A/N: I'm not sure where the hell this came from. All I know is that once the concept popped into my head and combined it with Karin's general snarkiness, it wouldn't leave me alone. The concept was pure comedy but whoops it detoured into being taken seriously.
Regarding Karin and Tōshirō: I do ship it, but I also FRIENDship it. I really think their chemistry could go either way depending on writing. This story assumes the latter. They're like bratty adult siblings in this.
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CHAPTER ONE
One evening twelve years after Ichigo's permanent relocation to Soul Society and ten years after his marriage to Tōshirō Hitsugaya, the couple was enduring a raucous weekend dinner at the Shiba compound when there was a knock at the door. Koganehiko quietly slipped out of the room to answer it. When he returned, Karin Kurosaki was with him.
"'Sup, guys. Sorry to drop in unannounced," she drawled.
"No problem, no problem!" Kūkaku dropped Ganju, whose skull she had been twisting her knuckles into. She grinned and waved an arm at the table. "Sit down and have some dinner!"
Ichigo paused, chopsticks halfway between bowl and face, and blinked in surprise. "How the hell did you get here? ...And where did you get that yukata?"
"Pssh, good to see you, too, Ichi-nii," the woman answered with a roll of her eyes. She tossed a casual wave Tōshirō's way as she sat down. Tōshirō nodded a greeting back at her.
"Well, yeah, good to see you. But I thought you started traveling for FIFA tournaments." He put his noodles in his mouth and started chewing.
"About that." Karin served herself some food. "We were on our way to the hotel when the bus rolled. Cracked my head open." She shrugged and irritably stirred her noodles with her chopsticks. "Tch, and we were on our way to taking the Cup for a third time in a row. Idiot driver was texting instead of watching the road. He got one of the assistant coaches and our second-string goalie killed, too. Busted up the other girls. I gave him an earful before we came over. If Japan loses because of him, I swear I will hunt him down in the Rukon and beat his ass."
Everyone at the table stared, wide-eyed. Ichigo spat out his noodles and squawked, "You died?!"
"Yup." Karin looked around the table. "Hey, Tōsh, pass the soy sauce, will you?"
Tōshirō complied, eyeing Karin oddly. "You're awfully calm about this."
Karin shrugged. "Eh, what're you gonna do? Dead is dead, and I got the World Cup twice. A threepeat would've been awesome, but I achieved my life goal twice. I can't really complain. I figure I'll find something to do over here."
Ichigo recovered from his inarticulate flailing enough to say, "But you're dead?!"
Karin rolled her eyes. "Yes, Ichi-nii. Hmm, do you know how to get in touch with Urahara? I should probably send a message to Yuzu. Let her and the kids know I'm okay." She slurped her ramen. "This is delicious."
"Okay?!" Ichigo said with a pained face. "But you're dead!"
"So are you. I thought we covered that subject already."
Ichigo's eyebrow twitched. Tōshirō gripped his shoulder and grounded him. Ichigo forcibly calmed himself and covered his face with his hands. Of course his sister was nonchalant about dying in a horrible, quadruple fatality bus accident involving the Japanese women's soccer team. Of course she was more concerned about her team winning than being dead. Of course.
Kūkaku recovered. "Welcome home!" She turned to Shiroganehiko and hollered, "Sake! Let's celebrate!"
"You already had a whole bottle, Kūkaku," Tōshirō said mildly.
"So what? That was normal sake." Kūkaku raised a hand to her mouth and shouted after Shiroganehiko, who had already left to follow her order. "The good stuff, the good stuff! Let's welcome Karin home with the good stuff!"
"Hell yeah!" Karin cheered.
Tōshirō sighed deeply and Ichigo quietly banged his head on the table.
§ x § x §
After she settled in, Karin decided to hold off on joining the shinigami academy in favor of learning the family art of blowing things up. This surprised absolutely no one. Time rolled by as Karin studied all the basics. Kūkaku was sane enough to not let Karin near spiritual explosives until she knew the chemistry and reiatsu theory behind them, at least.
One Friday when Karin was studying with multiple books and scrolls spread across the dinner table, Ichigo trudged in from work and flopped down across from her. She glanced at him, marked her place, and looked back up with a raised brow. "What has you so glum? Bad day at work?"
