Roses and Mirrors
Ever heard people tell you to live life to it's fullest? Ever heard them say that love conquers all? Ever heard your best friend tell you that if you just had more confidence, everything would turn out okay? I'm sure you have. I'm sure you've heard all of those babbling fools talking about things they know nothing about. I have. They told me those things all my life. And guess what? I believed them. Damn it all, I believed them. I actually believed that if I could just find love, everything would be fine. Everything! Now, since they've all given you a lesson on sweet dreams, let me educate you in reality.
You can't live life to it's fullest. I tried. I did everything I could when I could do it. Guess what? It never happened. See, there are these things called rules. You know them. They're those things that tell you what to do, or more specifically, what *not* to do. We are also human. We are susceptible to feelings that sometimes don't let us do things that need to be done. So, you do that once, and everything snowballs into an unfixable whirlpool of things you haven't done.
Love does not conquer all. Right off the top of my head, I can think of at least one thing that most definitely conquers all. Death. Face it. People spout that crap that you're always going to be together. Bull shit. Your love dies. You can't very well love someone from the grave. It just doesn't work. It hurts like hell, and eventually you have to move on. And what if you love someone, and they turn out to be a jerk? Hmm? That love certainly doesn't conquer.
Oh, and here's the one I had a field day with. If you only had more confidence, everything would be okay. As long as you believed in yourself.. Whatever. Once there was this girl. Her name was Joan. Supposedly God talked to her, and she made all sorts of amazing things happen. She believed in herself, sure as hell! But guess what? She was burned at the stake.
I sometimes look at myself and think in horror, "what have I become?". But then I look back over every damned thing I have had to endure, and.and my heart hardens again. Folks, life is not all pie and cake. You may sit there in your happy little homes going on and on about how wonderful life is, and you never even stop to think about anyone else. You never stop to think that there might be something out there that just wants to die.. Something out there that doesn't believe life is all so grand. Like me.
So, that brings me to the subject. The subject of my death. I'm going to kill myself. Don't even wonder why, because after you read this note, you'd better think that it's better this way. In all my lives, I've never even considered suicide. Funny, isn't it? Nothing can kill a goddess, right? Well, maybe a goddess can kill herself.
-Tsukino Usagi.
The old woman signed her name with a flourish, and folded her little note very carefully. For an instant, tears clouded her sight as she looked out at the city that she had called home for the past life, and then angrily wiped them away. Regaining her composure, she crossed to her nightstand, and gently picked up the shiny silver gun. The old lady held it fondly for a moment, and then raised it to her temple. She took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger before she could convince herself otherwise.
Her body was discovered three days later, surrounded by a curious silver stain on the wood. The note was found, and sent to her daughter, Tsukino Minoko. A year after that, the dead woman's daughter gave birth to a beautiful blonde, blue eyed baby. The baby was named Usagi, a tribute to her long dead grandmother.
Funny how things happen, isn't it?
*
*
Seven years later:
Usagi stared solemnly at her reflection and scrunched up her nose. The seven year old girl knew very well that she stunk, and she was perversely glad. Clad in her uniform blue shorts and baggy, blue, long-sleeve hoodie, and not to mention barefoot, she was certain she made an awful sight. A street urchin, maybe. As an adding touch, she scrubbed at her hair, mussing it as much as possible. Then she took a tiny step back and inspected herself. Big blue eyes shone out of her chubby baby face, which was smudged in various places by dirt. Her tangled hair hung in pigtails from two messy buns. She nodded once, and then retreated to the couch where she was supposed to wait for the people interested in her.
While she sat, she played games with her fingers. There was Papa, Mama, Big Sister, Brother, and Little Sister. That was one hand. Usagi amused herself this way for several minutes, until the door opened. She didn't even look up. The manager's voice broke through her sleep induced fog gently.
"Usagi, the Winners are here."
The little girl looked up and stared at them. There was a very tall man holding a little boy's hand. The boy looked to be about her own age. He actually looked like her, too, with that gold hair and the blue eyes. But when he saw her looking at him, he ducked his head like a little boy. Usagi trumpeted inwardly. Dumb kid. Couldn't even meet someone's look. The man knelt in front of her.
"Hello, Usagi," he said softly, "I'm very pleased to finally meet you."
For some reason, he didn't seem to notice the fact that she was in a total disarray. Her eyes narrowed, but she refused to say a word. He simply smiled indulgently, and patted her head.
"Quiet little thing, aren't you?"
"I ain't quiet, an' I ain't a thing," she suddenly said indignantly.
Only God knows why, but he smiled at her, and she abruptly felt ashamed of the way she looked. Then a wave of anger crashed over her, and the glare returned to her face. He was just playing around with her. That's what all the other grown-ups did. They walked in, played with her, and then left. The first few times she would wait for them at the window every day until she realized that they weren't coming back. That was when she got angry. So, she couldn't believe a thing this man said. He must have read her mind or some such thing, because he suddenly stood, and then turned to the woman that had been standing quietly at the door.
"Ma'am, I am going to take Usagi out for a day."
She looked like she was going to protest for a second, but she simply nodded. Usagi didn't understand *that* either, because Bertha, the woman, always bossed her around like the evil witch from The Wizard of Oz. Nevertheless, the man swooped her up and carried her out into his waiting car (which to her looked like a big black bug).
When he returned her that night with all sorts of new things, she was in love. She and the boy, Quatre, had become fast friends, and she was desperately in love with the man, Mr. Winner. She wished so desperately that he would take her home right that night that it hurt. It was only when she saw the iron gates of her own home that she remembered that They were not to be trusted. But it would still be so nice..
The big car stopped, and she looked around with sleepy eyes. Mr. Winner lifted her up and walked up to her house. The door opened, and Bertha swooped out like a hawk descending upon a defenseless mouse. Her hands clamped down on Usagi's shoulders, but Mr. Winner took both of her hands.
"Usa-chan," he said earnestly, "I have quite a few things to do, but before this week is over, I will come to you, and adopt you as my youngest child. Would you like that?"
She nodded eagerly, and he drew her into a big hug. Almost reluctantly, he let her go. Standing, he took Quatre's hand and got back into the car. Usagi twisted to ask if what had just happened was real, until she saw the strange look on Bertha's face as she watched the big car drive away. The seven-year-old girl had shrugged it off, and run inside, filled with the good news. She was getting adopted! Every thought of the look was erased from her mind, even though she probably should have looked into it. She would only be able to recognize that expression later, but the meaning was clear. Mr. Winner had made her feel threatened, in some unfathomable way.
