This is really happening! I managed to write another fic! Oh wow... I didn't think I was going to be able to keep writing for Snowells, I really have been busy with my original writing so I probably will keep popping up here sporadically now, but in the meantime, here's another fic for you all to enjoy? Hope you like it! ^_^
A/N: It's inspired by the season 5 finale of Angel, "Not Fade Away" with Wesley & Illyria! ;)
"Live the day like it's your last… cause it probably is." Those were Barry's words to everyone that evening as the team gathered at S.T.A.R Labs to go over the plan a final time. They'd taken his advice to heart, knowing that the stakes were higher than ever before; all of them had left afterwards, well… almost everyone. Harrison had stayed behind to help their newest ally, in so far as someone like Killer Frost could be considered an ally. She was still unpredictable and occasionally volatile, but her face and the fact that she retained all of Caitlin's memories made it easier to forget sometimes. Forget that she was a cold hearted ice queen now.
"I don't understand." Even her words sound icy as she speaks. Distant. Cut off from feelings.
"It's really not that hard to understand Frost," Harrison says, while he kept his eyes focused on his work, it helps to not look at her too often and see the face of who she used to be. "Your condition makes it difficult to use first aid the typical way… I'm improvising." He explains.
"You are what I don't understand." She elaborated, not bothering about the wound that was still bleeding. Pain didn't affect her anymore. Not in the way that it used to before; everything has changed since that night.
The fact that there was a small… scuffle… between some meta who had thought attacking her was a good idea amounted to nothing but an annoyance, as she had said to Barry and the others, but Harrison had insisted the wound be dressed and taken care of in case it got infected and she had relented. If only to speak with him privately.
"And that matters to me because?" He said to her bluntly, not wanting to go down this path.
"Barry told us to do whatever we wanted. Today... tonight, we may all be dead." It was interesting to note that she had chosen to word her sentence that way. 'We' was something Harrison hadn't considered her capable of thinking. Did it mean she thought of herself as part of the team?
"Yes he did. You have a good point." His fingers continued on the medicine he was preparing for her, not daring to look behind his shoulder to where she sat.
"I am not what you want." The way she said it, didn't suggest anything other than her pointing out the obvious that there was no reason for Harrison to be here with her. "Not anymore. Not like I was before."
"No." He closed his eyes for a second, knowing all too well what was coming next.
"Then why…" She started to say, but Harrison interrupted her before she could finish the question.
"There is no perfect day for me, Frost. There is no sunset or painting or finely-aged scotch that's going to sum up my life and make tonight any... There is nothing that I want." His hands were gripping the bandages so tight that if there had been anything else, he might have broken it.
"You'd want to be with Caitlin, wouldn't you?" She said after watching him quietly for a few moments. There's an understanding between them, despite everything that is unspoken, she remembers everything.
"Yes. Yes, that's where I would be if I could." Harrison finally turns around and looks at her. Killer Frost.
All he sees are ice blue eyes, white blonde hair, blue lips and pale skin. There is no sign of the woman she once was - brown eyes that grew soft when she gazed at him and worried when he did something reckless, dark brown hair that he would run his fingers through in the morning when they stayed in bed a little longer, pink lips which he had kissed countless times before, fair skin that blushed every time he complimented her. He remembers every single day that he had gotten to spend with Caitlin, including the day when she had… changed… into the metahuman that now stood before him. But something had gone wrong; the accident that was caused by a malfunction in their experiment had not just physically changed her appearance and given her these abilities… it had altered her mind too. And in the end, Harrison was helpless do anything to save the woman he loved.
"I could change into her for you." Her voice is clipped this time and for a moment she wonders about who she is.
Did that person, Caitlin Snow, cease to exist that night? Were they two different people in the same body until… one had died? She remembers how things were before with Harrison. The love that they shared, the happy times, the sad times, all of the fights and the kisses and the hugs, the little things and the big things. But now, she doesn't even know if she can feel anything. Let alone love. Perhaps she does, just in a different way. There's a curiosity about Harrison Wells she can't quite put her finger on; the way he loves her, after everything that's happened, makes her think that maybe there are feelings that she has to rediscover again.
Harrison doesn't answer her at first. Instead, he walks over to where she stands and tries to be as cold as she is, bandaging her wound as carefully as he can, making sure to check it once to be certain that it works. That it will help her to heal. Only after his fingers graze her neck ever-so-slightly and he feels the ice immediately seeping onto his skin does he pull back and stare into those unfeeling eyes. She's staring at him, head tilted to one side but silent. If there was one difference between the two women other than their looks, it's that Caitlin would always have something to say, but Killer Frost never does.