Ichigo sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. "No, no. It's nothing."
Karin watched Ichigo gloomily pour some tea. "Liar. What's wrong?" After watching him for another moment, she asked, "Did you and Tōsh have a fight?"
"What? No, no."
Her eyes narrowed. "Now that I think about it, Tōshirō's been looking down, too. You sure you're not fighting?"
"No, Karin, we're not fighting," he growled.
"Then what's wrong? You look like a kicked puppy when you mope like this."
Ichigo rolled his eyes and sighed more forcefully. After a minute of thought, he sagged. "We're... disappointed, I guess. Frustrated. We had a plan and it's not going as well as we thought it would."
Karin cradled her head in her hands and stared at him. "Okay, now I'm really curious. What kind of plan? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No, not really. Or I don't think so? I dunno." Ichigo leaned on one elbow and stared at his cup, swirling the tea within. "Tōshirō and I have been married for awhile, now," he began haltingly, "and we want kids. You know? And we obviously can't have any ourselves."
Karin blinked. "Oh. So you have a plan to get kids?"
"Yeah. We figured we'd find a kid with elevated reiatsu in the Rukon and adopt him or her. According to Tōshirō and all the others I know who started out in the Rukon- Rukia, Renji, Rangiku, Shuuhei, whoever- it can be hard to be a spiritually strong kid in the Rukon. Especially when it comes to getting food. So we thought we'd find a kid and get them out of that."
"Aww, that's sweet. So what's the problem?"
Ichigo scowled. "We can't find a kid." He downed his tea with one irritated gulp. Once he started talking, he couldn't stop. "Captains don't get a lot of opportunities to be out in the Rukon, and it's a big place, besides. Our friends know to look, too, but no luck. It's simple enough to go find the source of a reiatsu signature when you're out and about but you never know what's waiting for you at the other end. We mostly find adults and teenagers old enough to start at the academy. We found a few kids, yeah, but they had families and were doing well. We arranged for the ones who lived farther out to come to closer districts where they won't have as much trouble getting food, but that's all we've accomplished. We even try to do that for the kids who aren't spiritually strong, but we can't adopt them because we've been told a young, powerless soul could get... suffocated, kinda, in the constant presence of two captain-class souls. So all we can do is try to get them to a better location. Don't get me wrong- we're happy about doing that for them. We just... want a family, you know?"
"Yeah," Karin said quietly. "That's rough."
They sat in silence for a good twenty minutes. At that point, Tōshirō showed up, having finished his own work week. Karin watched him look at Ichigo hopefully. Ichigo shook his head slightly. Tōshirō's face fell.
Karin's heart twisted.
§ x § x §
Two weeks later found Karin highly pleased. She had gradually herded the neighborhood brats into a field and taught them to play soccer over the course of a month. When they were decent enough to play a real game, she recruited (read: ambushed and coerced) her brother-in-law to captain one of the scraggly teams to even out the competition. The kids wore out quickly and sat aside while the two friends initiated an impressive one-on-one scrimmage that did wonders for inspiring them to keep learning how to play.
The children wandered back to their homes as the sun set, leaving Tōshirō and Karin sprawled against a boulder while they stared up at the twilit sky. They sat in companionable silence for awhile.
At length, Karin ventured, "I talked with Ichi-nii about you two being down a couple weeks ago."
Tōshirō hummed. "He told me."
Karin rolled the soccer ball from hand to hand while she thought for a minute. "You really wanna be a dad, huh?"
Tōshirō hummed again. "Yeah. With Ichigo, at least." He settled more comfortably. "Ichigo was the first to bring it up. I was undecided. But then there was this time... about two years ago, now, I think... when he and I were leading our new recruits on a joint training mission in the World of the Living. Things went bad- we got to the site of a major Hollow attack too late to save some people. One of the dead was a little boy. He was terrified and wouldn't stop crying." Tōshirō pensively stared at his fingers as they fiddled with the hem of his yukata's sleeve. "When all the dangerous stuff was taken care of, Ichigo was the one to go to the spirit of the little boy. I watched Ichigo with him. He was so gentle. Kind of awkward, but he got the boy calmed down and just... held him. I had never seen Ichigo quite that way before. I mean, I had seen him with Yuzu's kids, but I wasn't looking at him through a... lens, I suppose, of potential parenthood. Seeing him with that child..." Tōshirō glanced up at her eyes and lightly touched his chest. Over his heart. "I wanted that. To share that. I want that more and more as time passes. You know?"
