Unbeta'd. If someone is willing to beta this, please PM!
Hello there, readers! A little spur-of-the-moment brainchild. Probably one of the longest oneshots I've ever written. This is a songfic of 'Lumpuhkan Ingatanku' by Geisha. It's an amazing Indonesian song, and I thought, why not turn it Hunger Games?
All of the lyrics are in italics and Indonesian. If you can guess each line's meaning, then you get a oneshot of your choice (within reason. Meaning no smut or OC-centric). No cheating! Meaning, you're not eligible if you're Indonesian or using a translator.
Disclaimer: I'm not Suzanne Collins. AKA I don't own Hunger Games.
WARNING: Depressing.
Jangan sembunyi, kumohon padamu jangan sembunyi
He's shocked to find her still alive. "We all thought you died," Gale says to the blonde in his doorway. One day after work, he had opened his apartment door to face a dripping wet Madge Undersee. Madge simply shrugged. "So? I survived, got out. Just couldn't find anyone to tell."
Gale shakes his head in slight amazement. He allows Madge to go inside to dry herself off and put on one of Hazelle's old dresses (Gale thinks Posy slipped it in to remind him to remember his family).
They end up living together. They're a dysfunctional pair, but they make it work. One thing leads to another, and then suddenly Gale and Madge are dating.
One night, while lying in bed, Madge whispers to Gale. "Don't hide." He stiffens. "What do you mean?" Gale asks her. "You're hiding. You still love Katniss, Gale, don't you dare try to hide it."
"I love you, Madge," he says, which is the truth. But inside, deep, deep, inside, he knows his love for Katniss will always overpower his love for Madge. "Please don't hide, Gale," Madge says. There is utter sincerity in her voice. "I'd rather live with the harsh truth rather than you hiding it."
Still, he hides the truth, because the truth is just too hard to burdon a mayor's daughter with.
Sembunyi dari apa yang terjadi
"You're hiding," Peeta tells Katniss one day. "From everything. From the war, from Prim's death." Mentally, he adds, from Gale, but he doesn't say it out loud, because God knows that his relationship with Katniss is already messed up enough.
"I'm not hiding from anything," Katniss says, but there is a complete lack of emotion in her voice. Because, truthfully, she is hiding. Hiding from the brutal reality of what has happened around her. Hiding from the fact that Prim is dead, that she's been through a war. That Gale is gone.
Katniss notices that Peeta lets the subject drop. Not like Gale. Gale would pester her, force her to face reality (and she would be thankful for it. It would make her stronger). She misses Gale.
Tak seharusnya hatimu dikunci
Peeta knows that when Katniss says 'real', she means it.
Just not in the way he wants.
Because, honestly, while he's her dandelion, she keeps her heart under lock and key. She say she locks her heart to repay her dandelion, but that isn't true. She locks her heart for fire, and she has given the key to fire. Because what her heart needs is fire. Her heart should be locked for fire.
What her healing needs is a dandelion. He can heal her, but he can never keep the key to her heart. No, that's someone else's job entirely (and it's not Peeta's—it's most definitely not Peeta's). Her heart shouldn't be locked, not when she's with Peeta.
Bertanya, coba bertanya pada semua
"Katniss loves me. Real or not real?" Peeta asks everyday. "Real," Katniss will say. "Real," everyone else says as well.
Then he changes the question. "Katniss loves me romantically. Real or not real?" Katniss will say (hesitantly) "Real." "Not real," everyone else says. It hurts, but that's the truth. Not real.
Di sini ku coba untuk bertahan
To Gale, he was just trying to survive and stay strong. Now with Madge, he's trying to live (but they both know that 'survival' is with Madge, and 'life' is with Katniss now, because Madge helps him survive what he's lost, but Katniss can restore life in him. He's blessed that Madge doesn't mind). He's just trying to survive now. He doesn't bother trying to live (and surviving but not living is horrible).
Ungkapkan semua yang ku rasakan
Sometimes, Madge just wants to scream at Gale. "Feel how I feel!" she wants to scream. "I love you so much it hurts, but your love for me can be compared to a owner's love for his puppy! It's not real to you, Gale!" But she knows that would be cruel.
