Critical Art
[Shot of the Dimsdale art museum]
Guard: (whistles) Hmm...
(A pair of eyes are seen in the background)
Guard: (suddenly turns but finds nothing) Hmph.
(The guard locks a door and walks away from the museum)
[The camera slowly pans away from the guard and switches to the roof of the museum. The shadow of a figure is seen]
Figure: Heh heh heh...Dimsdale is soo gullible! (opens the window on the roof) Ha ha ha...
[The figure jumps down and avoids a couple of lasers in a professional style. The figure then strolls up to a painting and smiles]
Figure: This is-
[Quickly, Next day]
Dad: Terrible!!
Mom: Hmm?
Dad: The painting "Love of My Life": stolen!!
Mom: Oh my!
[Timmy is in the living room watching cartoons]
Timmy: Meh...oh well...it's summer...
Cosmo: Hey, didja hear? A painting was stolen!
Timmy: Oh?
Wanda: "Love of My Life"! How awful!
Timmy: Hmm...(snaps his fingers) I know! Let's go to the art museum guys!
Cosmo: All-!
Mom: Timmy! How thoughtful!
Timmy: Huh?!
Dad: Let's go to the Art museum then! Great idea son!
Timmy: (slumps into the couch and sighs) Dumb voice...
Cosmo and Wanda: At least we're going!
Timmy: I guess...
Cosmo: AND we get free food!
Timmy and Wanda: No we don't.
Cosmo: Rats! We get rats then!
Timmy: Oh, boy...
_______
[At the Art Museum]
Dad: (sigh) I still can't believe that "Love of My Life" was stolen!
Cosmo: (as an event program) Maybe it was a very ugly painting.
{Camera pans quickly to Wanda in a 'woosh'}
Wanda: (as a wristwatch) Cosmo!
Cosmo: Uh, STRICTLY hypothetically, though!! I never saw it!
Timmy: Hmm..let's look around. (starts walking off down a hall)
[The three walk down the hall of paintings and they all take quick glances at some. They then see an empty space surrounded by police tape]
Cosmo: So that's where it is! Or was...
Wanda: y'know..maybe we can figure out who stole it.
Timmy: I CAN wish for-
Cosmo: Yeah! There are so many witnesses!
Timmy: Witnesses? In a MUSEUM?
Wanda: Of course!
Cosmo: The paintings themselves, Timmy! See?
Timmy: But paintings aren't-
[Cosmo and Wanda smile slyly and nod]
Timmy: (smiles) Ooh...okay...I wish I can be ART! (blinks) Or-or in it...
Wanda: You got it! (takes out her wand and zaps Timmy into a painting)
Cosmo: We better follow!
Wanda: Righty-o!
[Both of them raise their wands and disappear]
_______
[Timmy reappears in the middle of a field]
Timmy: Whoa...grassy...
[Cosmo and Wanda suddenly appear beside Timmy]
Cosmo and Wanda: Ooh...grassy...
Wanda: This painting is called "Pink in a Field."
Timmy: Why would the call it that?
[Suddenly, about twenty pigs prance in front of them]
Pig One: Pink-in-a-field! Pink-in-a-field!
{Pigs snort}
Timmy: Oookay...
Cosmo: Next painting!!
(POOF)
[They all reappear in a painting of a city, but everything is frozen, as if paused]
Timmy: Where are we now?
Cosmo: This one is called "City."
[Long lines of people are everywhere, taking up alot of space]
Cosmo: But wait. Aren't cities-
{A loud buzzer sounds}
Wanda: Uh oh! 12:01!!
Timmy: Huh?
[The lines start to move very quickly, as if they were subways trains. The sound of subway trains is heard]
Timmy: Aah! You guys-!!
Cosmo: (floats over a person) Excuse me, did you see anyone steal-?
Man One: (very quickly) Yeah, yeah, sure, sure!
Cosmo: What did-?
Man One: Tall-Tall-Tall-Tall-Tall- (walks away quickly in his line)
Cosmo: Man...art's wierd!!
Wanda: Talk about strange..
Timmy: {off screen} (sounding restless) You guys! I think I'm getting carried away!!
Wanda: No you aren't, Timmy. This was a good idea to come here!
Timmy: No! Guys, I mean it!
[Cosmo and Wanda look toward Timmy and gasp]
Timmy: I'm getting CARRIED AWAY!
Cosmo: Whoops! Hang on! (takes out his wand and makes a lasso appear in his hands and lassos Timmy, then suddenly hog-ties him)
Cosmo: Yee-ha!!
Timmy: Cosmo....
{Cosmo unties Timmy}
Wanda: Are you okay, Timmy?
