A/N: It's angst. It's Skate. It's a little AU. It's set right after Kate leaves the island/right after Kate returns. Hope you enjoy.
DISCLAIMER: If I owned lost, do you really think I'd be writing fanfiction? Riddle me this.
Jamie
"So what'd you do while you do while you were gone, Freckles?" Sawyer asked a week after Kate arrived back at the island. Things were off, a little awkward, and they were trying to get back to the witty banter they'd once had in the form of friendship.
"I had your baby," Kate replied cattily.
"What?" Sawyer exclaimed. "Really?"
"No," she smirked.
"Bitch," he muttered.
"Ass," she smiled.
Little did he know.
* * *
Fuck.
Fuckity fuckity fuck.
Kate sighed in her seat on the toilet. Why did it have to be a plus sign? Why? She couldn't handle this. Maybe she hadn't peed on the stupid stick right. Maybe she'd messed up. Maybe it was a false positive.
So Kate threw the stupid, stupid stick in the trash and decided that must be it. She'd even gotten her period once more on the island before she left! But hadn't she read something years ago that said you could get one more period while pregnant?
Kate sighed. She was sure she wasn't pregnant. The test was wrong, of course. But just to be safe, she supposed she ought to buy another test or two and take them, just to be safe. So she did. She went with different brands this time because maybe the first one was false because the brand was faulty. So she peed on two more sticks. The first had two blue lines. She checked the box to be safe – positive. That was fine. Probably another false positive. You never know – these things can be inaccurate. They only guaranty 99% or so. She figured the third one would be accurate – a smiley face or frowny face. Classy. She peed and waited, eventually coming up with a happy face.
She threw the stick to the ground. Happy face? Really? This was not a happy moment for Kate in the least.
She then proceeded to vomit into the trashcan, all over her stupid pee sticks.
* * *
"So what'd ya really get up to?" Sawyer asked a few hours later over a beer.
They were trying so hard to get back their friendship – which incidentally, they'd never really had at all the first time around.
"Well, I'm not running from the law anymore, for starters."
"Congrats, Freckles. You're making me tear up with pride. How'd you get off?"
"Fame," she laughed. "And for once, it wasn't negative publicity."
"No $23,000 reward find? Because damn sweetheart, I was really hoping to cash that in."
"Ass," Kate muttered.
"Bitch," Sawyer beamed.
"What about you?" she asked of him. "What did you do?"
"What's it look like I've been doing? I'm leading the damn Others. But we prefer the term Dharma Initiative. Looks better on paper, ya see."
"I figured that was the reason. You're looking mighty close with Juliet," Kate commented. "How long have you been together?"
"Almost two years. We bonded over our mutual love for time travel, naturally."
Kate repeated with a roll of the eyes, "I figured that was the reason."
* * *
Two weeks later, Kate was finally getting used the idea of potentially having Sawyer's baby. She was already struggling to handle being a single mom to Aaron, but it wasn't as though she was lacking money. The Oceanic settlement had treated her well. She hadn't told Jack yet – it's not like they were together. In fact, she was a bit mad at him. He refused to acknowledge Aaron in her life. If she told him about her being pregnant – well, that would end any sort of relationship for good.
But she was finally starting to warm up to the idea of a little girl. She wasn't sure it was girl, of course, but for some reason she just assumed. A little girl with curly blonde hair, green eyes, and dimples. She'd already decided. Maybe she'd even name him Jamie, she thought with a laugh. Not that she was excited to have his baby or anything. It was way too much. She'd even considered termination, however briefly. But she'd always wanted a child of her own, and she really missed Sawyer, and…
It's not like she was excited about the baby or anything.
It's not like she was already looking through her Pottery Barn catalogue for a new crib to add to the nursery and converting the study into little Jamie's room when she grew up.
But that was ridiculousness. She wasn't excited or anything.
* * *
They decided to make it a weekly ritual, drinking together. It gave them a chance to catch up, and any residual awkwardness disappeared with the buzz of a couple beers. They would laugh and joke and smile, and it's not like they were in love or anything.
