A/N: As said on my other fic, Midnight Memories, this will be the first (and last) A/N posted in front of chapters, future chapters will have their A/Ns posted on my profile instead if they are unimportant, in order not to clutter things up :)
Warnings: Similar to my other fic. In summation: I don't play Go, dubious Hikago knowledge, unplanned fic, sporadic updates, too friendly, I plead for HnG authors to please update faster, I live for this fandom, and I give cookies to every author who updates an English Hikago fic as of the publication of this fic.
Here's the prologue of one of my first fics, which was written around the same time as Midnight Memories- just that I thought of an acceptable name for MM before this fic's.White Wind Anemones is inspired by esama's Catalyst, and other pieces of timetravel!Hikaru fanfiction.
White Wind Anemones
Prologue
The days after Sai's unexplained disappearance was devastating to Hikaru to say the least.
Hikaru actually started missing the childish ghost's chatter. It was strange that he had not noticed until now that in the days up to Sai's disappearance, the ghost had talked less and less. Upon waking and finding no sign of Sai, Hikaru had been wracked with panic. He thought that perhaps Sai was just on a little holiday, and he would return tomorrow. Just in case, he didn't go out that day and waited in front of the Go board.
The guilt started to set in heavily as tomorrows slid past with no sign of the ghost returning. Hikaru started thinking and reflecting about all the things he did to, or did not do for Sai that he regretted very much. Ever since the first day, Hikaru had become a shut in, only leaving his room for meals. He had called the Go Association that first morning, asking for leave on personal reasons, disregarding all the tournaments and matches he had lined up.
Hikaru had only just realized how important Sai was in his life. Much more important than everyone and everything else. He had been taking advantage of the ghost, using him then discarding him whenever he felt like it, and with that revelation everything came crashing down upon Hikaru. Why had he been so selfish? So immature? And who had paid for his immaturity, his selfishness? Sai.
Sai, who would no longer be able to reach his dream of attaining the Kami no Ittai (Hand of God). The Divine move that Sai had gone through so much for, begged for a second life, a second chance for, and given his all for.
And it all failed thanks to the selfish little boy named Shindo Hikaru.
That 11 year old boy gave Sai false hope, a tiny little white lily, light after a long moment of darkness, before crushing it mercilessly when he grew to love Go himself, denying the man who gave up everything for Go and the man who had tutored, had nurtured him, the one thing he just wanted.
A month passed with Hikaru wallowing in self pity and guilt and all sorts of other horrible feelings. He couldn't live with it- with the knowledge that he caused Sai's death. That he was responsible for Sai's disappearance, and he had cursed Sai to never reach his goal.
That month had been filled with Hikaru watching replays after replays after replays of Sai's NetGo games, and regretting that he did not record kifu of Sai's real life games. Some of the games Sai played with amateurs were just blurry pictures in his mind- and Hikaru almost never forgets things. And in that month, Hikaru realised how good Sai was at Go.
No. Not good. Sai was brilliant. Hikaru thought that Sai could have been the God of Go in this life and no one, even Touya Meijin, could have beaten him, unfair handicapped game or not, if Hikaru had just listened and let Sai play.
Angry at himself for crying over spilt milk and being unable to do anything, Hikaru wiped away the tears on his furiously. "Why was I such an idiot?" Hikaru growled at himself.
During that month, Hikaru had ignored messages, phone calls, even house visits from his Go friends-
No, not friends, they were the one who stole his time away from Sai, he should have never made friends. Sai should have been his first and only priority.
Hikaru's parents had been worried about his behavior lately-
Shows how much they care. They took care of him, sure, but they were never there for him, never like Sai was always there for him in these two and a half father was almost always at work, or out. He never came for parent-teacher meetings nor did he ever participate in "bring your child to school" day or "bring your child to work" day. His mother did all her motherly duties, but she wasn't there for Hikaru either, but was always there for her friends when they needed help. Never Hikaru, because what problems could an 11 year old have?
Hikaru hadn't touched a Goban or Go stone for a month-
Because what's the point if Sai wasn't there?
"Kami-sama (God)," Hikaru started, staring into the moonlight out of the open window, just as Sai used to do at nights when Hikaru was sleeping, "I know you granted Sai's wish to be able to play more Go. For some reason, you sent him to me. I was an idiot then, and Sai didn't deserve what I did to him. Sai had a second chance. Can I have one too?"
When nothing happened, Hikaru felt himself flushing in embarrassment for talking to the air and a little bit of anger when air didn't respond. "I don't care how you do it. Send me back in time so that I can FIX THINGS." He ended in a yell.
Other than a cricket chirping outside Hikaru's bedroom window, there was silence.
"Please!" Hikaru cried again as tears begun falling unbidden from his eyes. "I can't live without Sai. He was the only one who gave me attention, I was so foolish, so so foolish to have squandered it away, ignored it and taken it for granted, thinking that there will always be a tomorrow.. I know now. I need a chance to fix things, Kami-sama. I won't be able to live with myself if I can't make it up to Sai, can't help him achieve his goal.."
Heavy, fat tears were dripping down his face now, and he was sniffling and trying to make sure that the snot in his nose was not coming out of it to make an even greater mess of his face. Stumbling away from the window, he shuffled unsteadily up to the Goban- Sai's and Shuusaku's Goban, and now his- grabbed it and buried his face into the wood, exactly where the bloodstain used to be, before it faded.
Hikaru remembered Sai's face, his hands, his hair, his fan, his clothes, and the attention and awe Sai bestowed upon him when he explained some modern contraption or another to the ghost. Hikaru reminisced about the times Sai's eyes had lit up and his mental age sort of regressed to that of a child's when he was allowed to play Go.. And most of all, Hikaru recalled how Sai had been dejected and upset the month before he disappeared. How Sai had tried to hide it, but sometimes, when Hikaru woke in the middle of the night, he would see Sai staring at the moon with faint tears in his eyes.
Hikaru back then had given no thought whatsoever to it. Maybe he did, but those thoughts were about how much of a crybaby Sai was, and how Sai should grow up. But now, he thought he understood how Sai felt, and might know the reason as to why Sai disappeared.
Because Sai lost hope in ever achieving his goal of reaching the Hand of God, the sole reason of his second existence, just because of Hikaru.
And with that revelation, Hikaru fell into the inky darkness that the surface of the Goban suddenly was, and everything turned into black.