The next morning, Usagi was awoken from her happy sleep by rough hands on her arm, shaking her awake. She rubbed her eyes, and stared blearily into Christy's face. "Huh?"
Christy looked very guilty, but she picked up the unresisting girl and dragged her downstairs. It was only when they were about three blocks away from the home that Usagi thought to protest.
"Hey, Christy, where're ya takin' me? I dun wanna go! Lemme go!"
The woman's grip on her wrist tightened until it hurt. Usagi didn't understand. What was going on? This wasn't right, that she was sure of! The blonde tried to yank away from the older girl, but Christy swung her around and slapped her.
"Shut up!" she whispered angrily, fear giving an edge to her voice.
Usagi could only follow numbly, certain that this was only the beginning. She couldn't get over the feeling that this had happened before, somewhere. Like it wasn't the first time she had ever been struck on the face. The first few drops of rain fell like needles on Usagi's nose, and then began coming down in sheets. It was like the whole city had been dyed gray.
"What do you think you're doin', lady?" a boy's voice demanded.
Christy spun around and shoved Usagi behind her upon sighting a whole pack of kids. Usagi twisted around as much as she was able, and was terrified to see that they were surrounded. Suddenly, unbeknownst to Christy, a small, wiry braided boy darted forwards and flashed a wide grin at the drenched blonde. He opened his mouth wide, and pantomimed biting Christy's hand. A huge smile blossomed on the blonde's face, and she bit down with all her might on her captor's hand.
Christy roared with pain, and yanked her hand away from Usagi who whooped and began running. The other kids started laughing, and ran after her. Christy cried out, but then fell back. Yes, she would be punished for losing the girl. But who, really, could fault her? The ends would be the same. That small, malnourished blonde child wouldn't be able to survive on the streets. So it didn't matter.
She silently began the trek back to the orphanage.
Usagi probably would have kept running, but the braided boy caught her arm and made her stop. She turned, smiled, and impulsively gave him a big hug. He pushed her away, and then looked at himself in disgust.
"Aw.now I've got cooties!" he complained loudly.
Usagi smiled at him anyways. "Thanks for saving me, back there."
He shrugged. "No problem. Now, here's the question. Why are you so important that they would hire two suits to bag you? Who are you?"
"Two suits?" she asked finally.
He glared at her. "Yeah. Guys wearing suits. Who are you?" he asked again.
Usagi hesitated. His words were giving her second thoughts. What if someone were to look for her? Usagi was kind of an obvious name in America. "Amery," she said suddenly. "My name's Amery. And what do you mean they were going to bag me?"
He shrugged impatiently, and then sat down on a knocked over trash can. Before he answered, he idly began rummaging around through the garbage. "There were two men," he said, saying each word very slowly, as if she couldn't understand him otherwise, "waiting at the end of the Twisted Road. They were holding a bag. Waiting for you. Why?"
Usagi shrugged and tilted her head. "What's the Twisted Road?"
The boy slapped his forehead. "Ame.you bugger. I'm gonna have to teach you so much," he said sadly.
Usagi shrugged again. "Not my problem. Please teach me!"
He looked shocked. "You must at least feel bad about my sacrifices!"
"Like fun I do. Let's go."
A few days later she discovered that she had a talent for getting things from street vendors. A few months later, she was adept at theft and stealth. She and her companion, Duo, were now inseparable. They both lived in a church, under Father Maxwell. A few years later, Usagi spontaneously decided to name herself Amery Zola. Then, one fateful day when Usagi was just turning fourteen, she and Duo went to the market to wheedle some food out of people. If they couldn't get it that way, they were going to have to pay.
"Think we'll have any luck with Zack today?"
Usagi looked at him appraisingly, and carefully took notice of a few things. Number one, he kept on rearranging things at his stand. Number two, his eyes followed everyone that passed. Number three, he was dressed more nicely than usual. Usagi smiled craftily, and then glanced at Duo.
"Let me handle this one, dear boy."
She sauntered over to the vendor, and leaned artfully over the counted. Duo looked on, feeling a bit strange as Usagi touched his arm, and then giggled. But, just as if she had worked a spell on the man, she reappeared at his side with two steaming loafs of bread. Duo stared at her.
"How did you do it? Did you tell him a joke or something?"
Usagi laughed, a bit uneasily, and smiled. "You dear, naïve boy. I wouldn't tell you my secrets for the world."
He did not miss the way her beguiling blue eyes slid over his face, and then focused behind his back. It took all he had not to turn and see what she was looking at, and it took all of her strength not to break down and tell him the truth right then.
The truth was, she reflected as they walked out of the danger zone, so highly overrated. If poor Duo knew the truth, he would probably storm into The Mirror, demanding to know what they were thinking, to hire a fourteen year old girl! That would get her fired. The truth was this: that in order to support herself and Duo, she had been forced to seek employment. She found it as a dancer at The Mirror, the biggest theater in the city. What she and the others danced was a mixture of ballet, hip-hop, and jazz. It was great, even though half of the girls were drunks, stoners, or whores, and the other half was all three. No, Duo couldn't ever find out.
So she yanked on his braid, and sprinted towards the country road with Duo hot on her heels. She looked back, and shrieked when she found that Duo was almost in grabbing range. She shrieked again, and tried to speed up, but to no avail. She suddenly felt Duo's arms go around her waist, and she tripped, sending them both crashing to the ground.
For some reason, Usagi couldn't stop laughing. All she knew was that she was on her back, and she had lost a game of tag, which was hilarious because she had always been faster than Duo. Then she realized that Duo was on top of her, and by the look on his face, he had just realized it too. Her laughter died away, and she just lay there, gazing into his beautiful cobalt eyes. Usagi dimly decided that she could look at him all day, and never get bored. Their lips neared, and touched like butterflies.
Usagi's face suddenly twisted in pain, and Duo drew back in shock. She sat up, clutching her shirt over her heart, breathing heavily. Her face was shining with sweat, and she looked up at Duo with huge, terrified eyes.
"Duo," she gasped, "the church!"
As soon as the words passed her lips, there was an earthshaking explosion. A huge cloud of smoke erupted over the horizon, and Usagi made a small sound like a dying kitten. Duo's eyes widened in denial, and he leaped up, already running full out towards the church. Usagi jumped up and threw herself at him with all her might.