They were friends, and they maintained that title and status from the first beer to the last.
"What happened with Jack ass?" Sawyer asked after his first beer a few weeks later. "Why aren't you two together anymore?"
"There was a time and a place for Jack," Kate stated. "It passed. Jack ass," she almost laughed, "ended up being just that – a jack ass."
"Sorry, Sweetheart."
Kate almost shivered at the name. "It's fine. We weren't right. There was always something in the way." She refused to say what.
Sawyer didn't ask. Kate assumed he already knew.
* * *
It ended in a bloody mess.
She miscarried in the bathroom one morning. She stared at the mess for quite some time, void of any emotion. It was all red and disgusting and reminded her of violence and gunshot wounds that she gave to partners in bank heists. Aaron was with the nanny, so thankfully she didn't have to deal with finding somewhere for him. She cleaned herself up and drove to a hospital – avoiding the one Jack worked at – to make sure that she was okay. She knew she should have called someone to drive her, but she was quite convinced she was fine. And the doctors told her she was just that. She drove herself home a few hours later. She cleaned the bathroom, and her baby girl was gone without a trace.
She was sitting in her living room that evening, pretending to watch the news when it hit her. She'd lost the baby. She'd lost Sawyer's baby. The one she'd never told anyone about, the most precious thing to her. She'd lost her last connection to Sawyer. She lost her baby Jamie.
The tears wouldn't stop. They wouldn't stop for a long time. Tear after tear, sob after sob. It wouldn't stop. Kate called Jack that night and asked him to come over and sit with her. She never told him what was wrong, and that was okay with him. They didn't speak of it ever again.
No one but Kate ever knew about baby girl Jamie.
* * *
Sawyer found her a week later sobbing in the dark on her porch.
"What's the matter, Freckles?" he seemed truly concerned.
"It's nothing," she denied and brushed the tears away.
"Doesn't look like nothing," he said.
"Well it is," she replied shortly.
He sighed and wagered, "Would a beer help?"
"Yes," Kate almost smiled.
So they went to their favorite spot in the woods and got to drinking as usual.
They usually only had one or two – they had to stay in control of themselves after all. But this time Kate had a bit more. She wanted to forget. She wanted forget so badly. But seeing him all the time brought it all back. All the memories of the baby girl she never got to have.
Half-way through her fifth beer, Kate spoke up, "I wasn't kidding, you know."
"What'd ya mean?" Sawyer questioned, not understanding what she was referring to.
"All those weeks ago…" Kate hiccupped. "You asked me what I'd been up to off the island. I told you I had your baby and laughed," she paused, "Only kind of untrue."
"What the hell are you talking about, Freckles?"
"You got me pregnant," she stated. "Back before I left, you got me pregnant. I told you there was a chance. I got my period, so I thought I was wrong. But I wasn't. I was pregnant."
"You had my kid?" Sawyer asked, astonished.
"No," Kate sighed. "I didn't. I lost her. That's why I was crying earlier. Seeing you again reminds me. I lost baby girl Jamie."
Her words were soft, and her breath smelled like alcohol, but the earnestness rang true. There was a sadness in her eyes that Sawyer couldn't escape.
"I got you pregnant?" he wondered aloud again, struggling to get over the shock.
"Yep," she whispered.
"You were gonna name her Jamie?"
"Yep," she replied again.
"After me?" Sawyer asked quietly.
Kate nodded mutely and wiped a stray tear she'd sworn she wouldn't cry again.
He held her for a moment and spoke, "I wish I'd gotten to meet her," he murmured.
"Me too," she replied.
Sawyer kissed Kate on the top of the head. "Thanks for telling me, Sweetheart."
Kate nodded into his chest and tried to keep from crying again. But she did, and he held her as the sobs racked her, two parents finally mourning the loss of their child. Sawyer kissed her on the forehead, squeezed her hand, and swore to himself he would never forget about baby girl Jamie.
fin.
Review pretty please. And who else is ridiculously excited for the new season?