Prologue: Neither here nor there
If anyone had been near there, this Anyone would have inquired after the time going in this outlandish area. Moreover, if any response could have been given, this one would have doubtlessly fit on the word Eternity. Yet, no presence could have been distinguished as well as no answer would ever been provided. Time itself would never be the issue anywhere around here because this vague human notion was merely nonexistent. As a result, this became an endless fall into a Somewhere which could have been called Nowhere, supposing that it needed to be named anywise. A place where either everything or nothing was real, either things or none was existing and, it had occurred that maybe, just maybe, even she wasn't neither there nor here.
Her arms and legs had become both so light and so insignificant that she had started to wonder if they were still attached to the rest of her, although her body itself had rather turned into an entity to which she was just trying to hold on to. In fact, it seemed that, as well as everything here, she had grown into a nothingness flowing down in the dark of what she thought at first were her own eyelids. However, she knew in a way or another that it could not quite be true. After all, she might even not be falling at all considering that gravity had far been gone from the list of feelings she could experience.
A feeling. Could this be what she had become? Or was she a sound?
Regardless the comprehension of what she could or couldn't be since her journey had started, human nature would have told her to try and hold onto something, anything so it would stop. Except that this survival instinct didn't even cross her mind for a second because she believed that she was not human anymore. There was no need to fight, no must to struggle against anything that could occurred, even though she knew this was not unreal. This was not just a trite dream in which she would have been caught and been kept forever. She, or at least what was remaining of the 'she' that used to be, had assimilated the idea of this being entirely authentic.
Colorless as this place was, she could have thought her own birth would happen in the next following minutes. For a second, she had even believed this was a new beginning holding out its hand to her. She had supposed she was just an idea waiting for its conception, that she needed to be built in some ways. A fetus who would have been drew out of fantasy, somewhere along the line. Yet, the lack of noise had mercilessly imposed a new belief inside of her unsubstantial head and heart with a silent whisper murmuring that this would never end as a beginning. Worst, this might never lead her to any kind of conclusion. Like a thinking wind, the ghost of her own self wandering through and down the nothingness, she had been divested of all her senses, although she had not suffered from this dispossession. Her body had only faded away long ago to never return. Never return.
The two silent words managed to travel in every direction, moving along her like old companions before they vanished from her side because, like everything in here, they were subject to evanescence. As soon as you were entering this area, you were no longer existing and, simultaneously, you were the Everything. There was no death sentence as well as there was no life at all. As a matter of fact, it even could have been a causal link given that a nonbeing could not fear any threat even though there had been many. Although, did any of this make any sense at all?
Nothing to understand nor to consider, this was just as empty as emptiness itself. Or, at least, that was what she had thought until then. And still, she had been most certain she would never land anywhere. Yet, the fall lost a bit of its speed and she happened to feel something under her, as to show that there were no such things as certainty around here. If her body was really carrying the thought she had been until then, she could not quite tell, but there was, beyond doubt, an utter dissimilarity compared to the whole of this outlandish area.
Never the ability to touch had seem so deeply pleasant, neither had the faculty to be. The floating had come to an end, drawing on her gladness to reach a point she had never thought it would since it always seemed nothing near discomfort about not to be. But now, instead of a dispersed spirit, she had the chance to be full, to become a closer herself again, and this feeling was most definitely divine.
A measureless amount of time could have passed only to remain unnoticed as it always had been, although even the concept of an Always in itself was, in this area, as far from any reality than she was from care. Such details could not be counted among all matter anymore, her thoughts drained by the lulling sensation slowly flowing out of the warm surface she had fell onto. Without a qualm, she let herself drown in peacefulness, the one she never believed she could reach – her own, very personal rapture. As a matter of fact, and even though Eternity had offered her the possibility to become familiar with the perspective of never being her whole self again, she could not help but to be overwhelmed by the comfort of this natural state of being.
A twitch.
Fiercely subtle, almost imperceptible, she could have missed it under any other circumstances. But in here, as slight as it was, it still echoed in every direction, leaving it source only to scatter all around before it came back as a revelation. Beyond reality, she knew that something had just change both in and out of her that only the feeling of a perfect summer day she was now living could have wash away, but it did not. This mere movement was, after all, more important that it seemed.
She had smiled.
