff in tow) he had a splitting headache. And he knew just the healer to fix it for him.
"Mister Ping, could you fetch Master Katara for me, please? I need her healing touch."
Ping bowed and ran off, an "Of course, Fire Lord," echoing in the halls. A few minutes later, Katara arrived, waterskins in tow.
"Now, what's this I hear about a certain Fire Lord's head?"
"Ah, Katara. I just wanted to get a little help with my headache." Katara eyed him before opening her waterskins and encasing her hands in the healing gloves. She motioned for him to sit, then placed her hands at his temples.
"Could you please turn down the lamps?" she asked softly. "And be quiet about it, please." The light faded into a soft glow, and the servants retreated to the corners of the room.
"Close your eyes, Zuko. Now, what's been troubling you?"
"Everything. You know, Katara." She smiled slightly behind him, running her hands up and down his head, feeling the pathways of chi.
"There seems to be a blocked pathway right here," she said, gently touching the center of his forehead. "In the third eye. I can try to help the chi flow, but the third eye deals with perception, intuition, visualization, and self-mastery. I can only unblock so much chi before you have to start doing it on your own."
"Why can't you unblock all of it?" Zuko asked, as he felt the tension in his forehead fade away, leaving only a tiny, dull ache.
"I could, but there would be no point. Unless you unblock it yourself, and learn how to deal with the tension there, you would be constantly dealing with the chi blockage. You would be calling for a healer every day, and that just doesn't seem practical. Instead, I'll unblock most of the chi and give you some techniques for doing it on your own. But that small ache will remain until you finally realize what's truly blocking yourself, and remove it. The third eye is an extremely difficult chakra to open."
Zuko opened his eyes to find Katara sitting in front of him, bending her water back into its container.
"I would suggest eating more purplish or dark blue fruits, spices, and liquids. That usually helps with things like this. But any healer could have told you that."
Zuko smiled. "You caught me. I had other business I wanted to discuss with you." He took a breath, letting the pause draw out. Then he looked at her. "Have you figured out what you're going to do next?"
Katara seemed startled, paused for a bit. "No. I really don't know."
"Well. I would like to make a suggestion."
"What's that?"
"Stay here."
Katara started. "What?"
"Stay in the Fire Nation. I have a place for you as one of my trade advisors, or even an ambassador from the Water Tribes. Or, if that didn't suit you, I'm sure I could find something else for you to do. What do you say?"
Katara looked away. "I'd have to think about it."
Zuko smiled. "No problem. Take all the time you need." He stood, adjusting his robes, then offered her his arm. "So, how about I escort you to dinner?"
She smiled, then stood beside him. "That would be lovely, thank you. But Water Tribe women aren't worn on their men's arms like trinkets. At least, not in my tribe."
He lowered his arm. "Point taken. Shall we go, then?"
"Yes."
They arrived just as everyone else was taking their seats, and separated as Zuko took his place at the head of the table, and Katara sat farther down. Aang sat to her right, Suki to her left. Toph was across from her, and Sokka across from Suki. Hakoda and the other Water Tribe warriors sat near Sokka and Katara, but spent most of their time chatting with foreign dignitaries about the opportunities of trading with the Water Tribes. Zuko understood the feeling; he had invited the dignitaries as a sign of good will himself, and was supposed to be chatting with them as Hakoda was, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. His mind was occupied with worry for Katara. He saw Hakoda's glances at her, and he was happy that her father knew something was up, and he knew Suki knew too, but neither of them seemed like they were doing anything. And the rest of the Gaang seemed oblivious. Sokka was trying to act cool and funny for Suki; Toph was making fun of Sokka, and Aang was bouncing around and generally being his airbender self. Only a few people at the table noticed Katara's mood. And that worried him.
"Fire Lord Zuko?" A voice pulled him out of his reverie, and he turned to find Master Pakku, formerly of the Northern, and now Southern, Water Tribe.
"Master Pakku! Well, what brings you over to my end of the table? Sit, sit. Ping, bring a cushion for Master Pakku." Fire Nation law stated that no head was to be higher than the Fire Lord's, but Zuko took this to be more figurative, and only sat on a slightly elevated dias, which was mobile. But Master Pakku had been hunched over in what looked like a very painful position, especially for such a proud man. He had probably been warned not to overlook custom here.
"Thank you. Well, I wanted to talk to you about a trading empire between the Earth Kingdom, Fire Nation, and Water Tribes, and maybe eventually, the Air Nomads."
"It wouldn't be much of an empire, would it? Everyone would be a part of it!" Zuko said this with a smile on his face.
"Well yes," Pakku laughed, "that's the beauty of it. Everyone could have a share; no one nation could control all of it."
"Well, what was your plan?"
