I am sitting on the couch in my mother's house thinking about Noah who had woken up from his surgery fully able to see. Dr. Oliver had worked the miracle that we had hoped he would. And Noah and I had gotten back together; it all happened just as we had planned it.
But now Noah was gone. He had decided he wanted to move to LA. And I am finally starting to understand what has happened over the last three years. Noah had always come so easily to me. Being with Noah had felt so comfortable and right. But sometimes it had felt like I had had to start a fight to get Noah to feel something, or at least express his feelings. Usually it had just felt like I wasn't what Noah wanted.
And that was a shame. Because, in my eyes, my relationship with Noah had been wonderful. But Noah had walked away and never even tried to make up for all that he had taken from me and never given back.
You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel something
and you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted
Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, ain't no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you
Right from the very beginning Noah had put walls up against me and I had had to work so hard to break them down. I had loved him so much but Noah had never completely let me through his barriers. And now Noah is free from feeling smothered by me. How he must be enjoying telling stories of me to his film buddies. How stupid I was to adore him.
You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you
Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, ain't no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you
I see now that Noah had really never given a damn about me. Too bad I didn't realize that sooner; maybe I wouldn't have spent so many nights crying for his sadness about his father, for his blindness. And, if I died trying to get him rescued from the crazy Z twins, I know that he wouldn't have told anyone it had happened. He would have pushed it to the back of his mind and not thought about it anymore.
All these years, all those smiles he had given me were fake and I never realized how condescending he had been, how he had always made everything out to be my fault when he didn't want to face his feelings.
And now that I'm here thinking all this over carefully, I really see that Noah was so cold to me that even Kevin's reaction to my coming out seems less icy.
You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you
Died for you...
Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Oh every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you