"Duo, no! They're already dead! You'll just get yourself killed! Stop, please!" she begged.
"No!" he shouted. "I have to go to them!"
"They're dead!" she screamed at him. "I feel it! I feel it just like someone cut off my leg! They're dead!" She fished around desperately for something to say, and then found it. "Duo," she said intently, "do you know whose dolls those are? OZ's! If you die, no one's going to be left to take revenge!"
That hit him. His jaw tensed, and then he dropped to the grass. "Amery, will you be my witness?"
Usagi frowned, but nodded. "Of course."
His eyes were fixed unflinchingly on the dolls attacking the church. "I hereby renounce God. The only God I believe in now is Shinigami."
Usagi's mouth opened in protest, but then she reconsidered. "Why?" she asked simply.
"Why?" he asked harshly. "I'll tell you why. I'm doing it because every aspect of my life has been haunted by life. Everything."
"But what about all the good things?" she asked, but her voice was drowned out by the roaring of the mobile dolls as the lifted off and shot into the sky.
Duo stood and started down the hill. That night they buried the Father, and Duo took the name Duo Maxwell under the authority of Shinigami. Strange enough, it actually felt like the God of Death was there, not only to claim the dead, but to bless his son's naming. That night street-smart orphan Duo became Duo Maxwell, a man with a mission. That night Tsukino Usagi's life changed. That night Duo told her that he was leaving.
"Leaving?" she cried in dismay.
He nodded stiffly. "Yes. I'm going to destroy OZ."
"Is that more important than your life?"
"Amery, this *is* my life."
"What about me?" she finally asked quietly. "What am I supposed to do?"
Duo shrugged, already walking away. "Oh, I dunno. You'll get by."
And those were his last words to her. "You'll get by," she echoed softly. "Thank you, Duo, for curing me of my pathetic obsession with love," she said even more softly, quoting a brokenhearted man from Moulin Rouge.
And so she turned back to the country road and walked back towards the city. Once there, her feet carried her towards The Mirror. Swallowing her pride, she lifted her head and knocked on the door. John opened the door, and smiled charmingly when he saw her. He was very handsome, she had to admit. But that didn't fix the fact that he was a jerk, or the fact that he simply wasn't Duo. But she needed him, so she smiled uncertainly.
"Hello, John. I needed someplace to stay."
His smile took on a frightening edge. He nodded and gestured her inside, but she knew what the price was going to be. She sat down on the bed, sadly thinking that she was only fourteen. And what a way to celebrate her birthday.
"No, no, no! Zola, you do it all wrong!"
Usagi planted her fists on her hips and glared at him. "I know damn well that I got every move perfect, Spat. I've been practicing for weeks! I better be perfect!"
The man waved his papers around frantically. "Zola! You are perfect! But your dance has no soul! You are not pouring yourself into the dance!"
Usagi frowned. This was a technique that she had not learned. "What do you mean? What technique is this?"
"That's your problem," he cried, "to you, it is all technique! It's not soul to you! Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a woman. Above all else, she wanted to dance. When she danced, she felt like she could fly. Everyone loved her. She became very wealthy and famous. But she never kept any of her many riches. She practiced every second of the day and night. She poured herself into her dance, so that she became her dance. She was the most amazing dancer ever. I saw her, once. But one day she died. That wouldn't be so unreasonable, except for that in the process of pouring herself into dance, she used herself up. So she died. She could not go on." He drifted off, and then glared at Usagi. "But you. You! You have what she did not have! You have so much self! She.she did not, and she died. It is painful for me to see your soul go to waste like this. Please, Zola. Use your soul when you dance."
He suddenly stumbled off stage, as if he were very, very tired. She stared after him, thinking very hard. This soul thing.it sounded very dangerous. But who did she have to live for, beside herself? No one, of course. *He* was gone, so why not? She took a deep, steadying breath, and slid into the beginning position. The familiar music played in her mind, and her thoughts began to bleed from her mind, leaving a curious blankness. Then came her musical cue, and her mind blazed with color. Her heart swelled, and she honestly felt as if she could fly. Her feet were clouds, her hair was a moonbeam, and her eyes were the stars. For one instant, she felt high. She had taken drugs only once, and it had felt much like this. Except this was better, and it felt so much more.clean.
Suddenly she realized that she had stopped dancing, and that people were clapping. She opened her eyes, and straightened. All the stage hands, the other dancers, the actors; they were all cheering wildly. Standing half- hidden by the curtains, stood Spat with a telltale shine in his eyes. Usagi smiled, and curtseyed.
She finally realized why the woman had died. She had died because dancing felt so good, so right, that it just couldn't be helped. She had rather died than stop dancing. But Usagi was sure she wouldn't die. She was sure of it. Life was much too beautiful to lose.
*
*
It was June 30th. It would have been *her* seventeenth birthday. Duo sighed again, and then stabbed his cold cereal with his spoon. Wufei was staring at him over his coffee mug. Duo didn't even have the heart to offer challenge. Finally Quatre slammed his fist down on the table, making everyone jump.
"Duo, what's wrong? You're like this every year at this time!"
The accused sighed again, and summoned his usual cheeky grin. "Aw, it's nothing. Just.." He trailed off.
"Yes?" Quatre asked eagerly, leaning forwards.
"Nothing!" Duo yelled laughing. "Gotcha!"
Quatre stared at him for a minute, and then called in a servant to clear the table. The golden boy walked over to the little cupboard and opened a door that hadn't been there before, he was sure of it. Quatre reached inside, and drew out five pieces of paper. Handing one to each pilot, he smiled cheerfully.
"There is a world-renowned dancer performing at the Tokyo Mirror. Anyone that is important needs to be seen there. We're going with Miss Relena."
Hiiro made a wilting sound, and Duo looked at him incredulously. "Hiiro's fainted! Someone call a doctor! HE'S GONNA--- wait. Never mind. He's going for his gun. He's fine."
That night Duo stood in front of a mirror and stared at himself. He cut a dashing figure, he had to admit. But as he stood there in his flashy tuxedo and bowtie, he could only wish that Amery was here beside him. But he, of course, had blown ever chance he would ever have with his unthinking last words to her, right before he left. What had he been thinking, to say that to her? The normal Amery would have run after him, demanding to go along. But he had hurt her too deep, so she had just stared after him as he left.
A brand new pang of pain rolled over him, remembering their one kiss. The kiss that had filled him with elation. The kiss that had seemed like a promise. But then.he had screwed it up. The best he could do now.was Hilde, who genuinely liked him.
