Title: MeowMix

Author: MinaRobins
Fandom: Avatar, The Movie
Pairing: Neytiri / Grace Augustine
Rating: G
Summary: "How to tame the Na'vi 101?"

Post-movie: It's ludicrous, insane I say! Crazyness. It's suppose to be funny, but what the hey, I'm weird. OOCness is on purpose. ;D. Lots of references. Maybe too many. Got this idea when I saw the commercial on how to get more Cat love. Hopefully not offensive.

One-Shot.

Disclaimer: I don't own this movie. And after this crazy idea I think we all know why.

"Welcome to 'How to tame your Na'vi 101'!" Grace said excitedly. A smile etched deeply onto her pretty face.

Norm raised his hand timidly. "Umm, ma'am, I thought this was 'How to tame the Na'vi 101'?"

"So?"

"Well, umm, ma'am." Norm was getting sweatier by the second. "It's just that I don't have a Na'vi to tame." He blushed crimson and mortify that the class was staring, he ducked his head in embarrassment.

Grace rolled her eyes and a lit a cigarette. "It's all okey dokey artichokey. Whoever does NOT have a Na'vi, raise their hand in the air."

The entire lot of 20 or so Avatar's hands shot into the air.

All except Jake. His smile a mile wide.

Grace paused for a second. Where the hell was the 17 or so Avatar hiding through the whole fight with Colonel Smiles.

Hells Bells, smart bastards must have been camouflaging with the AMP suits. The Colonel's eye just wasn't the same after that Banshee ripped it out. He insisted on remaining on Pandora making the crew use a ping-pong ball for his artificial eye. From time to time he would lend it out to the best soldiers and allow them to leisurely play table tennis. That all ended when Jake was given the ball, he had used it for a college drinking game.

The Colonel had to resort to an eye patch with an eye drawn on for the rest of the movie. .

Shaking her head Grace plastered her 'friendly teacher' smile back onto her face. Which more then anything made most of their class crap their pants.

"Well student Sully, show me your pet!"

Jake's eyes shot opened as he did a fantastic impression of a fish out of water.

"Well?!"

"Ergh, you see, Grace-

"Its ma'am or Ms. Augustine."

"Riiiiight." Jake tried his best 'I'm am a cold blooded killer but have the heart of the Virgin Mary' smile, but Grace out smiled him.

"Neytiri is sort of like a free spirit, it's not like I can just call her out of no where and make her just sit on my lap." Jake shrugged and looked to his classmates for support. The surrounding Avatars all nodded.

"Well my pets, that's why ya'all in my class." Grace rose up her left hand and placed it on her tank top.

The students who were once not paying attention all sat rapt at their seats the moment Grace's hand dipped into her shirt.

The collective all held their breath.

Grace then on one swift moment whisked a magician's top hat out of her bra.

Jake grinned and nudged Norm. "I didn't even know she wore a bra."

"I don't."

Jake and Norm both found their gaze stuck at Grace's cleavage.

"Are you all ready to see what's in the hat?"

The students all nodded enthusiastically.

The scientist/linguist/teacher smirked as she pulled Neytiri out of the hat and into her lap.

GASP said the class.

"How?" Avatar guy # 8 exclaimed.

"What?!" Avatar girl # 17 asked.

"Where and when?" Norm said to feel included.

"You must all be wondering how I did that." The teacher enquired.

"YEASH!" hollered the Avatars.

Grace rummaged in the hat as Neytiri nuzzled against the scientist. Purring softly.

Jake glared and was about to go and put a stop to the little show but after a couple of failed attempts at standing up decided instead to insist on glaring.

"Ah, here it is!" Their teacher held up a small glowing box. "Now class, can you identify this object?"

"It's the All Spark!"

"No it's the last Mimzy!"

"NO!" Jake's voice thundered. "I know that box from anywhere!"

The class looked expectantly of their résistance leader.

"It's the toy inside (Insert name of Cereal) , there's a prize in EVERY box!"

The class booed and threw little paper balls at Jake.

"Wrong my little scientific creations, it's a box…" Grace paused. "Filled with…." She smiled evilly. "MEOW MIX!"

The Avatars stared.

"Its true my darlings." Grace smiled freakishly again as she puffed on her omnipresent cigarette. "I have this," She motioned at the box. "And I get this!" Grace shook the box softly, causing the Na'vi on her lap tremble and then pounce on the teacher and kiss her on the lips.

"Taa-daa!" Grace mumbled when Neytiri took a moment to breathe.

"That's…. That's it?" Norm started stuttering as he imagined what could have happen if he had just listened to his momma and brought that sock full of family's secret recipe Cat food.

"Mmmmhmmm." Responded a busy Grace.

Jake finally able to fight his urges jumped off from one of the lunch tables and took the box from Grace's hand.

"AHA!" He said.

"Wait!" The scientist tried to stop the boy from doing what he wanted to do but Neytiri was having none of this 'getting up' stuff happening.

Jake took a deep breath and then started shaking the box up and down as fast as he could. Who would've known all those nights ago masturbating with his army friends in his mom basement would come in use. They were all just doing in the same room watching the same porn. Which makes it alright! I SWEAR! It wasn't like Jake was checking out the other guys. They however did compared dicks BUT that's ALL! This time I solemnly swear!

A rumbling erupted all around their modest outdoors lunchroom. The whole Omaticayan clan poured into the little hut. Most of them arrived by bursting through the walls in the process creating perfect cartoon outlines of their bodies.

Each and every single Na'vi inhaled and let out in a deafening shrill:

I want chicken I want liver
Meow Mix Meow Mix
Please Deliver

ALL TOGETZHER NOW!

I want chicken I want liver
Meow Mix Meow Mix
Please Deliver

Jake stood stock still as his clan broke out into song and dance. All but Neytiri who was still trying to demonstrate to Grace how to properly use her linguist skills.

"Buut, I 'm the Hero, I get the maiden!"

Norm poked the 'Hero' on the shoulder and pass him an atokin-whatever the heck, the shimmering jellyfishes. That's right Norm passed Jake a Jelly, a glowing one at that.

"OH my GAWD. ITS SO Shinny! I will name it squishy and it will be my squishy…"

Norm and the rest of the Avatars shrugged and joined in on the Dancing and singing.

Max came out of his office and stared. You leave Grace in charge for one fourth of a millisecond and this happens. "What in the name of George W Bush is happening here?!"

Grace laughed hysterically and smiled, her arms still wrapped around Neytiri's thin waist. "You should see them when I have C-A-T-N-I-P."

"Catnip?" Max spelled vocally; it wasn't his fault his Father had always told him to pronunciate things out loud.

Max was carried away and found days later giggling to himself about Catnip and Meow Mix

A/N: No Omaticayans, Max's or Jellies were harmed in the process of this Fic.

A/N: I'm a review addict. So feed my addiction. Or I'll get Grace to use you-know-what...

The Screen goes black