There was the deafening sound as the shrapnel exploded around us. I ducked my head, hoping that the flying pieces would stop soon so I could try and hit another German. The green wall that was swirling around my ankles and head was choking me, my eyes burning with the poison gas. They were smart, with the gas. I saw men all around me rolling around in the muddy water trying to relieve themselves of the pain.
I already heard from a retreating Frenchmen to urinate on a handkerchief to protect myself from the chlorine gas. I quickly complied, taking the warning before they launched the tanks. Now I was clutching it to my mouth and nose as I tried for a new perch to shoot from. The body I had been standing on was slipping in the wet ground, not providing me with the support I needed to get a good shot. This gun was graciously found on a dead British soldier, keeping me alive for another three hours of combat.
Finding a place to stand, I took up my gun, clearing as much muck I could from the barrel. I aimed for the figures that were ghosting through the cloud of green. Watching one figure closely, I shot, hearing nothing, only seeing the body drop from my hit. I could have killed him. I could have made him loose a limb. I could put his family in the ultimate grief. But it was either him or me, and I was always choosing me.
I had something to live for. I had someone to love back at home. My mother didn't approve of her, but my mother was very strict with my lady choices. But this lady wasn't a choice. I was at the mercy of God when she introduced herself to me, pushing her luscious golden hair over her shoulder. I fell in love right there, and surprisingly, she did as well. When she found out that I was enlisting, she freaked on me. Now, my girl wasn't one to get upset over nothing, only the things that mattered to her. That day she threw a paperweight at me. I guess I mattered to her.
I shifted to get a sight on one of the enemies, the paperweight bringing back the last time I saw my Maxie.
I walked up the front path, excited to start packing for Quebec. I would tell Max tomorrow and she would see me off to the train. The plan was perfect and a good night's rest was necessary in order to face Max tomorrow. I started to whistle, happy to be finally of age for the war, my birthday last week a God-send. I could do something for the country like everyone else. And if Max was up to it, she could be a nurse. The thought of Max in Nurse uniform brought a smile to my face, causing the whistling to stop.
I pushed the door open to my small house, surprised to see a light burning in the living room. I could have sworn I shut them off before leaving to sign up. Heading towards the light, I saw my love sitting on the couch, looking very livid. I immediately froze in fear. I couldn't remember doing anything that she wouldn't approve of. What on earth was making her stare at me like that?
"Nickolas," she started very calmly. The use of my real first name made my heart stop. The calm tone made me break into a cold sweat. It would be best not to answer her yet.
"Where were you today?" She stared at me, expression complete serenity, but eyes of fire.
"I was-"
"I know where you were!" She jumped to her feet as she screamed. She came close and I could see other emotions swirling in her eyes. Sadness and sheer terror, to name a couple.
"Why would you do that? You know what happens to those men that go out there? They never come back Fang. They don't come back to Canada because they are too messed up to come back. They rot in shallow graves, trampled on and bled on by other dying soldiers. You're going to be just like those men out there Fang!" She stepped back now, pacing. I didn't show any expression as she told me this, waiting to save the surprise for when I was alone. I watched her pace, a hand running through her hair ever three seconds. A few minutes later she stopped abruptly.
"And you know what Fang? I don't care! I don't care that you are committing suicide by signing up. I don't care that I'll never see you after this. I don't care that you are sending everything that has ever meant something to me across the ocean to die over there. I DON'T CARE! Don't expect to come home to me because starting now, I want you to die!" Without breaking her furious eye contact with me, she reached blindly for the paper weight on the desk a foot away from her. I saw what she was planning, ducking within seconds as she hurled it at my head.
Looking behind me, I saw it hit the picture, shattering the glass and causing to slump to the floor. Turning my head to Max again I met her eyes. They were distant, cold. It was if I was already dead and she was shutting down. It was a look I vowed never to see again. My immediate reaction was to yell back, but I couldn't do that. She hadn't meant what she said, by the look in her eyes. She was just...emotional right now. My second reaction was my favourite.
