Disclaimer- Belongs to Sum 41 and JK Rowling. Neither of whom are me. Last time I checked.

Walking Disaster

Regulus's birthday. One of the few days of the year that I could have joined the family for without anger, without hatred, at least without it being shown. Of course, now I couldn't. I hadn't seen any of them for over a year. I crossed to the radio and slammed it on, not caring what was playing. It began blaring with some old Muggle trash that James liked.

I haven't been home for a while
I'm sure everything's the same

Well that was true. It's like they didn't even notice I'd gone. I was blasted off the tapestry, no longer a Black, and forgotten.

Mom and Dad both in denial
And only jokes to take the blame

Nobody could make a joke in that house. It was one of the things that I had hated most. At least at Hogwarts everyone was always laughing. It was stifling to live without laughter.

Sorry, Mom, but I don't miss you
Father's no name you deserve

After the way you treated me, why would I ever want to acknowledge you as my parents again? You didn't care. Ever since I was 11 and got sorted into the wrong house I was inferior to you.

I'm just a kid with no ambitions
Wouldn't come home for the world

Nothing can make me go back there. I'm out now. I'm free of that world of sniping and spying and killing. I'm not a Pureblood any more, not part of that world, but part of my own.

Never know what I've become
The king of all that's said and done
The forgotten son

Burnt from the tapestry, thrown from the house, banished from conversation. Not even memories of me would be allowed in there any more. I was no longer a part of the family. Well good riddance. I crossed to the window, looking out across the world.

This city's buried in defeat
I walk along these no-name streets
Wave goodbye to home

Grimmauld Place was never my home. My home was at Hogwarts, the first place I was accepted and loved for the person I am, not who I was supposed to be. The place that I wasn't a failure.

As I fall...

At the dead-end I begin
To burn a bridge of innocence

Inncoent? No Pureblood could ever be innocent. They…we were trained to hurt, to kill, from childhood. Even I was tainted by the tar of the Purebloods.

Satisfaction guaranteed
A pillow-weight catastrophe

Catastophe? Hardly. My parents would be elated to be able to blast such a wayward, difficult and bothersome child from the tapestry.

Our own mission nowhere bound
Inhibitions underground

And now I'm part of the Order of the Phoenix, fighting the Death Eaters. Fighting most of my family.

A shallow grave I
Have dug all by myself

I know that they'll kill me someday. My family will not let such a disgrace survive. The only question is when, and whether I care. I don't. I'd rather live free and die young than live my life as a Pureblood killing machine.

And now I've been gone for so long
I can't remember who was wrong

I don't remember why I left. Azkaban can do that to a person. All I know is that I couldn't have stayed there for a single moment longer without going insane. I'd rather go back to Azkaban than go back to my life as a Pureblood.

All innocence is long gone
I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief
Where I belong

I was never innocent. I know that. And now I know that I am a killer too. I have killed for the Order. Strange to think that such an action can be done in two ways, one that I will do and one that I won't.

A walking disaster
The son of all bastards

That bit is true. I am the son of the worst family in the world. Without proper parents, without family, I have grown into the disaster that I live as now. On the run, a fugitive, with nothing.

You regret you made me
It's too late to save me

But I would rather have nothing, be nothing but be free than be another Pureblood killer, with no love and no freedom.

Grimmauld place has changed since I was last here. It's dark, dead looking. Rotting and decaying like the families that made it. I can almost hear the arguments, the shouting, the snide comments about my failures. But they're dead now so I can't be hearing them.

As far as I can tell
It's just voices in my head
Am I talking to myself?
'Cause I don't know what I just said

Locked up in here, my old home. This is a worse prison that Azkaban ever was. If I didn't have the order here with me I'd be slowly going insane from this place. I thought I was free.

As far as where I fell
Maybe I'm better off dead
Am I at the end of nowhere
Is this as good as it gets?

Freedom. What did I gain from freedom? Being locked back in my old prison? But I'd choose this prison and the knowledge of freedom than a similar prison without that knowledge.

And now I've been gone for so long
I can't remember who was wrong
All innocence is long gone
I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief
Where I belong

A walking disaster
The son of all bastards
You regret you made me
It's too late to save me

The insanity's set in now. I can tell. Half the noises I hear are echoes from the past. In every corner I see my parents' faces, laughing at me, mocking me. At every turn the memories of the stifled existence that I led before I knew freedom assail me. I don't know what's real any more. It's too late.

To save me, to save me, to save me, to save me

The veil gives way to my falling body, accepting the oblivion that my body was falling into, dragging me down. I'm dying, maybe already dead. Blackness invades my eyes.

I will be home in a while
You don't have to say a word
I can't wait to see you smile
Wouldn't miss it for the world

I'll see James again. And Lily. I'll see their smiles, hear their voices again. They're the family that I've lost, the family I'll meet again here. I can't wait for death to come, falling further and further, almost there.

I will be home in a while
You don't have to say a word
I can't wait to see you smile
Wouldn't miss it for the world…

I'm free. Not a Black. Not an Order member. Not a Marauder. Not even a Godfather.

I'm Sirius.