A/N: alright, so this is a collection of random moments where I couldn't help but picture a slightly nutty Harry- basically what if the Boy Who Lived had a couple of screws loose :) hope you enjoy, this is just from the Philosopher's Stone, but if get positive feedback I might do the rest. sorry, rambling... thanks for reading! Hope that wherever you are you are having a good day!

"You're a wizard Harry!"
"You have got to be joking."
"Umm, nope, you really are a wizard. Haven't you ever made things happen when you were hurt or scared?"
"Holy cow! I am a wizard- I could rule the world! Beware dreadful Dursleys, the time has come for you to face my wrath!"
"Umm, Harry, perhaps we should-"
"Tremble in fear of my sheer bloody awesomeness! Phenomenal cosmic powers…" he thought back to his cupboard… "teeny weeny living space."
Hagrid looked at him slightly concerned as the child continued to dance around the shabby room and wiggle his fingers in a somehow threatening manner at his relatives. Perhaps another professor should have brought the letter…

….

"Wow- did you say this place was diagonally?"
"That would be Diagon Alley actually."
"So, is there like, a nocturnally?"
"Umm, yes there is Nocturn Alley. But it is a very dangerous place so we won't be going-"
"How about criminally? Or phenomenally? Ooh is there an abnormally, eccentrically or bathymetrically, or maybe-"
"I really don't know if-"
"Ooh Hagrid, look a distraction!"

The half giant turned in a half circle to see what the kid was shouting about now, and by the time he looked back the child in question had completely vanished. Over the course of the next fifteen minutes of frantic searching he could feel the worry building in his gut. Dumbledore was going to kill him if he lost the Boy-Who-Lived whilst getting school supplies. He was just about the alert the authorities when suddenly the child once again rematerialized at his side. The impossibly large man just gaped at the boy.

"What the hell happened to you? Where have you been? And why are you covered in glitter?"
The saviour of the wizarding world, who now resembled the more gaudy type of Christmas fairy grinned up at him. "I was exploring- turns out there is a Spark Alley!"

Definitely should have sent another professor…

…

The bushy haired girl sat down next to the red headed boy who seemed rather put out by the new addition.
"So, know any spells yet?" her voice was slightly snooty but Harry got the sense that she was just as nervous as the rest of them. He laughed a little, thinking about how new the wizarding world was to him.
"Oh sure I do- Abracadabra!" this actually got a small smile from the girl until a split second later a scream cut the air and the small group caught sight of a platinum blonde boy and two gorillas sprinting away from their carriage which they had been about to enter, screeching something about killing curses and Harry Potter being a nutcase…

…

"Oh my God Hagrid! Is that your dog on the third floor?!"
"How did you lot know about fluffy?"
"That thing has a name?" there was real disdain in Hermione's voice
"You called a giant three headed dog fluffy?" Ron was just staring at the half giant game keeper.

Harry raised an eyebrow, "Well, it isn't such a strange choice- I mean, the root of 'Cerberus' in its original Greek means 'spotted'. If the original was named 'Spot' by the god of the underworld, ruler of the dead, then surely Fluffy isn't too bad a name. Either way, that is besides the point. Hagrid- what is Fluffy doing in that room?"
"Well, umm I can't tell you that because…"
"It's criminal! The poor mutt must be bored stiff. I mean come on- three heads must make for awesome games of fetch! How much do you need to feed it? Do you have one tonne bags of kibble? Do you have to put a dog collar on each head? Does it like to have its belly scratched?"

At least this time there were other people staring at the boy with varying levels of confusion and concern for his sanity…

…..

"Mr Potter, aah yes, our resident celebrity"
"Yep, that's me, famous for the fact I am still breathing. I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!"
Snape blinked in surprise at the light hearted tone. "Sit down Mr Potter. Tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"
"A doubtlessly nasty potion."
"Care to elaborate?"
"A potion which would create certain effects most likely of a negative nature when ingested."
"5 points from Gryffindor for failing to answer the question."
"But I did answer- perhaps not in the exact format that you wanted but I still gave an answer which can be seen as true if not specific."
"Well then- what is your response specifically?"
"Ooh I've been there before! Weird place…"
The terrifying bat of the dungeons could feel a headache brewing…

…..