Because Madge knows very well that Gale too has been led on by half-truths and quarter-truths by no less than Katniss Everdeen. So Madge redirects this hate to Katniss instead, for hurting the man she loves so much. She knows there's no point, though—the dynamics of Katniss and Gale's relationship are just to complex to be dissected that way. They hurt each other, but only they can give the other life, heal all the wounds (that dandelions and survival can't heal).
Kau acuhkan aku, kau diamkan aku
Gale notices that, little by little, Madge begins to ignore him.
Kau tinggalkan aku
Gale doesn't pay much heed to Madge's ignorance, until he catches her about to run out of the apartment, bags packed. He grips her by the shoulder. "Madge!" he exclaims. And then Madge breaks down in tears, clinging onto Gale. He gently leads her to a couch.
"Madge, what's wrong?" Gale asks her, his tone the one usually reserved for Katniss. Madge notices this, touched. "You still love Katniss, Gale," Madge whispers. "It feels like I'm robbing that from you." Gale shushes Madge, wiping away her tears. "Madge. Listen to me. Madge."
He pesters her until he has Madge's full, undivided attention. "I love Katniss," Gale admits. "But, Madge, I love you too. You gotta understand that I will never love anyone as much as Katniss, but you come pretty damn close, Madge."
And when he says this, Madge is certain that Gale truly does love her, that it's not just a ploy to make himself forget about their past. "Thank you," Madge whispers.
They make love the first time that night.
Lumpuhkanlah ingatanku, hapuskan tentang dia
"Make me forget," Gale whispers to Madge one day. His voice is so broken that Madge takes pity on him. "About what?" Madge whispers.
"About her. About Katniss. Please, Madge, just make me forget about her." And since Madge loves Gale so much, she does just that. Their lovemaking is no longer sweet. Rather, it becomes harsh and painful. Madge just wants to forget too. She wants to forget about the horrid place called District Twelve. "I want to forget too," she whispers one night as they lay side-by-side.
Gale chuckles. "That makes the two of us." And there is so much bitter, harsh, true irony in his voice that Madge can't help but smile a bit too. "Two of us," Madge repeats (but it should be two of you, because it should be fire and fire, not fire and survival).
Jangan sembunyi, kumohon padamu jangan sembunyi
One day, Peeta loses it and throws a glass across the kitchen. Katniss yelps and ducks under the table. "What's wrong?" she asks Peeta.
"Dammit, Katniss!" Peeta shouts, and for a moment Katniss is so damn terrified she can't breathe.
"Stop hiding! I'm sick of you hiding everything from me!" And the worst thing is that Katniss doesn't deny it, because it's true. She's been hiding so much from him. "I'm sorry," Katniss says. "For everything." For everything—for leading him on with not-truths and half-truths.
For pretending to love him.
Sembunyi dari apa yang terjadi
They're all hiding now.
The boy with bread is hiding from his hijacked memories.
The mayor's daughter is hiding from her family's death.
The boy with snares is hiding from his love.
The girl on fire is hiding from her love.
Because, honestly, the fire and snares just want to go back and hide in their peaceful little forest. They all just want to forget, dammit.
Tak seharusnya hatimu kau kunci
Gale sadly notes that Madge has locked her heart for him. Her love is dedicated to him now. He wishes he could lock his heart for her, but the thing is, his heart is locked.
But it's not Madge who holds the key.
It's Katniss.
None of their hearts should be locked. Not his, not Madge's, not Peeta's, not Katniss's.
Lumpuhkanlah ingatanku, hapuskan tentang dia
Katniss doesn't have children with Peeta because she wants to.
Honestly, she does it because it will seal her relationship with Peeta. She's terrified of having children. She's terrified of it. But she's even more terrified of loving Gale, so she seals her relationship with Peeta. She thinks it'll help—that it'll help her erase her memories of Gale.
It doesn't help much. Her boy's eyes remind her so much of Gale. They remind her of what she could have had (what she should have had) with Gale. Honestly, she regrets having Peeta's children (she doesn't regret having children). She wants to forget everything so much (but at the same time she doesn't want to, because forgetting would mean forgetting Gale and that's one thing she wants to remember).
