A/N: And now I make the worst choice possible and start another new story. With multiple chapters. Oh boy.

This is basically a bunch of rants about stupid videogames I play. And since Matt's a gamer, I figured "Hey, why not think like you're Matt playing the game, and then you can write about it like Matt?". And I can do that because we have a psychic connection. We're like the same person sometimes.

Anyway, I'll only be updating this when I play a game and notice some weird stuff about it.

I own nothing, now read already!

Hello gamers of the world! I, Matt, your king, am here to rant! Yes rant, because this is what happens when Roger stops serving bacon at breakfast. That's right; you get a crazy red-head, ranting about what he knows best: Video games. And Mello's kinks, but that's beside the point.

Awkward moment aside, I want to rant to you all about the game MarioKart Wii. Most of you should know what it is, and if you don't, you had better crawl out from that rock you've been living under your whole life, take a deep breath of polluted air, stop choking, and get you pathetic little ass to GameStop.

Anyway, I shall start with how biased the power ups are. When you're in last place you can get great things like the golden mushrooms, bullet bills, the lightning thing, and the pow thing. But you know what you get when you're in first place? Bananas. You get bananas. No, you don't even get bananas, you get banana peels. PEELS! And they have these STUPID SMILEY FACES on them! What kind of banana has a face? That's right, the kind some dumb little kid decided to draw a face on!

Ok Matt… Deep breaths… in… and out. In… and out. Gah I hate bananas! I'm never going to eat another one again! No, I will only eat bananas from this day forth to rid the world of them! Just like how vegetarians only eat plants because they hate them so much. And don't say they do it because they love animals. That is a lie. And if you are a vegetarian because you love animals, then you're delusional and/or have not yet been informed of your cult's true intentions.

Moving on, I would like to replay a little scene that happened during my gaming marathon this afternoon.

I'm on the 150cc grand prix. It's the second lap on DK mountain/DK summit or whatever it was called. I'm in 1st, like a boss, and then, out of nowhere, I fall off of the mountain WHEN I CLEARLY TURNED AWAY FROM THE CLIFF!

When I finally resurface, I'm 12th. Last. Fucking. Place. I started yelling at the Wii (What, you don't do that?)

"What the fuck, man? I totally steered away from that cliff! You know what? Behold, shitty game system: My middle finger!"

Oh, would you look at that, I'm in 7th now. Yeah, smart move, mister Wii.

Yup, that's how you get what you want in life, kids. Raise your middle fingers proudly.

BUT WAIT! I'm not done yet! I still have more shit to say! Like how I unlocked Dry Bones (like a boss) and this stupid little bike called the 'Quacker'. The fucking Quacker. It's a duck. A DUCK! But you know what? That duck is a kick ass bike. Sure, if you listen closely it sounds like one of those scooter things an old person rides, but it's still pretty awesome. Of course, then Mello came in and started making fun of me for having my character ride a duck.

He took a Wii remote to the head and is yet to regain consciousness.

…On second thought, I should probably make sure if he's ok… Us being roommates and all…

He's not breathing. HOLY SHITBALLS HE'S NOT BREATHING!

This concludes my rant on MarioKart Wii. And don't worry, the doctor said Mello would be out of the hospital soon.

A/N: Please review, they help Mello get better and Matt learn self-control.