N /A: The original language of this fic is Spanish, so a friend offered to translate it from Spanish to English to share it with more people, she asked me to make it clear that her english is not perfect but she did her best, I am very Grateful, my English is almost null, I hope you can understand it and please tell me if you would like us to continue translating this story
Chapter 1.- Friends again
48 hours had passed since the failed proposal, forty eight and twenty Seven minutes and counting - Toby murmured to himself - he was still resting on the couch, while he drinks a glass of water, the alcohol has run out about forty hours earlier, but he doesn't have the strength to get Up and go home. A small part of him was still waiting for her to come back. He wanted her to tell him that everything was a joke, a very bad joke, as a result of her bad sense of humor, or at least, he was waiting for an explanation, he met her for about eight years, they were practically best friends, they have been together for almost eight months and he has already hint that he would ask her to be his wife in the future, instead, she never told him that she was already married to someone else, he was trying to find some memory, a clue, a word, a situation that would help him to understand that she was already married, but he found nothing, he smiled at the memory of her telling him that her longest relationship was with a sander.
He got up to go to the bathroom - he had been lying on the couch drinking liquids for hours - his cell phone had died several hours ago, although before his cell phone went out, he saw the missed calls of Tim, Sylvester, Cabe and Paige, none from Happy. After that, the garage phone started ringing, he answered and hung immediately, he was sure it was Sylvester checking if he was still alive.
For a moment, when he stopped self-pity, he thought about the lucky that Walter had.
He smiled at the thought of his boss confessing his feelings to Paige, it wasn't necessary to be a renowned psychiatrist or an incredible behaviorist to know that she would correspond.
He was lying on the couch, drinking a bottle of water, his brain ordered him acting like a drunk, he was about to start singing a song, just for fun, when he saw that the garage door opens and entered the last person he was expected. The same one he had been thinking about during the last 48 hours, Happy Quinn, the mechanical engineer was there, standing next to the door
"¡Happy!", he straightened up like a spring and approached her, ready to run and chase her in case she decided to escape again,
"You still here Doc?", it was an stupid question, he was standing in front of her, and she was pretty sure that he wasn't an hallucination so, that question was absurd, that was obvious; however, it was the only thing that came out of her mouth.
"I'm still here" He looked at her intently as she spoke, trying to convey something with his eyes, but he didn't know what. He watched every movement the woman made, he only saw tiredness in her eyes, her eyes were red, but he wasn't sure if it was because of lack of sleep or because she was crying. The movement she did with her hands, the way she was standing there, she was exhausted, but no like him, he didn't see the same anguish and despair he felt right now, but the saddest thing for him was that she had no intention of talking.
"I don't want to talk", the woman answered a question that no one did, however, she didn't escape, she didn't even try to leave the garage
"Why did you not tell me?" Toby spoke after a few seconds of silence, he invited her to take a seat, to have that conversation in the garage door, it wasn't comfortable.
"It's complicated", she answered. Only then Toby notice, the way her arms moved, the way she looked down, and as her mouth only whispered the words; that could only mean two things, that she was afraid or she was hiding something and it wasn't something small; Although his body expression didn't indicate the correct answer, his instinct and his experience with Happy Quinn told him that the second option was the correct and he wanted to know why.
"I'm a genius" Toby said with a forced smile, there he was again, and he began to use the humor to dispel his nerves. " One hundred and seventy-eight IQ allows me to understand almost anything". As he said this his eyes were wide open.
"One hundred seventy" ,Happy corrected him by inertia, and a tiny smile appeared on her lips
"You don't trust me?" Toby asked, he knew the answer, she would put her life in his hands, She would be led blindly by him not before threatening and complaining about it, but she would, that is how she let him know that she trusted him, not with words, in fact she wasn't a woman of words, she was a woman of action, that was the way she demonstrated her emotions, creating, beating or breaking things.