"The truth is that Caitlin is gone. To pretend anything else would be a lie. And since I don't actually intend to die tonight, I won't accept a lie." He doesn't care that his hands are close to being frozen off by her touch, he doesn't want to stay in the same room as her any longer than he has to and now that he's said what he needed to, Harrison exits the Cortex abruptly, leaving her behind.
The team had left to complete their mission once night fell; each of them going after their enemies separately, knowing that it was the only way to defeat the Rogues once and for all. Harrison's target, Captain Boomerang was no metahuman and neither was he, which made them both evenly matched. Or so Harrison had thought. Even though he used his pulse rifle along with a few other tricks up his sleeve… dodging deadly boomerangs that could cut through anything wasn't easy and eventually he accepted the fact one of them would meet its target. He just prayed that everyone else was safe. Jesse. His beautiful, sweet, kind and loving daughter… a speedster like Barry and Wally, facing off against Hunter Zolomon. And Killer Frost, who was fighting not just Captain Cold but Heatwave as well.
"Do you really think that you could defeat me?" Captain Boomerang taunted Harrison as they danced around each other, "Your guns are useless. They've done nothing to harm me, but you… look at you… already a dead man. Pathetic."
It was true. Harrison had been cut and sliced and stabbed too many times to be considered non-fatal; the more he bled, the harder it became to avoid the next volley of attacks and the last boomerang had found itself embedded in his stomach. But even as he struggled to stand on his feet, Harrison couldn't help as he laughed. One hand gripped the weapon, its blade cutting into his hand, while the other was covering the wound as he applied pressure there.
"Laugh all you want, you won't have anything to laugh about when I'm done with you." Captain Boomerang unsheathed a pair of weapons from his jacket but he was confused that Harrison still laughed.
"I guess I'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way then." He grunted and braced himself for the pain as he pulled out the boomerang, flinging it across the room as quickly as he could; he may not have been the Flash, but Harrison had fast reflexes. And since Captain Boomerang hadn't seen that coming, it was a relief when the weapon returned to its master, buried in his heart.
"Now who's laughing?" Harrison grinned until he remembered that the stabbing pain in his stomach was very much real. He was dying.
Just as his legs gave out on him, Harrison found a pair of strong arms grabbing his waist and lowered him gently to the ground. He blinked through the haze of pain that was finally starting to kick in without the adrenaline of the fight and saw Killer Frost kneeling beside him.
"Harrison. This wound is mortal." She's close but not close enough to touch.
"Aren't we all?" His voice shudders as she winces, "It's good... that you came." He had made peace with dying a long time ago, but for some reason, the thought of dying in a place like this, alone… if there was one person he could spend his last moments with, it was her.
"I took care of Snart. And Mick. I got here as fast as I could." There's something different about her now, or maybe Harrison is too far gone to notice.
"Frost? Were you concerned?" He says jokingly, and maybe it is his eyes playing tricks on him but he thinks that her eyes are less icy. More… soft.
"I think so. But I can't help. You'll be dead within moments." She doesn't know how to tell him that what he's seeing is real. The fight against Mick Rory had left her with enough heat to absorb that she can feel the change within her.
"I know. You have terrible bedside manner by the way." Harrison wonders why he suddenly has developed a sense of humor at the end of it all. There are more important things to say, but he doesn't.
"Would you like me to lie to you now?" There it is. Those precious words which mean so much more. Her hair is getting color now and she knows that if she touches him, he won't freeze. Or if he does, it's too late anyway.
"Yes. Thank you. Yes." He closes his eyes, to let himself believe. It was never about the looks or the ice that would kill him, it was about the fact that he never stopped hoping. That she would come back to him one day. "Hello there." This time when he looks at her, he sees his Caitlin.
"Oh, Harry. My Harry." She's caressing his hair with her bare hands once more and smiling at him through her tears.
"Cait… I've missed you." Harrison's voice is a soft whisper now. He reaches out a hand to touch her cheek; it's warm now. Those brown eyes are watching him as they always had.
"It's gonna be okay. It won't hurt much longer, and then you'll be where I am. We'll be together." She kisses his lips twice. And places a tender kiss on his forehead too.
"I… I love you, Caitlin Snow." He says to her with a smile.
"I love you. My love. Oh, my love." They are not just words, she means it with all her heart. This is love.
It happens in an instant. She feels his heart stopping and for a moment she wonders if hers has stopped too. She closes his eyes and when she sees the ice returning to her fingertips, she knows that the heat is disappearing as it always does. She is no longer Caitlin Snow. She hasn't been for a long time. And though Harrison is gone, the others are still out there fighting. Barry, Cisco, Jesse, Wally… they were Harrison's friends… his family. They were once hers too. It's that thought that makes her stand up again; for the man she loves and for their family, she will fight and live another day.
Reviews anyone?