Heeeyyy, guys! I'm back! Didn't take too long did it? XP I made some pretty significant changes but you all should like them. There's still cutie uke rinrin and I added a boy band! I've actually been waiting to see a few of those but... you know the only really major one is that Marinka one (well at least to what I saw). And sorry to those Marinka fans but I really don't like Marinka so... not reading that one. e_e And you all might be bored this chappie cause I'm not even getting too deep into shit and it's a shitty first chapter that you need to read to understand the rest of the story so... ugh... so dull. I even had trouble writing it. As a plus I'll give you a heads up... you all will be crying. That's what the genre tag is for but I want you all to know that sometime in this fic you all will cry. Hard. Season two of Free! is out so if I get fucking feels so will you. o-o Okaaii! Please leave reviews to tell me how you like the new reformed story kaii? ONWARDS! OUO

Chapter 1: Lives at the end of the spectrum

Just what was happiness? This is the eternal question humans have been asking for years as they fruitlessly pursue such a vague term. Whether it by gaining riches or chasing after a beautiful dream, who could really say what happiness was? He surely couldn't define it and no matter how many dictionary definitions he looked at he just couldn't find the right words for it. Perhaps he was just picky, but he liked to believe in such an enigmatic thing despite what others tell him and despite his own disposition. He absolutely couldn't be happy because of who he was… or because of what he liked… or because of his situation? He didn't believe in those words one bit, he didn't know if it was hope or just plain defiance but he somehow just couldn't make himself believe that he couldn't find happiness his own way. His life was shitty at best but that's what the future was for right? All his pain and suffering would be worth it later. This is his daily mantra and he would repeat it in his mind no matter how many times he needed to get to tomorrow.

This is what played in his mind when he felt the rough grip of a new customer entangle in his medium-length, wine-colored hair. It always hurt when a customer did that to him and gave him a massive headache later yet he kept his mouth wide open—another entrance for the overweight man's cock before him. His knees were aching and itching, raw from the too thin, stained, off-white carpet beneath him and his jaw felt as if it might break from how long he'd been suckling the stranger's cock. His naked body ached and trembled with the coolness of the draft coming from the less costly window trailing over his body, goose bumps layering on his eternally bruised, pallor skin. He had to keep his jaw especially loose because of his sharpened teeth or else his pay would get deducted from giving the customer unasked for pain—giving head was really the worst in this industry to someone like him.

He attempted to keep his face lewd seeing as his body never quite responded to this kind of treatment and because of the pain he was in, he didn't want to make an unattractive face. The customers always felt insulted when he of all people—someone who was hired to pleasure them—felt disgusted or pained by their treatment. He was lucky he managed to come up with a reasonable pitch for why he always had a lack of arousal or he'd be out of a job. However, they never treated him any better despite this. It was always him who had to change his behavior to meet expectation. Even though this customer's cock tasted awful, like he hadn't washed it in weeks, he moaned like his occupational expectation. Even though he didn't warn his when he came and he nearly vomited from having to forcefully swallow such bodily fluids, his face revealed nothing. His half-lidded eyes made it as if he were in a daze throughout the entire thing. Fully conscious but dulled by amnesia and a pliant body with only one purpose.

The sour staff was pulled from his swollen lips, white liquid dripping from him, and the large hand grabbed his arm with an almost violent grip that he knew would leave bruises, to haul him over to the shoddy bed used for "the poor". The customer who paid for him barely had enough to attend this "high class" place which was why he was forced to the unwashed cushion and why his body had to endure more pain for the bed was nearly as hard as the floor. The owner's justification was that it wasn't for sleeping regardless. The only redeemable feature to this bare, filthy room that had seen far too much in its years, was the window that overlooked the city. The view was amazing at night, seeing flickering yellow windows and speeding cars in the distance; the loud honking outside his window reassured him as his hips were gripped and without preparation, he was agonizingly slammed into by a condom clad cock. There was a sense of being grounded, the lights shining out his window made him feel as if he were one with everyone else, lost in oblivion. No one knew what was happening to him beyond the darkness of his glass and no one knew how shameful he was; how stained he was. And he knew nothing of their glittering world.

"A-Ah!" he screamed as the man went faster, tearing sensitive flesh nonchalantly and gaining his own single-minded pleasure at the expense of blood leaking from his hole to dye the sheets beneath him with his own humiliation. Yet when he opened his mouth the words, "More, please!" came and he leaned back into the roughness… for his check. This was how he lived. The motto 'the customer is always right' rung through his mind and he realized that that phrase probably described his life at the moment. Miserable but living from whatever the customer chose to give him considering his performance. Nothing better than a pet.

"Yeah, that's right, you like it rough don't ya? Moan for me Neko-chan! I'm gonna…" The unknown person groped and grabbed at him, believing his cries of pain were ecstasy even though he was flaccid beneath him. He was lucky he was taking it from behind, that man would've seen his watering eyes otherwise. Truthfully this was one of the worst fucks he'd ever had, he almost wondered if he were a virgin given how rough he was and especially how quick he came. It was awkward to feel the balloon inside him inflate with foreign fluids but he could at least say it wasn't in his ass. The bloodstained condom was tied up and tossed in the trash along with the empty lube bottles and thrown away numbers as the man left his one thousand two hundred dollars on the pillow next to him. Five hundred for a blow job and seven hundred for his ass with a condom. He immediately counted to make sure the money was correct, since customers sometimes had the gall to try to cheat him.