"Duo!" Hilde cried, flinging the door open.
Speak of the devil. "Yeah?"
"We've got to go!" she said impatiently, smoothing her deep blue dress. She walked over to him, and laid a gloved arm on his.
Duo cracked a smile to match hers, and led her out of his room, down the stairs, and into the limo that was going to take them to the dance hall. Hiiro was next to Relena, and wasn't looking happy about it. Quatre and Trowa were without a girl, and both looked very pleased with themselves. Duo, of course, had Hilde, and Wufei had to sit next to Sally. The Chinese man was shooting evil looking death glares at the placid Quatre, who had arranged the whole thing.
The car was dead silent.
After what seemed like an eternity, the limo pulled to a stop in front of the painfully elegant building. The walkway was red-carpeted, and when Duo walked up to the door, he really felt like a king. They were handed a program at the door, and then ushered inside. They had seats a in the very front, which of course are the best, because you could see the dancers up close.
Duo was jarred from his semi-happy thoughts when the music started. He opened his program, like everyone else, and looked at the first dance. Unlike everyone else, however, he gasped loudly, and all color drained from his face.
Quatre looked at him worriedly. "Duo, are you alright?"
The braided boy could only shake his head in shock, and then look dumbly up at the stage. "I thought I'd never see her again." He said softly.
Quatre looked puzzled, and then looked up at the stage. "Who? Amery Zola?"
Duo nodded, coming partway out of the shock. Why, oh why did he have to be here with Hilde tonight? All thoughts were banished however, when a man and a woman came onto the stage. Even though the woman had long hair pulled up into two pigtailed buns, he still recognized her. Amery. His best friend since Solo. He had to look away from her dance, however, when Quatre gasped.
"Hey buddy! Are you okay?"
"It's h-her! Usagi! I'm sure of it!"
Duo shook his head. "Nope. Her name's Amery, I'm sure of it. I met her when she was seven. I rescued her, actually."
Quatre gripped the sides of his seat. "I met her when she was seven, also, at the orphanage where she lived. We were going to adopt her, but when Father and I went back a few days later, she wasn't there. No one would meet our eyes. I remember. We searched every orphanage in Lansing, New York. But we never found her."
Duo whistled. "So that's why she was always so pissed when people made promises. But I still can't believe she's here. Of all places."
The dance finally came to an end, and then the other fifteen dancers came on stage, one after the other to do their dances. Duo didn't watch any of them. His eyes were focused inward, reliving every good memory he had of him and Amery together. And his mind raced ahead, wondering what he would say to her when he and the group got backstage to congratulate the dancers.
Backstage, Usagi's hands were shaking as she took a long drink of water. This was not supposed to happen! Duo was *not* supposed to be here! Talent searchers, yes! But Duo, no! No, no, no! He would ruin everything! Suddenly a hand felon her shoulder, and she was startled so badly that she dropped her glass of water.
She made a small, nervous sound and knelt to clean it up. Spat began talking while she was on her knees, toweling the water dry.
"There's someone in the audience that you know, and wish you did not."
Usagi's hand stilled, and then she stood, folded the towel, and threw the shattered glass away. Then she folded her arms across her chest, turned to Spat, and nodded.
"Do you remember that boy I was always with? Back in Lansing?"
Spat considered, and then nodded. "Yes. The boy with the braid."
"He's here," Usagi said faintly, "and I made myself a promise that I would never see him again for the way he hurt me."
Spat sat back on his heels in one, liquid motion. "Here is what you must do. Do you consider yourself Amery Zola, friend of Duo?"
"Yes---"
"Do not. Think of yourself as Amery Zola, dancer. Think not have yourself as Amery Zola, student of Patrick Williams; but as Amery Zola, dancer. Cut all ties with humans. Form one, unbreakable bond with the dance. Can you do this, dancer?"
Usagi nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, I can. Duo means nothing to me. Dance is everything."
Spat nodded approvingly, and then stood up. "Now come. The show is over, and the princess Relena is waiting for you backstage. The other dancers are already there. Duo is there."
She gave him a cool look. "Should I care one way or the other if he is there or not?"
The man laughed and took her arm, leading her to where the little party was going on. Spat opened the door, and let Usagi walk in before him. She did not miss the way Duo looked like he wanted to leap up, but she did not give him any more room in his thoughts. She instead walked right to Relena and curtseyed.
"It's very good to meet you, Your Majesty."
The girl that was only about her age smiled. "I believe that the pleasure is entirely mine. Sit down, please! How long have you bee dancing, Miss Zola?"
Usagi smiled. "Ever since I was eight. Not on stage, of course. I went on stage when I was twelve."
"Oh, that's amazing! How did you ever find time to get away?"
Usagi shrugged gracefully. "I lived at the theater. Before that, I had to be very good at stealth." Oh, she was enjoying this! If she and Duo had been here alone, he would have thrown a fit. Since she was eight! Oh, the fun. Then she remembered that she was a dancer, and had no ties to anyone.
Relena looked enthralled. "Was it wonderful living at the theater?"
She had to ask that question, didn't she? Usagi hesitated, and then replied honestly. "At times," she said shortly.
The other girl seemed to realize that Usagi did not want to talk about life in the theater, and so changed the subject. The question and answer went on for at least an hour, until Relena declared that it was time to go. Everyone surged out of the room, and of course Duo was last. He even stopped before leaving.
"Amery."
Usagi turned on him with one eyebrow lifted. "Oh, you're still here. Yes?"
He looked like he was struggling mightily with emotion. "I missed you," she said finally.
Usagi's face twisted savagely. "Is that so? You missed me even though you left me on your own free will? Do you realize what exactly you said to me when you left, Duo? You said "You'll get by." You'll get by! I couldn't believe you said that! I was in pain from that one little comment for weeks, bastard! Weeks! I went weeks without dancing, because deep in my heart I believed you would come back! But guess what? You never did! Just like the people that came in to see if they wanted to adopt me! Just like the man and his son that actually promised that he would adopt me! They never came back either!"
"But---"
Usagi silenced him with an angry sweep of her hand. "Shut up, Duo. Just shut up. Leave."
He took one look at her stony eyes, and slipped silently out the door. She stared unrelentingly at him until the door closed, and she heard his footsteps fade away. Then she collapsed onto the couch and cried. Not the loud, gasping sobs that were expected of her, but the silent stream of tears of a girl that has just been heartbroken again.