"Yeah," Karin nearly whispered. She felt like Tōshirō had bared his heart to her. They had been close friends for a couple years even before her brother had fumbled his way through asking Tōshirō to date him, so they had had moments like this now and then. It was always something almost sacred when it happened. It was like the bond of their friendship surfaced from beneath the layers of sarcasm and competitiveness they wrapped around their relationship. It was something to be respected.
After another couple minutes of silence, Karin prompted him with a quiet, "So it was your idea to look in Rukon?"
"Yeah," Tōshirō sighed. "I had it easier than most young souls with elevated reiatsu. Granny made sure I never went hungry. Matsumoto once told me she nearly starved to death in an outer district. If you get them drunk enough, Kuchiki and Abarai tell stories about the gang they made for stealing food. About getting very good at evasive maneuvers to avoid being caught and beaten."
Karin hummed in sympathy. "I can see why you'd want to get a kid out of that."
"Yeah." He frowned and tugged on a loose thread.
Karin eyed him. "There's something more, isn't there?"
"Mm." Tōshirō hesitated, looking at her uncertainly for a moment before turning to face the sky. "Even if you have enough to eat, having powers when you're a child in the Rukon can be... difficult. Especially if you are particularly strong."
Karin waited a second, then asked, "Speaking from experience?"
"Yeah." He sighed forcefully. "The souls without powers don't necessarily understand that a soul not wearing a shihakusho can have powers. They just sense something... different, other... and react accordingly."
"...Shunning?" Karin guessed.
"Mm." He focused on the sliver of the moon peeking through the dimming sky. "But also..." Tōshirō trailed off in thought.
"What?"
Tōshirō pursed his lips. "I got out of that by going to the academy. That option is always available. But I think... In an ideal world, even if I did have reiatsu strong enough to endanger normal souls, I should not have had to go to the academy as soon as I did. And other children shouldn't have to, either. I think the children who have strong reiatsu should be invited into Seireitei- either to be adopted or to move their existing families into a place where their power won't be a problem. If they're a danger to their families, then they can be taught the basics of reiatsu control. Maybe given something like that power-sucking eyepatch of Zaraki's, but less disturbing. Not tossed into a military academy. I really question the wisdom of the adults who decided to admit me to the academy so young. And I wasn't the first child to go through there, either."
"Have they changed the policy since then?"
Tōshirō hummed a negative. "Not yet. I've filed a motion to reconsider that now that I have some measure of... tenure, I guess, as a captain. It's been passed to a committee," he said drily.
Karin snorted. "So they punted it off to die in obscurity."
"They're in for a rude awakening if they think I'll let that happen," he retorted. Karin saw something fierce in his eyes. "I had hoped to let reason carry the day, but I guess I'll have to bring out my secret weapon."
"Oh? What's that?"
Tōshirō smirked. "Your brother. You should have seen his face when I explained it all to him."
Karin returned the smirk. "Rage?"
"Oh, yes." Tōshirō closed his eyes and smiled like the cat that caught the canary. "You know how Ichigo is when he has a cause. Especially if that cause is protecting children. And he's good at speaking passionately and convincing people of things by sheer force of personality."
Karin actually clapped her hands in delight. "Oh my God, you devious fiend, they don't stand a chance. You're a genius."
Tōshirō positively preened. "Thank you."
Another few minutes passed by as they lounged and listened to the crickets take over for the cicadas. Eventually, Karin said, "But that still doesn't solve the problem of you two having a kid, does it?"
"Not in the near term, no," Tōshirō conceded. "Maybe eventually. But for now, the only kids we find with notable reiatsu have families and are well-provided for. It's left me in a very... strange position."
"Oh?"
Tōshirō's mouth twisted down unhappily. "I'm happy that so far, there don't seem to be any children in the position a lot of shinigami originally from the Rukon came from. That they're not hungry or lonely or facing the academy as an only alternative. But..." He trailed off and looked down, almost ashamed.
Karin stared at him and weighed his body language. "But you're also unhappy that there aren't any, because it means you and Ichigo don't have kids."