"You're good. Leave me alone now and get the fuck out," he said coolly to the man, without facing him. Usually he was less standoffish but today he didn't even want the possibility of this guy coming back to possibly fuck his ass up more. Though the seemingly sadistic fat man smiled happily at this treatment and slapped his sore ass. Hard. He muffled his yelp but it was still hearable much to his displeasure as his shoulders stiffened in what could be described as excruciating pain. He didn't doubt that the man probably came back with spots of blood on his poisonous fingers.

"It's fine if you're rude with me. Neko-chan only likes sex after all. I'll be back when I get some more money up since you were so cute and slutty tonight," he giggled with a blush, as if his prostitute was flirting with him. Rin's stomach rolled and he closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. It wasn't as if he wanted to agree with that asshole since he was just about sick of 'sex' by now but any more backtalk and the man would be obligated to take his money back besides if he went home now—call him narcissistic—but he seemed like a stalker type to him. It would just be safer to spend the night here again until he could go home tomorrow. No one liked to use this room anyway. Quieting footsteps in the distance told him that the weirdo was gone and he sighed to himself, cradling his money to his naked chest. His eyes drifted shut tiredly without tears. He felt as if he truly couldn't take a step out of bed to even safe his life, his hips ached so badly. He was alone again in this shitty room, only left with his hopes for tomorrow and his cynical self-deprecation.

Crystalline blue eyes stared blankly at the chart before him, the mysterious squiggles, figures, and numbers meaning nothing to the former student who was only good for his art and cooking. He felt stiff in the black suit he was in, even though it was said to be a perfect fit it was just too stuffy for him and he felt like he was suffocating in the blue tie around his neck that supposedly matched his eyes; it was more like a noose really. Tugging at it for what seemed like the thousandth time, Haruka sighed unrestrained in front of the manager before them and zoned out from the lecture. He could barely even tell what the guy was talking about anymore and he was sure the others would fill him in in a less tedious way later. He would've taken the time to sleep had it not been so obvious.

Makoto, Nagisa, and the recent addition of Rei sat around him, taking the brunt of the irritatingly long speech in their own formalwear—well he supposed Rei and Makoto did since Nagisa was as bad as he was at paying attention. Makoto's suit was a grey color with a dark green tie looped around his neck which he supposed his wife picked out for him, Rei wore a crisp blue one that spoke all business however he also had a quirky Texas tie on with a butterfly pattern. Even lighthearted Nagisa had on a suit… even if his was a cheerful pink color it was still a suit he insisted. They sat at a needlessly long business table that he supposed was to increase the ambiance of the room with its spinning chairs, fluorescent lighting, and strategic placing of plants. This was the atmosphere he hated the most, it was too uptight for him which is why ultimately he ended up with the job he had today.

Though truthfully he only wanted to make a few bucks, he hadn't imagined that it would get to be this big; in only six years he and Free!—a band he, Nagisa, and Makoto had originally composed—had skyrocketed to the top of the musical charts, which in turn made them idols; they were some of the most famous faces in Japan, Korea, and even America. Just thinking about it made the introverted raven sigh tiredly, because now at only the tender age of twenty-four was he restricted to not even being able to go outside without a camera phone taking his picture. There was a certain saying among all the things his grandmother had told him that he really took to heart: When you're ten, they call you prodigy. When you're fifteen, they call you a genius. Once you hit twenty, you're just an ordinary person.

Having always been one to get too much extra attention for hobbies like drawing and singing, he genuinely couldn't wait to be normal. His plans were set back about ten years now due to this idol business. He could hear the years of 'Uwah! It's Nanase Haruka from Free!' coming his way and he didn't like it. But then again he supposed all life had its little nuisances like that.

A hand slammed down in front of him, causing him to look up calmly from his mental complaints to the twitching eye of his manager before him who tried not to lose his patience with him. That, he could confidently say, was one of the best things about being famous. Anyone who yells at you might as well be on a crucifix afterwards. It's saved him from a lot of unnecessary arguments with people. Or just talking with people in general. "Nanase-san are you paying attention? This is for you and the future of Free! you know! While your rates may not be plummeting, you haven't released any singles, albums, acted in any films, or done anything that you as idols should do in weeks! At best you only do interviews once every two months!" His blue eyes blinked ever so slowly as if to convey exactly how much he cared about said topic.

Makoto, seeing the manager's rising anger with his best friend intervened with his calm and gentle voice, though that didn't change the intimidating size he had over the manager, "B-But sir, he had to take care of his kids for those few weeks. They had a project coming up and—"

"This is just like the last time Tachibana-san. You guys are lucky I even took you on at all seeing how brand new you all were and how Nanase-san even has kids! You know how attractive a man with a wife and kids is coming into the idol world? Exactly, he shouldn't be attractive at all but I managed to get you to look fuckable again and this is what I get in return? Free! is my bread and butter at this point, I don't want you all crashing this early," Haruka sighed and slumped lazily in his seat during the scolding, making Makoto take notice and sigh anxiously. While he knew Haru really didn't care about all the other things he had to do to keep Free! afloat, as he never had, Makoto couldn't help being slightly upset with his manager. To him he was being completely unfair. To put it simply, after six years of freely making songs, Haru had gotten himself in a slump.

