Olivia Benson plopped onto her bed and buried her head into her pillow. It had been a long forty-eight hours with no sleep and she was beyond exhausted. This was the first time in two days she had been at home and she was just wanted to sleep. She didn't care about checking the mail, or cleaning the few dishes in the sink, or anything. She just wanted to close her eyes and fall into a deep slumber. She was almost there when the annoying ringtone of her cellphone began playing. She sighed heavily and just let it go to voicemail. If it was important, they would call back. She pulled the covers over top of her and got comfortable again when her phone sounded the second time. She reached over on the nightstand to pick it up, clearly unhappy.
"Benson," she barked into the phone.
"Hey... Liv." It was Brian.
Olivia sighed. She didn't want to do this right now. She didn't want to fight and she didn't want to talk about the case. All she wanted was sleep and nobody seemed to understand that. "Bri... I don't want to fight. Let's forget about it. I'm over it. You were right and I shouldn't have gotten attached to that little boy. It's over. I love you but, right now, I really just want to sleep."
"Can I come over?"
Olivia tiredly ran her hand through her hair. Did he not understand what she just said to him? She wasn't in the mood for another argument and if she was being honest she wanted the company. "Sure."
"I'll be there shortly," Brian said, "Love you."
"Love you too." She hung up the phone and placed it back on the nightstand. She hoped Brian had her key with him because she was too tired to get out of bed and unlock the door. It wasn't long though before she heard his key in the lock and the knob jiggle.
"It's me," Brian called.
"In here," Olivia hollered back.
Brian locked the door behind him before tossing his keys to the kitchen table and heading to Olivia's room. "Hey," he said quietly.
"Hey."
"I brought some food," he said still standing in the bedroom doorway.
"I'm not hungry," Olivia mumbled with her eyes closed, "I just want to sleep."
"You haven't ate since Friday," Brian said shoving his hands into his pockets, "It's Sunday."
"I'm really tired," she repeated, wishing he would just crawl in bed next to her and stop talking.
"It's Chinese..."
Olivia sighed and threw the covers off of her as she opened her eyes and sat up. "Because you took the time to go pick up food and come all the way over here," she said as she climbed out of bed, "I'm going to eat. Not because I want to. All I want to do is sleep."
Brian smiled, "you can sleep after you eat."
Olivia and Brian sat at the kitchen table with full plates in front of them. The only sound you could hear was their forks scrapping the plates and Olivia was beginning to wonder the real reason why he had come over.
"About Johnny," Brian said out of nowhere once he was finished with his food, "I wanted to see that you were okay..."
Olivia kept her eyes remained on her plate, afraid to let Brian see how upset she really was. Johnny was a five year old who had been killed earlier that day because Olivia couldn't convince the boy's father to let him go. She had watched as the little boy had been shot and she had been too late at shooting her own gun to save him.
"I'm sorry," Brian offered quietly.
"If I would have fired," Olivia whispered with a burning throat, "he would still be alive."
"You were following orders," Brian said as he reached across the table and grabbed her hand. He held it tight in hers.
Olivia finally looked up and revealed her crying eyes to Brian who wanted to pull her into a hug right at that moment. He hadn't made her day worse by arguing about her attachment to the boy and he could see now how affected she was. It was just part of who Olivia was and he loved that about her. He doesn't know why he chose today of all days to pick a fight.
"C'mere," Brian said scooting his chair back and standing up. He walked over to Olivia and gently pulled her out of her chair; wrapping her in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder and silently let her tears fall. "It's okay," Brian soothed her as he gently rubbed his hand on the small of her back. "I'm sorry."
"Me too..."
"Let's get you to bed," Brian said as he reached up and wiped away her tears with his thumb. "You're exhausted."
Olivia nodded and leaned against Brian as they made her way into the bedroom. Brian handed her a pair of pajamas from her drawer because he knew how she hated to sleep in her work clothes. She must have been too tired at that point to care. When she was changed she climbed into bed under the covers and snuggled close to Brian. He kissed her gently on the forehead and then whispered, "don't worry about the mess. I'll clean it up. I love you, Liv."
When she didn't respond to that he looked over to notice that she was already asleep. He smiled to himself and slowly slipped out of the bed. He was going to clean up the mess in the kitchen before taking a shower and then crawling into bed and peacefully falling asleep. He wanted to be the first thing Olivia saw when she woke up. He wanted her to know just how much he loved her.
