Roses in winter

What happens when your life turns around? But not in a good way, in a bad way. Although everything has gone wrong, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.......Just like roses blooming in the winter.

Bella-I was sitting in a graveyard mashing snow between my fingers, making handfuls of pulp, it dripped through my fingers and onto my jeans.

Why had they gone? Why now? I mean why did it happen when everything was okay? I mean, I would've coped if it happened slower and not all at once.

But I guess I'm not helping by sitting around thinking. I sat up from the snow looking at the snow angel around me. I had been laying in the snow and had made a snow angel without even realising it. My skin was icy, my clothes damp, my hands were muddy from digging at the snowy dirt around me. The graveyard I was sitting in was a dump, people rarely cared for it, leaving rubbish scattered and grass up to my knees in places. In my eyes, it seems so disrespectful to leave the people you love behind you. I mean you love a person all your life and just because their body is 7 feet under ground and you can now longer see them, you no longer care?

Although, this place was a dump it still had a eerie, picaresque look about it, how I thought that when it looked deserted, I don't know. But, this place was the best I can afford and I couldn't physically find anymore money. I have a feeling it will be good enough for them though and that makes everything so much better.

I stroked the headstone they were soon to lay under. It was icy cold, snowflakes were dusted across the top, next to the headstone was wilting red roses. The first roses I had laid here, I couldn't bear to move them.

My hot tears spilled down my cheek landing silently on the snow, melting it. What was the point of wiping them away? No-one could see me cry. I wasn't planning on letting any one see me cry either. No-one cares, I thought I had family, friends and a life. Only, for it be flushed down the toilet before your eyes, not only did I see it all go- I pulled the chain. Sending my entire life into oblivion, until I was left with nothing. I just wished I could turn back time, make things right, make everything okay. But what more could I really have done? Stand back and pray for the best? I did that at first anyway and look where left me!

Sitting nest to the grave, I ran my finger over the words written on the headstone, the words read:

George Swan,

Grandfather and Father.

Died 22nd June 2007.

Will never be forgotten.

My Grandad, he died just before my Nan, he had been ill, but still okay. He lived in a home right up until he had a big stroke and was in coma from then on. My Nan on the other hand had a cough for a while, went to the doctors and nothing. Went back again, still nothing. Went to the hospital and had what none of our wildest fears had imagined happen. I remember that day clearly, being told on the same day that your Nan was dying and that your sister was pregnant. Shocking, much?

From then on we looked after my Nan, she got better then worse, then worse still. We was all waiting for the day, we would know it would come. But acted fine, all happy as if we was okay to watch her die. I knew I wasn't, I wanted to help her, but I wasn't the doctor.

I traced my fingers over then headstone other next to the first, this one read:

Annie Swan,

Grandmother and Mother.

Died 1st October 2008.

Rest in peace.

Yep, the day everyone was dreading came eventually and it wasn't fun. Scrap that, it was hell and everyone felt like that for months.

But you see, things get worse then that, I mean having both your grandparents gone with only a year apart was bad, but having your entire family gone in a matter of days, not only that but your career, friends, house just about everything.

I've been on the run for two months now. I ran from the police, obviously but also the pain and memories. I mean there were good memories, lots too. But too many bad ones, so I ran just from them like my sister.

My brothers are hunting me down, with detectives and cops on their side. Wouldn't surprise me if they brought back the death sentence, just for me. They wanted so called justice, and they wanted it bad.

Even after this, I don't regret what I did and I'm never going to. I done what I thought was right by Mum and Dad, it's just they don't see it the way someone like me does. I saw not only how everyone around me felt, but saw and felt how the the main people in the situation were feeling. These people main people were my Mum and Dad.

After sitting daydreaming for hours I realised it was getting dark and although I could've stayed there I did really needed to go. Once I'd wiped myself clean, I made my way to the bus shelter and huddled in the corner waiting for my bus to arrive.