Tōshirō's only answer was a sigh.
Karin's frown stayed with her for quite awhile that night.
A half-formed idea floated around in her head. She set it aside for future consideration.
§ x § x §
Another two months passed. Tōshirō became a regular at Karin's improvised soccer clinic. Hesitant at first, he soon began to quietly enjoy teaching the children. Karin filed away every careful example, gentle correction, smile of encouragement, and firm frown of discipline she observed.
Tōshirō would be the quiet, patient parent, she thought. He would thrive in quiet time and comfort, in nurturing curiosity and firmly instilling responsibility.
Ichigo, she thought, would be the more openly enthusiastic and playful parent. He would be the one more likely to go to ridiculous lengths to entertain a child, teaching his child by example as he passionately interacted with the world.
Each balanced the other so well. Both would provide a base of strong morals and kindness. Each was proof that fierce strength and gentle affection could comfortably exist in one person. They had flaws, yes, but each was capable of reining in the other and their marriage was built on a foundation of respect that meant if one called the other out on something, they at least considered the other's opinion. They were good men, good leaders, good role models. They would be wonderful parents, especially for children who could someday grow up to be shinigami.
It was a damn shame that luck wasn't with them.
The long days of midsummer sabotaged their judgment of what time it was, the sky still light at eight in the evening. Ichigo appeared at Karin's side as she watched a group of kids practicing dribbling the ball back and forth across the field.
"Hey. Dinner's almost ready." He watched the kids. "They've improved. Good job, Coach."
Karin laughed. "Thanks. And thanks. I'll call Tōsh- ooh, look at him."
Ichigo followed her glance to his husband, who was kneeling by a girl who looked at most five years old.
"She's new but as stubborn as me," Karin whispered conspiratorially. "Determined to kick the ball straight or die trying. Tōshirō's been working with her for an hour."
"An hour?" Ichigo asked with amusement.
"Yep. She keeps closing her eyes before she kicks the ball. It's adorable."
They watched the girl scowl down at the ball as Tōshirō knelt half-behind her and lightly guided her foot in an arc to the correct place to kick it. They couldn't hear his quiet words, but the little girl nodded seriously and trotted away. Tōshirō said something else to her and pointed at his eyes, then the ball. He rested one finger lightly on top of the ball. The little girl scrunched up her fists, nodded, and ran forward, keeping her eyes on Tōshirō's hand. This time she kicked the ball, then closed her eyes. It was a weak kick, but it rolled between the two sticks serving as improvised goal posts.
Ichigo threw his hands up and bellowed, "GOOOOAL!"
The little girl startled, eyes flying open to look for the shouting stranger. She stared at Ichigo and Karin cheering, the other children joining in for fun. Tōshirō touched her shoulder to get her attention and pointed to the ball. The little girl gasped and squealed, then threw herself at Tōshirō. Tōshirō laughed aloud and patted her head.
Tōshirō looked up and met Ichigo's eyes. They smiled at one another over the cheering children.
A damn shame.
She made up her mind.
§ x § x §
While the guys spent many weekends at the Shiba compound outside the walls of Seireitei, they lived in a house of their own in the city proper during the week. Karin suckered an invitation out of them by complaining that she hadn't visited their city house since her death. Ichigo said she could come if she didn't bring up that subject anymore, thank you very much. Karin replied that she was fine with that, you are quite welcome. Tōshirō eyed her suspiciously but made no comment. So she had gone with them when they went home late Sunday night.
Karin spent the work day alone in the guys' house, alternating between reading, lazing by the koi pond, and nervously flitting around the house straightening things. Around seven, her brother appeared, dragged a spluttering Tōshirō into the house (he had probably been forcibly removed from his office), and cheerfully ran off to get takeout. After he changed clothes, Tōshirō stood in a doorway and watched Karin setting the table.
Karin could feel his stare between her shoulders. She glanced at him irritably. "What?"
Tōshirō narrowed his eyes. "You're nervous."
"Am not."
"You're up to something."
"Am not."
"Riiiiiight. I believe you."
"Jerk."
"Brat."
After another long minute in which Karin avoided his eyes and rearranged the chopsticks and plates half a dozen times, he quietly asked, "Is something wrong?"
"What? No! No, no. I just... had an idea. That I've been thinking about. You know. Something I want to talk to you and Ichi-nii about. See what you think."
