AN: This is a mad one that me and princessezzy thought up quite a while ago while playing a crazy cool video game with a character who is half pumpkin. (who is actually the coolest video game character ever)

Edward is a Pumpkin

Carlisle sighed at the top the stairs, this wasn't going to be easy but he'd just have to bite the bullet. He looked down morosely at the happy, curled so happily together on the sofa, what if she went of him. How would Carlisle live with himself, no he would just have to do it.

"Edward…" he said as he glided softly down the stairs, Edward looked up at him warily, hugging Bella still tighter till she spluttered. What was going on? He couldn't find any of Carlisle's thoughts, this was bad. "Edward…I have something rather shocking I have to tell you" Bella's brow furrowed in a tragically shocked way and Edward's heart nearly started up again at the pure cuteness of it.

"Go on…" Edward urged him.

"Well, I did those tests on you last week? Do you remember?"

"Of course I remember" Edward scoffed, rolling his eyes. What was going on, he was talking to him as though he had had half his brain chewed off by angry chickens (although I suppose they'd peck….can chickens chew? Anyway…).

"Well…" continued Carlisle. "I was looking through your results and I'm afraid that…that…your…"

"HAS HE GOT A WEEK TO LIVE?" screamed Bella and they both looked at her, shocked.

"Er…no…I think we can safely say that he is already dead so Edward will not be going anywhere anytime soon." Carlisle said and was surprised to see that Bella actually looked visibly relieved. He continued. "Edward…you are I am afraid…half pumpkin!" he finished. Edward stared at him.

"Half what?"

"Half pumpkin" blank expressions from both of them. "That is to say that half of your being is vegetable and half of you is vampire…I'm sorry Edward but it's true."

"But…" Edward stammered. "I don't want to be a pumpkin….is there anything you can do…" Carlisle sighed.

"It's pretty much life long I'm afraid…and it's hereditary so one of your parents will have been a pumpkin." Edward blinked.

"Well come to think of my mother was always rather tanned….and she did like Halloween….and she made us carve her sometimes to put candles in her…oh my God she WAS a pumpkin!"

"I realise this is a shocking revelation Edward…but there really is nothing we can do, you can either live with it or well…"

Bella clutched at Edward. "Carlisle!" she said in shock. "You're not seriously suggesting that Edward should kill himself rather than live with this!"

"Well…I know what I would do…" Carlisle muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edward said indignantly. Carlisle muttered something about medical reports and promptly vanished upstairs.

There were a few moments of silence.

"I don't want to be half pumpkin"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Well what's wrong with it?"

"It's just…wrong!"

"Are you a pumpkinist!"

"How can I be a pumpkinist, I am a pumpkin…"

"I can't believe this! My uncle was quarter pumpkin and he'd be shocked if he knew I was going out with a pumpkinist like you!"

"Bella…no wait stop!" Bella rushed out the room. "Don't tell the others!" he feebly managed but Bella shot him one glare before she left the room and vanished. "Oh the shame…" he cried and hid his head in his hands.

Two days later Edward bounded into the room. The Cullens and Bella were all in the living room (Rosalie playing cards with Emmett, Jasper and Alice generally staring into each other's eyes, Esme reading a magazine (she always does that in my fanfictions, oh god now I've put brackets inside of brackets, what has become of me) Carlisle reading a book of peristalsis and Bella having one of her three daily bowls of cereal.) They all looked at him, a vision in orange with a light green hat.

"What are you wearing?" said Alice in disgust. "That really doesn't go with you hair you know" she gestured at his hat. To this Edward just did I freakish jack-o-lantern smile and let out a high pitched squeal of laughter like the sounds produced by talking pumpkins on Halloween (am I the only one who has come across those? Probably.)

"I have decided…" his voice was deep and rather showman like (a bit like Jack from The nightmare before Christmas) "…to embraaaaass my pumpkin side" he did an elaborate hand gesture and a little pixie like leap. Bella hid behind her cereal, she didn't quite like this knew side of Edward."

"Erm…Edward…" started Carlisle sheepishly.

"No, no, don't try and deter me, I am quite fixed on it! This will be a new age, not a golden age but an orange age where…"

"Erm…Edward…" Carlisle said again a little more urgently.

"I just can't be persuaded!" Edward grinned again. "I shall lead the revolution for pumpkins ev-"

"Edward" Edward was ignoring him now.

"…and we shall frollock among the other vegetables, free from prejudice, free from the shackles of this soc-"

"Edward!" Carlisle shouted and Edward facade dropped for a split second.

"What!?!?" he said, unhappy that Carlisle had interrupted him in his glorious speech. Bella didn't know if she'd imagined it but was Carlisle blushing?

"Erm…Edward…I got the notes mixed up." He said fumbling with the papers on his lap.

"What?" Edward asked soberly.

"They weren't your notes."

"What?" The Cullens' heads were moving back and fourth between Carlisle and Edward.

"The notes I thought were yours are for a Mr. Edvard Coolen…sorry" he finished, not looking at his adopted son's face.

"Well thank goodness for that!" said Edward in relief, flinging the hat across the room where it landed neatly on the end of the stairway. "Pumpkin pie anyone?"

"What?" said Bella, surprised.

"Well…" and now it was Edward's turn to look sheepish. "I kinda got a bit carried away." They blinked at him. "I wanted to liberate all my pumpkin pals from their rooty prison so…" they blinked at him again. "…to cut a long story short." He flung open the doors to reveal a huge pile of round, juicy, orange and slightly battered…pumpkins. Bella lowered her spoon from her mouth, she had a feeling that she wouldn't be eating cereal for a long time.

AN: Tell me if you don't get the last line but basically (god I'm patronising) the Cullens are gonna make Bella eat pumpkin until they run out, won't that be interesting? Anyway, may carry it on if I get any requests but at the mo it is a oneshot and a oneshot is how it will stay. Please review even if it is just to notify me to when the men in white coats you called will be coming to take me to the happy place.

Luvya xxx Georgiana