The Pirates of Oz: The Curse of the Black Lollipop
A Wizard of Oz/ Pirates of the Carribean X-over
"Oh, Will, I'm afraid we're not in Port Royal anymore," Elizabeth Swann said worriedly, grasping at the blacksmith's arm. The hurricane's winds were dissipating gradually, and she could now see, the dim moonlight, that they were standing on the deck of a ship.
"You're right," he said seriously, glancing at her. She always did have a tendency to state the obvious, he reflected ruefully. Pity she couldn't outgrow it. He decided to ask her if she could breathe now so she wouldn't faint at an inopportune moment later. "Is your corset too tight?"
"No, no," she waved him off, craning her neck to peer around the ship, "it's fine. Where are we, do you think?" she asked Will, turning back to him.
Out of the mist, a shadow stepped toward them. A very small shadow. Elizabeth, ever prissy, backed away from the grimy small person. "You're in Oz now, poppet. Among the Munchkin pirates of the Black Lollipop."
Elizabeth and Will exchanged confused glances. The blacksmith spoke up. "What– or where– is Oz?"
The Munchkin shrugged. "A country. I dunno where you're from, so I can't really say where it is, now, can I?"
"What's the Black Lollipop?" asked Elizabeth.
Rolling his eyes, the Munchkin said, "The name of the ship."
"Rather an odd name," she sniffed.
"It's named after the Black Lollipop of legend, of course," the Munchkin continued smoothly, sparing her a dirty glance. "If you lick the Black Lollipop, then you are bound to the ship and become a Munchkin pirate at night."
Elizabeth looked down her nose at the filthy Munchkin pirate. "And why would anyone choose to become that?"
The Munchkin shrugged. "Good benefits. Like free lollipops. Duh."
Will really hoped Elizabeth wasn't thinking what he thought she was thinking. He didn't want to be a Munchkin pirate.
"WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?" bellowed a scratchy female voice. Soon the body the voice belonged to came out on deck. The woman was entirely green and was wearing sparkly red shoes.
"Nothin', Captain Wicked Witch of the West, ma'am," the Munchkin said. "Just... these two people showed up and I'm tryin' to convince them to– "
"Yes, yes, lick the Black Lollipop," the Witch Captain mused. "Of course you should do it," she said suddenly. "We need more Munchkin Lollipop pirates, you know. Lost a bunch to the Lullaby League last week."
Elizabeth turned to Will, a hopeful gleam in her eyes. "Oh, Will, let's help them. I've always wanted to be a pirate, you know."
In a desperate attempt to convince her that was not what she wanted, Will said, "Lizzy, you know you're going to be short and fat, right?" He was still hoping they might be able to find a way out of this Oz place.
"Well..." Looking at the Witch Captain, Elizabeth asked, "Do I get red sparkly shoes, too?"
The Witch Captain frowned, not wanting to give up the shoes. However, if she did, she could get those rainbow ones she'd seen on the Island of the Deadly Emeralds. "Okay."
Will lunged for the red shoes as the Witch Captain handed them over. "NO! I want to go home!" He dove overboard, holding the shoes tightly, chanting, "There's no place like home," over and over again.
Which left Elizabeth all on her own to make very bad choices. "Where are we going now?" She apparently had no concern for Will jumping overboard. Or the fact that she had lost the shoes.
"We're headed for the Island of the Deadly Emeralds," the Munchkin said. Sometime while Will had been jumping overboard, he'd obtained a bottle of rum. Inspecting it sadly, he whimpered, "The rum's gone!" The Witch Captain swatted the back of his head.
"Bloody idiot," she muttered. In a more falsely cheerful voice, she said, "Come, poppet, let's get you to the Black Lollipop."
Up the creaky stairs they went, Munchkin pirates staring at them all along the way. At last, they stopped before the Black Lollipop, right next to the ship's wheel.
"Lick it," the Witch Captain commanded.
Now that it had come to this, Elizabeth wasn't so sure she wanted to lick the Black Lollipop. It looked all... slimy. Perhaps Will had had the right idea.
But anyway, wrinkling her nose at it, Elizabeth bent over to lick the Black Lollipop.
And immediately began shrinking.
"Was it supposed to do this?" she squeaked in a high-pitched voice.
"Of course!" the Witch Captain cackled. "Now go find the Cowardly Dog, and he'll show you around. Welcome to the ranks of the Munchkin Lollipop pirates."
Elizabeth couldn't breathe. She felt the Munchkin pirate had the right idea going with the rum. She fainted.
Bloody hurricanes.