Ever heard people tell you to live life to it's fullest? Ever heard them say that love conquers all? Ever heard your best friend tell you that if you just had more confidence, everything would turn out okay? I'm sure you have. I'm sure you've heard all of those babbling fools talking about things they know nothing about. I have. They told me those things all my life. And guess what? I believed them. Damn it all, I believed them. I actually believed that if I could just find love, everything would be fine. Everything! Now, since they've all given you a lesson on sweet dreams, let me educate you in reality.
You can't live life to it's fullest. I tried. I did everything I could when I could do it. Guess what? It never happened. See, there are these things called rules. You know them. They're those things that tell you what to do, or more specifically, what *not* to do. We are also human. We are susceptible to feelings that sometimes don't let us do things that need to be done. So, you do that once, and everything snowballs into an unfixable whirlpool of things you haven't done.
Love does not conquer all. Right off the top of my head, I can think of at least one thing that most definitely conquers all. Death. Face it. People spout that crap that you're always going to be together. Bull shit. Your love dies. You can't very well love someone from the grave. It just doesn't work. It hurts like hell, and eventually you have to move on. And what if you love someone, and they turn out to be a jerk? Hmm? That love certainly doesn't conquer.
Oh, and here's the one I had a field day with. If you only had more confidence, everything would be okay. As long as you believed in yourself.. Whatever. Once there was this girl. Her name was Joan. Supposedly God talked to her, and she made all sorts of amazing things happen. She believed in herself, sure as hell! But guess what? She was burned at the stake.
I sometimes look at myself and think in horror, "what have I become?". But then I look back over every damned thing I have had to endure, and.and my heart hardens again. Folks, life is not all pie and cake. You may sit there in your happy little homes going on and on about how wonderful life is, and you never even stop to think about anyone else. You never stop to think that there might be something out there that just wants to die.. Something out there that doesn't believe life is all so grand. Like me.
So, that brings me to the subject. The subject of my death. I'm going to kill myself. Don't even wonder why, because after you read this note, you'd better think that it's better this way. In all my lives, I've never even considered suicide. Funny, isn't it? Nothing can kill a goddess, right? Well, maybe a goddess can kill herself.
-Tsukino Usagi.
The old woman signed her name with a flourish, and folded her little note very carefully. For an instant, tears clouded her sight as she looked out at the city that she had called home for the past life, and then angrily wiped them away. Regaining her composure, she crossed to her nightstand, and gently picked up the shiny silver gun. The old lady held it fondly for a moment, and then raised it to her temple. She took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger before she could convince herself otherwise.
Her body was discovered three days later, surrounded by a curious silver stain on the wood. The note was found, and sent to her daughter, Tsukino Minoko. A year after that, the dead woman's daughter gave birth to a beautiful blonde, blue eyed baby. The baby was named Usagi, a tribute to her long dead grandmother.
Funny how things happen, isn't it?
*
*
Seven years later:
Usagi stared solemnly at her reflection and scrunched up her nose. The seven year old girl knew very well that she stunk, and she was perversely glad. Clad in her uniform blue shorts and baggy, blue, long-sleeve hoodie, and not to mention barefoot, she was certain she made an awful sight. A street urchin, maybe. As an adding touch, she scrubbed at her hair, mussing it as much as possible. Then she took a tiny step back and inspected herself. Big blue eyes shone out of her chubby baby face, which was smudged in various places by dirt. Her tangled hair hung in pigtails from two messy buns. She nodded once, and then retreated to the couch where she was supposed to wait for the people interested in her.
While she sat, she played games with her fingers. There was Papa, Mama, Big Sister, Brother, and Little Sister. That was one hand. Usagi amused herself this way for several minutes, until the door opened. She didn't even look up. The manager's voice broke through her sleep induced fog gently.
"Usagi, the Winners are here."
The little girl looked up and stared at them. There was a very tall man holding a little boy's hand. The boy looked to be about her own age. He actually looked like her, too, with that gold hair and the blue eyes. But when he saw her looking at him, he ducked his head like a little boy. Usagi trumpeted inwardly. Dumb kid. Couldn't even meet someone's look. The man knelt in front of her.
"Hello, Usagi," he said softly, "I'm very pleased to finally meet you."
For some reason, he didn't seem to notice the fact that she was in a total disarray. Her eyes narrowed, but she refused to say a word. He simply smiled indulgently, and patted her head.
"Quiet little thing, aren't you?"
"I ain't quiet, an' I ain't a thing," she suddenly said indignantly.
Only God knows why, but he smiled at her, and she abruptly felt ashamed of the way she looked. Then a wave of anger crashed over her, and the glare returned to her face. He was just playing around with her. That's what all the other grown-ups did. They walked in, played with her, and then left. The first few times she would wait for them at the window every day until she realized that they weren't coming back. That was when she got angry. So, she couldn't believe a thing this man said. He must have read her mind or some such thing, because he suddenly stood, and then turned to the woman that had been standing quietly at the door.
"Ma'am, I am going to take Usagi out for a day."
She looked like she was going to protest for a second, but she simply nodded. Usagi didn't understand *that* either, because Bertha, the woman, always bossed her around like the evil witch from The Wizard of Oz. Nevertheless, the man swooped her up and carried her out into his waiting car (which to her looked like a big black bug).
When he returned her that night with all sorts of new things, she was in love. She and the boy, Quatre, had become fast friends, and she was desperately in love with the man, Mr. Winner. She wished so desperately that he would take her home right that night that it hurt. It was only when she saw the iron gates of her own home that she remembered that They were not to be trusted. But it would still be so nice..
The big car stopped, and she looked around with sleepy eyes. Mr. Winner lifted her up and walked up to her house. The door opened, and Bertha swooped out like a hawk descending upon a defenseless mouse. Her hands clamped down on Usagi's shoulders, but Mr. Winner took both of her hands.
"Usa-chan," he said earnestly, "I have quite a few things to do, but before this week is over, I will come to you, and adopt you as my youngest child. Would you like that?"
She nodded eagerly, and he drew her into a big hug. Almost reluctantly, he let her go. Standing, he took Quatre's hand and got back into the car. Usagi twisted to ask if what had just happened was real, until she saw the strange look on Bertha's face as she watched the big car drive away. The seven-year-old girl had shrugged it off, and run inside, filled with the good news. She was getting adopted! Every thought of the look was erased from her mind, even though she probably should have looked into it. She would only be able to recognize that expression later, but the meaning was clear. Mr. Winner had made her feel threatened, in some unfathomable way.
