Not Quite Perfect
I was trying to write the next chapter of 'Vulnerabilities', but this idea wouldn't leave me alone, so I hope you enjoy it. Probably just going to be a one-shot. I've never tried this sort of thing before, so please let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: I do not own Holby City.
Jac waited until Hanssen had departed before letting a broad grin spread across her face. Finally, after years of work and sacrifice, she was a CT consultant. The Queen of Darwin. Connie would be so proud. Jac's smile widened. She intended to be a better surgeon than Connie had ever been. Although, despite her confidence in her own abilities, she couldn't deny that she had been worried. Sahira's familiarity with Hanssen could have been a serious obstacle, but fortunately, Sahira had shot herself in the foot by becoming emotionally involved with a patient. Jac snorted softly. That was one mistake that she would never make.
She stretched luxuriantly as she turned to get back to her work. Everything had worked out perfectly; she was consultant, and Sahira had earned Hanssen's disappointment. Really, she could not have imagined the day going better. So why did she feel…discontented?
A slight frown spread across her face. Despite just having got the job of her dreams, Jac could not help but feel like something was missing. Or someone. Her fist closed round his pager involuntarily as memories of Joseph filled her mind.
It had been three months since Joseph had left Holby. Three months of living with a broken heart. Three months spent trying to forget him, knowing that she never would. They had made their decisions, and they couldn't have chosen otherwise. He had had to put Harry first; he would not be the man she loved if he hadn't. And she had had to put her feelings aside and follow her head. He had understood, just like he always had, even when no one else did. To her surprise, Jac felt her eyes fill with tears, and she ducked into a side room to avoid being seen. She loved Joseph like she had never loved anyone before, but what else could they have done?
She grimaced at the irony of the situation. If Joseph had stayed then he would have Connie's job, and she would still be struggling along on Keller. She might not even be a consultant at all; ever since Ric's return, her position had been shaky. It was thanks to Joseph's departure that there was a vacancy on Darwin in the first place. For some reason, that thought was not in the least bit comforting.
Angrily, Jac rubbed the tears from her eyes. Joseph was gone, and he was not coming back. She knew she would never stop loving him, but she just could not see a way to make things work between them. They had different aims, different priorities. Now that she had it, she had no intention of giving up her new position, and she knew that Joseph would never neglect Harry for her. Not that she would want him too. Jac knew what it was like to feel unloved by a parent, and she would not wish it on anybody. Joseph would make a wonderful father. And she would make an excellent consultant. But not together.
Wearily, Jac pulled herself together. She was a consultant now, and she had to put the past behind her. She tried to summon a smile as she returned to the ward. She had been waiting for this for as long as she could remember; it should be the happiest day of her life. But it wasn't. Because, despite the presitige, despite the recognition, all she had left of him was a pager.
Just had to get that out of my head. Please review.