Haru had told him once that music gave him the opportunity to express whatever he was feeling without having to go through the troublesome middleman of communicating with another human. He knew he certainly didn't feel like being analyzed because of something he said and by nature Haru just had trouble expressing himself normally. That's why he was good at things like art, because it gave him an outlet. Haru wrote the scores and lyrics for every song they'd ever performed with ease these past six years. While Haru intended for Free! to be focused on all four of them, there was no doubting that within the long years that their band had been at the top of the charts, Haru was the most popular out of all of them. Their fans had always said that all of the boys had a certain charm to them—his being his kindness, Nagisa had his cheerfulness, and even Rei had his nerdiness—but Haru's distant and cold demeanor drove girls wild and he instantly became the band's bad boy. It made Makoto want to chuckle when he heard Haru being called a bad boy or a wild card since Haru was the most predictable person on earth. At least to him. If he was happy, he wrote a song; if he was sad, he wrote a song; if he was angry, he wrote a song or perhaps drew a picture. He was like a predictable artsy type in his opinion.

But lately because of their popularity, he could tell it was starting to get to Haru. His writing had become less frequent and he hadn't been sad nor happy throughout these past few days. It was almost as if he was just going through the motions because he felt that he had to. It was just a few weeks ago that he'd just stopped writing altogether and announced to the band that he had no inspiration. They knew better after having spent so much time with Haru but the manager was furious at having his revenue possibly shortened. All the band members knew that it really wasn't that he couldn't write, but that he'd had a single song stuck in his mind and that was what he was having trouble writing. They all weren't sure of why but every time Haru thought he was on his own or wasn't paying attention he hummed the same song over and over again—which was a phase in his writing process.

Makoto could only be afraid of what his mental state would turn out to be if Haru couldn't get it out soon.

When red eyes fluttered open, he wasn't too surprised to see the sun rising on the horizon of skyscrapers and power towers. Sex was always tiring for him, making it difficult to do it as eagerly as the rest of his coworkers seemed to and gain as much money as them. Having sex with two idiots was stressful enough but those guys could do it for hours and enjoy it, sometimes they even had sex with each other. Rin didn't really understand it, he was so bored with the concept of it all he doubted he could even get a boner anymore. Whenever he did it with someone, it was like someone was in his place and he just watched them. There were guys like him at this place too, but there were far too few. They'd learned to stick together in such hard times, subtracting him of course since he wanted no real connections to this place.

He groaned and sat upgingerly for his ass was still bleeding from that idiot and he found he'd also marked this filthy bed. The pieces of his uniform were flung haphazardly over the room, to his anger. His uniform wasn't unpleasant, considering that the owner of such an establishment couldn't afford to have them actually looking like the prostitutes they were—they were "hosts" not hoes. A dapper, cream suit and cream tie, contrasted with a maroon shirt covered his bruises but they were all made to go commando underneath. He knew if he put his uniform on now, he'd look just like a girl who got her first period. Who even knew how much salt and gentle scrubbing it would take to clean it. He blushed furiously just at the visual while he took out his towel to use the shower they had built in every room. This room might've been built like a crummy love hotel but all hotels had their own showers which he didn't mind at this job; it tended to make him feel disgusting after a short while. He was quite disappointed when the stranger last night hadn't even taken his own shower just to get down to business. As he stepped in the burning hot water he put it on, he turned green from the memory and started scrubbing harshly at this skin, his hips and ass took the hardest cleaning as always. Maybe he figured he could wash away the disgusting experience this way, but that didn't change the fact that it happened. He had the money to prove it packed away tightly in his bag.

After drying off from his shower, he dressed slowly in his uniform and left the room. He didn't limp though, years of harsh treatment had given him enough experience to not show his pain, it would just give the owner pleasure to see him vulnerable regardless. The only thing he truly had left at this point was his pride. He was lucky to not have to see her at all on his way out and he scowled at the expensive customers sleepily coming out of their haze in the early hours of six and seven—those kind of customers were always sleazy CEO and millionaire types who cheated on their doll-like wives. It was like a breath of fresh air to be able to exit even if he was still in work clothes. Almost like taking a step back with everyone else into reality. He walked a reasonable pace back to his apartment in the red division. He didn't have to work until seven today and could basically have the entire day free to himself. He vowed to spend it productively—though he probably would stave off working out for later.

He walked the long distance from his job to his apartment and winced at the thought of having to walk up so many stairs just to get to his room. He accomplished it, however not with minimal pain; he really thought he was going to curse so loudly it would wake the entire complex up at one point. He made it to the top of his staircase and walked in, he sighed in pleasure and annoyance at the sight of his house. One might say it could've belonged to a woman with how perfectly decorated it was. There wasn't a hint of what lie beyond the door outside but once Rin came inside his conflicting addiction came perfectly into view. Two fluffy pink chairs with coordinating blue pillows lay adjacent to a white couch with decorative pink pillows. The floor was half carpet, half wooden and always sparkling like new due to his cleaning habits and a modern black desk with his books upon it lay in the back of the room—of course with a cute, business-like chair. His kitchen was spotless and his favorite frilly, pink and white apron lay hanging neatly near the entrance. All in all, the bane of Rin's existence was his addiction to cute things.