The next morning, Usagi was awoken from her happy sleep by rough hands on her arm, shaking her awake. She rubbed her eyes, and stared blearily into Christy's face. "Huh?"
Christy looked very guilty, but she picked up the unresisting girl and dragged her downstairs. It was only when they were about three blocks away from the home that Usagi thought to protest.
"Hey, Christy, where're ya takin' me? I dun wanna go! Lemme go!"
The woman's grip on her wrist tightened until it hurt. Usagi didn't understand. What was going on? This wasn't right, that she was sure of! The blonde tried to yank away from the older girl, but Christy swung her around and slapped her.
"Shut up!" she whispered angrily, fear giving an edge to her voice.
Usagi could only follow numbly, certain that this was only the beginning. She couldn't get over the feeling that this had happened before, somewhere. Like it wasn't the first time she had ever been struck on the face. The first few drops of rain fell like needles on Usagi's nose, and then began coming down in sheets. It was like the whole city had been dyed gray.
"What do you think you're doin', lady?" a boy's voice demanded.
Christy spun around and shoved Usagi behind her upon sighting a whole pack of kids. Usagi twisted around as much as she was able, and was terrified to see that they were surrounded. Suddenly, unbeknownst to Christy, a small, wiry braided boy darted forwards and flashed a wide grin at the drenched blonde. He opened his mouth wide, and pantomimed biting Christy's hand. A huge smile blossomed on the blonde's face, and she bit down with all her might on her captor's hand.
Christy roared with pain, and yanked her hand away from Usagi who whooped and began running. The other kids started laughing, and ran after her. Christy cried out, but then fell back. Yes, she would be punished for losing the girl. But who, really, could fault her? The ends would be the same. That small, malnourished blonde child wouldn't be able to survive on the streets. So it didn't matter.
She silently began the trek back to the orphanage.
Usagi probably would have kept running, but the braided boy caught her arm and made her stop. She turned, smiled, and impulsively gave him a big hug. He pushed her away, and then looked at himself in disgust.
"Aw.now I've got cooties!" he complained loudly.
Usagi smiled at him anyways. "Thanks for saving me, back there."
He shrugged. "No problem. Now, here's the question. Why are you so important that they would hire two suits to bag you? Who are you?"
"Two suits?" she asked finally.
He glared at her. "Yeah. Guys wearing suits. Who are you?" he asked again.
Usagi hesitated. His words were giving her second thoughts. What if someone were to look for her? Usagi was kind of an obvious name in America. "Amery," she said suddenly. "My name's Amery. And what do you mean they were going to bag me?"
He shrugged impatiently, and then sat down on a knocked over trash can. Before he answered, he idly began rummaging around through the garbage. "There were two men," he said, saying each word very slowly, as if she couldn't understand him otherwise, "waiting at the end of the Twisted Road. They were holding a bag. Waiting for you. Why?"
Usagi shrugged and tilted her head. "What's the Twisted Road?"
The boy slapped his forehead. "Ame.you bugger. I'm gonna have to teach you so much," he said sadly.
Usagi shrugged again. "Not my problem. Please teach me!"
He looked shocked. "You must at least feel bad about my sacrifices!"
"Like fun I do. Let's go."
A few days later she discovered that she had a talent for getting things from street vendors. A few months later, she was adept at theft and stealth. She and her companion, Duo, were now inseparable. They both lived in a church, under Father Maxwell. A few years later, Usagi spontaneously decided to name herself Amery Zola. Then, one fateful day when Usagi was just turning fourteen, she and Duo went to the market to wheedle some food out of people. If they couldn't get it that way, they were going to have to pay.
"Think we'll have any luck with Zack today?"
Usagi looked at him appraisingly, and carefully took notice of a few things. Number one, he kept on rearranging things at his stand. Number two, his eyes followed everyone that passed. Number three, he was dressed more nicely than usual. Usagi smiled craftily, and then glanced at Duo.
"Let me handle this one, dear boy."
She sauntered over to the vendor, and leaned artfully over the counted. Duo looked on, feeling a bit strange as Usagi touched his arm, and then giggled. But, just as if she had worked a spell on the man, she reappeared at his side with two steaming loafs of bread. Duo stared at her.
"How did you do it? Did you tell him a joke or something?"
Usagi laughed, a bit uneasily, and smiled. "You dear, naïve boy. I wouldn't tell you my secrets for the world."
He did not miss the way her beguiling blue eyes slid over his face, and then focused behind his back. It took all he had not to turn and see what she was looking at, and it took all of her strength not to break down and tell him the truth right then.
The truth was, she reflected as they walked out of the danger zone, so highly overrated. If poor Duo knew the truth, he would probably storm into The Mirror, demanding to know what they were thinking, to hire a fourteen year old girl! That would get her fired. The truth was this: that in order to support herself and Duo, she had been forced to seek employment. She found it as a dancer at The Mirror, the biggest theater in the city. What she and the others danced was a mixture of ballet, hip-hop, and jazz. It was great, even though half of the girls were drunks, stoners, or whores, and the other half was all three. No, Duo couldn't ever find out.
So she yanked on his braid, and sprinted towards the country road with Duo hot on her heels. She looked back, and shrieked when she found that Duo was almost in grabbing range. She shrieked again, and tried to speed up, but to no avail. She suddenly felt Duo's arms go around her waist, and she tripped, sending them both crashing to the ground.
For some reason, Usagi couldn't stop laughing. All she knew was that she was on her back, and she had lost a game of tag, which was hilarious because she had always been faster than Duo. Then she realized that Duo was on top of her, and by the look on his face, he had just realized it too. Her laughter died away, and she just lay there, gazing into his beautiful cobalt eyes. Usagi dimly decided that she could look at him all day, and never get bored. Their lips neared, and touched like butterflies.
Usagi's face suddenly twisted in pain, and Duo drew back in shock. She sat up, clutching her shirt over her heart, breathing heavily. Her face was shining with sweat, and she looked up at Duo with huge, terrified eyes.
"Duo," she gasped, "the church!"
As soon as the words passed her lips, there was an earthshaking explosion. A huge cloud of smoke erupted over the horizon, and Usagi made a small sound like a dying kitten. Duo's eyes widened in denial, and he leaped up, already running full out towards the church. Usagi jumped up and threw herself at him with all her might.
