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Welcome to the Club
The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best. Leroy Jethro Gibbs Rule #4
With apologies to Jane Austen: "It is a truth universally acknowledged that women are most prone to gossip." Angela Montenegro Hodgins had raised gossip from a pastime to an art form. She, modestly, considered herself a master of innuendo. A connoisseur of the slip of the tongue. A specialist in reading between the lines. She felt it was only fair that she spread the fruits of her labor to those who did not posses her abilities.
It all started when Dr. Brennan told Angela that she and Booth had "hooked up" (Angela's phrase. Brennan was much more circumspect). Although Angela was anxious to hear a blow by blow (mind out of the gutter, people) description of events. Since Brennan was busy trying to keep Booth from being shot by Broadsky, rather than vice versa, the specifics would have to wait. To Brennan's credit, she had counted on Angela's discretion. You'd think that after all these years, and her being a genius, Brennan would know better.
As confident as Angela was in her abilities, she was a rank amateur compared to the members of the "When Will They Club". This was an elite group with information sources that rivaled the CIA, KGB and The Fringe Division together. The sole purpose was to ascertain the exact date that Booth and Brennan would finally consummate their relationship. It seemed to be a good use of their assets.
Both Booth and Brennan had spent the last 50 days in a state of bliss. Not only was the sex outstanding, both had excellent stamina, but Booth was far more inventive than Brennan had imagined (please insert own fantasy here). Additionally, the secrecy added an additional element of excitement.
Booth was watching a pre-season football game; the Indianapolis Colts vs the Philadelphia Eagles when Bones broke the news that she was "with child". Booth was overjoyed. Then reality set in..
"Bones, there can be no more sneaking around. We have to tell people that we are 'together'."
"I thought we were being 'discrete' not 'sneaky'. Besides, I though what was between us was just ours."
"It won't be once you start to show. That will eventually happen."
"Of course I know that. I am, after all, a scientist and well versed in human biology and physiology."
"At least I have to tell Hacker. It would be better that way than him finding out from someone else."
"But Booth, what if…."
"We'll deal with the 'what ifs' when we come to them."
Esmerelda, Hacker's secretary, announced: "Agent Booth here to see you Director."
"Send him in. Hello Booth. What's up?"
"Director Hacker, I need to speak to you about FBI policy."
"What is it now Booth? You want to carry and non-regulation side arm? No more suits at the office? Casual Friday? Pizza Tuesdays?"
"No, nothing like that. Its about fraternization between employees and consultants."
"Don't tell me. Cindee in steno pool has finally caught your eye. It took you long enough. She has been sending out signals for months."
"No, it isn't…what? Cindee? That cute little blonde with the big…"
"Yes, that's the one."
"No, it's not about her. It's about Dr. Brennan."
"What now Booth? I thought you two were finally past all the bickering. Don't tell me she wants to work with someone else."
"No sir, it's not that. Quite the opposite. I want to tell you that Dr. Brennan and I are involved, romantically."
Hacker gave him a look that even Booth, with all his experience reading people, could not quite interpret. Finally, with a slight sigh, Hacker responded.
"Agent Booth, you are a very valuable agent and I usually find that you are accurate with your assessment of situations. However, in this case you are mistaken."
"Mistaken? How could I be wrong about this? Perhaps I didn't not explain this very well. Dr. Brennan and I are sleeping together; doing the nasty, having sex, boom chicka wowoing, badda bing badda booming. Not only that but she is pregnant and I'm the father. Is that clear enough?"
"Booth, listen to me very carefully. You and Dr. Brennan are not, as you call it, 'involved'. Because, if you were, I would have to make a decision and I don't want to do that. So, as far as I am concerned, you are mistaken. Do you understand?"
Booth just stared at Hacker for a few seconds before the light bulb lit up. "Yes sir, I get it. Thank you."
"No problem, Booth. Was there anything else?"
"No, that was it." Booth turned to leave. Just before he reached the door, Hacker called out.
"Booth, one more thing."
"Yes sir?"
"Congratulations."
They met over drinks in the leaders office. "I've missed our monthly meetings", said Cam.
"Yeah, that and the Scotch", replied Sweets.
"Well before we officially dissolve the 'When Will They' club, I have an announcement to make", responded Hacker. The three of them had been meeting since before the departure of Hannah, the "Pretty Blond Distraction" as Sweets called her. Cam had not been so gracious. She named her "Fig Tree Floozy". Their last meeting had been six weeks ago and Sweets had won the "Name the Date" pool. Angela had not been the source of the information. Hacker had informed the others before Brennan had even told Angela. The fact that he had bugged both Booth's and Brennan's apartments had helped.
"What's the big announcement?" asked Cam, pouring herself another drink.
Hacker puffed up like a robin in a rainstorm. It seems there will soon be a little Booth or Brennan. I figure about 8 months from now. Anyone care to bet on the date?"
"No way", said Sweets. You'll probably wire her Obstetrician's office."
"All ready on it", replied Hacker.