Whenever he walked by something cute, or saw it on television, he was told that his eyes disturbingly lit up like a small girl's. His heart raced at the sight of adorable cakes and his favorite thing to drink was strawberry milk yet because of this it consistently caused him problems. A guy like him sewing and baking was disgusting wasn't it? Being in public and cooing over a well-knit doll or a cute kitten had gotten him beaten many times throughout his life, a near constant punishment for something inevitable. Thinking about himself in such a vulnerable state made his stomach lurch in a sudden bout of self-disgust for he knew that he himself was not cute. Far from it. But he knew he couldn't help himself and he couldn't go on denying himself for too long either, therefore his home became his sanctuary. His only place where he could let go of those false pretenses of being a slut. With a sigh, he hung up his mask and leaned back against the door painfully.

Slipping his shoes off, the lone greeting of 'tadaima' echoed down the short corridor without an 'okaeri' to return to him, and he sluggishly limped to his room. The ostentatious clothing he called a uniform was shed from his body and hung up to be replaced by his favorite baggy, gray sweatpants, giant blue sweater, and bunny slipper combination—and of course underwear, at his job he actually starts to miss wearing it. Yes, he was aware of how ridiculous it must've looked but no one could see him then so what did he care? Regardless to those thoughts, a blush still made his way on his face when he tied his hair up and placed his modest glasses on the bridge of his nose. He'd decided to spend all day studying for the online test he had in math. Due to his occupation, he realized that going to regular college was quite a hassle what with people asking why you were limping to class and sitting in those hard chairs nor did he even have the money for it. But online classes seemed to be working quite well for him and he hoped later he could possibly attend a real college to get his degree. It was just a dream at this point… but he was definitely going to do it someday.

While he sat on his cushioned seat in preparation for studying, under his breath an unknown poem plays on his lips, eager to paint itself on paper.

"Haru-chan! Let's go home!" Came the bubbly voice of Nagisa who, though only a year younger than he was, at times acted like he was still a vibrant teenager. Maybe he was just being aged by his own home situation, nevertheless it didn't change how simply tiring it was being attached to the blonde as he changed from the stiff suit. He gratefully pulled on his regular combination of jeans and a hoodie and let himself be dragged out of the bathroom they were in to his car. Makoto and Rei were there waiting in their own light clothing and Haruka sighed stubbornly; couldn't he even go home without these guys? He supposed the unpleasantness of the situation showed even on his stoic face since Makoto began to sweat a little.

"H…Haru you don't have to look so displeased… w-well I guess you've always been like that so…" he stood corrected, it was just Makoto. That freakish guy had grown an irritating habit over the years of being able to read his every thought. He couldn't deny how useful it was on stage or during interviews but in real life one could not describe how annoying it was to have someone read your mind whenever they look at you. He's told Makoto to stop plenty of times but he always fed him the line: "But, Haru I'm already so used to it. Telling me to do that would be like changing my character." He could only sigh and get in the passenger's seat, considering he didn't want to be in the back seat with Nagisa and Rei bearing in mind their relationship. While he could care less about the fact they were both boys, it could get really disturbing seeing your two best friends going at it right next to you.

He'd been dubious to it at first, seeing as Rei had originally never been a part of Free!, in fact he used to be their makeup artist—Nagisa's to be exact. Haruka and Makoto hadn't even known Rei could sing but it was Nagisa who often caught him humming their tunes and according to his logic: because he had a girly name, of course he should join them. They gave him a trial due to Nagisa's pleading since it was obvious he'd gained a crush on the megane. He was awkward on the dance moves but his voice was as beautiful as Nagisa had described it, gaining him a spot in Free! Makoto had been stressed over what would happen should Nagisa and Rei break up but they seem to be handling the relationship and fame quite well. According to their manager their being a couple shot their ratings up by fifteen percent. Haruka didn't mind that at all, as long as he had income it was fine with him.

As long as he had his most important things, his balance was fine. This is what he always told himself. But even as he thought that, the ghost of his unfinished song rang in his mind as if reminding him that he was already without one of his most precious things. His song was unfinished and he hadn't had any inspiration for weeks. The light melody played in his mind, making his fingers tap out notes at random on the handle of the car door. It was a hauntingly sweet sound, the chords forming in place to make his hands take mold over ivory and black piano keys, speeding up in places and slowing in others. A crescendo to indicate where his voice should become more passionate had his eyes glazing over as he could see the notes before him dancing on the glass of his window. His breath hitched while his mind gained that familiar sensation it got when he felt as if he were missing something important. And sure enough the chorus came, the music running through his memory halted and the notes on his window faded abruptly. It was an entirely new and unwelcome experience that he wish would stop happening yet for days now it had been stunted. The growth of the song.

A sigh escaped him in frustration, knowing himself to not be able to produce any songs if he was stuck on one. It was like he was riding a well-oiled bicycle and someone had just thrown a wrench in the chain. He'd talked to everyone about it and they said they didn't blame him since he'd been making so many songs lately, but they seemed to suggest that he was stressed and needed to relax. This was where Haruka thought to himself that he was still even after all this time being misunderstood. He loved music and his job, writing songs was his way to relax. Why did they think he was able to just make one song right after the other? So to tell him that it was because his job had become stressful was like telling him that even though plants need sunlight, if they get too much they get sunburnt. Paradoxical to the core. Haruka was shaken from his thoughts lightly by the driver who gave him his ever so friendly smile, "Haru, you spaced out the entire drive again... Well, we're home."