"Duo, no! They're already dead! You'll just get yourself killed! Stop, please!" she begged.
"No!" he shouted. "I have to go to them!"
"They're dead!" she screamed at him. "I feel it! I feel it just like someone cut off my leg! They're dead!" She fished around desperately for something to say, and then found it. "Duo," she said intently, "do you know whose dolls those are? OZ's! If you die, no one's going to be left to take revenge!"
That hit him. His jaw tensed, and then he dropped to the grass. "Amery, will you be my witness?"
Usagi frowned, but nodded. "Of course."
His eyes were fixed unflinchingly on the dolls attacking the church. "I hereby renounce God. The only God I believe in now is Shinigami."
Usagi's mouth opened in protest, but then she reconsidered. "Why?" she asked simply.
"Why?" he asked harshly. "I'll tell you why. I'm doing it because every aspect of my life has been haunted by life. Everything."
"But what about all the good things?" she asked, but her voice was drowned out by the roaring of the mobile dolls as the lifted off and shot into the sky.
Duo stood and started down the hill. That night they buried the Father, and Duo took the name Duo Maxwell under the authority of Shinigami. Strange enough, it actually felt like the God of Death was there, not only to claim the dead, but to bless his son's naming. That night street-smart orphan Duo became Duo Maxwell, a man with a mission. That night Tsukino Usagi's life changed. That night Duo told her that he was leaving.
"Leaving?" she cried in dismay.
He nodded stiffly. "Yes. I'm going to destroy OZ."
"Is that more important than your life?"
"Amery, this *is* my life."
"What about me?" she finally asked quietly. "What am I supposed to do?"
Duo shrugged, already walking away. "Oh, I dunno. You'll get by."
And those were his last words to her. "You'll get by," she echoed softly. "Thank you, Duo, for curing me of my pathetic obsession with love," she said even more softly, quoting a brokenhearted man from Moulin Rouge.
And so she turned back to the country road and walked back towards the city. Once there, her feet carried her towards The Mirror. Swallowing her pride, she lifted her head and knocked on the door. John opened the door, and smiled charmingly when he saw her. He was very handsome, she had to admit. But that didn't fix the fact that he was a jerk, or the fact that he simply wasn't Duo. But she needed him, so she smiled uncertainly.
"Hello, John. I needed someplace to stay."
His smile took on a frightening edge. He nodded and gestured her inside, but she knew what the price was going to be. She sat down on the bed, sadly thinking that she was only fourteen. And what a way to celebrate her birthday.
"No, no, no! Zola, you do it all wrong!"
Usagi planted her fists on her hips and glared at him. "I know damn well that I got every move perfect, Spat. I've been practicing for weeks! I better be perfect!"
The man waved his papers around frantically. "Zola! You are perfect! But your dance has no soul! You are not pouring yourself into the dance!"
Usagi frowned. This was a technique that she had not learned. "What do you mean? What technique is this?"
"That's your problem," he cried, "to you, it is all technique! It's not soul to you! Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a woman. Above all else, she wanted to dance. When she danced, she felt like she could fly. Everyone loved her. She became very wealthy and famous. But she never kept any of her many riches. She practiced every second of the day and night. She poured herself into her dance, so that she became her dance. She was the most amazing dancer ever. I saw her, once. But one day she died. That wouldn't be so unreasonable, except for that in the process of pouring herself into dance, she used herself up. So she died. She could not go on." He drifted off, and then glared at Usagi. "But you. You! You have what she did not have! You have so much self! She.she did not, and she died. It is painful for me to see your soul go to waste like this. Please, Zola. Use your soul when you dance."
He suddenly stumbled off stage, as if he were very, very tired. She stared after him, thinking very hard. This soul thing.it sounded very dangerous. But who did she have to live for, beside herself? No one, of course. *He* was gone, so why not? She took a deep, steadying breath, and slid into the beginning position. The familiar music played in her mind, and her thoughts began to bleed from her mind, leaving a curious blankness. Then came her musical cue, and her mind blazed with color. Her heart swelled, and she honestly felt as if she could fly. Her feet were clouds, her hair was a moonbeam, and her eyes were the stars. For one instant, she felt high. She had taken drugs only once, and it had felt much like this. Except this was better, and it felt so much more.clean.
Suddenly she realized that she had stopped dancing, and that people were clapping. She opened her eyes, and straightened. All the stage hands, the other dancers, the actors; they were all cheering wildly. Standing half- hidden by the curtains, stood Spat with a telltale shine in his eyes. Usagi smiled, and curtseyed.
She finally realized why the woman had died. She had died because dancing felt so good, so right, that it just couldn't be helped. She had rather died than stop dancing. But Usagi was sure she wouldn't die. She was sure of it. Life was much too beautiful to lose.
*
*
It was June 30th. It would have been *her* seventeenth birthday. Duo sighed again, and then stabbed his cold cereal with his spoon. Wufei was staring at him over his coffee mug. Duo didn't even have the heart to offer challenge. Finally Quatre slammed his fist down on the table, making everyone jump.
"Duo, what's wrong? You're like this every year at this time!"
The accused sighed again, and summoned his usual cheeky grin. "Aw, it's nothing. Just.." He trailed off.
"Yes?" Quatre asked eagerly, leaning forwards.
"Nothing!" Duo yelled laughing. "Gotcha!"
Quatre stared at him for a minute, and then called in a servant to clear the table. The golden boy walked over to the little cupboard and opened a door that hadn't been there before, he was sure of it. Quatre reached inside, and drew out five pieces of paper. Handing one to each pilot, he smiled cheerfully.
"There is a world-renowned dancer performing at the Tokyo Mirror. Anyone that is important needs to be seen there. We're going with Miss Relena."
Hiiro made a wilting sound, and Duo looked at him incredulously. "Hiiro's fainted! Someone call a doctor! HE'S GONNA--- wait. Never mind. He's going for his gun. He's fine."
That night Duo stood in front of a mirror and stared at himself. He cut a dashing figure, he had to admit. But as he stood there in his flashy tuxedo and bowtie, he could only wish that Amery was here beside him. But he, of course, had blown ever chance he would ever have with his unthinking last words to her, right before he left. What had he been thinking, to say that to her? The normal Amery would have run after him, demanding to go along. But he had hurt her too deep, so she had just stared after him as he left.
A brand new pang of pain rolled over him, remembering their one kiss. The kiss that had filled him with elation. The kiss that had seemed like a promise. But then.he had screwed it up. The best he could do now.was Hilde, who genuinely liked him.