After a momentous gesture such as this one, the muscle that had materialized grew into something even more meaningful than she could have imagine. Assuredly, most of human-beings would probably never consider this ability as so but, for her among all people, this was indeed a blessing. Her grin widened along with the awareness of her brand new power, the serenity brought by the cottony stretch she was laying on melting with the blissfulness created by the occurred events. Astoundingly, it was rather amazing. She would had never guess that such simple things could be so flabbergasting, but it was unarguably breathtaking.
As anyone who figured out something so stunning, she began to wonder if there were some limits about what could or could not do from now on. Worse, she wanted to test those limits if there were any. She had to attempt something – anything – even though it could end in an overwhelming disappointment she might be unable to bear. But she could not think otherwise. After all, it could be the very threshold of her life as a someone and she had not much to lose in return except for all hopes she had carried until then in her inner self without ever deeming about it.
Eternity had conferred her smattering of things to seize as a safety rope, one that could have led her to humanity. The offered chimera of her own cognizance had worked to her sanity advantage so far but she definitely could not restrain herself from asking for more than simple awareness, and within these few gifts eyesight was painfully missing. Despite her past beliefs, blindness felt purely frustrating. She needed a sight of the area she had traveled in but she also wanted to prove herself alive. Still inaptitude was keeping its firm grip on her.
Was it because she was not allowed to see? Was this incapacity caused by her long lack of tangibility? Or was it due to some fears she was desperately, almost childishly, trying to hide from herself?
No matter the reason, she had to succeed and darkness should disappear. Even though admitting how important it had become would have been beyond painful, the necessity had grown so wide, gathering both increasing hope and a slithering distress, she could not ignore it any longer. If opening her eyes even in the slightest appeared to be an impossible request after all, it could mean the end of all dreams she had secretly fed. Anxiety was ruling her and with it some questions appeared in the background.
Was it a heart she could sense racing? Were they muscles she could feel shaking?
All her thoughts were focused on the task she was trying to achieve. Yet she could not brush her fears aside so easily. They were too powerful, holding her heart so tightly it could have make it stop beating at any moment. Maybe those dreads were the fuel required for such an act in this unmaterialized place, or maybe it was the warm breeze that caressed her skin as to say everything would be fine, but she eyelids finally began to move slowly, almost leisurely. Inch by inch, she was discovering how it felt to see again. Amazement caught her out guard.
She had to narrow her eyes to prevent the urge to shut them back. The sight was rather blinding, like an ablaze crack in the night skies, although she knew it was no sky above her. Bright lights in a deep dark area, something she had never expected and, somehow, she found solace in this bewitching painting. Facing such ethereal beauty made her incapable of blinking, hence she did nothing but marvel before this flickering wave. Yet she had not noticed until that moment the radiant, piercing blue emitted by the glittering crack. Indeed, a lot of different shades of the color was illuminating the area from the most delicate powder blue to a flamboyant cobalt she had ever seen.
A deep first breath of air filled her lungs and she felt like wrapped in a familiar aura of serenity, like hold by a beloved one's arms. She was suffused with love and happiness she hoped would never leave. And the lights, all those blue lights seemed to brim her heart with confidence. It was her very own magnificent ocean-colored northern lights, a wonder to behold she was not willing to share with anyone. Admittedly, the thought was absurd since no one was and no one would ever come here, although possessiveness had become unavoidable. It was hers and she indubitably wanted to bring herself closer in order to touch, to taste and savor this captivating wave living, moving above her.
And she really thought she could, only nothing happened. Every light, each seemingly star dancing before her eyes was just to admire. After all, even this seemed like a blessing in itself, so she let herself fall into a thoughtful contemplation and allowed it entranced her entirely.
For once since an eternity, she was somewhere that seemed like home and tears filled her eyes.
Like everything – or more like herself – this crack was not supposed to remain in this place, she was perfectly aware of this fact. But when it faded away, her whole body urged her to scream, to yell as loud as she could so it would stop disappearing. She wanted to beg any king of spirit to give her more time to study it properly, she could have plead every superior forces to grant her the opportunity to learn every curve drawn in the dark. However, silence remained still and the lights vanished as well as herself.
Only a tear persisted on existing to fall slowly into the empty space.
She, on the other hand, had been transported elsewhere without even noticing, the loss of this wonderful image being the only striking event she could think about. She now was on another surface at least as soft as the first one, though she could not kid herself, it was not the one she craved for because she knew that she would not have the chance to look the deep blue wave hanging on the ebony area that had swallowed her. Oddly, she was now convinced that she would never find as much promises as there were there.
