A/N: This is basically a warm up for the next chapter of "Not So Perfect," but I was really in need of some Leo feels . I had originally posted this on Tumblr, but I felt like it deserved to be brought into the world of Fan fiction.
Post Mark of Athena: Amidst the guilt of Percy and Annabeth's unfortunate incident, Leo writes a letter to his mother, apologizing for not being brave. Apologizing for not being the hero everyone tells him he should be. Esperanza, however, knows that Leo has been a "true hero" all along, and that no demigod is braver than her little lion.
Enjoy!
Listen to: All about your Heart by Mindy Gledhill (my inspiration for this)
Dear Mama,
I miss you. Like really, really miss you. Especially lately.
See Mama, I messed up. Well, worse than usual, I guess. I'll spare you the whole story and just say that two really great people are trapped somewhere horrible and might never get out. And it might just be my fault.
I never, ever meant for it to happen though, I swear.
But that's the thing-I never mean for these things to happen, but they always do. And by the time I realize what I've done, it's already too late.
I know your death technically wasn't my fault. I get that now. And I guess I can accept it, too. I'm starting to understand that maybe this whole "fire deal" could be a gift. It sure has saved me quite a few times in the past.
But if I got a gift in exchange for a curse, it wasn't worth it. Your death wasnever worth it.
On some especially quiet nights, I think to myself, "Could I have stopped it?" Your death, I mean. I've wondered that for a long time now.
Maybe I could have stopped Gaea-I could have done something more than just stand there and yell at her. Done something more than just cry like a baby. Maybe I could have been the hero everyone tells me I am. The hero I'msupposed to be.
But maybe she would have the ground swallow me up before I could even make a move against her. I can't really say.
I don't which is worse, knowing that I couldn't have stopped her-or knowing that I could.
Either way, I never meant for it to happen. But it did. And I can never change that.
There's that word again: never. I used to think that the world wasn't as black and white as that. That it wasn't just up or down. Good or bad. But then I met this goddess, and she's really starting to make me question that. She's kind of the goddess of revenge and justice and all that, so I guess she knows what she's talking about.
Anyway, she told me that I had to pay a price for something I'd taken. Something I'd done.
I didn't think it mattered until-well, let's just say, until I paid a heavy price. But what's even worse, so did everyone else.
Do you see what I'm getting at?
It seems like everything kind of, I don't know…parallels itself.
I got the Archimedes spheres, which seemed great at the time.
I got this nutso fire power thing, which has come in handy.
But then they lost Annabeth and Percy.
Then you lost your life.
Why is that every time I'm given a gift-
It ends up a curse for someone else?
I'm just going to be honest. I have no place among these heroes. Tia Callida had the wrong demigod, I just know it. I'm sure Hephaestus has some other,better son that doesn't you know, burn things down or doom people to a never ending abyss.
Anyone would be better than me, I at least know that.
Maybe there's a chance that I can make up for some of it. And if there is, I will go to any length to take it.
I promise no one will ever have to pay the price for me again. Ever.
I'm sorry for being your price, Mama. I'm sorry for being your curse, too.
With love,
Leo
_
Dear Mijo,
I miss you too. Not a day goes by that I don't, and there's no reason I shouldn't. You know that, right?
Mi Amor, we all make mistakes. You shouldn't dwell on them so, it doesn't do a bit of good, trust me on that.
I know you didn't mean for those things to happen, but what's done is done and there is no going back. And if you can't go backward, you go forward. Haven't you already learned as much from me? I promise you this- it is never too late to make things right again, and I have faith that you will, mijo. I always have.
Since you were honest with me, I'll be honest with you. Wondering whether or not you could have stopped fate will not change fate.
Our emotions are tools we use in life. So what bit of good does it do to have regret weighing down your tool belt, when it's not going to fix anything?
So you see, there is no use in thinking about it. Regret is useless-just a weight you carry around. Won't you let me take it from you, mijo?
And who is this Goddess you're telling me about? I trust your judgment, but I can't say I trust hers. Let me tell you this: revenge and justice are not the same thing. Believe me when I say that justice is blind and revenge is blinding. That is the way it's always been, and that's the way it will stay.
You may not understand this yet, but you will someday. I am sure of it.
Also, nothing is just black and white-we all have dark and light, good and bad, right and wrong, all these mixed up pieces inside of us.
Whether you're a god or a mortal or both, we are all made up of those different pieces. If your friends are really your friends, they won't judge you by the pieces that show; they'll love you for the ones hidden beneath the surface, the ones only you can show them. No matter what sweetheart, I will love you for all of them. Always.
You're going to be tested, mijo, I can tell as much. And when you are, please remember what I've told you. Remember for your worried Mama. She can't always remember for you, as much as she wishes she could.
And what's all this about parallels and curses and gifts? Maybe you shouldn't look so deeply into these things, because I have a much simpler take on your "situation."
We are not given anything we cannot handle, whether it's given to us by the gods or even a God. Every gift comes with a curse, as it is only fair that way. That is justice, Leo. Not prices to be paid.
My death had nothing to do with your gift, and Percy and Annabeth falling into Tartarus wasn't your fault, either. Don't let her trick you, Leo. She is trying to make you feel like you are not important to the quest. If you weren't, why would she be trying so hard to break you? Tell me that, mijo.
In case you didn't know-I don't think you do-there are a lot of people that love you very much. Some that you don't even know about. There's one in particular that I think could teach you a thing or two, though. She said some very nice things, and I was afraid you wouldn't get a chance to hear them. So I'll tell you for her. Do you know what one of the things she said was? She said, Each one of the seven plays a unique role in the quest. The group is like a machine Leo. You have no extra pieces, and if one is removed, the whole thing falls apart.
She seems like a nice girl. I hope you two get to meet someday.
Anyway, do you see what I'm getting at?
You mean the world to me, mijo, no matter what happens. No matter what anyone says.
As for all this "Hero" nonsense, there's not much to say other than Tia Callida is a psychopath with a very misconstrued idea of what a true hero is. I don't mean to be so harsh, but it's true.
A hero does not tempt fate, nor try to change it with meaningless bargains and prices. He accepts that he cannot tempt nor change his destiny; he goes through his life with a brave face, taking what is thrown his way with grace. After all, not everyone is an all-powerful being with an eternity to waste.
It's people like us, mijo, that know what true suffering is. We know that there are those that have so much better than us, so much more, but still we stand back and make the best of what we are given. That is true bravery. That is a true hero.
You are a true hero, Leo. Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't know of the struggles you've faced, the suffering you've endured.
If you take away only one thing from my letter, let it be this: the world isn't just gifts and curses, prices and owing, innocence and guilt. You are more than that. Don't let her convince you otherwise, either.
People can tell try to tell you what you are, or what you're supposed to be for that matter, but that doesn't mean you have to listen to them.
You are not a pawn or a curse or a price; you are my león, my lion, my Leo. Don't ever forget that, mijo.
Go out and show them the true hero I know you are, not the one they want you to be. Let them see the real Leo, the one who does not allow fate to crush him nor anyone define him by a curse. You will set things right in the end, mijo, don't you worry.
I love you more than anything, my baby.
Always here for you,
Mama
A/N: How was that? I really hope you liked it. If you did, please leave me a review to let me know! It feels so good to read nice reviews
If you want to see it on Tumblr, here are the links:
(Leo's Letter) post/60603441480/letters-to-the-lost-leo-valdez
(Esperanza's Letter)
post/60664933859/dear-mijo-leo-valdez-letters-to-t he-lost
Disclaimer: All works belong to Rick Riordan. Song's not mine either!