A long stride brought me inches from her, her head snapping back to meet my eyes. Cupping her face with both of my hands, I leaned down, crushing my lips to hers. She responded with passion, both of our eyes closing. I felt her one hand grab my wrist to hold herself steady, the other racing up my chest to the back of my neck. Gripping the hair there, she pulled my face even closer to mine. This kiss was desperate, wanting. To me, it felt like a last kiss.
My heart squeezed at the thought.
We broke apart, both slightly panting but instead of smiling like we usual are, we stared solemnly at each other. I saw Max's eyes glisten with emotion. I had never seen her cry before, even when her baby sister was still born. Instead of a squeeze, my heart broke as a tear trickled down her face. Still holding her face in my hands, I wiped it away with my thumb, kissing the track it made on her soft cheek.
"Don't cry Max." I whispered. But instead of comforting her, she cried harder, the tears coming too fast for me to keep up. She didn't make a sound. Not a sob or a sniffle. Releasing her face, I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her against my chest. She hugged me back, gripping my shirt with clenched fingers. I could feel her shaking as she wept in my embrace, my shirt defiantly becoming wetter as she went. Stroking her hair, I soothed her, talking quiet nothings, hoping that I wouldn't need words right now.
After five minutes, she calmed down, but wouldn't let go of me. I tried tickling her, getting her to laugh, but she just replied that she wasn't letting go until I had to go. This made me smile but I relented. Instead I picked her up, carrying her as if she was my new bride to my bedroom to lie for the night.
She quickly took her shawl and shoes off while I stripped myself of the tee-shirt. Looking rather alluring with loose curls hanging down over her shoulders, I pulled her into another hug, kissing the top of her head. Max's hands tickled as she pulled away, a small smile replacing the rather grim expression.
"I love you Maxie. Always remember that." She smiled wider, the first time I had ever told her with words.
"I love you too Fang. Don't you dare forget it. Especially around those French girls."
I laughed at her concern. "No, Max. You know I only have eyes for you. If I didn't, you would personally take my eyes away." Max laughed along, letting me pull her closer to the bed. I sat down on the edge of it, grabbing and holding both of her hands in mine.
"Max," I started, not sure how to word it properly. I wanted to go traditional, but not impersonal. I couldn't meet her eyes or else she would read me faster than I could read myself.
"Fang," she prompted after I didn't continue.
"Max, if I told you that I will love you forever, and that I will be coming home from the war..." I kept my head down, still thinking.
"Fang, don't promise me anything that you can't keep." Max replied sharply, trying to tug her hands away from mine. I held firm.
"I'm giving you an option .You are going to greet me at the train station in your white dress, ready to married off in a mile's time. We are going to have a beautiful ceremony, to hell with my parents, they can die and we can do it over their dead bodies." I looked up with a smile. Max was gaping at me now, eyes wider than I have ever seen them.
"Max, if you promise to marry me, I promise I will come home."
I waited for an answer.
I repeated aiming at the enemies, some hitting the target and moving on, or cursing when I missed and they returned fire. That was the best night of my life with Max. The gold band on my left hand glinted dimly as I thought of my promise to her. I was going to keep it. I wouldn't do that to my Max.
I was doing well as a sniper, hearing some of my other comrades launching grenades. Our last machine gun was filled with mud, proving itself useless. They resorted to the British guns as well, not trusting the Reeds that the army gave the Canadians.
The thought brought me back to the training camp that didn't even work. They had taught us how to sword fight when they had machine guns. I only ever had 2 full days of training on the target range, proving myself useless when I made it to Britain. They ridiculed us, laughing at our terrible shooting skills. But it wasn't our fault; it was the stupid training camp. None the less, they retrained us for what we needed to know once we were there and I was immediately put on the Ypres trench.
Since then, there have been non-stop battles. I couldn't tell you which part I hated most, the waiting part or the fighting. You couldn't imagine doing either of those things, yet here we are, doing both in alternating order. This was hell on earth and I was regretting my decision of ever leaving Canada.
The gas came 2 days ago. Since then, they have been testing for gas masks to hand out the soldiers, but they have come up with nothing yet. We are going to have to use our hankies for a while yet. Our forces are also stretched, covering the hole that the French had left. This left us little to no man power in places along the line, but the Germans couldn't see this through the gas.