"You mean I'm home. You're just some unwanted visitors," Makoto sweatdropped behind him while Nagisa laughed loudly at his coldness as he ushered his boyfriend inside Haruka's quite large house. Rei loved beautiful things, he always has but he's not yet quite used to actually being able to do the finer things in life. Going out with his best friends on one of the largest stages in Japan casually would probably never be something he'd get used to. In fact he still got surprised when people came up to him for his autograph or already knew his name even though he was a fairly new member to their entourage. His fashionable, brown dress shoe took a step inside the expensive threshold and he could remember how shocked he was the first time he came inside this house.

Haruka-senpai was a simple person by nature, something that only the close people around him knew. He was nothing like how he was portrayed on screen. If anything, he couldn't describe Haruka-senpai as "emo" rather than… eccentric? An oddball really. His house however was decorated by his wife and their interior designers and he should've said that it reflected a woman's touch but… really Haruka-senpai lived in the type of house that everyone wished to live in—even if the male owner of the house said it was unnecessary. Three stories high with perfect dark wooden floors, coordinated furniture, an entertainment room, a gourmet kitchen, and four bedrooms wasn't even most of the square footage this house had. The raven male had expressed to them casually how he didn't really care too much for how large his house was but they all knew why he kept it in mint condition on his days off. The answer lay in the two, pint sized bundles bounding toward the four men at the doorway. Well, one was bounding forward and the other mostly was dragged by the excited force.

As always, Haruka-senpai's eyes softened and he crouched to become face to face with his two children, one who grinned happily at him, Asuka, and the other who only carried his happiness in his eyes like his father, Sakura. "Tou-chan! O-ka-eri!" The slightly younger twin sang, grabbing at her father's large hand with her much smaller one, the other hand clutched onto a stuffed rabbit that dragged across the ground unintentionally. The older sibling nodded solemnly and he grabbed the other hand of his father while his sister began talking about her day excitedly to the men before her. Her bright and cheerful demeanor seemed to be balanced with the small male's melancholy calmness that made him wave at the visitors.

"Oh, so uncles and that guy came again huh?" Was the flat remark that left the small, supposedly innocuous mouth. There seemed to be a weight of awkwardness that dropped on the bluenette in the room as the five-year-old still refused to acknowledge him as familiar. Yes, with that similar coldness and blank, serious stare, Rei felt as if he were staring into a chibi Haruka-senpai's intense blue eyes. Said eyes squeezed closed when Haruka's hand descended onto his styled hair to ruffle it gently.

"Be nice Sakura," he said simply though the boy with shockingly red hair only huffed in disapproval of his father's teasing. His arms lifted in the tell-tale sign that he wanted to be in the strong arms of his most respected father and his sister followed suit, thankfully over the years Haruka had gained the strength to support the increasing weight of his children. The only thing he could say ruined such a nice family moment would be the giddy giggling that came from none other than Nagisa who always burst into laughter at the sight of him caring for others. Even though he just told Sakura to be nice, he was really contemplating telling them all to just get out right then. But, he knew he had to set a good example for them or Sakura's bluntness would never get better. So to compromise, a simple sentence was all he needed, "Anyone who laughs doesn't get dinner tonight."

Instantly Nagisa paled, knowing his bottomless pit of a stomach probably needed some feeding now and whenever Haruka was serious about something, there was no getting past him. He had the eyes of a parent and if he continued laughing, he'd probably die before it was time to go home by Haruka's hand, "Eh?! Aw, Haru-chan don't be like—"

Cutting off Nagisa's complaints, he only said, "Furthermore anyone who adds -chan to my name can also say goodbye to eating privileges. The less mackerel I have to waste the better." Nagisa could only choke back his dry laughter at this point, leaving the uncharacteristically childish Haruka with a satisfactory winning feeling and two giggling children in his arms. It was already around dinner time when they came in as usual, the freeloaders, so they all sat at the larger table reserved for when they all showed up at once, the kids sat in their own customized chairs and freely chatted with their "uncles". Well rather it was Asuka running at the mouth and Sakura coolly observing the comfortable scene while their father cooked and Makoto helped. Of course it was mackerel but he decided to put pineapples on top as a special treat for him and Asuka who both adored said dish. The calm before the storm one might say.

Haruka was dicing the mackerel into halves to remove the bones, his quick knife handling coming from years of repetitive cooking habits. That was when it came back. The song. That melody played softly in the back of his mind, irritating his conscious with its mosquito-like presence. Black eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly as his hands stopped moving because it was playing out as usual. The fluidity seemed nice and he itched to rush to a piano in case there was a new development in the mental battle he was having. Glassy eyes stared at the dead fish before him and once more he was a million miles away from himself, searching for his song. Where was the chorus? The words that pulled a song together, wrapped up and reiterated the message? As the song continued to grow fainter, Haruka desperately attempted to halt the fading music. He wanted to hear the rest of its story. What were its words?

"… ru… Haru!" The ghost of himself crashed back to earth and he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his thumb. Looking down, he saw Makoto's white-knuckled grip over his wrist and a slightly bloody knife next to a thinly sliced thumb. In truth it wasn't so bad, just a superficial injury at best but he knew his friends would most definitely overreact which is really what made him nervous. Makoto guided him to the sink so he could rinse his cut off and immediately he already knew he would be in for one of those worried parent scoldings form the brunette. "Haru! You really need to be more careful. I know that you can't help daydreaming but you can't do that when you're cooking… you've also been spacing out a lot more than normal lately… are you sure everything is alright?" he asked worriedly as he sighed, shaking off Makoto's hands.