Harry rose into the air on his broom, keeping his eyes locked on Malfoy whose smirk slipped from his face even as he still fiddled with the Remembrall. The dark haired eleven year old flicked a glance at the ground below, and suddenly a strange expression crossed his face.
"Oh my god- I'm flying!"
Malfoy looked a bit confused. "Umm, yeah- that is kind of the point."
"No but really! I am flying on a broom! I am right now the ultimate cliché… but that is besides the point- I am flying! On a broom! That is just mental."
"Umm, Potter- what do you think you are-" his developing rant was interrupted as he had to dodge out of the way of the other boy who had started diving and swooping apparently randomly.
"I believe I can fly! I got shot by the FBI…"
"Is that supposed to be singing?" perhaps he should just give the Longbottom boy his trinket back and in future try to ignore the apparently unhinged saviour of the wizarding world…

….

Harry, Ron and Hermione stood in the wreckage of what had once been a girl's bathroom, staring slightly stunned at the unconscious mountain troll lying flat on its face. Moments later a terrified collection of teachers came barrelling into the room, to stare in shock at the students staring in shock at the unconscious mountain troll lying flat on its face. Unknown to everyone, one of the ghosts was hovering just outside, staring in shock at the teachers staring in shock at the students staring in shock at the unconscious mountain troll lying flat on its face…

"Potter! You had better have a damned good explanation-"
"I think what professor Snape meant to say was: please explain what happened here. From the beginning if you would."
Harry drew a deep breath. "In the beginning was the Word and-"
"Potter!"
"Perhaps start slightly closer to the incident." The headmaster's eyes were, of course, twinkling.
Harry sighed, muttering something about being specific and continuing issues… "Mr and Mrs Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much…"

There was the unmistakable 'thunk' sound of Snape's head making contact with the wall.
"Again, slightly more recent perhaps."
Another heavy sigh. "Fine! Well, Quirrell burst in shrieking about a troll in the dungeons, which I found a bit odd as clearly Snape was sitting in the hall and generally he is more of a bat… but anyway, we realised Hermione didn't know because she hadn't come to the feast due to being upset by some comments from Ron. By the way- really tosspot move on that one mate."

The young Weasly had the grace to look apologetically at the bushy haired girl on his right.
"So… we came, we saw, we kicked giant ogre ass, and they all lived happily ever after the end."
And without further ado, the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Baffle-Others swept from the room with his robes billowing in a manner which Snape could not help but approve of.

…..

There, sticking out of the back of his defence professor's head was the hideous face of none other than Voldemort himself.
"Give me the stone!" the voice bounced and echoed around the room in a monstrous parody of a voice which seemed to be serpentine and strained. Manic red eyes glared balefully as the possessed professor reached out to grasp the young boy… only to be brought up abruptly.

"Tch, tch, tch… now really is that any way for a grown man to behave?"
"Did you just tut at me Potter?"
"You know, Snape really says my name with much more venom. Your attempt wasn't too bad, but not on par with the dungeon bat. And to answer your question- yes, yes I did. And I do it again: TCH!"
The crimson eyes blinked on the back of Quirell's skull in apparent astonishment.
"I mean really 'give me the stone'? Never heard of the magic word?"
"What? Do you mean Avada-"
"No, honestly, would it kill you to say please? I mean come on, you are the Dark Lord right? Surely such a title must come with some manner of breeding or at least basic social training. Manners cost nothing you know but make a far better impression."

Unfortunately this advice seemed to go unheeded as after a brief pause Quirellmort once again made a grab for the stone. As his host was burned away, and the fragment of Voldemort's soul was scattered into the abyss, the last words he heard were "I want doesn't get…" and he couldn't help but think that one person in this scenario was definitely unhinged and he wasn't sure who it was…