He stared at her keenly, arms crossed against his chest. At length, he said, "It's something big, isn't it?"
She fiddled with a napkin. "Maybe?"
Tōshirō frowned, then sighed. "I'll make some tea. A lot of tea."
After an awkward dinner during which Ichigo watched Karin avoid Tōshirō's eyes, they settled at the table with tea.
"Tōshirō said you wanted to talk to us about something, get our opinion," Ichigo began when no one else did. "What's going through that head of yours?"
Karin looked at her tea shyly for a moment, then steeled herself and sat upright. "I've been thinking." She looked each in the eye. "Correct me if I'm wrong: Your adoption search isn't going well. It looks like you're not going to find a kid anytime soon."
Ichigo flinched and Tōshirō scowled. "Is this really the time for-?"
"Am I right?" Karin plowed ahead.
"Yeah," Ichigo said tiredly.
Tōshirō simply worked his jaw and directed a silent look that screamed how dare you at her.
"But you two really want a kid."
"Yeah."
"Like, really want a kid. Desperately want a kid."
"Well, I wouldn't say desperate, but yeah, we really want a kid. Where are you going with this?"
Tōshirō continued to seethe.
Karin steadied her breathing and carefully asked, "Have you considered anything besides adoption?"
Both men blinked and drew up short in surprise.
"No?" Ichigo ventured.
Confused, Tōshirō asked, "What other option could there be for us? We can't just have a baby ourselves like straight couples do."
"Yeah, actually, you can."
Tōshirō's confusion intensified. "What are you talking about?"
Karin focused on rotating her teacup back and forth and took a fortifying breath. "Have you considered using a surrogate?"
Ichigo drew in a sharp breath. Tōshirō looked at him, then back at Karin. "A surrogate? A surrogate what?"
Seeing that her brother was gaping at her- probably guessing where she was going with this- she explained to Tōshirō, "A surrogate m-mother. To carry a baby for you. Like, your baby."
Tōshirō stared at her, stunned. "That's possible?" He turned to his husband. "That's actually possible?!"
Ichigo nodded, still staring at her.
Dumbfounded, Tōshirō looked between his husband and his sister-in-law in a daze. "B-but who would do something like that for us?"
Ichigo stared at her in disbelief. Yeah, he knew where she was going with this.
Karin could feel her face burning. "I was th-thinking I could. Do it. Have a b-baby for you, I mean. Um."
Tōshirō gaped like a fish. It would have been comical had the topic been any less serious.
"Karin, you can't," Ichigo said in a breathless whisper.
She rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do, Ichi-nii. I'm a grown woman and I know my body. If I think I can have a baby, I can have a baby."
"No, no, you don't get it," Ichigo breathed. "This is too much. That would be asking too much. Karin, you can't be serious."
Karin scowled. "I wouldn't offer if it was too much to give. I've been thinking about this for a couple months now."
"Karin-"
"Shut it. Listen to me. You idiots are my brothers. You are obviously hurting. You have a problem and I am capable of solving it. I want to help you solve it. Because I love you dorks, okay? And every time I see you interact with kids, it pisses me off that you can't find one despite how hard you are trying. You deserve to be parents, dammit, and any kid would be blessed to have you as parents." Wow. She was angrier for them than she had realized. She scrubbed her face with her hand and forced her breathing to calm, then sat straight. Defiant. "So, yes, I am dead serious. If you want a baby, I want to have your baby for you."
The men stared, speechless. Karin fidgeted, downed her tea, fiddled with the empty cup, poured herself some more. When she looked up at them, they were still gaping at her. "Well?"
Tōshirō's mouth opened and closed a few times before he managed to squeak out, "How- Uh, how would that even work?" He looked down at his fingers around his own teacup, face pinking. "Making a baby- i-it implies- s-sex, right? Even for a b-baby, I don't think I can- It w-wouldn't be right-"
Karin and Ichigo sprayed tea all over each other with the force of their incredulous laughter.
"Oh my God, Tōsh, no, no way, I don't want to have sex with you. Oh my God, this is priceless."
Ichigo couldn't breathe. Karin stood and started beating his back through her own tears of laughter.
Tōshirō scowled, bright red. "What?" he snarled. "I know where babies come from."
