I haven't written fanfiction in so long! I know I was working on that Kendall/Lucy, but I needed a break (have no inspiration at the moment =p).
So Kendall and Camille are my favorite never-gonna-happen couple in the Big Time Rush world. I just think they are perfect together, but because of the plotline circumstances, will never end up together, which is disappointing. But I guess that's what fanfiction is for =D. Enjoy, and please comment with any criticisms/feedback! I obviously don't own BTR or Taylor's song.
She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile
Ever since the first day.
That was how long I had been in love with Kendall Knight. I mean, how could I NOT be? Who could resist his flirty, sly smile, his smooth, amazing voice, his magical green eyes that lit up whenever he smiled?
One person.
Jo Taylor.
She'll never see the way you stop and stare whenever she walks by
Jo is my best friend-in the short amount of time that we've spent together, she seems to know everything about me and I know everything about her, from our pasts to our dreams to our little quirks.
But for all her intelligence and common sense, she still doesn't see how much Kendall likes her. He'll do whatever it takes just to run into us at the pool, and practically stalks her trying to figure out how to win her over. Whenever Jo and I are walking around together, I always catch Kendall staring at Jo, longing in his eyes.
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me
The only thing worse than the way Jo doesn't see Kendall?
The way Kendall doesn't see me wanting him, in exactly the same way that he wants Jo.
One night, I decided that I was through with hiding my feelings, which were growing stronger and stronger by the day. I felt that if I didn't tell him right away, I never would, and would have to carry around the guilt of the one that got away.
So I sat down at my computer one night and turned on my webcam recorder. Here goes nothing, I thought to myself.
I just wanna show you
She don't even know she you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
"Hey Kendall." I imagined my forced smile…but this one came out genuine. Yes, I'm doing it. My voice was shaking tremendously (so much for being an actress) but I was doing it.
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible
"I know that you like Jo and everything…but I need to tell you that I love you." Quickly I turned the webcam off, frowning. Well, that completely sucked. "Really Camille, REALLY!?" I smacked myself in the forehead…not exactly the smartest thing to do, but it was my immediate reaction.
I played back the short, horrendous video and laughed nervously. Alright, it might have been a good idea to work out what I was going to say prior to making the video. And maybe I needed a little more substance-this confession of my love was far too simplistic, especially when my feelings were twisting, complicated layers of an intricate web.
And it would probably be better to leave out the "I love you" part. That was a little too much, and I wasn't even sure I was in love with him. Of course, my heart knew for a fact that it belonged to Kendall, but my mind was more cautious, reminding me that, as Logan liked to quote, 97% of first romances end in break-up.
But I knew that, whether or not I was in love with Kendall Knight, I should let him know that I was thinking of him.
So I tried again.
There's a light inside of you that can't help but shine through
"Hey Kendall. You know that Katy Perry song-"The One That Got Away"? Well, I know that we don't steal liquor or even have a roof to go hang out on…" in spite of myself, I laughed, imagining Kendall's raised eyebrows, the sure reaction to what I had just said. "But…that song basically is how I feel about you."
She's never gonna see the light, no matter what you do
"I can tell that you like Jo-I mean, it's pretty obvious. I know she's the most amazing girl on the planet-she's beautiful, incredible, talented, nice, smart…I guess I could keep going. There's every reason in the world you should want her and not me. Except for one reason." I took a deep breath. "She doesn't love you."
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we should be
I stopped the video before I could do any more damage. "ARGH!" I threw myself onto my bed, completely abandoning my computer, defeated. I just couldn't get around the "I love you" part. Which was the one thing I definitely needed to avoid, at all costs. How can I do this right?
I just wanna show you
She don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
Looking for inspiration on how to say "I love you" without actually saying it, I turned on my iPod and shook, shuffling my playlist. Song after song after song played in my ears, sweet melodies and energetic beats that all professed deeper feelings for that one special person. But I had no idea how I could get those feelings-which all those musicians, songwriters and singers were able to confess so easily-out myself. I wished I could cover a song, but my singing was a hopeless cause.
But the more I listened, the more I figured out that, if I could only use a song, I could put all the feeling I wanted-and more- into a video for Kendall.
And that's when I got my big idea.
I scrambled around for a spare notebook.
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible
I took one, final deep breath. This is it. The moment he finds out. I turned on the webcam recorder and said nothing, simply smiling into the camera before playing the song that pretty much summarized how I felt.
As Taylor Swift's "Invisible" began to play, I held up the pretty sheets of paper I had just poured my heart and soul into.
Well, okay, it was only the lyrics to the song, fragmented so that each page only had a couple words on it. As Taylor sang, I held up the different pages, displaying the words that would tell Kendall everything I wanted to but well, just couldn't. I smiled the whole way through.
At the end of the song, I held up the only picture I had of just the two of us, pointing to our faces and (still) smiling. He had his arm around my shoulder and he was making a silly face while I grinned widely like the fool I was, simply happy to be so close to such an amazing person.
I clicked the "End" button, the most important work of my young life finally complete.
Like shadows in the faded light
Oh, we're invisible
I just wanna open your eyes
And make you realize
I just wanna show you
She don't even know you
"OH YEAH!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, throwing the papers with the lyrics in all directions. I heard my dad groan from the next room over. "Sorry, sorry!" I shouted back. But I was too excited to calm down. Because it was done! I had found the perfect means to express myself to Kendall, without any awkwardness or anything! I didn't even have to do it to his face. All I had to do was give him the USB copy and make it clear that he wasn't allowed show it to his buddies.
Of course, I couldn't really care either way if they saw it. I was just too on top of the world.
Baby let me love you
Let me want you
Snuggling into my pillow, about the fall asleep, I dreamt of a time-maybe as near as the next day-when Kendall and I could be together.
You just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable
Instead of just invisible
My eyes were practically drooping and my hair was a mess, but I had finally pulled it off. I had my little flash drive with the video on it in my pocket. It was early, and the boys had said something about going to the studio for the day, so I figured I'd give it to him…and then go back to sleep. I waited in the lobby until I heard the elevator…and of course it was them.
I smiled and waved and they did the same. Kendall walked over to me, a stroke of luck that I didn't have to approach him in front of his buddies or call him away.
"Um…good morning?" Kendall said, eyeing my no-sleep-at-all-last-night look.
I laughed, maybe a little nervously, feeling the USB in my pocket. "Yeah, I was up late last night…" C'mon…give it to him. "I'm good though."
But I was distracted when Kendall asked, "Hey…could I tell you something?"
"Sure." My hand rested on my pocket, making no move to give my feelings away…yet.
Kendall seemed to be having some trouble figuring out how to tell me…well, whatever he was going to tell me. "Well, Big Time Rush has been here, at the Palm Woods, for awhile…and you've been one of our best friends…one of my best friends…"
"And?"
"I just wanted to tell you that I…I…" he almost cut off, but managed to keep going. "I think you should ask Logan out."
"Oh." I tried not to seem crestfallen. "I don't know Kendall…"
"He has a huge crush on you, but you know, he gets really nervous…"
"I'll definitely think about it." Thank god for my acting skills, which prevented tears from spilling out. "Well, I'm gonna go back to sleep." I said, getting up and starting toward the elevator. "Good luck today." I didn't look back, hands inside my pocket and clutching the video that Kendall would never see.
She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile
Kendall Knight couldn't help but mentally kick himself. Your one big chance to show her how you feel…and you blew it.
He shook his head, green eyes full of longing. I guess she just doesn't see the way I love her more than anything else in this world.
Masks
She had blue skin
and so did he.
He kept it hid-
and so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by-
And never knew.
-Shel Silverstein