Dear Eddi - November

Dear Eddi,

It's Luc, but I guess you already know that from my handwriting. You always said it was terrible and you could spot it a mile off even if you couldn't read it. I hope you can read this. Your phone is always turned off and I only know your email address at Holby so this was the only way.

I know you said you wanted to do this away from "us" and I guess writing to you goes against that. But I just couldn't not send this. I feel there's more to say – so much more – and none of it was said when you left and that's something I regret.

I wish I could have been the one to help you but please know that I understand. I get it. Nevertheless, I'm still here for you, whenever you want to call. I also want you to know that I'm still at Holby. I didn't run. I bet you thought that would be the first thing I'd do but I'm still here.

The irony is that I decided to stay somewhere and I did it for you. You made me break every rule I've ever had and that seemed too profound a thing to let go of even after you left instead.

We're far too similar, you and I, more so than you'd ever want to admit. All those months you spent fighting with me because you said I was too impossible, too sarcastic, too irritable. An enigma you couldn't understand. You called me it all. But you were also describing yourself too.

I knew that first day.

We had very different reasons for being on the hospital roof that morning but something drew us both there. I'm there now, as I write this. Not because I'm hung-over like you were and not even because I need space. It just reminds me of you and reminds me that you're gone. I need that memory and the resolve it gives me to write this or I might give in to your final words.

The thing is, I'd hate to think that you might change your mind some day, but don't come back because you think I won't be waiting. Or because you're too stubborn to go back on your word.

Let me say it again: I'm still here.

I know you think I'll run but I won't. I promised you that I'd never leave again and I keep my promises. I hope one day when you're well enough and ready enough, you'll let me prove it to you. Please let me prove it to you.

Finally, I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you. You are so brave to face up to this. I know you can beat it. Believe me, if no one else, because when have I ever sugar-coated anything?

I'm sorry I won't be there to help you, but Liam will. He knows you better than anyone.

But Liam was wrong about one thing. You'll never be your mother. Genetics may have a lot to answer for but there's no accounting for character. And you are a strong character and by far the most stubborn person I have ever met. So be stubborn now and show Liam a different side to you.

One day, I hope you'll share that person with me too.

Take care,

Luc

A/N: I hate loose ends and that final scene on Tuesday's Holby left far too many things unsaid and too many questions unanswered. So I caved and wrote a Leddi fic!