You're Not Jim
Sebastian was at his wit's end. This pathetic excuse for a man answered to Jim, he looked nlike his Jim, but it wasn't him. The empty copy was weak, fearful, clingy. Sebastian felt like he was suffocating, he hadn't signed up for this when he joined up with James Moriarty. Their relationship was supposed to be a bit of fun, Sebastian had never even meant to fall for him properly and now he wished he hadn't. If he hadn't then it wouldn't tear him up so much to hear Jim's voice, to feel Jim's arms around him and know that he wasn't really there.
Sighing, irritably, Sebastian downs his drink. He'd lost count of how many he'd had. He was still thinking about Jim so not enough. He ordered another.
"I think you've had enough mate," the bartender said, carefully, ignoring Sebastian's disbelieving expression.
"What would you know?" he said, bitterly, before getting up and staggering out of the pub. By some miracle he made it home without getting lost or falling over. He had some trouble with the key in the lock, but eventually he managed to crash through.
"Sebby?" Jim's voice was panicked. He was sat on the sofa, looking towards the door with a worried expression.
Sebastian grinned coldly at him, "That'll be mee," he announced.
"You've been drinking," Jim said, softly, his tone unhappy.
"That, that is a good deduction," Sebastian said, pointing to him and laughing. "It's good to see you didn't lose all of your mind when you /shot yourself/"
Jim flinched at the words, "I-… I think you need to go to bed, Sebastian," he said, carefully. He looked scared.
Sebastian glared, "I'll go to bed when I am good and ready to go to bed," he smirked. "See you don't get to tell me what to do anymore. You're not Jim. You're not my boss. You're pathetic."
Jim just stared at him quietly. It was clear he didn't know what to say or do in this situation. The real Jim would've bit back, there would've been an intense word fight and probably a few punches thrown. They wouldn't screamed at each other and somehow ended up with one of them pushed against the wall with the other's tongue down their mouth. But no. This wasn't his Jim, this was a fake who had claimed his body. It wasn't good enough.
"See! You can't even deny it!" Sebastian taunted. He marched over to Jim. "Are you scared of me, kitten?"
Jim didn't move, didn't say anything. He wouldn't admit to that but in all honestly he couldn't deny it. He couldn't hide the fear in his wide dark eyes, the obvious terror was written all over his face.
"And there's the proof," Sebastian told him. "The proof that you're not Jim. He wasn't scared of anything. Especially not me. He could take me. You're a fucking joke. You're nothing. I would fucking kill you if it meant I could get him back." Sebastian was loosely aware that that didn't make sense, but he didn't care. He was so anger at this whole situation. "I dare you, to hit me."
"…No…" Jim seemed horrified at the thought.
"Hit me!" Sebastian repeated, getting right up in his face, staring into his eyes.
"I'm not going to," Jim said, he was shaking slightly from his fear, there was a minor shake in his voice as well.
"FUCKING WELL HIT ME," Sebastian said.
Jim didn't bother replying that time. Sebastian grabbed his arm and pulled him off the sofa, shoving him against the nearest wall.
"Sebastian…" Jim yelped in a panic.
"Go on, hit me, I know you want to," Sebastian said. "I know you're in there. Somewhere in there, the real Jim wants to hit me, wants to get me back for something. Go on, do it. Get me back."
"Sebby… Calm down…" Jim tried to be reasonable.
Sebastian slapped him, ignoring the yelp of pain from Jim. "No. You don't tell me to calm down, you don't stand there shaking, you don't act like you're perfectly innocent, like you wouldn't hurt a fly. Stop it, fucking well pull yourself together."
Jim stayed quiet. Clearly reasonable wasn't going to work with Sebastian. Maybe if he did was the other said… He tried to push Sebastian back but wasn't strong enough to actually move him. Sebastian laughed at his weak attempts. Jim slapped him, it was only over the arm and it was weak even for him. And that only built the anger in Sebastian.
"No." He spat, glaring at him. "You don't do something half-heartedly because I told you to and you think it's right. This isn't who you are, just fucking well stop it."
"This is who I am now…" Jim said, softly.
