¡The Lucky Phone Number!
ONE SHOT
Warning: In the story everyone knows Bruce Wayne´s Batman. Why? You might ask as well ask. In fact, I have no Idea why. Oh and this has NOTHING to do with Harley nor Ivy, just B-man.
Harley Quinn, ex criminal and psychologist and her best friend, roommate Poison Ivy were watching, peacefully the TV. Since the Joker died she had decided to be a normal civilian again and everything has gone from worse to better. People did not call the police when she entered a shop, tough some still did but only sometimes now. She had found a job at Tiffany´s too. The owner even forgave her for stealing some jewel, which she, of course, returned.
Today was the anniversary since she left the Arkham asylum with a paper where was written: Harleen Quinzel, SANE. Right now they were watching the most favorite show on TV. The name was: The Lucky Phone Number. It was a competition of phone numbers.
First you had to call them, and see who is the star, actor or scientist whom you´ll be one whole day. They choose from all the call only one number and the chosen one is the lucky one. The name itself explains it. Harley and Ivy where eating popcorn while the show began:
"THE LUCKY PHONE NUMBER! Presented and produced by the super millionaire Dannyyyyyy Martin!" cheers erupted all over when the rich guy walked on the stage.
"Thank you, thank you. As you know in the last program the beautiful lady called Ivy, won a whole day with William Hale, the world wide famous architect. He told us that he loved her and would not forget that day to rest of his life. A big applause for Ivy!"
"Wow," Harley said open mouthed," I still can´t believe he asked you to marry him." Ivy looked at the diamond ring in her finger. She LOVED that man.
"Well, I not that type of girl, you know? He…changed my life, in a good way. I… I´m crazy for him, and he´s crazy for me! I think…"
"C´mon!," he punched her playfully on the arm," I saw the way he looked at you when you returned… they were full of desire Red, he is MADLY in love with you."
"Thank you Harley, but I want to see who´s the guest." They continued watching, silently.
"Today´s guest is the richest guy in Gotham, the city´s most favorite super hero and a technological genius…BRUCE WAYNE aka Batman!" A man wearing a grey suit and a dark blue walked on the stage. His hair black, his ice cold eyes, his perfect lips, his shape of Head. Everything about him was amazing.
Harley was scared of B-man though she wasn´t a criminal anymore, but Ivy was suddenly mesmerized by the him. The audience was knocked out, it wasn´t clapping or cheering, they were silent when suddenly a teenager said: "IT´S REALLY HIM!" then everyone stood up and began cheering and all.
"Ivy what on earth is HE doing…?" when she looked around but couldn´t find her. Then she sees her with her phone tipping the buttons.
"Ivy?"
"I HAVE TO WIN THIS ONE."
Then the "handsome" millionaire Bruce and Super hero sat down with Danny Martin like with every guest. Then the interview could begin:
"So how old are you Bruce?"
"Danny, Danny. You don´t ask that to billionaires or Super heroes, do you?" For some reason the audience laughed like they´ve heard the best joke ever. But after the last laugh he finally said: "Twenty-One." That was even more amazing.
"As you all of you have surely heard Batman fought against Super Man in Metropolis. Would you like to tell us what and how you felt during the battle?"
"So…where do I start?
So Superman went ballistic. He was literally destroying Metropolis. Blowing up cars with his fucking laser eyes, you know. So I brood on top of a roof for a while in my usual suit and then, BRAP, I´m all: "HEY SUPERBITCH! LOOK AT THE SKY! IT´S A BIRD! NO it´s a plane. NO! IT´S THE GODDAMN BATMAN!"
So I jump on him and he´s all –bluuuraaaagh- All fucked up on whatever fucking Kryptonite shit Luthor managed to inject him with. I slip on the Kryptonite ring the motherfucker was dumb enough to give me, and I deck him. So, everyone and their mom are standing around just gawking, because I just knocked the shit out of the last son of Krypton, which by the way, is a fucking sob story worthy of Disney.
Cry me a fucking river. He couldn't wipe his super ass when his parent kicked him out. I was eight when my parents were shot right in front of my ass and I didn´t even fucking CRY. Seriously, I grew up in Gotham. You catch my drift? Are you picking up what I´m putting down? Get it? Got it?