As to avoid an inevitable pain, she focused on every answer her body could give her. Weakly, she moved one of her finger without a clue about which one it was, her eyes firmly closed to avoid the waves of disappointment to wash over her. Then she realized. The waves were not just metaphorical. They were not figurative and she could clearly hear them moving back and forth sluggishly as the ocean always did when it fell its levels slowly.
"It happened again, didn't it?" She flinched. The words sounded like a light cry carried by the wind but they appeared to be surreal enough for her to catch them on.
Deafness had been one of the first establishment imposed to her in her eternal nonbeing state, therefore she decided it was time for her to give all her senses the chance to prove themselves useful. This moment had come sooner than hoped but she let her lashes fluttered nonetheless so her eyesight would adjust itself to a potential blinding brilliance. Unfortunately, just as thought, there was no beam but just some weak rays of sunshine gleaming into the room and she felt brought down at this sight.
Regardless of her aching heart, she leisurely turned her head to the right so she could see by whom this intriguing question had been pronounced. The source turned out to be nothing more than a small rounded figure from where she was laying, also she could almost distinguish a person sitting on the floor, knees against its chest and its arms wrapped around its legs.
"You tried your best but you need to wake up now. You ought to understand that you're not strong enough before it destroys you." Oddly, the tone used by the childish figure had changed completely. The voice came off sharper and colder than before. There was something deep about the wording, as if it meant to print a warning in her and make it echo in every inch of her skin. And there was something in her that wanted to obey, even though she knew for a fact that she could not do so.
In the meantime, she kept wondering if there was someone hiding behind this shape and who that someone could have been. The question remained in her mind until the sun lowered its rays so they could play with the person's hair and, finally, she was able to distinguish something resembling a human-being with hair colored as the heart of an intense fire. For a moment, she was unable to stare elsewhere, hence she let her gaze travel along with the light provided by the sun. It was not as stunning as the blue northern lights she had seen moments – or centuries – ago but it seemed to be hypnotic enough at that time. Still, she was incapable of putting a name on this face, especially since this one was hidden by two pale knees.
As if hearing her thoughts, the pint-sized person moved its body to remain cross-legged, back resting against the wooden wall. Regarding the curved shape drawing itself before her eyes, she was doubtless regarding the genus of this figure: it was a young girl scrutinizing her with glossy eyes. Impossible. Somehow, she could sense that the voice she had heard moments ago was not hers, although a quick look at her surrounding just proved her wrong. There was nobody else in this room. And yet she could have sworn that the two reactions were not from the same person. The first one was a cry, close to a plea for a reason she could not quite catch, while the second one sounded like an order to prevent any kind of imminent death.
Different but similarly protective in its own way. Who could have imagined that the same person had spoken up for the two of them? It seemed utterly unconceivable insofar this petite woman was shyly playing with the tip of her skirt, wrapping her fingers with the tissue before unwrapping them over and over again. Her head and shoulders were bent downward but she would have been perfectly incapable of saying if it was due to nervousness or an unbearable pain, tough she seemed extremely interested in the movement of her own hands.
"Why are you doing this to yourself? Do you really want this?" Both rage and beseeching came out of those questions and this combination surprisingly succeeded in making her knit her brows.
What was all this about? What did it mean? The pale skin before her eyes flushed even though she was still looking at her fingers tangling in her skirt, doing and undoing knots. She could not tell if it was about a battle or a love scene and it made her feel unease. Who was this girl?
Whoever she was, she was aching to hold this girl tightly and speak to her with every kind words she knew. She needed to tell her that soon everything would be wonderful. But all she could do was looking at the girl sobbing silently as if she felt ashamed to show her weaknesses to both she and herself. Pain was filling the air like a thick unhealthy smog and the thickest it became the sharpest her breath was. It almost came to the point where she could not inhale at all.
Everything went wrong without her saying a single word, hence she thought it was time to return to what appeared to be her own world. This was too hard for her, therefore she needed to go back to the exquisite light.
At the end of this journey, it had occurred that maybe – just maybe – anything was neither here nor there.
Hello to everyone!
Well, this is my new project!
If you feel lost in anyway about who this might be, it's completely understandable! I don't want to be as readable as I was (and still am) with my first story. Please, feel free to comment! I really want to know if something came out wrong and I also want to know everything you might muse about this!