"Yeah, I know. I'm fine…" he said quietly while he turned off the water and rummaged through a drawer for a small bandage. He could practically feel the disbelief rolling off of Makoto and he huffed but chose not to say more. Afterwards Haruka was banished to cleaning the fish rather than chopping them for fear that he would cut something else by accident. The wind picked up outside as if it were a sign that things could only go downhill from that incident. Sure enough after a few minutes of terribly awkward silence, he heard this.

"Tou-chan, should we go away for a little while?" A high-pitched voice said, awkwardly trying to sound gruffer than what nature intended. It still tinkled like bells in his ears like the sound of an angel, though he knew he was only exaggerating out of love. But at this moment, truly his child sounded like a small angel with fluttering wings that looked at you with assuring yet innocent eyes that knew far more than you could ever comprehend. Though she was no angel, she was his six-year-old daughter who suddenly popped with this question as he was making dinner. You could say that he froze for a minute, suspended in the shock that overcame him at the innocent question. Though after fully comprehending exactly what came from those small lips of his own blood, he whirled around—his face smooth and emotionless even though he gripped the counter tightly with a white-knuckled grip. His friends took note of his purely urgent expression even while they themselves were quite surprised at this.

"W…What?" He asked, in a lightly trembling voice that betrayed his composed countenance. What did she mean 'should we go away'? Why would she say that? What could've possibly given her the idea that it would be the slightest bit appropriate? He looked at his daughter who sat taller than she usually would, her raven hair the same color as his and her bright, crimson eyes were a trait she shared with her mother. Though his traits came out more in his other child, who was more serious in his facial expression when facing him. It made him even tenser to see that he shared this selfless look that his sister was giving him instead of giving her a practical stare and asking her what she was talking about. "What are you talking about?"

He nodded his small cherry red head, the messy bangs bobbing childishly on his forehead, "We're serious Otou-san. We've talked about it and come to a reasonable con…conkluson that we should go live with Obaa-san for a while. You always tell us to think things through before deciding… so this is what we decided." He was at a loss as to how a child who could not yet pronounce the word 'conclusion' come to such a mature decision with reasonable back up. Even Nagisa who was inclined to laugh at the pronunciation mishaps Sakura seldom had was shocked silent. Where the hell was this all coming from? He was a good father, or at least a decent one he hoped. Haruka looked around the table as if validating his worth as a parent with his friend's reactions. He always made sure there was food on the table, he very rarely did tours, he helped them get to school, he even took them home when he could, and spent all of his free time with them almost… why were they not happy? The stoic man's face crinkled lightly in an unusual expression of sadness that the children and his bandmates noticed immediately. The raven haired female, better at socializing out of the two of them, sprang into action where Nagisa, Rei, and Makoto could not. They all knew that the mere thought of his children not wanting him was crushing to the stoic man.

"No, no! Tou-chan it's not like that! Well… we just want you to take a break maybe… it's just… you always take care of us but then you never have time to do the things Tou-chans like to do and we were worried… that you might not like us later because of it…" The raven said with expressive eyes that shone with sadness. Simultaneously the three other men in the room sagged in relief at knowing the cause. They thought that they were the cause of his distraction when he cut himself. As surprising as it was, immediately Rei was the one who finally jumped in his defense. Of course he only started out with a small squeak as if to indicate he wanted to say something but when the two children faced him, he cleared his voice and said,

"Your Otou-san absolutely adores you guys. He talks about you all the time… well when he talks. But he always has a smile on his face when he sees you guys. He can't possibly find either of you troublesome… but it might hurt his feelings if you guys move with your Obaa-san," he explained clearly, much to the surprise of both the redhead and the raven. Rei knew that more than anything, Haruka-senpai definitely loved his children. Everything he did and worked so hard for was so they wouldn't struggle growing up. He wanted to be there for them all of their lives even if he didn't say much about it, Rei absolutely couldn't let his efforts be misunderstood as they often were he noticed. His words had the twins thinking, it had changed their entire argument finding out that he was truly happy when they were around. They didn't have the most expressive father in the world but when Asuka thought about it, tou-chan was always kind of smiling when he looked at them… but she'd never seen another expression on his face before so she always thought he was just like that. She looked dumbstruck as she realized what that might mean.

Nagisa jumped in afterwards, feeling inspired by his boyfriend's involvement. Normally he would never do something this bold with his slightly shy nature, but he also knew Rei-chan could be just as brash when he wanted to, "That's right you guys! Don't you think your tou-chan would get lonely without you guys there. I mean he has us too but we could never replace his cute kiddies!" His pink eyes were wide and persuasive to the younger male and female and he had an unusually serious tight-lipped expression that showed his emotions on this topic. He knew for a fact that Haru-chan would be a mess without his kids, especially in this slump he seemed to be in. Catching onto the pattern, Nagisa nudged Makoto to say something too yet the brunette seemed to be one step ahead with his motherly smile on.

"Haru loves you two the most. He'd just having a bit of a hard time at work but even if he doesn't tell me, I know that seeing you two always makes him feel better after a hard day. You want your tou-chan to be happy too don't you?" At this Sakura's blue eyes widened and he stared at his otou-san as if to gain proof that this the honeyed words he was listening to were real. What did his otou-san think? The singer's face smoothed back into its perfect emotionless expression, a sign of clear relief from the heat being eased off of him as he walked over to the two who sat at the table and pulled them into an embrace which they both accepted eagerly, uncaring of the possible ribbing he might receive from Nagisa later.

