Painkillers
This is a Hetalia: Axis Powers Oneshot Fanfic
Today we will be telling you the story of little El Salvador.
El Salvador, or shall we call her Ellie?
Ellie: Fine by me!
Okay, so Ellie was always the cute one. She loved being... loved. As in a friend, sister, brother way.
Ellie: Ew.
This is the story of little El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and the mishap of the missing parachute.
Ellie's POV
"Guatemala, your insane." I said, staring at my older sister. She had super long, luxurious black hair, the envy of every other countries. Of course, I wasn't focused on the quality of her hair. It was the way it was blowing. Wildly in the wind. Mine too. That was because we were thousands of miles over the Earth, with the airplane door open.
"Of course I am!" She giggled.
She was the most insane of all the countries of the world.
You say blue, she says cow.
You say cow, she says pink-ish purple-ish dragon with four pairs of angel wings that is holding a taco.
You say pink-sih purple-ish dragon with four pairs of angel wings that is holding a taco, she says blue.
And the cycle goes on until she gets bored and tries to jump out a plane that is 3,000 miles in the air. Without a parachute.
"Are you sure your gonna be okay? I mean, I just came along for the ride, but your jumping out a plane without a PARACHUTE!" I yelled.
"Yeppers. Did you know that if you are of two species offspring, you are sterile and unable to reproduce." Guatemala giggled, than smiled wide.
She was good at knowing useless facts that no one cares about, like...
"Did you know that the plastic tip at the end of your shoelace is called an aglet?
or...
"Did you know that horses can't vomit?"
And I go through this every day. I'm her neighbor after all.
SCENE:
*Ellie is in her backyard, cutting the lawn*
*Guatemala peeks her head over the fence*
Guatemala: HEY ELLIE! DID YOU KNOW THAT IN ONE NIGHT, AN ADULT HIPPOPATUMOS CAN EAT AS MUCH AS 150 POUNDS OF GRASS?
*Ellie jumps, then turns to look at Guatemala with a cold stare*
SCENE END!
This... was how she always, was. Ever since the beginning. I pity Belize...
"Hey Ellie! Did you know that the Spanish word esposa means 'wife.' The plural, esposas, means 'wives,' but also 'handcuffs.'"
I looked up at Ellie, but found myself staring at something else.
"WHY THE H*LL IS OUR HANDS IN HANDCUFFS?" I yelled, waving our two wrists around at the same time. The chains clinked together.
"Because your going to jump with me~" Guatemala giggled.
"WTF? WTH WOULD I WANT TO JUMP WITHOUT A PARACHUTE INTO THE GREAT BEYOND WHERE WE WILL POSSIBLY (MOST LIKELY) DIE?" I yelled.
"Because your hand-cuffed to me~" Guatemala grinned.
"oh my god. Your insane. And not like I've said it earlier. LIKE, HOMOCIDAL, SUIDICIAL SORT OF INSANE!" I shouted.
Guatemala stuck out her tongue, then reached into her pocket.
"Um... WTF are you doing?" I asked her.
She pulled something out of her pocket.
"Candy?" She asked, holding up a lollipop that hat pants fluff, a hair or two, and a paperclip stuck to it.
"No. NOT UNTIL YOU RELEASE ME YOU HOMOCIDAL CRAZY!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
If she keeps this up, I might be insane just like her. IN COUNTRY HEAVEN.
"oh dear god why did you do this to me?" I yelled to the top of the plane.
(A/N: God: No.)
"Who are you yelling at?" Guatemala asked.
I smacked my forehead with my free hand.
"THAT'S IT! I KNOW HOW I'LL SAVE US! I'LL TURN US INTO CARNIVORE WEENIE DOGS AND WE CAN GO LIVE... ON A DESERTED TROPICAL ISLAND CLOSE TO THE BAHAMAS!" I yelled.
I turned to look at Guatemala.
"3... 2... 1... GO~!"
Too late.
I'm dead.
"OH MY !" I yelled at Guatemala and I were free-falling at an alarming rate down to Earth.
Guatemala smiled weirdly. It was weirdly because of such high winds, her lips were flapping and it was hard to tell if it was a frown or a grin, but knowing Guatemala, it was most likely a grin. An evil, malicious grin, if I might add.
In my mind's eye.
"DO YOU LIKE FALLLLLLLLLLINNNNNNNG?" Guatemala yelled, but it was barely
hear-able with the wind in my ears.
But I heard it, unfortunately.
"H*LL !" I yelled.
"TOO !" Guatemala yelled.
Then she moved from her star position to a straight point, almost like the pencil dive some people do in swimming pools.
With her moving like that, I have to move too, due to the handcuffs.
I was next to her, in a position that was uncomfortable.
It hurt my arm and back, is what I mean.
What else did you think? Pervs.
We were approaching land, and quickly.
I could see fields and fields of farming lands all over the borderline between Guatemala and mine's countries. The sight made me smile, but that was forgotten as we were falling straight onto a wheat cutter thing. I forgot it's name.
(A/N: Actually, I forgot... I am sorry agricultural center! I LEARNED NOTHING!)
But that was not the point. Guatemala and I were straight falling into the cutter/slicer thing, where the wheat was cut.
In this state, we were going to be cut to bits.
Guatemala started singing.
"WTH ARE YOU DOING?" I yelled.
Guatemala smiled, but continued to sing.
"¡Guatemala feliz! que tus aras
no profane jamás el verdugo
ni haya exclavos que laman el yugo
ni tiranos que escupan tu faz.
Si mañana tu suelo sagrado
lo amenaza invasión extranjera,
libre al viento tu hermosa bandera
a vencer o a morir llamará.
Libre al viento tu hermosa bandera
a vencer o a morir llamará
que tu pueblo con ánima fiera
antes muerta que esclavo será."
(A/N: BTW, this is the Guatemala National Anthem. I do not own)
"WTH ARE YOU DOING?" I yelled when she was finished.
"Singing my national anthem" Then she made a movement to tell me to shush.
Suddenly, thousands upon thousands of quetzals (the Guatemalan National bird), flew out from all over the place. They pulled up right beneath us and gave us something to sit on, so we don't, you know, die. But...
They only respected Guatemala. So I was dropped into a forest full of rats and snakes and bears and other various creatures. And guess what?
It was on Guatemala's side.
EPILOUGE
"You know, Ellie, you should really be more careful." Honduras was wrapping a bandage around my upper arm.
I blushed at the physical contact, but tried not to show it.
(A/N: ... Looks like someone has a crush~)
"What happened anyway?" Honduras asked.
"Guatemala happened. I think she's crazy, ne?" I said.
"Yep" Honduras said, and started to wrap my hands.
But I realized... I wasn't cut there.