Hey, guys! I haven't posted for a while, so this is something insanely short (and unbetaed) that popped into my mind just yesterday. Or it might have been the day before. Anyway, it's already posted on my archiveofourown account (under the same name) but I wanted to post it here too. Review pretty please? It's appreciated. Your reviews make me smile :)
-Sami
Nezumi doesn't really know what it is to love.
I love you
I love you
I love you
The words repeat in his head again as his chest rises and falls, the only sounds piercing the silence his and Shion's heavy breathing that echoes and seems to be louder than the explosions of the West Block during the Hunt, or the gunshot that changed Shion- from an innocent brat to a murderer.
It's so loud it makes his head hurt. And the words won't stop repeating, over and over and over, and the problem is, the worst part, is that he knows that Shion meant it. He knows that behind the fury and passion, Shion had just wanted him to say it back.
He couldn't say it back. He's almost sure he loves Shion, almost sure, but sure enough to admit it? Sure enough to admit it out loud, to Shion and to himself?
So maybe Nezumi doesn't want to know what it is to love.
He knows what it feels like to care too much, to hurt for that person, to smile when they smile, and to cry when they cry, but then it's not really love when you cry as they smile or you smile as they cry, that's not love, it's just… dysfunction.
Right?
To feel a throbbing in your chest and a weird tingling when they hold you, to feel a sort of pain when they tell you I missed you where the hell did you go, I missed you why do you do this to me, to feel that regret… that's codependency, not love because if that's love, dammit, maybe he loves Shion.
Maybe he loves Shion.
Maybe he loves the feeling of his soft white hair under his fingertips or the way his eyes light up when Nezumi acts.
Maybe he loves the urgency of Shion's kisses, or the way Shion makes him feel horribly, horribly safe.
Maybe, just maybe, Nezumi means it when he says I'm here now, stop crying, I'll be here, I promise, and maybe, just maybe, he might truly need to…
He sits up quickly, and does what he needs to do before he can stop himself. He shakes the man beside him, hard, until he opens his red, slightly puffy eyes slowly. He stares up at Nezumi groggily.
"Shion," Nezumi says, his voice earnest. This wakes Shion up a bit, and he stares at his lover with a question in his eyes. "I think…" Shion sits up as well, and Nezumi puts his hands on his shoulders, kissing the other man deeply until he feels the need to come up for air. "I think I love you too."
Then he lays back down and faces away from Shion and closes his eyes.
Nezumi just might know what it is to love, now.
At least Shion thinks so, as he lay awake with his left index finger tracing the outline of his upturned lips where Nezumi had kissed him.