"I could never hate you guys. I absolutely love you, no matter what. If I didn't then I wouldn't make such an effort to spend time with you guys. Though you must understand that I don't really want to do much except spend time with you guys outside of work. I love watching you grow up and even if I don't smile so often, I really do enjoy myself," He explained, looking at them with a small smile that came naturally when with his children. They blinked nearly identical wide eyes and the redhead sighed in that cool way he's used to, sitting down reluctantly. Though the raven looked a bit more touched by his words, she also did the same. He sighed in exhaustion and ran his fingers through his hair before going back to work on making his dinner with Makoto. Conversation picked up where it left off but the fear in his heart that his actions might cause trouble for his children stayed. His heartbeat didn't calm for a long time after that.

The wildness of the storm was just beginning.

His shadow loomed over the plethora of emptied music sheets and his fingers lingered over the piano keys while the now irritating melody once more cut off in his mind and once more he was struck without words. The others at this point must be getting tired of hearing the same song again and again but Haruka was struck with an anomaly at this point. It had never taken him so long to get a song out, not even that one horrible time back in his teens. The stream of music in his head was endless, describing all around him and everyone had their own song, their own lyrics. It was a completely customized process but this lyric-less, muted song was beginning to seem disgusting to him. It was half-assed and whatever notes he placed in the spaces after the silence sounded forced and not right to him. He'd been here earlier than usual since it was the weekend and he didn't want to wake his own kids up with his ceaseless playing. But… there was nothing but silence in his head at this point and his fingers stopped their pursuit of the mysterious notes.

He looked to the ceiling, the bright lighting did nothing but cause small rainbows to appear in the corners of his vision. It was so unnaturally quiet when his eternal background music halted. Pink lips parted and he wanted to even just mouth an idea of what could go on the paper but before he could even try something so ridiculous, he felt the familiar nuzzling sensation in the lower part of the right side of his back. Without even turning, he knew it was Nagisa rubbing those fluffy, blonde waves against him to gain his attention. He only acknowledged his presence by looking back down from the ceiling but began to also gather his half-finished music sheets together. Nagisa took it as his cue to start talking, "Haru-chan, you've been at this all day. Don't you think it's time to stop now? All juice gets inedible if left out too long. Shouldn't creative juices be the same?" Haruka stiffened and a touch of a frown graced his lips.

"Don't spout nonsense, it's only noon," he said, trying to ignore how disturbed his mental turmoil being compared to juice made him. Makoto looked at him and sighed, knowing just what a rough time he must've been having with his inability to write but he could really see through that excuse. Just how long had he been up before now? Knowing the raven, he might've been at it since they left late last night. There were circles under his eyes showing him that indeed Haru was even missing out on his precious sleep because of this song circling around his mind. He even cut himself yesterday spacing out, at this point it was becoming dangerous for his health. What if he was driving and the song came to him and… Makoto paled and shook his head, not wanting to picture such a catastrophe, "Quit putting –chan on the end of my name too."

Nagisa simply ignored the grumpy Haru-chan before him and leaned on an evenly concerned Rei-chan while he looked at a worrying Mako-chan, "Haru-chan seriously, perhaps you should relax for a while. We're all seriously worried here… and what about that situation?" he asked, grimacing at bringing up yet another elephant in the room since this was turning out to be a full-blown intervention of sorts. The glasses-wearing man he was leaning on cast him a confused glance and he remembered that all of them never discussed such issues with Rei-chan around. He heard the raven in front of him sigh.

"What about that? It's the same as always," Haruka dully and briefly explained. Silence rang around the recording studio that they hung out in, each man hesitant to break the rapidly fragile atmosphere around them. Makoto was the first to gain enough nerve to shatter the silence with his quiet whisper of,

"But… does that mean Kou-chan is—" he cut himself off as he witnessed Haru physically avoiding the subject matter they were going on. Frustrated, Makoto got up and walked around to where Haru was looking, surprising Rei since Makoto wasn't usually so assertive involving Haruka, "Haru, you can't avoid this discussion forever. We aren't ones to judge you know that."

"But, we've already had this discussion before and things are still the same… I still don't feel this way or that way about it," he said quietly, dully even as he turned back to his piano keys, a source of familiarity in this awkward and unneeded conversation. How many times did he have to say he was fine before people would leave him alone about this topic? Rei's curiosity bubbled on the sidelines and he turned to Haruka,

"What are you all talking about? Don't you think I should know too, as a member of the band?" he asked, beginning tentatively but gaining more strength and confidence in his words toward the end. Haruka-senpai just stayed silent, without giving not even a hint to what everyone was speaking of. What situation? What incident? "Haruka-senpai, I'm also worried about you… as a friend." He supposed something in his words struck the cold man in his heart when he stiffened in his seat as if resisting him, but in the end his shoulders slumped and he sighed.

"My wife is having an affair." The words tumbled dryly and simply from his mouth as if he were just discussing the weather with all of them rather than talking about infidelity issues with his wife. Rei's mouth dropped in shock of hearing such a thing. It couldn't… it couldn't be right though…. Kou-san loved Haruka-senpai with all of her heart. She always was looking at him when they were doing their practice routines and whenever he was in the room all of her attention was on the raven. She wasn't home very often due to her own work with dancing and collaborating with other artists but did that mean… she was cheating? And with who? Did Haruka-senpai even know?

