Disclaimer: It's amazing how many times I have to repeat this, but I'll say it one more time. I don't own Bleach.
A/N: I decided to write another Hitsugaya/Hinamori fic for basically the same reasons that I wrote my Gin/Matsumoto fic, For Always. This is set before Hinamori woke up and Hitsugaya goes to the real world. (On another note, Yumichika's battle with the arrancar was hilarious, don't you think?)
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I wonder what you dream of as you sleep. Better days? Your friends? Me? I wish. Aizen? Most likely, and that makes my skin crawl and the rage in me burn.
That bastard played you for a fool, manipulated your emotions up and down, rammed his zanpaktou through you, is the reason you're in this coma, and still you think about him. It makes me sick when I think about it.
What do I have to do to erase your regard for him from your mind? You would have thought that he nearly killing you would have been enough, but to you, he was your idol. And I am nothing more than an old childhood friend that called you Bed-Wetter Momo, and then suddenly became a captain.
Do I really hold such a weak bond in your heart? Do all your bonds with everyone else, from Abarai to me fail to hold you to this world? Is Aizen really the only thing that let's you keep moving on? How much do we, do I, pale in comparison to your oh-so-beloved captain turned traitor?
I can't say that I ever really liked Aizen. How could I? You were always talking about him to me; I couldn't compete with your idol even when I became the prodigy who became captain. The worst thing was there was nothing about him that I could really point out as a fault. He was nice, he was kind, he was patient. Thinking back now, there was no way anyone could have been so perfect. It should have been obvious that he was fake. Of course, that's with hindsight and it doesn't help you now.
I'll admit that I was jealous, jealous of your obvious adoration of him. All that attention, all those smiles that had once been directed at me were suddenly all his. And my last link to your affection seemed to have been severed when you no longer called me Shirou-chan but called me Hitsugaya like I thought I had always wanted. It was only when it was gone that I realized that I didn't mind that nickname you had given me that much.
The last time you called me Shirou-chan was also the first time you pointed your zanpaktou at me.
He really does own you mind, body, and soul, doesn't he? Anything he says, you will believe, even if it's against your oldest friend who can barely lift a hand against you, much less destroy your happiness.
Will you get better? Unohana-taichou managed to keep both of us from dying thankfully, but even she is worried about your mental state. She says that she will have no idea of how deep the mental anguish was to you until you actually wake up.
I want you to be better. I want you to get up smiling and as cheerful as ever, even though I know that is impossible. I want everything to go back to the way it was, before Aizen's betrayal, because even if I wasn't exactly pleased, you at least were happy.
You were certainly the one who was most grievously hurt by Aizen's grand plan of deception, but you weren't the only one who was betrayed by your captain. Both Kira and Hisagi went through somewhat the same thing that you have, but they seem to be doing better than you. Matsumoto lost an old friend when Gin left, but she seems to be ready to face him again in battle. Well yeah, they weren't stabbed by their captains, but emotionally they seem to be recovering while you…you can't face reality.
You are a vice-captain in your own right, so I never really thought of you as delicate. But now, I suppose that is the only title that can apply. Who knew that you could be shattered so easily? I never did, but obviously Aizen knew all along that that was the easiest way to break you down.
There are times when I still can't believe it. Back when I was first made captain, it seemed like life would always stay the same. You idolizing Aizen, me trying to somehow get your attention, Matsumoto coming up with increasingly ridiculous ideas, stuff like that. But then Kuchiki Rukia was going to be executed, the ryoka barged in, and Aizen started his plan.
Do you think he would have started it soon anyway, even if the ryoka hadn't come? There are so many what-ifs in our situation that it's impossible to think through all of them. What if you had never met Aizen? What if he had taken some other naïve girl instead of you? What if I had the courage to tell you exactly how I feel?
But all of that is impossible now. We can't change the past, so we have to move on from what has happened, despite how low we've fallen. I hope you can.
Please recover. I'm begging you Momo. You…you can't let Aizen win like this, can you? Or do you want to let him win? Please say you don't. If you do…if you do, I have no idea what I'm going to do now.
Don't die. Maybe that's the most I can ask of you, so please, please, at the very least, don't die. Don't let him kill you.
I swear to you though, I will tear him apart with my own two hands. Even if you don't want me to, even if you are still dazzled by his brilliance, even if you hate me in the end, I will bring him and his dreams of being God down.
But I hope that you will not hate me by the end, because I still hold the hope, as useless as it is, that one day you will care for me the way I care about you. It gets fainter every day, but still I hope. It's all I can do, after all.
I visit you everyday at the 4th division, no matter how pitiful you look lying on the hospital bed with wires coming out of you; no matter how useless I feel. Do you hear my words? They say talking to a comatose patient helps them somehow. It doesn't feel like it does though, since you give no sign of awareness.
I don't know what you will be like when (not if, never if) you wake up. You might still be convinced that Aizen is innocent, you might be fine, you might be shattered.
No one knows.
But I will still hope that one day I will see you as cheerful as you ever were, able to channel blazing shots of kidou from your zanpaktou like before, and maybe that day, you will also love me best in your heart.
So I will keep hoping for that day as I avenge your current state and drag Aizen back down to Soul Society for judgment.
It is all I can do. The rest will depend on your own determination to rise again, Momo.
I believe in you.
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A/N: …hm, I think the ending could use some work, but please review! I know it's very, very drably, but introspective pieces usually turn out that way for me. It's a stream-of-consciousness thing I guess, but it flows well for me. School has started, so there won't be many fics up for awhile. The only reason I managed to get this one done was because most of it was finished during the summer, and I got a holiday to finish it. Hope you liked it!