Ichigo wheezed and silently beat the table with a fist.
Karin dissolved into giggles. "You're precious, Tōsh. Never change."
"What? Women can't get pregnant without sex, right? Right?"
"Science marches on, Tōsh."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
"It means doctors can make me pregnant with your baby without you even touching me."
"...How the hell does that work?!"
Ichigo slumped out of his chair and oozed onto the floor, weakly convulsing with laughter.
Tōshirō glared for a few moments. Sullenly, he mourned, "This is one of those things that I would get if I was born in the same generation as you, isn't it?"
Ichigo nodded emphatically, wiping his eyes. Karin grinned and gave him a thumbs up. "Got it in one, Grandpa!"
Tōshirō rolled his eyes so hard he thought he'd strain something.
It took half an hour for the siblings to calm down enough to explain the science of it all to Tōshirō.
"Okay. So. Basically, a doctor would take sperm from me and an egg from you, combine them... with science... and put the fertilized egg in your uterus to grow into a baby like usual. Right?"
Karin nodded.
Tōshirō stared at her for a long moment.
"What?"
Quietly, he said, "You're saying you would give us your baby? That's..." He looked bewildered. Awed. "For us? Ichigo's right- that's asking too much."
"Not if I'm offering. And as far as I'm concerned, this hypothetical baby would be yours from conception. Daddy and Daddy." She gestured at the two of them. "I would just be the special auntie helping you out because neither of you has a handy-dandy uterus of your own to carry your hypothetical baby in while he or she grows. Of course, this means I am given Favorite Auntie privileges by default. I hereby claim the right to spoil the kid rotten and hand him or her off to you when he or she gets all screamy and messy and starts throwing up on everything. Their rebellious teenage years will be filled with the dulcet tones of 'I bet Auntie Karin would let me do that!'" Karin grinned. "God, just picture a kid made of a combination of me and Tōshirō. Boy or girl, you'll get a mouthy brat who's good at kicking things and bleeds sarcasm."
"Are you trying to talk us into or out of this plan?" Tōshirō snarked. He couldn't hide the small smile tugging at his lips, though. Ichigo looked misty-eyed.
Karin's face went serious once more. She leaned across the table and took each of their hands in one of her own. "I'm serious about this. It breaks my heart seeing you hurting for a family. I would love to help you. Like I said, I've thought about this for a couple months now. You don't have to decide tonight. Think about it, yeah?"
The men looked at one another. "Yeah. We will."
§ x § x §
The guys kicked up the intensity of their adoption search for the next couple months. Karin didn't say anything about it and wasn't insulted. She understood their motive- they didn't want to ask something so momentous of her unless it was absolutely necessary. They wouldn't turn to her until they convinced themselves she was their only promising option to become fathers. She respected them for it- could see herself take that path if she was in the same situation.
Karin could tell when the fruitless searching started wearing on them in earnest, though. They began to look tired. She would catch one or the other of them looking at her thoughtfully in a quiet moment, or notice Ichigo standing back from the clearing that had become her little soccer field to wistfully watch Tōshirō teaching the children, then slide his eyes over to her.
She waited for them. As much as she wished they would stop hurting themselves and come to her, she knew it had to be their decision.
§ x § x §
Tōshirō and Ichigo came home from a three-day trip through the outer Rukon districts late at night and barely paused to change before collapsing into bed. Ichigo lay on his back and Tōshirō sprawled across him. Though Tōshirō had (finally) had a surprise growth spurt in the several years following the Winter War and now looked about twenty (hallelujah), he was still on the short and wiry side compared to his husband, whose frame had gotten taller and broader by the time of his human death at age twenty-two. It irritated him sometimes, but he could comfortably lay on Ichigo's chest without suffocating him. He told himself it was an even trade. Tōshirō was particularly glad of it tonight. Laying on Ichigo while Ichigo rubbed his back was comforting. He needed comfort.