Hapuskan memoriku tentang dia, ku ingin ku lupakannya
Eventually, Gale and Madge marry. He does it to forget Katniss (and it works, if only because he does love Madge). She does it to forget her home (it doesn't work brilliantly, but it turns the wounds into scars). They just want to forget. They forgive each other for using each other to forget (they never forget).
Hilangkanlah ingatanku jika itu tentang dia
Katniss wants to forget Gale so badly, but she can't. Despite her children, despite her marriage, it doesn't work.
"Please erase my memories, if it's about him," Katniss says to Peeta one day while their children are at school. But there's absolutely nothing Peeta can do, despite all he tries (Katniss won't cooperate in forgetting, he thinks).
Ku ingin ku lupakannya
She wants to forget Gale, because Gale is her past (present, and future). Katniss thinks forgetting him will help (it doesn't). Not that it matters (his mark on her is too deep to be erased). She wants to forget him, but she can't. "I want to forget him. I want to forget it all," she sighs quietly one night in bed, when she thinks Peeta isn't listening.
Lumpuhkan ingatanku, hapuskan tentang dia
It's not right that Gale uses Madge to forget Katniss, but Madge doesn't mind. It's not like she had anything else to live for. Madge and Gale have children together. Beautiful, healthy children. And as much as Gale loves children, he sometimes regrets having them with Madge (because, honestly, it's not right to use her love this way. Madge deserves better). He sometimes wishes they were Katniss's (and sometimes, he can convince himself that, because his youngest son has the perfect Seam look).
Hapuskan memoriku tentang dia
Katniss watches her children grow. They help to erase Gale from her memory (not perfectly, but they fill the gap that Gale left in her heart). They erase her memories of him. She's on the verge on forgetting, but fate doesn't agree.
Hilangkanlah ingatanku jika itu tentang dia
"Erase my memories," Gale says one day to Madge. She gives him an amused look.
"All of them?" she asks, amusement in her tone (even though she knows the answer). Gale rolls his eyes. Madge is glad that he's smiling (even though it's just a tiny bit). "Of her, idiot." Though 'idiot' is said playfully, lovingly, the statement is dead serious. She gives him a sad look. "I'm sorry," she says. "I can't. I'm sorry."
And although Madge can't erase her (or replace her) she can try to help fill the gap that Katniss left behind (she and their children, because they play a roll in this).
Ku ingin ku lupakannya
Gale thinks he wants to forget Katniss, but he knows that isn't really true. He never wants to forget his girl with the bow, because she's just too precious to him.
Kau acuhkan aku, kau diamkan aku
And then comes the day when they meet again.
He's on the way to Ten for a business trip.
She's on the way to Four to meet Johanna and Annie.
Although their respective partners insist on coming, they go alone. They have a feeling that they should.
Coincidentally, their trains break down at the same time in Seven. Neither are particularly delighted. Gale's business partners aren't patient people, and Katniss misses her fellow victors.
They run into each other at the station. Literally.
Gale is on the phone, trying to talk reason into Mr. Goldman. "Sir, it's not as if I can reschedule a broken train so easily—"
Katniss too is on the phone, calling Johanna. "Look, Jo, I'm sorry, but the train broke down. I can't do anything—"
And then they crash into each other. They both grunt and look up, ready to fire some sort of insult. "Watch it!" they cry at the same time. They freeze when they realize who it is. "Gale," Katniss breathes, the same time Gale exclaims, "Katniss!"
For a few moments, they stare at each other in astonishment. But fear and awkwardness gets the better of them. Gale veers to his left the same time Katniss steps to her right, and they walk away past each other seamlessly.
Always in sync, they think bitterly at the same time. Always in sync.
Kau tinggalkan aku
They leave each other where they were before. In the same spot, the same state. Neither gets better, neither gets worse. Unsure what to do next without the other.
Cat and mouse, never sure who is the cat and who is the mouse. Always in sync, always equal. It hurts. A lot. They leave each other where they were before. It would have been better if they left together.
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