All right, all right, I take it back. Wonderwoman hates that epilepsy joke too. Every time I whip it out she´s all: "blah blah blah I´m Sparkle Princess Diana from the bridge to Terabithia, unicorns and fairies and tiaraaas." So back to Supes. He chucks a fucking car at me, I grapple-hook my ass out of the line of fire and I´m all: "Dude! WHAT THE FUCK? NOT. ON.
So he, I don´t know, trying to fucking fly or something and it´s pitiful because my ring is starting to seriously fuck with his shit. So I got the whole fucking city of Metropolis like, standing there like a bunch of fucktards.
Someone´s weeping and I think it might be Lane but when I take a look it´s that redheaded kid and he´s wearing a dress, I don´t even want to fucking know. So he keeps fighting and I´m getting fed the fuck up because I told Alfred I´d be home in time for dinner, and he´s making PANCAKES and here I am relentlessly pounding the shit out of this stubborn son of a bitch.
I kick him in the cranium and je gets a fucking nosebleed, so everyone goes apeshit because it´s like their goddamn messiah and I´m like: CHILL THE FUCK OUT! I´m doing this people a favor and they´re jeering!
This big, fucking asshole finally lost it and I´m trying to get the situation under control. I have on my left side some slack-jawed little punk on my right staring at me like I´ve just donkey-punched his Grandma.
Are these people dense? What are they? Retarded or something? Don´t they know who I am? I´m the GODDAMN BATMAN."
"BRAVO!...EXCELLENT! PERFECT!" The people were clapping for over ten minutes some teen girls crying of joy. Behind them there was TV where it showed how many calls have been. Right now the number was multiplying second per second. It was 2,698,547,256 CALLS FOR GODS SAKES! It had to be like the whole world! Even Ivy who won last week. But then she sees that her own mobile phone is tipping the number.
"What the fuck!" She grabs quickly the phone; she tried to turn it off, tipping any button but it did not work.
"Ow C´mon stupid phone!"
The last thing she needed was being with Batman ONE WHOLE DAY! This HAD to be a not very funny joke.
When she looked at the TV there was shown that already 2,753,333,585 calls. She had to be one of them. Fuck.
"And Ladies and Gentleman STOP! Our telephone company is going choose one, only one number out of millions. Who´s the lucky one to spend one day with the playboy, millionaire, super hero Bruce Wayne? We´ll find out after the ads!"
"Ivy…I hope I won´t win."
"Why?"
"Because! He´s B-man!"
But then the show started again:
"Hello again! Now…" a dramatic music started to play. They always made that so the people would get nervous. Normally Harley laughed at Ivy´s expression but she was the nervous one this time.
"We are going to call her or him now. Pip-Pip Pip-Pip" Then Ivy´s phone rang.
"MY GOD!" She took it and screamed: "I WON!" but then another person responded.
"Ivy? No, it´s me, William."
"Oh, William. Are you all right dear?"
"Yes, I…I wanted to say I love you." She always said that LOVE is for babies but that…touched her.
"Oh," she moaned, she knew what did that to him," I need you so bad Will. SOOO BAD."
But in that instant Harley´s phone rang. Shit. Ivy left the living room to talk to her "boyfriend" and leaved Harley alone. She grabbed the damn phone and pushed the green button: "Hello?" then she heard her voice on the TV. This can´t be possibly happening.
"As we can see it´s a lady! Good evening what´s your name?"
"Umm…Harley Quinn." Danny had a shocked face, and so the other´s. Except for Wayne he was smirking!
"Well, Harley Quinn is the LUCKY PHONE NUMBER! Congratulations Harley! You have just won one day with BRUCEEEEE WAYNEEEEE!"
The world stopped, this had to be a joke. When the program finished Bruce walked out of the TV studios with a big smirk on his face. Alfred, his butler, was waiting him with his limousine. He saw that master Bruce was smiling, which was weird and asked him when he entered the car.
"Are you alright Master Bruce?"
"Yeah, everything´s according to plan."
THE END?