"The Fire Nation has become adept at building huge ships that can go almost anywhere, but their weakness is the reliance on coal as a propeller. And, the Fire Nation is not known for its seafaring prowess. No offence."
"Oh, none taken! I remember my first few months on a ship; it took me close to a year and a half to get my sea legs, and I'm still a little queasy!"
Pakku laughed with Zuko. "Well, that's what I'm talking about. But the Water Tribes, well, we're sea dogs by nature; born and bred in the ice and waves."
Zuko nodded. He thought he saw where this was going.
"Plus, water benders are much better and easier to get than coal; they know every nook and cranny of this ocean, and they're renewable—never have to stop for refueling. And, with the combination of fire, we might even be able to produce a new type of energy for motion. Have you talked to that inventor fellow? He's talking about his ideas for a new steam powered engine! Brilliant!"
"Where does the Earth Kingdom come into all this?"
"Oh, well they're the land aspect; the faces of the industry—they have all the connections, and what we can't get to by sea or river, they can get to through the trading roots they've already established."
"That sounds like a great idea, Master Pakku. How about a meeting to discuss it further? Ping! Ping, please come here."
"Yes, Fire Lord?"
"When is my next free meeting time?"
"In about two weeks, sir."
"Really? Wow. I thought I had more time free. How does two weeks sound to you, Master Pakku?"
"Er, well," the old man shifted uncomfortably. "That really won't work. We're leaving in about five days."
"Leaving? Who's leaving?"
"The Water Tribe men, and anyone who wants to tag along for awhile. We figure we'll head to Ember Island and split into two groups traveling North and South, dropping off people along the way."
"That'll make for a longer journey."
Pakku shrugged. "It's really not too bad. Plus, a water tribe vessel with waterbenders on board can make the journey to the poles in half the time of any other ship. Including a Fire Nation one." He winked at that.
Zuko nodded slowly, contemplating. His gaze returned to Katara.
"Master Pakku, what can you tell me about Water Tribe women?"
"What?" Pakku was startled by this, but he followed Zuko's gaze to Katara. "Oh. Yes, she is a bit melancholy today, isn't she? Not her usual self."
Zuko agreed, his eyes still worriedly on Katara. Pakku stroked his beard thoughtfully.
"You know, in the Water Tribe, a girl's fifteenth birthday is very important to her. In the North, it's the day she becomes eligible for courting and marriage. In the South, though, there is a bit of a different tradition."
Zuko looked at him, intrigued. "Do tell."
"Well, I only know what Kana has told me about it, you know. I'm no expert in our sister tribe's traditions, and it's a closely guarded secret among the women. I'm not sure even Hakoda or Bato know about it; I know Katara doesn't. I nearly had to torture Kana into telling me."
Zuko's eyebrow twitched. He did not want to know what the old man did to pull the answers out of his fiancé. The mere thought was almost as bad as the time uncle stood up when he was relaxing in some hot springs, giving Zuko a full frontal.
"But in the Southern Water tribe, on her fifteenth birthday a girl is sent out into the ice to survive for at least five days, then find her way back. The girl's family is responsible for training her, and never revealing the secret; she doesn't know until the day she goes out that the expedition is happening, or what it is. All she knows is that it's an important date."
"What happens if she fails?"
"The other women follow behind to make sure she doesn't die, or that she doesn't get lost. If a girl fails, she becomes a disgrace to the family, nameless. She's never allowed to marry, or to be seen by a man outside of her family without a mask. The girls know that whatever it is they have to do, if they don't do it right, they are disgraced. They know it's an important birthday, but not why."
"Katara's fifteenth birthday was the Wolf Moon, after the attack on the Northern Water Tribe."
Pakku started at that, then turned his gaze to Katara as well. "I never knew she was so young. Well, then her melancholy does have a reason."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, she was always so mature, I thought that she had gone through the ritual already, even though I didn't know what it was then. I knew there were several boys who thought of courting her. And, if what you say is true, than the thought of returning to her tribe without going through the ritual of her fifteenth birthday would be reason for worry."
"Reason for worry?"
"Well, she might be afraid she'll be disgraced. She never went through the ritual, and so never completed it. I would hope that she'd be allowed once she returned, but you never know."
"She said she was feeling…lost."
Pakku shot him a look. "Yes, well, she might be. Everything she's known for the past two years has ended, and her life at the tribe is changing. If she returns, she'll be an outcast, the one girl who wasn't able to go through the ritual, never knowing if she was worthy. If she doesn't, she'll be a nomad, jilted from her homeland. It's a difficult situation."
"What would you suggest to her?"
Pakku's eyes softened. He really did care for Katara. After that first fight she had with him, he knew she was special, and she had always worked twice as hard as any of his other students. "I would suggest she listen to her heart. And if she can't hear it, to search until she could." He turned to find Zuko watching him.
"Could you tell her that please?"