Timmy: (quickly) Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
{Cosmo and Wanda gasp again}
Wanda: Let's get out of here!
(POOF!)
Timmy: Where are we now?
Cosmo: This one is know as "Rush-"
Timmy: That can't be good.
Wanda: Well, actually, you didn't let Cosmo finish.
Cosmo: Actually, it's called "RushING Water."
Timmy: (has a shadaow overcast) Ju-u-u-u-u-u-ust great..
[A tidal wave dumps right on top of them]
Cosmo: (on a surfboard) Hang four, baby!
Timmy: Isn't it-?
Cosmo: Plus six!!
[They drift off onto a grassy patch of soil]
Wanda: Invigorating!!
[Timmy spots a fish]
Timmy: Hey...did you see anyone steal a painting?
Fish: (blows a bubble) Which one?
Timmy: That one. (points over the fish toward an opening, showing the black spot)
Fish: Ohh...that one?
Wanda: Well, duh!
Fish: Yeah, the guy had a mustache, I believe.
Timmy: All right!
Cosmo: Mustache? Hmm...so now we know that the guy is-
Wanda: Tall and-
Timmy: Mustachey!
Cosmo and Wanda: Right! Next!
(POOF!)
[They appear in a very colorful yet very abstract enviroment; triangles, circles, squaresm polka-dots etc...]
Timmy: This is-
Wanda: "Strange."
Timmy: I know it's strange, Wanda, but-
Cosmo: No, Timmy, that's what it's called! "Strange"!
Timmy: Whoa... (sees a duck with a dollar for a nose)
Cosmo: Hey! A duck-bill! (comedian drum-roll)
Wanda: (floats to an eyeball on bird-legs) So he had wild hair?
Eye: (in a Woody Allen kind of speech) Well, uh , yeah he-he just took the darn thing and he also well, he took the painting and....
Wanda: (as the eye talks) Okay, we have enough information. Let's go!
Cosmo: (glances back, sees a roll of toilet paper) Ooh! Toilet paper! (sarcastic drum roll)
(POOF!)
Timmy: Uh, guys...shouldn't we be out by now?
Cosmo: Yes, actually....but if I'm not mistaken, this painting is called "BAM!"
Timmy: Is that good?
Cosmo and Wanda: No.
Cosmo: Because it stands for, "Big Angry Mob."
Timmy: (eyes widen as he sees the mob) Make with the magic! Now!!
Man from the mob: Look! That kid has disturbed us all! Get him! Get him!
Cosmo: Wow...a real mob!
[The mob charges at them]
Timmy: Guys!!
Wanda: Hang on, Timmy! (takes out her wand)
Timmy: Hurry!!
Wanda: One!
Cosmo: Two!
[A man suddenly grabs Timmy's arm]
Man: You'll pay!!
Timmy: Aaah!!! Cosmo!! Wanda!!
[Cosmo grabs Timmy's other arm] Two-and-a-half!!
[A kind of tug-o-war sequence begins. Cosmo begins to get the upperhand but the man-power of the mob increases. Cosmo tugs again and starts to win, but then a sudden jerk makes Timmy skid straight into the mob, still hanging on to Cosmo]
Timmy: I'm doomed!
Wanda: (off-screen) You are not!
[Wanda is in an elephant form and uses her trunk to grab Timmy and Cosmo, then zaps themselves out of the painting]
Man from the mob: And don't come back! Yeh hear?!
(POOFER!)
[Timmy slides into a podium, displaying some vases and moans]
Timmy: THAT was fun...
Wanda: (appears) Well, guess what? I sent an APB.
Cosmo: You sent A Pig Bricking?
Wanda: (blinks) Not exactly...at all...policemen are now looking for the thief using OUR information!
Timmy: Cool! We saved the day!
Mom and Dad: Timmy!!
[Cosmo and Wanda turn into balloons]
Mom: Did you have a nice time here?
Timmy: I su-u-u-u-u-u-ure did, Mom!
Dad: Great! Unfortunately, it's time to go: 'Snake Bites' starts in 15!
Timmy: Yes!! Let's go!
[The family leaves the museum and head home]
{At the Dimmsdale Police Station}
Chief: Would you look at that, Steve...
Sergeant: I don't believe it...
Chief: So, you're the thief??
Thief: Yes! Yes I am! It-It-sucked me in I tell yas! It did!
Chief: You're telling me that this painting, "Love of My Life," sucked you in.
Thief: Right!!
[Chief and Sergeant look at each other]
Sergeant: Okay...
Chief: But..THIS is "Love of My Life!" A masterpiece!
Sergeant: Indeed...
[The camera slowly pans into the painting, which is just black]
Cosmo: (off-screen) I knew it was ugly!
END!