"H…Haruka-senpai…"

"It's fine, Rei. Really." He wasn't angry about it, or even sad really. Rei shouldn't waste his energy worrying about something so entirely useless. Really he supposed it was his fault that the entire affair started in the first place, though his wife tried fairly hard to keep it a secret. He was the one who brought her to the "business" party and she and Mikoshiba Seijuurou hit it off right off the bat. Seijuurou was quite different from him. While he apparent charm was his seriousness and silent attitude, Seijuurou was boisterous and playful and easily won the heart of his strong-willed wife along with his own many fans. He completely swept her off of her feet. He knew by the way her eyes stared at him with complete and utter adoration and rapture, "She loves him very much. And the man isn't dangerous. Far from it."

"Wh…What are you saying? That's your wife, you should at least be angry that she had the gall to just tell you. Are you guys getting divorced? Is that why you're so—"

"She hasn't told me anything. And I haven't said anything," he corrected, feeling like he was arguing pointlessly for some reason. He was getting defensive over being cheated on. Makoto and Nagisa sighed at Rei's surprised face. That was also how they were when Haruka came up one day and just told them that Kou was cheating on him for that Seijuurou guy. They tried to get him to confront her about it and yet they knew they couldn't meddle in this affair or risk their own relationship with Haruka. They could only watch Rei futilely argue with Haruka knowing that he would refuse so that he didn't hurt Kou.

At this point, Rei couldn't even fathom the situation anymore. It sounded like it was getting far more complicated than it needed to be. Why hasn't he just separated from her? Why is he letting her string him along this way? "Why…"

"Because she loves me too," The reason he had yet to bring up the fact that she should just be with the one that she loves more was the fact that she also looked at him with such adoring eyes. It wasn't the work of hope that she'll someday love him more than Seijuurou but rather he wondered if she would be less happy if he just told her to be with him. If he was no longer by her side, "And she is the mother of my kids."

He felt no particular attraction to anyone else and never has though when he thinks of her being sad, a certain guilt pangs his heart and he can't bring himself to tell her to go with someone else. After all she did give him two of the most precious gifts he could ever ask for—Sakura and Asuka. When he thought that they could possibly be saddened by their mother not being in their lives as often, he definitely thought that he should keep quiet. He wouldn't be able to bear putting a sad expression on his children's faces. Things would just have to stay as they were for the moment. Though he didn't think that was too bad. He couldn't imagine not having a life such as this at this point and he thought he was happy. Or at least content.

"But what about you? If she's always with some guy then where does that leave you and your kids? Hell, even your sex drive's gotta be going up the wall by now with how long this affair has been lasting," Rei huffed, blushing a bit at the last part but sex was vital to a man once he's done it before. It was only healthy and Haruka-senpai already had some pretty unhealthy habits. Makoto and Nagisa blinked in surprise at such an insinuation. Even the perverted Nagisa hadn't thought to tell Haruka about his sex drive. Makoto's ears were already turning red from where this conversation was going.

There was deserved silence on Haruka's part as he looked at the flushed megane with surprise before turning away in a slightly suspicious manner, "I don't really think I have much of a sex drive. Part of me thinks that's why Kou is going to another man. I just can't…" Haruka at this point had decided the small speck of dirt on his crème piano was a lot more interesting than this conversation but Nagisa of course had to choose this time to jump in and say,

"So… you can't get it up or your performance is bad?" Rei turned bright red and suddenly wished that he'd never burst out and mentioned the sex-thing. He was already surprised of most of the things that came out of his unexpectedly blunt boyfriend's mouth. Makoto seemed to be suffering even more than he was from Nagisa's words. His entire face and neck had turned bright red and his ears probably felt like they were going to melt off his head. He and Haruka had been friend the longest but he couldn't escape the pure embarrassment that came with talking about his sex life. He hadn't talked about sex with Haruka since the time he lost his virginity and the time he found out Haruka was sexually active by seeing the very pregnant Kou next to him and walking down the aisle. He and Haruka just didn't talk about that kind of thing.

The lean male looked up, considering Kou's face. Her long, vibrant hair definitely wasn't ugly, it trailed down her nice body. Since she trained dancers daily for her living, it was nicely toned as well as flexible which she once pointed out—he had no idea why though. Her eyes were a pretty shade of red, he thought they were her best feature actually. She wasn't even bad looking with her clothes off, her breasts weren't too big nor too small. She was very attractive. He'd even been told that he was quite lucky to have snatched up a beauty like her. This is why he tended to think there was something wrong with him since he wasn't sexually attracted to his truthfully beautiful wife, "The first one. It's not like she's not attractive and I don't think anyone else is pretty like she is but…"

Nagisa stared at the raven in front of him and sighed under his breath, cocking his head, "Hmph, Haru-chan you haven't even considered the other option have you?" he questioned as if the "other option" was completely obvious. Haruka stared up at him with an unconvinced stare that also said he wished not to be wrapped up in another scheme of his, "You might be gay."

"….Eh?!"

Soooo you guys like? Yes? Good! No... well it might not get better from here buddy. Dunno what to tell ya. But seriously if you all have any CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms that won't just change my fucking plot or any of that messed up shit than go right on ahead and review! Review, REVIEW! Baii~