"You're not Jim Moriarty, you're not him," Sebastian said. "And I'm going to get him back even if I have to smack you out of the way first."
That scared Jim more than any of this, more even that the first hit. Sebastian was always so gentle with him, so loving, so understand. It made him wonder how long this had been brewing, but the thought was cut off by Sebastian's fist making contact with his jaw. Jim couldn't help but scream, despite Sebastian's words he hadn't been expecting it. His hand flew to his jaw gently, rubbing it carefully.
"Se- Sebby," he stuttered, trying to sidestep away from him.
Sebastian was staring at him, his eyes lost. He grabbed him to stop him moving, holding him in place. "Shut up," he said. "Let me make one thing perfectly clear. You are nothing. Nothing. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get Jim back. I'm going to get him back."
"Y- you can't," Jim said, terrified. The doctor's had said it was unlikely Jim would get his memory back, he had been lucky to even survive. Although right in this moment Jim wondered if 'lucky' was really the right word. "I- I'm sorry."
Sebastian couldn't bear that. Jim never apologised for anything. He couldn't bear hearing those words from Jim's voice. He pulled Jim aware from the wall and just threw him to the ground. Jim landed harder than he planned for him to, he was used to using his whole strength against Jim because it would normally be a two-sided fight that they both knew wasn't serious. But this was different, he used his full strength and Jim crashed to the ground, unable to stop the pain caused by it. Jim let out a small whimper of pain.
Sebastian's eyes widened as he looked down at him, hating the guilt that was beginning to build up in him. He stormed out of the room, through to the bedroom. It was all he could do not to trash the room.
In the morning, the first thing Sebastian was aware of was the pounding headache he had. He groaned slightly and sat up slowly. What the hell had happened? Slowly, the night before pieced itself together in his mind. The alcohol. Jim. Shit. Full of guilt, Sebastian got up, walking through to the living room.
Jim was curled up small on the sofa, a blanket loosely draped over him. Sebastian noticed the bruise of his jaw, it looked painful, he shuddered slightly. He had sworn that he would always protect Jim. He had no right to hurt the other when he couldn't protect himself. He knelt down in front of the sofa and gently stroked Jim's dark hair.
"Jimmy?" he whispered.
Jim had obviously been sleeping lightly, he jolted awake, wide eyes staring at Sebastian.
"I'm sorry," Sebastian said, sincerely. And he was. He rarely regretting hurting someone, but Jim in this state, he did. "I shouldn't have hurt you, it was out of line."
Jim nodded slowly. He wiped the sleep out of his eyes and sat up. "I've… In the time since I woke up in hospital, you're all I've got. I can't afford to be scared of you."
Sebastian swallowed. "I know, darling, and I promise you, you have no need to be," he sat up on the sofa beside Jim. "That's never going to happen again. It's just… things were different before your injury… The relationship me and that Jim had was… dysfunctional…"
"Tell me about it?" Jim asked, quietly.
In all honesty, Sebastian wasn't sure how, but he knew he needed to. He couldn't justify what had happened the night before, but if he wanted Jim to trust him, he needed the other to understand. Slowly, he explained how their relationship had worked. He told him about the stupid fights which would start with one of them picking at something, continue until they were both screaming and attacking each other and then end up with the pair of them in bed.
"We knew each other's limits," Sebastian was hastened to add. "We knew how far we could push it, and when we had to stop. I'm so used to that. I guess, I miss that."
"I'm sorry," Jim whispered. "That I can't be him."
"Shush, you don't need to apologise, kitten," Sebastian said, wrapping his arms around him. Jim tensed for a moment, but quickly relaxed against him. "this isn't your fault, in no way is it your fault. Just know I will never hurt you again."
Jim nodded weakly, burying his head in Sebastian's chest, just holding on to him. Sebastian knew he didn't to accept that he wasn't going to get his Jim back, things were never going to be the way they had been. But maybe, the Jim left behind and he could be just as bad. Sebastian kissed the top of his head.
"I was wrong," he whispered, softly. "You're not nothing and I'm going to look after you," this man wasn't the same, but he was still Jim. It didn't change anything about the way he felt, "I still love you."