"Duo!" Hilde cried, flinging the door open.
Speak of the devil. "Yeah?"
"We've got to go!" she said impatiently, smoothing her deep blue dress. She walked over to him, and laid a gloved arm on his.
Duo cracked a smile to match hers, and led her out of his room, down the stairs, and into the limo that was going to take them to the dance hall. Hiiro was next to Relena, and wasn't looking happy about it. Quatre and Trowa were without a girl, and both looked very pleased with themselves. Duo, of course, had Hilde, and Wufei had to sit next to Sally. The Chinese man was shooting evil looking death glares at the placid Quatre, who had arranged the whole thing.
The car was dead silent.
After what seemed like an eternity, the limo pulled to a stop in front of the painfully elegant building. The walkway was red-carpeted, and when Duo walked up to the door, he really felt like a king. They were handed a program at the door, and then ushered inside. They had seats a in the very front, which of course are the best, because you could see the dancers up close.
Duo was jarred from his semi-happy thoughts when the music started. He opened his program, like everyone else, and looked at the first dance. Unlike everyone else, however, he gasped loudly, and all color drained from his face.
Quatre looked at him worriedly. "Duo, are you alright?"
The braided boy could only shake his head in shock, and then look dumbly up at the stage. "I thought I'd never see her again." He said softly.
Quatre looked puzzled, and then looked up at the stage. "Who? Amery Zola?"
Duo nodded, coming partway out of the shock. Why, oh why did he have to be here with Hilde tonight? All thoughts were banished however, when a man and a woman came onto the stage. Even though the woman had long hair pulled up into two pigtailed buns, he still recognized her. Amery. His best friend since Solo. He had to look away from her dance, however, when Quatre gasped.
"Hey buddy! Are you okay?"
"It's h-her! Usagi! I'm sure of it!"
Duo shook his head. "Nope. Her name's Amery, I'm sure of it. I met her when she was seven. I rescued her, actually."
Quatre gripped the sides of his seat. "I met her when she was seven, also, at the orphanage where she lived. We were going to adopt her, but when Father and I went back a few days later, she wasn't there. No one would meet our eyes. I remember. We searched every orphanage in Lansing, New York. But we never found her."
Duo whistled. "So that's why she was always so pissed when people made promises. But I still can't believe she's here. Of all places."
The dance finally came to an end, and then the other fifteen dancers came on stage, one after the other to do their dances. Duo didn't watch any of them. His eyes were focused inward, reliving every good memory he had of him and Amery together. And his mind raced ahead, wondering what he would say to her when he and the group got backstage to congratulate the dancers.
Backstage, Usagi's hands were shaking as she took a long drink of water. This was not supposed to happen! Duo was *not* supposed to be here! Talent searchers, yes! But Duo, no! No, no, no! He would ruin everything! Suddenly a hand felon her shoulder, and she was startled so badly that she dropped her glass of water.
She made a small, nervous sound and knelt to clean it up. Spat began talking while she was on her knees, toweling the water dry.
"There's someone in the audience that you know, and wish you did not."
Usagi's hand stilled, and then she stood, folded the towel, and threw the shattered glass away. Then she folded her arms across her chest, turned to Spat, and nodded.
"Do you remember that boy I was always with? Back in Lansing?"
Spat considered, and then nodded. "Yes. The boy with the braid."
"He's here," Usagi said faintly, "and I made myself a promise that I would never see him again for the way he hurt me."
Spat sat back on his heels in one, liquid motion. "Here is what you must do. Do you consider yourself Amery Zola, friend of Duo?"
"Yes---"
"Do not. Think of yourself as Amery Zola, dancer. Think not have yourself as Amery Zola, student of Patrick Williams; but as Amery Zola, dancer. Cut all ties with humans. Form one, unbreakable bond with the dance. Can you do this, dancer?"
Usagi nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, I can. Duo means nothing to me. Dance is everything."
Spat nodded approvingly, and then stood up. "Now come. The show is over, and the princess Relena is waiting for you backstage. The other dancers are already there. Duo is there."
She gave him a cool look. "Should I care one way or the other if he is there or not?"
The man laughed and took her arm, leading her to where the little party was going on. Spat opened the door, and let Usagi walk in before him. She did not miss the way Duo looked like he wanted to leap up, but she did not give him any more room in his thoughts. She instead walked right to Relena and curtseyed.
"It's very good to meet you, Your Majesty."
The girl that was only about her age smiled. "I believe that the pleasure is entirely mine. Sit down, please! How long have you bee dancing, Miss Zola?"
Usagi smiled. "Ever since I was eight. Not on stage, of course. I went on stage when I was twelve."
"Oh, that's amazing! How did you ever find time to get away?"
Usagi shrugged gracefully. "I lived at the theater. Before that, I had to be very good at stealth." Oh, she was enjoying this! If she and Duo had been here alone, he would have thrown a fit. Since she was eight! Oh, the fun. Then she remembered that she was a dancer, and had no ties to anyone.
Relena looked enthralled. "Was it wonderful living at the theater?"
She had to ask that question, didn't she? Usagi hesitated, and then replied honestly. "At times," she said shortly.
The other girl seemed to realize that Usagi did not want to talk about life in the theater, and so changed the subject. The question and answer went on for at least an hour, until Relena declared that it was time to go. Everyone surged out of the room, and of course Duo was last. He even stopped before leaving.
"Amery."
Usagi turned on him with one eyebrow lifted. "Oh, you're still here. Yes?"
He looked like he was struggling mightily with emotion. "I missed you," she said finally.
Usagi's face twisted savagely. "Is that so? You missed me even though you left me on your own free will? Do you realize what exactly you said to me when you left, Duo? You said "You'll get by." You'll get by! I couldn't believe you said that! I was in pain from that one little comment for weeks, bastard! Weeks! I went weeks without dancing, because deep in my heart I believed you would come back! But guess what? You never did! Just like the people that came in to see if they wanted to adopt me! Just like the man and his son that actually promised that he would adopt me! They never came back either!"
"But---"
Usagi silenced him with an angry sweep of her hand. "Shut up, Duo. Just shut up. Leave."
He took one look at her stony eyes, and slipped silently out the door. She stared unrelentingly at him until the door closed, and she heard his footsteps fade away. Then she collapsed onto the couch and cried. Not the loud, gasping sobs that were expected of her, but the silent stream of tears of a girl that has just been heartbroken again.