This story is set just after the moment where Jess tells Rory that he loves her then runs off. I find this to be the most annoying scene in the series! It drives me crazy when I watch it so I wanted to write it the way I would have liked it to happen. I know it's been done plenty of times before but I really wanted to write it from my own perspective. I hope you enjoy it.
"I love you."
The three words echoed over and over again in Rory's head as she stared numbly after Jess. She willed herself to run after him or at least call out to him but instead she stayed where she was her eyes following him as he hurried through the square.
She had had no idea what Jess was going to say to her as he had chased her but it would not have been this. 'Sorry' maybe or 'I missed you' but definitely not 'I love you.' It was one of those rare times in her life that she did not know what to do. She was over Jess, of course she was but why was every instinct inside her screaming at her to race after him?
She threw her hands up in despair and started jogging in the direction of Jess's now distant figure. She was aware that all of Stars Hollow was out celebrating and that various members of the town were staring at her as she ran but she did not care. Let them stare she thought. Let them gossip – it was after all what they did best.
"Jess!" she screeched as he was about to jump into his car.
Her jog turned to a sprint as she covered the last few metres between herself and her former boyfriend.
"What is wrong with you? You cannot just disappear for a year then show up again, tell me that you love me and run off and leave me again!" she exclaimed.
The anger she had buried within her and risen to the surface and there was no holding back.
"I can't?" Jess raised his eyebrow.
"No!" Rory cried in frustration. "You really know how to mess people up don't you? Jess I thought you liked me! Why did you put me through all this?"
"I-"
"No I'm the one doing the talking," Rory snapped. "I just don't understand… we were getting on so well weren't we? I really thought that we would have a future but then you left town without a word, not even a phone call to say it was over or that you still wanted to be with me. I didn't know what to do Jess – was I to move on or was I to wait for you? I would have waited you know… if you had asked me to… but it's too late now... You made my life miserable! All the sleepless nights, the tears, jumping up every time the phone rang or the door went in the hope that it was you. I spent a long time wishing Jess…. Over time however I gave up and began grieving and eventually I grew angry. I started to blame myself thinking that I must have done something wrong. I could not think of any other reason other than that, it had to have been me! Why else would you have deserted me like that? I came to my senses sometime after that and turned the blame on to you. I had racked my brains night after night trying to think of what it was that I had done to you but I could not come up with anything so I was forced to admit that it was you all along. I was furious at you Jess and because you are related to Luke I unfairly started to take it out on him too. In the end I managed to move on… I feel nothing for you now… I'm completely over you."
Rory gulped. Was that true she thought? When she had first seen Jess earlier that same day she had not felt nothing. After getting over the initial shock she had been almost glad to see him. The rest of the day she had spent thinking only of him and reminiscing over their past. When he had told her he loved her she could have let him drive off but she had chosen to go after him. What did this mean?
"Doesn't sound like that to me," Jess said quietly.
Her heart leaped as he spoke in the cool calming voice of his. The voice that just minutes ago had told her that it loved her.
"Well I am," she lied. "I just had to get that off my chest in order to complete the moving on process."
"If you were really 'over me' then why did you follow me?" Jess quizzed. "Surely it would have made more sense to just let me go seeing as how you're so 'over me' anyway."
Rory cursed to herself. Why did he have to be so clever and ask the exact question she had been asking herself just moments ago.
"I just-" she stuttered.
"See my theory is that you thought you were over me but now that I'm back in town you've changed your mind."
Rory gulped. Could he be right? It was true that she had not thought about Jess for months now but now that he was here standing in front of her she could feel past feelings returning. Perhaps this was normal on encountering your ex for the first time since the breakup. She would probably always have some feelings for Jess and Dean but were her feelings for Dean as intense as they were for Jess at this very moment? Her heart was thudding in her chest – from her recent outburst or from standing so close to Jess?
She remained quiet, choosing to study Jess rather than respond to his comment. He looked older somehow as if he'd matured since they had last seen each other. His deep brown eyes were searching hers intensely for an answer.
"Gone shy?" he asked eventually.
"No I was just thinking," Rory replied hurriedly.
"Well feel free to think aloud," he said lightly.
"No thank you," she told him stiffly.