I had just shot down another German when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I saw Sergeant Jasper Whitlock, my team leader. I saluted.
"At ease. British said that they are sending relief. It should be here in a day's time. Good work so far, they have only taken .74 kilometres so far, but if we stand firm, we could keep Ypres. Nice effort put forth. I will suggest an extra day's break, yes?" I smiled in response, nodding my appreciation. He dismissed himself then, moving further through the trench.
I resumed my earlier position. This is what the rest of my day would consist of, with a break to get my ration of the day. Thoughts of Max still threatened to break my concentration, but I held them at bay, at least until I could find some time alone, when the British would arrive.
A German shot at me, his aim surprisingly accurate. I ducked just in time, the bullet grazing my ear. The sting that followed was nothing, but the German didn't pause. Shots flew around me, blasting the walls of the trench behind me. The angle was wrong. The way they were coming meant that the shooter was at the edge of the trench, bearing upon me. Sure enough, when I looked up, I saw the boy there, shot gun in hand.
Putting my hands up, I surrendered my gun. This was the only hope I had if I was to keep my promise. The German boy smirked with rotting teeth but eyes blue as a country sky. Raising his gun to aim at my head, I thought up of a risky plan. I waited until his finger was on the trigger, and then attacked. Jumping as high as I could, I grabbed his ankles, pulling him down as gravity had its way. We landed on our backs, the wind knocked out of me. I couldn't breathe but I struggled for the gun. He won, taking the gun quickly. He wasted no time, aiming and firing at me. He hit me.
As I clutched my leg in pain, I saw a blur tackle the man. Shots rang out, and I knew that the German boy was dead. A figure filled my vision, but I couldn't recognize the face. It was too blurry, the edges of my vision going black. They were saying something but I couldn't hear a word, the sudden urge to throw up taking over. I couldn't move though, my limbs all felt like lead, except my leg. That was on fire. I blacked out in the trench then. My left hand buried in the dirt with my wedding ring.
I couldn't feel my toes. This was this first thing I thought when I woke up later. I didn't know how long I had been out, but I did know that I was cursing like a sailor from the pain racking my head. I refused to open my eyes, afraid of the bright lights that were just behind my eye lids.
A soft voice was talking to me, it sounded like an angel. It wouldn't shut up though, and my head wasn't taking any noise at the moment.
"Shut the hell up, please. If you want to live, you would be quiet." The voice stopped buzzing, but a feeling came over me that something was wrong. It was then that I felt the pressure on my hand, gentle, but there. Curiosity over took me, and I opened my eyes a crack.
The light was almost unbearable, but I saw my angel in the brief second I left them open for. A smile lit up my face, not believing that she was with me again. I didn't know where I was, but I hope that she was far from the war. And if she was with me, then I would be away from the war as well.
"Max." I said, opening my eyes, risking the pain just to see her again. This time, my eyes didn't hurt as much. I could examine her, the dark circles under her eyes, the pale complexion of her skin and obvious weight loss. My smile disappeared, when she smiled. It wasn't a Max smile, it was broken, incomplete.
I sat up slowly, my only focus on my fragile love.
"Max..." I said again. I brought my hand up, ignoring the bandages and pushing a few stands of mousy hair out of her face. I gently ran my fingers along her cheek as I pulled my hand back, but kept it holding her face. Her eyes had closed as soon as I touched her and she shivered slightly.
"Fang," she whispered. Her voice was hoarse, scratching out of her throat as she spoke. I brought my face closer to hers, ready for our reunion kiss. She pulled back slightly, keeping me from taking my claim. I opened my eyes again, searching for what was wrong. She bit her lip, shaking her head and pulling my hand off of her. I was so very confused.
"What's wrong dolly? Why can't I kiss you?" My initial thought was that it was me that was wrong. I didn't know what had happened to me after I passed out. For all I knew, I could have no ears and missing a piece of my hip. I couldn't tell you. My second thought was that Max had found someone else. If she had, fine. I wouldn't be mad at her. But she shouldn't be surprised when her new man ended up in the hospital in a few weeks.
