Aftermath

Part 1

I get up and drag myself down the hallway, not even bothering to get dressed. I just need to be alone, just me, myself and a cup of coffee, for the energy to move. Lucky for me the kitchen is only a short walk and with this capital technology coffee, is only a press away, otherwise I probably couldn't even have managed that. I grab my coffee from the machine, bringing the warm liquid to my lips. The warmth it brings to my hands and down my throat, is wonderful, I really needed it now.

The airy silence is in the room is interrupted by a boom and an anthem, one I would know anywhere, as it personally haunts my nightmares. It's the opening anthem of the Hunger Games, playing clearly through the back kitchen door which leads to the lounge. I creep round to the opened door, pushing it open just slightly more to find Cato lying on the couch. He's watching the 74th Hunger Games, our games. I don't know how he's standing it, for me seeing it replayed in my head every night is enough, but it seems to help him come to terms with what he did, with what we all did. I think back to the victor's ceremony, watching the rest of the game for the first time, seeing things I didn't want to see then and especially not know. Like that little girl from 11 being sung to death by Girl On Fire, Marvel's spear in her heart.

God dam him, I knew he'd haunt me somehow. But I suppose he haunts me more because I felt pity for him, seconds later seen with an arrow in his heart, our alliance over. Yes, the vicious Clove has pity; well I do now the games gave me that, I'm still trying to work out if that's bad or good. It was a shame really, he was the one who kept us together, one I actually could work with as he was nearly as sharp as me and unlike Cato, though I love him, could control his angry to an extent.

And Glimmer, she was a flirt and was taking Cato alone with her, but for her faults when she was dead, I realised I missed the female company and her ability to keep us talking when silence loomed. The more I got to know about her from Cato and her talks, the more I realised that she was like me, always hiding her feelings behind her masks; just hers was a happy, flirty one. She was acting to win the games but unlike me she wasn't trying to win for herself but was doing it for someone else; she had a special reason to go home. Not many people know but she has a son back home. Her husband died in the last Hunger Games and now the baby is orphaned. She yelled out "save him". It took me a while to work out who she was talking about, her son. I nodded to her not to blow my cover. I hope she knew that meant I would save him, keep him safe. She smiled in her pain so I think she did, at least she died with that. I wish someone had the sense to block her death from her son's view; no one should be made to see the, it destroys you, I know it destroyed me.

District 4 girl my ally to, I didn't know her much but she was strong and also held that love for her district partner which caused me to dislike her.

Then there was Girl On Fire and Lover Boy ohhhh, I really hated them. They stole the show with their fiery costumes and her swirling dress. She even beat us at training with a record breaking 11, with her bow skills. We hated her for that, the whole career pack, especially me and Cato. No one beat us at anything and not our own game, one we'd been playing for years now. So we hunted her. She was our only main target out of hatred. Its weird what anger does to you, it can change you into the monster. It changed me into a monster, the one I'd being fighter since my life began, trying to hold onto my sanity, the little sanity I had left. But it didn't matter how much I tried, it took over. Then Lover Boy pronounced his love for her and she pretended to love him. We could have done that - we loved each other; we were real, in our own special way. They stole from me, maybe not meanly but they stole the one thing I had left, love and that made me loath her more. And the thing is she didn't love him, but he did love her.

My hatred for her and the Capital for taking the only love I had, the only thing I had left. It kept me going those long days, kept me killing, wanting blood. With each kill I knew I was closer to killing her, our final battle but I also knew mine and Cato's was coming as quickly. When they announced that two could win I couldn't believe it, we could both live, follow our dreams. We were so happy, at last the constant burden on our chest had been lifted but in that moment I wish he'd said he loved me but we didn't know those three words. That was one of the best moments I had in the games, the only moment I can look back on. It took me to the feast to realise though that I wasn't the only one with love, who loved, cared. I can't believe that it took me so long, almost in death, to realise that.

The boy from 11, Thresh I think he was called heard me say we killed her, his district partner Rue. She had been Girl on Fire's ally, so when I was on top of her about to kill her I thought I'd tease her, use her weakness, my weakness, and everyone's weakness. love!

Flashback

I'd just tackled her to the ground and secured her legs and hands so I could do my work.

"I told Cato if he let me kill you I'd give the audience a good show", I smirked

She just stared at me. This just angered me more

"Where's lover boy?"I asked

And for the first time she answered. "He's out there hunting Cato", she said almost sarcastically

"Don't lie lover girl, Cato knows where he cut him", I snarl.

"Peeta", she screamed

"Shut it lover girl, I'm going to cut you up and kill you just like we did to your little ally", I remarked. "What was her name?" I asked

"Rue", she whispered sadness in her eyes

Before I could reply, strong hands grabbed me from behind and threw me against the rocks. It was Thresh

You kill her? He asked

No, Cato, CATO! I screamed and for a second I thought he was there or very close. He would come, he always comes, but I heard his voice in the far distance. I looked back on my life all I had done, as I stared into what I though would be my killer's eyes. They contained the tinniest bit of sadness. I think he realised that I too could be scared, terrified as I was; not of death exactly. I remembered killing all those tributes, the tracker attack and the small girl who I knew I would die for. Rue. I said 'we' why did I, there was a 'we', I think. Sometimes there was but the games took that, he was taken I don't know what sealed the deal for him, the one that meant he could win. But he was lost, died like I had in our destiny to win. But the saddest thing was dying without someone saying those three words. That was all I needed, the great career Clove needed, to leave this world, to know she was love, she would not be forgotten. It would somewhat make up for the blood on my hands; even repair the damage that those kills caused me, the pain I didn't show. Five people's lives I have taken. They were just innocent children, scared but so was I.