"Of course I trust you, dummy, she looked into his eyes and he felt her eyes fill with tears"
"I know, but I'm not speaking professionally, I'm talking emotionally", he remarked the last words. "I love you Happy, and God knows i don't care if you've been married 10 times before meeting me, but i need you to trust me", he watched her waiting for her to give a response, physical or verbal, but she didn't give him any, she only stared at him with her eyes full of tears without saying a word. "We're not talking about an occasional romance; you clearly no longer have contact with that man", her eyes widened a few millimeters in surprise, anyone else would not have noticed, but he was Tobias Curtis. "You're a hacker, you might find him and if you can't, Sylvester or Walter or even Cabe could find him, you have access to good lawyers, Walter cheated a Judge to give him legal power over Megan, you could get a divorce even if he didn't show up. In short, you clearly have no intention of getting divorced and by the way your eyes widened a few millimeters when i said that you no longer had contact with him, I assume that you are still in contact".
"I have never cheating on you, if that is what you're insinuating" Happy said with clenched teeth, evidently annoyed by the insinuation.
"I know".Toby ignore the fact that technically she was being unfaithful to her husband with him, he didn't want to be beaten before he finished speaking, "but I think you still have some kind of contact, maybe as friends", which confirms my theory that you know where he is and so you could get a divorce easily, so why didn't you divorce him?
"I can`t" ,Happy approached him, and made a gesture to touch Toby's face, but when her hand was only inches away, she stepped back and walked away again.
"I love you Happy, but my love alone is not enough to keep this relation", Toby wouldn't let her go; he took her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss her fingers gently. "I know you love me". He stared at her. "I have an internal struggle between the human Toby and the Psychiatrist, the doctor assures me that your fear at this moment is rational, that there is probably a reason, you are not prepared to talk about it, and that I should give you your space and then when you are ready we will solve it together, my rational part knows that you love me and reminds me that I know your personality better than any other, however …" at this point, a couple of tears descended on the doctor's face. "My most human side is frustrated, I feel that I am not worth enough to have a woman like you with me, my childhood being invisible to my family, my adolescence being despised by my colleagues of college, my adulthood always being watched from above by Amy and her family, Amy's rejection because I wasn't good enough for her, I never was ... But none of that compares to how insignificant I've felt all these hours for believing that I'm worth anything to you, that I am worth so little to you that you would even have considered telling me that you were married, I know that it is not rational, that I have a thousand and one reasons to show that you love me and consider me as someone important, but part of my brain does not stop shout that i'm nobody for you, my brain screams at me that I'm like a lapdog, begging every crumb of love from you" tears were falling on the man's cheeks, Happy pulled him to her in a hug, Toby approached his forehead to hers and they stayed like this for a few seconds, "but don't worry, it is only a stage, it will happen in a few days and I will think rationally again, it is only a depressive and self-pitying stage, probably generated by my tendency to self-sabotage".
"I'm not good with words"
"And I'm too good with them, it's up to me to babble for both of them " he said with a hint of humor.
"Are we all right then?", the hopeful tone in Happy's voice didn't go unnoticed by Toby, and in spite of all that had happened in the last few days, he broke her heart by shaking his head.
" I fight for years against your armor to be your friend, to be your partner, I tear your brick wall to meet you and these last few hours another wall stood between us" when Happy tried to lower his head, he raised her chin to force her to keep his gaze, he needed her to listen, and more importantly, he needed her to understand what he meant. " This has nothing to do with my present depression, or my self-sabotage. I told you that day in Chernobyl, I'll give you everything you need, be it physically, emotionally or romantically. This time it's up to you to tear down the walls, at your own pace, you will know how much of the wall you are willing to tear down to let me in. Until then I will be here for you, waiting…" with pain in his soul he separated from her, eliminating the physical contact "I trust in you, and I know if you haven't divorced is for a reason, but I am just a man".
"Then we'll just be friends, again?" Happy try that he didn't notice her disappointment
"Until you're ready to speak and tear down your walls, until then I will only be your friend", Toby said.
"And what if that never happens?"
"Then we shall die alone and sad".
"I'm not good with emotions, that's your job; I'm good with machines …"
"But you have them, hidden there, somewhere in your little and beautiful body, I'm sure that just like me, at this moment you have many emotions, however unlike me, you don't express them, you are an open book, but hard to read, even for me" .Toby walked away from her and walked to a closet, from where he took a pair of blankets and threw one at Happy. " I think none of us are in a condition to drive, so, go and use Walter's bed; I'll sleep here on the couch"
"Okay" Happy said, catching the blanket, she started to walk up the stairs and from above she saw Toby leaning on the couch, she didn't want to sleep upstairs, not in Walter's bed, she wanted to be there with him.