"Wondering what else to shout at me about?" Jess asked.
Rory blushed. She felt slightly ashamed over her public outburst yet at the same time felt that she was well within reason to do so. He had after all abandoned her, missed her prom, graduation, moving to Yale and so many other important moments that she would have shared with him.
"I'm not going to apologise," she shot at him.
"I wasn't looking for you to," he said.
"Good. So you agree that you deserved it then?"
"I know I did," Jess mumbled.
Rory's heart softened. She had never seen him look as vulnerable as he did now with his head down, eyes focused on the ground, arms hanging limply by his side, shoulders drooping. The tough guy cover was gone leaving only the real Jess, the kind, clever, thoughtful, romantic Jess that she had grown to love.
"I was an absolute Jerk to you Rory. What I did was lower than low. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I let you go. You have no idea how much I regretted leaving you. That hatred you felt for me I felt for myself also, all the anguish that you went through I experienced too!"
"Well you didn't have to!" Rory told him. "You were the one that left me not the other way around!"
"I know… I know…. I should never have shut you out of my life Rory. It was the worst decision I have ever made. I'm just so messed up. I'm destined to muck up wherever I go. I don't like settling down anywhere and I just couldn't take it in this crazy town any longer!" he spoke.
"You could have called or wrote. You could even have asked me to come and see you, I would have done Jess."
"I know you would have but... oh I don't know Rory I'm just a disaster zone, I should come with a warning sign! I picked up the phone so many times to call you but always ended up putting it down again. I also wrote you a lot of letters but never had the courage to send them."
"You are not a disaster zone," she told him sternly. "What about now?" she added. "Have you managed to sort yourself out? Do you feel happier?"
"I do," he said softly. "There's still one thing missing though..."
He gazed at her earnestly, making her squirm. She had always found it difficult to resist his stares.
She wanted more than anything for him to pull her into his arms but that would be dangerous. She would give in to her feelings too easily then and she could not let that happen. The Jess train had left long ago and it was time that she remembered that. She could not let herself be sucked back into it and end up getting hurt all over again. She had to be strong.
"I can't Jess," she told him clearly. "I can't risk ending up where we did last time."
"It would be different this time Rory I promise," Jess begged. "I feel like a different person to the one I was a year ago. I'm ready to settle down now with you. I promise I will never hurt you like that ever again. It was inexcusable what I did but I know that deep down you'll forgive me. It might take time but that's fine. Just please think about it."
Jess made to move back to his car but Rory threw out her arm to stop him. She was mentally making a pro con list in her head – forgive and forget? Or move on? She was torn, unable to make up her mind. One thing she knew for sure though was that she was not going to let Jess run away again.
Jess's eyes pleaded as he grabbed her hands in his.
His touch catalysed a reaction within her, his large cool hands encasing hers protectively.
"I need you in my life Rory… I know it may not have seemed like that this past year but it's true. I've grown up a lot since then, gained a lot of life experience, seen a lot of places but none of it was the same without you there. Please try to understand."
Rory began to feel weak at the knees due to the combination of his intense gazing and the way he was still holding on to her hands. She was weakening and he picked up on this.
One of his hands gently cupped her chin upwards and he leaned in slowly towards her. Their lips met and Rory felt all of the doubts being drained out of her. She had officially re-boarded the Jess train.
"That- ," she struggled to recover. "Was a very persuasive point you just made."
Jess grinned uncertainly. "Thought it might help in the decision making process," he told her.
"It will certainly be taken into account," Rory nodded.
"Good," Jess gazed up at the sky uncomfortably.
Seeing him so exposed helped Rory to finally make her mind. In some ways she had known what her decision would be when she had first chosen to run after him.
"Jess… I forgive you - and… if you're willing to put in the effort then I think we should give you and me another shot."
There was something special about the two of them together – they were both so alike yet so different. A connection like the one they had was not something that occurred regularly and she would be crazy to throw it away.
"You mean it?" Jess looked back down at her, a flicker of hope on his face.
She nodded. "I do," she told him gently.
"You won't regret it. I promise."
"No, I don't think I will," Rory smiled.
He had changed and she just knew that this time would be different.
This time it would be for good.
That's it! I hope you liked it! If you have time I'd appreciate both positive and negative feedback.