The rock falls, I know it's too lat. We lost. I hit the ground.

I thought he'd make it; I was so sure of it. Goes to show, that even the best, can come too late. All I could think about was him, my Cato, my best friend, soulmate and sometimes even more, as I lay there helplessly, hearing his footsteps become louder as they come closer. He screams my name, there's pain in his voice and I know he's seen me lying on the floor. I remember the first time we met, our first delicate kiss. I remember the night in the train where I'd cried, how he'd held me in his arms.

Those best times of my life, before, I lost him. All gone in one blow.

Why did I kill? I asked myself. Why? I got know answer as I blacked out.

I awaken to a male scream. God I hoped it wasn't Cato. Then I realised I'm not dead, physically, well not yet. Slowly, with great pain, I turned my body round to find the voice's owner. Cato's on top of Thresh, about to stab him with a sword.

"Did you even know her name?" he asked with a snarl.

"No', is all Thresh replied and down went the sword. A cannon boomed in the distance.

"Cato", I say weakly. His head snapped to me.

"Clove, Clove", he repeated, just a bit louder. Before I knew it I was in his familiar chest, surrounded by his warmth. Slowly, he kissed my forehead.

"I thought you were gone", he murmured

"I said forever, and I don't break my promises I thought you knew that", I replied. All he did was smile.

End of that Flashback

My thoughts turned back to my hate for Girl On Fire. I was so wrong. She was just there like me, trying to get home. Death taught me what people would do to live, what I would do. The truth is that we're all capable of fear, the fear of dying. Well, I wasn't scared of death, Hell and Heaven; I had been dead since I began to train to play alone to the Capital's game. Since I became a career. I became like so many others, just a piece in a game- dead, disposable.

My greatest fear was being forgotten it still is.

On the final day of the games, my hatred for Girl On Fire lost its flame, just as she did. We were running from the mutt who had come crashing through the bushes, trying to escape. We all climbed the Cornucopia and for a minute we just sat there, scared of the mutts and in shock. They had come from nowhere. But soon the situation kicked in and we rose to our feet.

Girl on Fire raised her bow to Cato's chests and shot an arrow at him. I panicked mentally for a second before I realised we had our armour. The arrow just bounced off. The lovers just stared in disbelief. Smart Cato he used their moment of distraction to tackle Lover Boy to the ground, pulling her into a headlock. I dived at Girl On Fire dragging her down too, pushing her head on the cornucopia just as a screams of pain came from Cato. Loverboy has stabbed Cato. Before I can think, I grab a knife and throw, his body falls off and into the chaos beneath.

"One down, one to go" Cato says with a gleam of victory in his gaze.

"Peeta, nooooooooooo!" Girl on Fire screamed.

There was pain in her scream. So she now loved him, maybe she had learnt too. And for the first time in my life I can't kill her. I feel pity and all I want to do is tell her I'm sorry. For taking her love, her sun, like my was taken by these games, I knew how it felt but I still throw that knife. Fire girl must realise I'm hesitating as she takes the opportunity to drag herself from beneath me, but she misjudges the distance, plummeting off the side. The mutts snap in to action, grabbing her body, trying to rip it apart. I really want to kill her save her the pain she doesn't deserve but I know I must resist for a while. The audience needs their show. Sad really? I just sit there, Cato now at my side for hours, listening to her screams. But then she speaks and I understand.

Gale, look after her, don't let her starve", she screams. "I did it for you Prim, I'm sorry I broke my promise, I tried" she says begging, almost in tears

"I love you Prim". That's her sister name, the one she, volunteered for.

And before I can stop myself I'm yelling out to her, out of pity, experience. "I won't let her starve, Katniss. I promise".

My words sink in and she smiles with the energy she has left and I can almost read her mind. I smile back to let her know it will be ok, reassure her that whatever happens I won't break my promise, that there is nothing to be afraid of. She doesn't have to say thank you; it's in her smile, her face I was her last hope. I won't let her down. I feel good about something, for the first time in the games I feel like I'm doing something right.

"Please", she says.

And I throw the knife. The mutt's snarls stop and I know I've hit my target before disappear into the forest like that and a single tear begins to fall down my face. I don't even have to ask, his arms are there. He'll understand what I did, Cato always does. That's why he didn't stop me.

Once I fix myself up, Cato suggests we move on so they can collect the bodies, so I stand up and he helps me down the Cornucopia. The closer I come to Katniss's body, the more I know what I have to do, for Prim, to keep my promise. I kneel beside her body soon joined by Cato and gently closing her eyes with my fingers and placing her hands together on her stomach.

"May Panem forever remember your bravery and sacrifice Katniss Everdeen, Girl on Fire", I say up to the cameras.