AN: references of J/S

Spoilers: through season 4

Family of Four

Jack mused about a lot of things since joining the SGC. Mostly about different planets they had ventured to, sometimes it was as simple as whether to have fruit loops or waffles in the commissary. He had pondered about Thor on occasion and the rest of the Asgard, never quite forgetting that near-death experience with the Replicators. And sometimes he went as far as to ask why the hell he was here. The one thing he never really gave any thought to was family not until now.

The day Charlie died was the day Jack stopped truly living. Family didn't matter after that, nothing mattered anymore. When Daniel Jackson entered his life it took on a new meaning. Until then Jack had wanted to die, even considered taking his own life once or twice in the confines of his home. Slowly but surely his former life crumbled around him leaving him empty so what had changed. He had so desperately wanted to just stop living until General Hammond had called him out of retirement to once again serve his country. After everything he lost family had no meaning, life had no meaning.

That was until he joined the SGC. Then family took on a whole new meaning for Jack. Something he tried so hard to push away but it kept coming back to haunt him or so it seemed. But it didn't haunt him, it changed him. Made him once more the human being he was before Charlie's untimely death. He tried so hard to run away but three people made that impossible. Those three people he was sure saved him and it all started with a former myth and one trouble-magnet archeologist.

Those three people in question became his team and slowly his family. In losing Charlie and his wife he had gained three more close to his heart. Although he would never admit openly how much they really meant to him words could never express it. It was through subtly actions that Jack let it show. A gesture, a hug, a ruffle of hair, or even a common nickname. Other times it was a private show of affection that only two people knew. A love deep in his heart so sacred and secret that it had to be kept locked away hidden. Or maybe it was a show of strength between two soldiers or even a silent understanding between two friends. Or maybe it was a silent support when one of them was hurting either physically or emotionally. He had given them all. For they were his family.

The four of them had become brothers and sisters, lovers and friends. Some love lay hidden while other more fraternal open. It was strange to think that four strangers had become so close in such a short span of time. It only took their first official mission to become close friends. A few missions more to become as close as family. His new family was unique and eccentric but his. He didn't care what others thought. Didn't care that some would never believe that an Air Force colonel, archeologist, major with a PhD in astrophysics, and a Jaffa could become family.

He thought about each one individually, of how they had shaped the team in their own special way. Daniel, for example, had become the rock. The moral center but he was so more than that. He was the one that kept them all grounded, almost like a silent support for them all. He was their center. He had grown close to the archeologist slowly from the first day they met. Then without Jack noticing Daniel had wiggled his way into his numb heart, becoming something of the baby brother he never had. But then again he had that effect on all of them. He was the baby brother of the team that needed protection, from the world, from himself. Jack had seen that same protection he possessed reflect in Teal'c concerning Daniel Jackson. Even saw a little of the same in Sam when Daniel was the one under the spotlight. But did he really need that protection they all seemed to blanket him in?

True enough Jack can still remember with clarity cradling Daniel in his arms as he wept like a lost little child in the throws of withdrawal. Remembers all the times he, without any thought to himself, stepped in front of a pointing gun to protect the one he called brother. But was protection what Daniel needed, did all those things reflect weakness? Truth was Daniel was the strongest of them all in Jack's eyes, not in brute strength but with power of will. That ever-resilient resolve was one thing he gave them, gave him.

They all shared a special bond but that bond had always been strongest between the 'twins'. Their like minds and brilliant intellect brought them closer together as brother and sister. While his bond with the archeologist was strong given all they had been through Jack always knew that Daniel and Sam shared something special. It was always him she ran to in times of need, always his shoulder she leaned on when sad. But Jack was never jealous for he shared a similar bond with Teal'c.

The bond between him and Teal'c was something that could never be recreated. They had quickly become brothers in arms regardless of any barriers that had stood in their way. And while in technical terms Teal'c was far older than him they were on equal playing ground both sharing that similar experienced knowledge. It was always Teal'c he could talk to when Daniel was not available and sometimes the first he spoke to when circumstances called for it. He loved their little moments of play whether it was a friendly game of ping-pong or a quick spar. For some reason Teal'c always understood him, understood his logic on the many situations that arose on every mission. Could understand why he took a route the others felt wrong. Actually he could only remember a handful of times that he had ever argued with Teal'c if there were any. While they disagreed like all brothers they always found the middle ground.

He had shared with Teal'c that protective nature he took with Sam and Daniel. Respected that guard Teal'c always took with Daniel, protecting the archeologist as if he were a little brother or Rya'c even. He was also the only one on the team who could relate with Jack on a paternal level even if Charlie was no longer with him. Jack sometimes found it strange that he was so close to the man who was at one point assigned to kill them. But what was that saying Daniel and his grandfather had said, 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'.

Teal'c would always be his brother just as Daniel will be while there were some whose bonds were more complex. The bond he shared with his 2IC went so deep that it remained hidden from public view in fear of consequence. Jack couldn't say he saw her as a sister, or even family in the same sense as Daniel and Teal'c. She was family but the bond that linked them together ran deeper than even he could imagine. Sam was more to him than he was willing to admit. They had faced their feelings on that ship standing on either side of that force field. Had come so close to proclaiming what they kept secret but faltered.

Deep inside Jack held a love for Sam that if proclaimed aloud risked their careers. He knew Hammond knew deep down but never said anything like the good father figure he was. Knew even Sam felt the same as she looked into his eyes. But it was too sacred to come to light, too much of a burden that could threaten the team. He kept her at arms length, treated her like a sister even when she was so much more. Alone in his thoughts Jack could finally admit that he loved the major, a love going far passed plutonic. He wished he could finally tell her openly but kept that secret hidden holding his feelings deep inside.

So much had been left unsaid between them. So much denial and hurt remained in his heart. Ever since Sara he had been hesitant of even considering an intimate relationship, or even one of shared feelings, but Sam was different. Maybe some day far from now when the time was right Jack would finally come out with his true feelings. Until that day Jack strove to treat Sam the same even if he felt her coming closer. Slowly but surely she had warmed a place in his heart that had previously been cold. Filled a void left by so much rejection in his recent past. He wanted to keep that filling intact and if Sam was the one to fill that void he yearned to keep her close.

She was more than a sister but not quite a lover but wasn't that what SG-1 was about. They were lovers and friends, brothers and sisters rounding off a perfect family of four. He means every word when Jack says he would die for any one of them. Because that was the God given truth, he would gladly lay down his life in an instant if it meant they would live. And Jack knew they felt the same if Daniel's multiple sacrifices in the past were anything to go by.

That little dynamic of love and trust was one reason why Hammond never let anything come between them. Never questioned their politics when the going got tough. Never let slip all the hidden troubles faced to the brass at the top. In a way Hammond had become their own watchdog, their own paternal guidance. But that's what Hammond was to all at the SGC, he was the father that grounded them all. But hadn't he always meant more to SG-1 compared to all the other teams?

As he continued to think all that he gained over the past few years Jack could only think of happiness. While he had lost his son he had gained something most men took for granted. He, Colonel Jack O'Neill, had gained a family. A family of survivors, a family built on trust and acceptance. A family molded with love. While Charlie would always hold a special place in his heart and memory, a new place had been filled by those four strangers. For the first time since his son took his final breaths Jack thought about something he never imagined: his family.

Disclaimer: Stargate is the property of its producers, I don't own anything.