"Fang, I..." she started out looking at my eyes, but quickly dropped them. I was getting worried now. She tried again. "I...I'm sorry." My eyes widened in shock. What was she apologizing for? What did she do? Even if she did do something, I could never be mad at Max for longer than three minutes. Did she cheat? Did she kill someone? The suspense was killing me.
"What do you mean?" I asked when she didn't seem to care to elaborate.
Max looked at me in surprise. Shock was written all over her face, as if she didn't understand that I didn't understand. I stared back, waiting for the obvious hint to hit me in the face. She crumpled then, burring her head in the sheets of the bed. Her shoulders shook like she was crying, and she said something. I was unable to make it out and asked her to repeat it.
"Fang. You're leg." I blinked at her, then looked at where the bump should be for my left leg. I wiggled the toes on my right, watching them make the blanket tremble. I looked for my left foot, and moved those toes. Nothing happened. I tried harder, but the sheets stayed right where they were. My heart stopped.
Ever so slowly, I pulled the blankets back and draped them slightly on Max's head. I shifted so I was sitting straight up. Then I turned both of my legs, waiting for the left to pop out suddenly, and not be gone. All I saw was a stub covered in bloodied bandages. My stomach churned, but I kept it down, staring at my new leg in wonder. It was if I could feel my shin and foot, but when I tried to make them move, nothing happened.
The stub was just above where my knee used to be, the rest of my leg about a forearm in length. This is what Max was referring to. Oh, wait a minute. Max.
I looked at her and she was just staring at my leg in pure horror. I couldn't tell if it was for me or to me. If it was to me, I don't know how I could live without my Max. If it was for me, I needed these guilty feelings out as soon as possible.
"Max, look at me." Her eyes stayed on my leg for a few lingering seconds, and I took her chin firmly in my hand. Staring straight into her eyes, I tried to make everything better.
"Max, you are the reason I'm here right now, you know that?" Her eyes filled with fresh tears and I ran the words over in my head. Shit, bad start.
"Wait, wait, wait, that's not what I meant. I mean, I'm here alive because of you. If I wasn't thinking about my promise to you, I would be dead in a battle field. But here I am. Sure I'm a leg less than what I was before, but I don't care, because I'm with you alive and pretty healthy." She pulled against my hand but couldn't shake me. "Max, I'm here to marry you, if that's what you want. I'm here to be with you for the rest of my life, if you'll have me. You can leave now, I completely understand. But if you choose to keep me, then I will make it my new promise to love you with all my heart." Tears now ran down her cheeks and I was prepared for the worst. But not without a final order.
"Max, you have to stop blaming this on yourself. It was that crazy German, not you. You are never to say that you are the reason for what I am now. You must live your life if you leave me, and never think about this again. Promise me that you will stop feeling guilty. Promise me."
Her eyes never wavered from mine but her tears disguised her next intentions. She jumped at me, arms flying around my neck and legs halfway on my bed. I pulled her against me, my own arms going to her waist. She slammed her lips to mine with a powerful intensity, fulfilling my welcome home kiss. I returned with just as much fever moving our lips together with ease.
She ran out of air first, but didn't pull completely away.
"I'm just happy you're alive." She gasped, and then kissed me again. This, it what I'd been waiting for.
Fin
Epilogue: (inspired by Claudia, who told me about her epilogue. :P)
Max and Fang went on to have 3 kids of their own named Aaron, Danielle and Michael. The blur whom killed the German was killed in battle three weeks later while saving another unarmed soldier. Fang and Max were finally returning to Canada when the nameless soldier was buried. Fang won a medal of honour for his help and bravery, as well as a pension since he was unable to work anymore. Max stayed at home, taking care of their children. They lived comfortably on a ranch.
Their children fought in the Second World War, only one making it back home again. But Danielle didn't come home, instead making a new home in France. She received a letter 3 years later. Her parents had died. They didn't know that Danielle was still alive in Paris. They thought she was killed in war. Danielle did not write her parents once when she was in France.
She had a baby boy. She named him Nickolas. She called him Fang. He grew up to know that his Grandfather was a brave man, and his grandmother was a strong woman. Their name lives on today.