Still no luck. They had found a pair of teenagers with moderate reiatsu in South Seventy-First district, but they were an older boyfriend and girlfriend and decided to make their own unhurried way to Seireitei to join the academy. The two didn't trust the couple as far as they could spit- understandable, considering the district the they grew up in. Ichigo and Tōshirō had found a group of three children in South Seventy-Fourth district, but none of them had any reiatsu to speak of. Taking them to a makeshift orphanage they sponsored in East Fifth district had been satisfying- seeing children who had survived the hardscrabble outer districts by the skin of their teeth lighting up when they were given new clothes and their first pair of shoes, realizing they didn't need to look over their shoulders constantly, was always priceless. But they still failed to find a child of their own. Ever since the day Karin made her offer, the futility of their search had weighed heavier on their consciousness. So there they lay, trying to comfort each other through discouragement. Again.
They had lain together for nearly twenty minutes when Ichigo quietly declared, "We can't keep doing this, Tōshirō."
"Mm."
"We're going to destroy ourselves."
Another mournful "Mm." Tōshirō slowly wrapped his arms around Ichigo's neck and pressed his head closer to Ichigo's chest. He had thought the same thing for weeks but saying it aloud was too painful, too much an admission of defeat. Too final.
Ichigo took several deep breaths, preparing himself. Tōshirō could guess what he was going to say. Ichigo licked his lips nervously, swallowed hard, and whispered, "I think we should... seriously consider Karin's offer."
Tōshirō closed his eyes and breathed deeply for several moments. Finally, he whispered, "I agree."
It felt like a death knell for their dream.
They had made plans. Read about adoption and how it affected children. Prepared a bedroom with plain ivory walls and sparse furniture for an older child to make their own however they wanted- well, within reason. Anticipated talking a child out of choosing an outrageous color for the walls. Admitted they'd probably give in, anyway. Purchased a few sizes of generic children's clothing and shoes. Discussed disciplinary strategy. Debated at length the wisdom of training a child in basic self-defense as a potential precursor for the academy and concluded it would depend on the temperament of the child. Worked out how to handle a couple children at once if they found a group like Rukia and Renji's. Considered educational options. Looked into activities for children of various ages to participate in within Seireitei. Concocted ways to introduce a child to the Shiba family and their more eccentric friends without traumatizing them. Decided to declare the day they found a child the child's birthday if the child didn't know their true birthday. Even made tentative plans for the child's first meal in their home. Imagined a Rukon district child's reaction to seeing Seireitei's shining white spires for the first time, to eating new foods and eating until they were full, to having and choosing toys and books for the first time. Painted a sunny picture of the family they would build and how they would build it.
Gone.
Just... gone.
Tōshirō heard Ichigo sniff hard, felt him reach up to his cheek to wipe away tears Tōshirō hadn't realized he had shed.
"Having a baby would be different from what we planned, but still good. Really good," Ichigo murmured thickly.
"Yeah."
"We knew finding a baby in the Rukon was possible... Rukia... So a baby wasn't out of the question to start with. Unlikely, but not impossible."
"I know," Tōshirō agreed. "A baby would- will be wonderful." He drew one hand down from Ichigo's shoulders to grasp the hand Ichigo was resting against Tōshirō's cheek. Squeezed. "It's just... it's over. You know?" he rasped.
"Yeah. It feels like... leaving something unfinished. Something really important."
"Like giving up."
"Almost like... like we're betraying some kid out there we just haven't f-found yet. Like there's a little boy or girl waiting out there who will go h-hungry because we got tired."
"Mm."
They lay in silence for a long time, each mentally sifting through the imagined scenes that wouldn't happen, solemnly folding them and tucking them away with care. Maybe they could be brought out again someday. Maybe.
"I've been having a recurring dream these last few weeks," Ichigo confessed quietly over an hour later. Tōshirō hummed an inquiry. "You know that little girl you help at Karin's soccer dictatorship? The really little blonde one who kept closing her eyes?"
Tōshirō snorted and scrubbed his eyes with the heel of one hand. "Yeah?"
Ichigo wrapped his arms around Tōshirō's waist. "I keep dreaming about the day you got her to kick the ball straight. When I yelled 'goal' and she nearly burst your eardrums with squealing, remember?"
Tōshirō's lips twitched. "Yeah."
"But in the dream, the girl has black hair like Karin's. And when she hugs you, she squeals, 'I did it, Daddy, I did it!' And then she turns to me and asks, 'Daddy, did you see? Did you see?'"
Warmth built in Tōshirō's heart. "I like the sound of that," he whispered with a wet smile in his voice.
"Me, too."
Tōshirō lifted himself, folded his arms on Ichigo's chest, and rested his chin on them. He looked into Ichigo's eyes. Both were smiling slightly. Still sad, but shifting their determination. Bandaging wounds and moving on lest they fester.
"Let's have a baby, Ichigo."
Ichigo grinned. "Yeah."
Tōshirō's affectionate smile shifted into a smirk. "You know, most spouses would be furious if their husband bluntly declared that he intended to get their sister pregnant."
Ichigo laughed and used his thumbs to rub the tear tracks from Tōshirō's face. "Good thing I'm not most spouses, then."
They kissed for a bit, slowly at first and then more enthusiastically. Ichigo thought it felt like making a new promise. Their first dream had been shelved; time for their new dream to unfold.
The next time they came up for air, Ichigo breathed, "We need to talk to Karin."
Tōshirō hummed, pulled himself up, and sat back to straddle his husband's waist. "We'll have to try to find a good time this weekend."
"Wanna get started right away, huh?"
"Yeah. Even if Karin got pregnant tomorrow, we'd have another nine months of waiting ahead of us."
"Impatient much?"
"Maybe? But not really." Tōshirō trailed his fingers around Ichigo's chest and smiled. "More like... excited."
"Ha, I'm with you there."
§ x § x §
The time came that late summer Friday. Karin and Tōshirō were lounging on what had become their boulder after another evening of soccer. After a long stretch of companionable silence, Tōshirō haltingly said, "About... your offer. To help us h-have a baby."
Karin turned to look at him. He was blushing and resolutely staring at the dimming sky. "What about it?"
Tōshirō swallowed hard. "Are you- are you still willing? To have a- my- our- my- our- a b-baby?"
She wanted to tease him about the faltering so badly but had the good sense not to. Maybe she'd tell his kid about it someday and get the teasing in then. Actually, that sounded great. It would completely blindside him. "Absolutely," she answered without hesitation.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. Okay. Good. Okay."
Karin slid her hand over his and squeezed. She could feel his hand trembling. "You and Ichi-nii are going to be such great dads."
Tōshirō looked at her and grinned wryly. "I hope so."
§ x § x §
The next three months were the most intensely embarrassing of her combined life and afterlife. Karin had required zero convincing to avoid Twelfth Division, having encountered its captain during a celebration some years before, but the combination of Kisuke Urahara in ooh-a-scientific-challenge mode, needles full of hormones, her reproductive organs, and her nether regions was its own special hell. She was comforted by the sheer mortification on Tōshirō's face whenever he reappeared after a visit to the shop. Misery loves company and all that.
But she wouldn't have to deal with that anymore. She needed to visit Fourth Division to make it official, but Karin was certain that the third attempt was the proverbial charm. Kūkaku's tutelage regarding reiatsu and reishi had taught her a new awareness of her own soul. Karin could sense that its balance had shifted inward, some of her reishi cocooning a small point low in her abdomen.
She was pregnant. She was sure of it.
That evening, Ichigo and Tōshirō came home to find their house already lit up. They found Karin sitting at their kitchen table drinking tea.
"I brought you a present," she said before they could get a word out. Karin waved her hand at a large bottle of expensive sake festooned with curled ribbons. "I can't have any, though." She looked at them sideways and winked. "It wouldn't be good for the baby."
Tōshirō dropped his entire armload of documents and gasped as Ichigo whooped and swept her up in a hug.
Soon she was laughing while her brother knelt and cried into her abdomen. "Oh, come on, Ichi-nii, is fatherhood going to make you blubber like Goat-Face?"
At the word "fatherhood," Ichigo cried harder.
Karin laughed more, giddy, then turned aside when she felt a hand on her arm. Tōshirō had stepped close and was looking at her with raw emotion in his eyes. He swallowed, squeezed her shoulder, and rasped, "Thank you." He slowly wrapped his arms around her and leaned into her, eyes closed. "Thank you," he whispered.
§ x § x §
§ x § x §
§ x § x §
A/N: What is this even I don't know I have other things to be doing but now I'm emotionally invested hnnnnnng why must I be required to adult when this is nesting in my head whyyyyy send help *drowns in this story*
Let me know what you think in a review, yeah? D:
(enable me, enable me, enable me, enable me)